


The Sirens

by Inkfowl



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/After College, Complicated Relationships, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossdressing, Friendship/Love, Gen, Genderqueer Oswald, Girl Band, M/M, Major Jealousy, Mild childhood trauma for Ed, Multi, Secret Crush, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2020-06-29 06:37:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 100,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19824574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkfowl/pseuds/Inkfowl
Summary: College drop-out Oswald Cobblepot is aimlessly and shamelessly doing nothing with his life besides trying to help his methodical best friend, Ed, finish school.  This gives Oswald plenty of time to help Edward around campus, and to also run into Barbara and Ivy desperately searching for a singer for their band.  Oswald seems like a perfect fit except for one thing: it's an all girl band.  However, with a fast approaching gig, Barbara suggests using Oswald's effeminate nature as a quick fix solution.Edward, always the realist, has a bad feeling about the whole thing, but he wants to support his best and only friend.  All of Ed's worries only get worse when Jim Gordon starts showing interest in Oswald's female persona.





	1. The Brain and The Bird

**Author's Note:**

> There are changing POVs throughout this story, but to start we have Edward's established routine.  
> (I haven't written fanfiction in awhile so bear with me in this good old introduction chapter to a ridiculous idea.)

Edward opened his eyes and glanced at his alarm clock; it read 8:59am. In the time it took to blink the buzzer started going off. With zero hesitation Ed sat up, rubbed his eyes, and went to turn off the alarm. He had laid out blue jeans and a green sweater the night before so getting dressed was no problem. He crossed the hall into the upstairs bathroom. It had been exactly three months so he had to take out a new toothbrush, but otherwise it was the same old drill. All cleaned up he went back into his bedroom to grab his backpack and glasses. Downstairs he made two slices of toast, spreading peanut butter and jam evenly on both. After breakfast he got a glass of water and picked his pill bottle off the counter, he checked that the time was 9:30 and took the medication. Upon leaving the house Ed jiggled the handle to make sure the door was locked, his grandma blamed him for it being unlocked yesterday, although he knew that she was the one who forgot.

Ed’s mother’s mother always had a bad memory. She forgot to lock the doors, or where she left her dentures, and numerous other things. Ed was pretty sure there were days when she forgot he was home, or even who he was. That was fine by him though, being forgotten was much preferable to being abus... Ed shook his head. No, no bad thoughts on test days, his mind had to be in the present. He got in his grandma’s beat up car and drove the short distance to Gotham University for his least favorite activity: parking. It took the usual five minutes to find an acceptable spot, but then Edward was on his way to biology.

Halfway through the test Ed’s phone vibrated as it received a text, but he was tuned out to the world. Not long after it vibrated again, and again he barely noticed, but on the third buzz he got pulled out of test mode. He looked at his pocket, and wished that he could check his phone, but then he’d be accused of cheating and risk getting a zero. So he simply took a breath and focused on the remaining questions. Ed finished his packet before everyone else and quickly left the room to read his messages. The worry he had during the test was washed away by a relieved smile as Oswald’s name popped up by the texts.

“GOOD LUCK ON YOUR TEST BRAINIAC!!!”, “That was today wasn’t it? Wait, are you in class right now?”, and finally, “AHHHH FUCK YOU ARE IN CLASS AND I’M HERE BOTHERING YOU! FORGET I SENT THOSE!”.

Only Oswald could create such a rollercoaster via texts. Ed put the device back in his pocket and started walking to one of the campus’s nearby coffee shops. When he got to the front of the line the barista’s face lit up.

Oswald did his cheesiest “customer service” act. “Why hello sir, what can I get you on this lovely morning?”

Ed smiled back at his friend. “The usual.”

“I’m sorry, we don’t serve anything by that name.”

Ed rolled his eyes. “You know what I meant.”

“Oh, you mean ‘the bland and boring’, that’s a very popular choice. There’s actually this one guy who orders it every day.” Oswald typed in the order with a smirk. “So how’d the test go?”

“Fine. Although my phone kept going off and it was quite distracting. I probably failed because of it.” Ed watched as his coffee was prepared.

Oswald looked up with apologetic eyes. “I said I was sorry.”

“You actually didn’t, but that’s besides the point.” Ed smiled. “You can make it up to me by helping me with a physics project tonight.”

“Tonight? Oh I can’t, I have a hot date.”

Edward’s smile slipped a bit. “What?”

“Yeah, this guy just came through the line and asked me to do some physics project, but we all know what that means.” Oswald winked.

Ed scoffed and took the cup with his name on it. “I’ll see you later Oswald.”

Oswald threw a peace sign up and returned to his job as Ed returned to the university.

* * *

Ed had one more class paired with a lab, and then he had to work in the library’s Writing Center. It wasn’t the campus job he wanted, being someone’s lab assistant would’ve been ideal, but any money is good money. At least the library was nice and quiet so whenever he wasn’t helping some idiot he could work on his own papers. Today was like most, very quiet with only two students needing his expertise. At precisely 6:30pm Edward closed his laptop and sent a text to Oswald.

“Done with work. Are you okay to help me?”

“In gym” A typical Oswald response: short and not relevant to the question.

Ed sighed and headed to the athletic building across campus. He expected to find Oswald hanging around just inside, but the lobby was empty. Taking a peek inside the gymnasium itself there were only a few volleyball players. One of the girls noticed him and he immediately backed away.  _ Great, now they think I’m a creep. _ _ It’s not like I meant to, I...I was searching for someone _ . Ed looked around the empty entrance again, but still no Oswald. There were weight rooms downstairs, but those required an ID fob to enter so Oswald couldn’t… 

“He snuck in as someone left.” Edward muttered to himself and went downstairs.

Sure enough, he saw his spiky haired friend through the weight room glass. Oswald was talking to some burly fellow sitting on a bench press. Ed stood outside and tried to get his friend’s attention by waving, but Oswald’s back was to him. Ed considered knocking on the glass or simply opening the door. If he went in the room he might have to talk to someone, but if he caused a loud noise everyone might stare at him. While having his introverted debate he saw the guy purposely flexing in front of Oswald followed by Oswald lightly touching the man’s biceps. Ed glimpsed his reflection’s disapproving frown and took a second to compose himself before deciding to enter the weight room. A few people glanced at Ed while he maneuvered through the equipment to get to Oswald.

Oswald was using a voice so enthusiastic it bordered on sarcasm. “Oh wow, you must be so sore after all that lifting.”

The man did one more arm curl just for show. “At this point I’m sore if I don’t lift.”

Ed rolled his eyes and tsked. The heavy lifter scrutinized the lanky nerd. “Can I help you?”

Ed’s brief moment of annoyance faded to his usual nervousness. “What? No I...”

Oswald put a comforting hand on Ed’s shoulder while looking at the man on the bench. “Nah, we don’t need your help. Not unless we’re moving couches.” Oswald winked at Ed and then nodded to the iron pumper. “But you have a nice day.”

The two turned to leave when the other man stood up. “What, are you like his girlfriend or something? Where are going?”

Even though the question wasn’t directed at him, Edward felt his face get warm. It wasn’t uncommon for them to be mistaken as a couple, or for Oswald to be misgendered, but regardless of frequency, the situation still gave him goosebumps. 

Oswald remained unfazed though, and smiled back at the man with acidic sweetness. “Oh I’m just going far away from your stench of sweat and toxic masculinity. And a bit of advice, the next time you want to do nothing but talk about yourself for twenty minutes straight...don’t.” Before the guy could say anything else Oswald pivoted towards the exit. Ed quickly followed his friend, admiring each confident step.

As soon as they were outside the building Oswald took a big breath. “It really does smell in there.”

“Well I don’t know why you were there in the first place.” The words came out a little harsher than Ed intended, and he hoped that Oswald didn’t take it too personally. 

Given the nonchalant delivery of the next statement, Oswald wasn’t offended. “The gym has the best water fountain, everyone knows that.”

“Hmm, that’s funny because everyone also knows that there aren’t any water fountains in the weight room, only outside.” Ed started walking to the music building.

Oswald hung back a moment before rushing to keep up with Ed and his passive accusations. “Okay, I might have had some ulterior motives, but in my defense I  _ was _ only trying to help that guy. He needed someone to spot for him.”

“And you needed attention.” The statement made Oswald stop, but Ed took a few more steps before turning to look at the shock on the other man’s face. Oswald sputtered, trying to come up with some snappy retort. A smile teased at Ed’s lips. “Am I wrong?”

Oswald fought against his own embarrassed smile. “Well...I...the reason’s unimportant! It wouldn’t have worked out anyway, not my type.”

“That’s why, and not because he mistook you for a woman.” Ed continued walking.

Oswald jumped onto the short retaining wall. Balancing between flower beds and the sidewalk he followed his friend. “I mean...that too, but he really lacked depth. Brawn is nice, but he should have a brain too. I need a man of emotional and mental substance.”

“Ah yes, because you’ve always told me about your exes’ big...personalities.”

“Hey Ed?” Oswald leaned down to smack Ed’s head. “Shut up.”

* * *

Theater wasn’t the most common major at Gotham University, but the auditorium was still a decent size and well taken care of; all the rich alumni liked to look cultured by donating to the arts. Like everything else in the city, the architecture was gothic inspired, and there were even a few gargoyles for no good reason. Ed dropped his backpack in a plush red seat and started to unpack a few things. “Okay, I’m going to need you to plug this in over...Oswald?” Ed could’ve sworn Oswald was right next to him.

“ By Gis and by Saint Charity, Alack and fie for shame, Young men will do 't, if they come to 't; By Cock, they are to blame.” Oswald stood in the center of the stage, pacing around dramatically. “Quoth she, 'Before you tumbled me, You promised me to wed.' So would I 'a done, by yonder sun, An thou hadst not come to my bed.” He ended with a flourish.

With a scoff, Ed clapped as Oswald gave him a bow. “Bravo, bravo. I never knew you liked Hamlet so much.”

“I don’t, that’s why I was quoting Ophelia.”

“Yeah, but she’s from...never mind. Could you grab some mic stands from the wings? I need one in each section.”

Oswald brought two over. “What was this for again? Science?”

“Physics for the Fine Arts. I’m measuring sound waves to try and determine which seat gets the best quality of sound.” Ed was fiddling with some recording device. “I think it’s a waste of time, but this was the only artistic class that didn’t involve actual art.”

“Damn these liberal arts schools am I right? Need a little bit of everything to graduate.” Oswald leaned on the back on Ed’s chair to watch him work. “That’s why I dropped out, no one forces Oswald Cobblepot to take irrelevant classes.”

“Technically, since you never declared a major, your classes were neither relevant or irrelevant. Although dropping out only made them more useless.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize this was pick on Oswald day. You make fun of my love life, my school life, what’s next?” One of the devices was placed in his hand.

“Not sure, what else have you failed at recently?” Ed smirked as Oswald stuck out his tongue. “Now, would you please take a stand and put it in the front row, specifically the first seat? And I hope you like Beethoven because we have to repeat this for each and every chair.” Oswald pretended to shoot himself and Ed just laughed as he walked away.


	2. Much Too Keen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I'll do summaries for each chapter, maybe quick notes like these, but we'll see if I change my mind.
> 
> Anyway, I wrote these first two chapters together, but decided to split them up on a whim so I apologize if the chapter break was a bit wonky.

Barbara strode into the music building with a manilla folder under one arm. Ivy was lagging behind her with a stereo, laptop, and a bundle of cords. “Hey Barb? Could you carry something?”

“I am carrying something.” Barbara held up the thin folder. She walked right into the theater, shoving the door open with her shoulder. She took several steps before coming to a sudden stop. Ivy ran into her and got a stern look for it. Barbara watched Edward move a mic stand over a seat. “Excuse me, but what are you doing?”

Ed straightened up with a start. “Oh! It’s...it’s a science experiment.”

“Uh huh. Yeah, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” Barbara stared down the aisle at him. He quietly walked up the incline until he met her by the doors. Barbara wasn’t intimidated by his height, but she hated being forced to look up to someone.

“I’m sorry, but what’s your name ma’am?”

She stuck out her chin. “Barbara Kean.”

“Well Ms. Kean, I actually have to ask  **you** to leave.”

Barbara laughed. “I don’t think you understand, our band is having auditions and we need this space.”

“If you needed it you should’ve submitted a room request form to get your name on the list.” Ed pointed to a paper attached to the door with a list of names. “See, there’s today’s date and my name, Edward Nygma. In case you don’t understand, that means I have the auditorium reserved for the night and you have to go somewhere else.”

Ivy peeked around Barbara. “But this is where we told our candidates to try out! They might not find us if we change locations.”

“That doesn’t sound like my problem.” Ed ushered them out the door.

Barbara raised a fist. “If you don’t clear out, it’ll become your problem.”

Ed held up his phone. “Until I call campus security who will see my name on the list, respect the rules, and promptly remove you. While they’re at it maybe they could unlock one of the practice rooms.”

Barbara composed herself and glared at Edward. “What a suggestion, maybe we will try that side of the building.”

“Best of luck.” Ed started to shut the theater doors, but paused. “Oh, and if you happen to see a spiky haired bird trying to slack off, tell’em to flock back this way. Thanks, bye!”

The heavy doors closed on ladies’ faces leaving them startled and offended. Barbara straightened her dress. “What a prick.”

Ivy pouted at Barbara. “You know what I said about using that word, it’s an insult to cactuses.”

Barbara sighed. “My apologies to the plants of the world. Now come on, I’m not going to let this set us back.”

The practice rooms were indeed locked, as was the choir and orchestra rooms. The two managed to find an empty hallway wide enough for a table and chairs. Barbara let each lady sing two songs, but it didn’t do a lot to increase their quality. After dismissing the last contender Ivy and Barbara worked together to push the furniture back. Ivy waddled backwards with the table. “I think that went okay. I liked a few of them, especially that Harley girl! She was spunky.”

Barbara frowned. “She brought her boyfriend to an audition and wouldn’t stop blowing him kisses, I don’t know if I’d call that spunk. Besides, we already have a bombshell blonde. Ugh! I hate to think how many more people we could’ve seen if we had the auditorium. I hope our girls went in anyway and ruined that bureaucratic geek’s stupid experiment!”

Ivy started to grab her electronics. “Alas, rules are rules and we...Barbara where are you going?”

“Oh I’m going to give that Nygma another piece of my mind.” She was already storming down the hallway towards the auditorium. “Try measuring how many newtons are in my fist!”

Ivy snatched her laptop and started to chase after Barbara. “Wait up! I have to put this in the car first!”

* * *

“And that’s a wrap!” Ed hit a few keys to disconnect his laptop from the speakers. He knew it wouldn’t be the most accurate of readings, but he couldn’t get a full orchestra to sit on stage and play the same song over and over while he moved recorders around each seat. “Time to extract some SD cards. Hey Oswald I need you to help disassemble these! Oswald!”

“Give me a few minutes! I have to do something first.” The sound came from the stage.

“A few minutes? We don’t have time to mess-” Ed knew Oswald snuck onstage during each recording session; that’s what Ed signed up for when letting him run loose in a theater. What Ed didn’t expect was to find that his friend had apparently raided the costume room during that time. “What in the world are you wearing?”

“I’m channeling my inner Velma Kelly.” Oswald did a spin in his jazzy ensemble consisting of a sparkly vest, feathered boa, and a fringed skirt. “I left a cane around here somewhere.”

Ed took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “Oswald...we’re not allowed to touch the props, put those back.”

“These aren’t props, they’re costumes. I’m just surprised the skirt fit over these jeans.” Oswald caught Ed’s sigh. “Please? Just a few bars? I’ll be done by the time you put away the equipment.”

“I feel like this is just an elaborate ploy so you don’t have to do anything.” Ed did concede with a smile though and reconnected his laptop to the sound system. “Do you have a particular rendition in mind?”

“Nope, I’m flexible. Oh, and Ed, if I haven’t told you already, you’re my best friend.”

“I know.” Ed hit play and lively jazz floated into the auditorium. He never cared for jazz, there weren’t any patterns or rules, but it was undeniably catchy. As he started to pack all his equipment he couldn’t help tapping his foot or playing air-piano. Of course he often got distracted by watching Oswald’s impromptu performance. Whenever Oswald noticed Ed staring he would do an extra sultry move or shimmy to make Ed laugh and continue working. In time for the ending Oswald did find the cane he planted offstage and twirled and kicked with it. He threw the last, “That jazz.”, over his shoulder with a wink to his audience. Ed was already standing, but he offered a few claps, and then he was joined by more applause.

Barbara and Ivy hung around the doors, but started to move further into the space. Ivy was far more enthusiastic, almost bouncing down the aisle. “That was pretty good! You should’ve been at auditions!”

Oswald looked surprised, but before he could say anything Ed stepped out in the aisle to stop the ladies from getting any closer. “Didn’t I already say you’re not allowed to be here?”

Barbara put her hands on her hips. “Right, because it looks like there’s so much science going on here.” Then she shouted to Oswald. “Hey, you ever thought of joining a band?”

Oswald was still getting over his surprise. “Well…”

Ed crossed his arms. “Have you ever thought of respecting boundaries? You had your space, but this is my space and you’re encroaching on my space.”

Barbara blinked apathetically at him before walking right past. “So anyway, the Sirens are looking for a new singer, and while I’m not saying you’re in I am saying that you’re one of the best girls we saw today.”

Oswald winced. “No, I’m not-

Ivy also brushed by Edward, leaving him disconcerted in the aisle, as she ran up to the stage. “Oh, don’t be too hard on yourself! And don’t listen to Barbara’s wishy-washiness, she’s just trying to cover up how desperate we are.”

Ed finally snapped back after being so casually dismissed. He turned towards the offenders. “Could you be desperate to leave? I really think-”

Barbara pointed a sharp nail at him. “We’re not talking to you.” Then she shifted her attention to Ivy, grabbing her arm. “And we are not desperate.”

“But you told me we were this afternoon.” Ivy freed herself and smiled up at Oswald. “So what’s your name?”

Oswald let out a breathy laugh, anticipating their reactions. “Oswald.”

There was a beat of silence, and Barbara showed no emotion as she went around to the stairs to get onstage. Ivy however, laughed. “Well that’s a weird name for a girl.”

Ed and Oswald shared a look. Ed was used to feeling second-hand embarrassment, but now it was twice as bad because he felt for Oswald and Ivy. 

“Uh...yeah, it would be.” Oswald was caught a bit off-guard, but he tried to keep a sense of humor about it. “Because it’s typically a boy’s name, which is probably why my mother chose it.”

Ivy kept smiling. “Uh huh.”

Ed and Oswald looked at each other again, and Ed could see that Oswald didn’t really want to explain any further. Ed started to feel helpless, he wanted to help his friend, but he had no idea how to do it. He wished he could just grab the girl’s shoulders and shake some sense...no, he shouldn’t, couldn’t, do that. Still, there had to be something-

Barbara had no shame though, and didn’t even glance at Ivy as she circled and inspected Oswald. “He’s a dude Ivy.”

Ed felt his stomach drop as there was another quiet beat. How could she say something like that with such casualness? He opened his mouth to call out her rude declaration, but by that time the words finally made their way to Ivy’s ears. She gasped and her face turned as red as her hair. “OMG! Are you serious?”

Oswald scoffed, more relieved than offended. “You wanna check?”

“Oh, I am so so sorry! I didn’t mean any offense I swear!” 

“It’s alright, you’re not the first and you won’t be the last.” Oswald shrugged. “That’s what happens when you have a squeaky voice and a fashion sense.”

“If it makes you feel any better I thought you made a very pretty girl. You would’ve been a good fit for the Sirens if we weren’t a girl band.”

Barbara stopped her circling. “Let’s not use the past tense yet, this could still work.”

Now Ed found his moment of courage to defend his friend. “This? This is a person you’re talking about!”

Barbara held out a hand and closed it like a mouth. “I’m actually talking about this dilema genius so why don’t you sit tight for a minute?”

Ed did not feel like sitting tight, he felt like jumping onstage and pushing Barbara off of it. Oswald waved a dismissive hand. “Oh Ed’s just too good at being protective.” The use of “too good” gave Ed’s heart a little lift, and he did soften his glare at Barbara as he sat in the front row.

Oswald turned back to Barbara. “Now, what dilemma do we have?”

“Depends, how interested are you in joining us?”

Ivy knocked on the stage. “Uh Barb, he’s a guy remember? We established that like two minutes ago.”

“Yeah, but he can play one convincing woman” Barbara smiled at Oswald. “And if you had me convinced, I think we could trick our audiences.”

Ed jumped to his feet. “Are you insane? Absolutely not!” This time he was quieted by a gesture from Oswald.

Oswald returned Barbara’s smile with a touch of wariness. “What exactly are you suggesting? That I become a drag singer for you?”

“Not quite that extreme.” Barbara took a step closer. “I’m just picturing that with better clothes and makeup, maybe something with that hair, we could put on a good show.”

Ivy snapped her fingers. “And it wouldn’t be too hard to drop our songs to the alto range. They’re mostly covers anyway so it’s okay to put a spin on things. Oh this could be fun!”

Barbara, Oswald, and Ivy all smiled at each other. Ed threw up his hands. “No, no, no! This will not be fun! This is a disaster waiting to happen. When someone finds out, because I guarantee someone will, it will be scandalous and unpleasant for everyone involved.” He made a pleading face at Oswald. “Please tell me you’re not seriously considering this ludacris and demeaning idea.”

Oswald rested his chin on a fist, weighing his options, and he turned to Barbara. “Do I get paid?”

“Of course, and we usually get decent tips too.”

“Yeah I’ll demean myself for that.” Oswald shook Barbara’s hand. Ed sunk back into his seat and put his head in his hands.


	3. Expressive Espresso

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of Ed's thoughts, little bit of an Oswald monologue, and a splash of coffee at the end.

Ed shook his head and paced the whole time Barbara, Ivy, and Oswald went over the details of their scheme. _Ridiculous, this whole thing is ridiculous. That Barbara is just using Oswald, but there’s nothing I say about it. Except maybe, ‘I told you so’, when it blows up in their face._ Ed sighed. _I couldn’t say it to Oswald though, he’d be sad enough when it falls apart, and he’ll need me to fix things like always. It’ll be like all his other crazy ventures, he’ll need me to comfort him and build him back up._ Despite his worries, the thought of Oswald needing him brought a small smile to Ed’s face. Yes, the fallout will be terrible and ugly, but Ed’ll be a good friend through it all; not just a good friend, a best friend. The sound of the auditorium doors closing snapped Ed out of his pacing. He hadn’t even noticed when they all stopped talking, but apparently Barbara and Ivy had left and it was him and Oswald again. Oswald had put away the clothes he stole and was waiting by the door. “I almost thought about leaving with them to see how you’d react, but I wasn’t feeling that mean.”

Ed quickly grabbed his backpack and scampered up the aisle. “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention and…”

Oswald leaned back on the door to open it for Ed. “You tuned out, it’s fine. Just rehearsal schedules and blah blah stuff, no wonder you weren’t listening.”

They stepped outside and the world was much cooler and darker than when they went in. Ed pulled the sleeves of his sweater over his hands. “I hadn’t realized it got so late.”

“It’s probably past your bedtime.” Oswald nudged him.

“I know you’re trying to mock me, but there are proven health benefits to having a consistent sleep schedule.”

“Of course, that’s why I consistently go to sleep at different times.” They arrived at Ed’s car and Oswald got in the passenger side.

Ed placed his backpack in the backseat and then got behind the wheel. “That’s...that’s not...good, you shouldn’t do that.”

“Now you’re starting to sound like my mother.” Oswald perked up. “Shit, speaking of, could you come in quick and explain that I was helping you? Otherwise she thinks I’m off carousing or getting into trouble.”

“Probably because you usually are out carousing and getting into trouble.”

Oswald paused. “Fair enough, but this time I was actually helping you.”

“And flirting with gym rats, and agreeing to join an all girl band, and…”

Oswald had his feet on the dash when he turned to Edward. “Okay, okay, but we’re not unloading all that onto her. I mean...I’ll tell her about the Sirens, but like...not tonight. And you’ll have to be there when I do it, she likes you and if you condone my decision she will too.”

Ed adjusted his grip on the wheel. “Of course I’ll stand by you, but I thought you could tell that I don’t condone this idea.”

“I figured you were just being the devil’s advocate.”

“No, I truly think it’s a bad idea.”

“What? Why didn’t you say something?” Oswald got a sideways glance. “Oh right.”

Ed sighed. “I have a bad feeling about this. I mean, people mistake you for a woman already, but to purposely create that misconception...that doesn’t bother you?”

Oswald took a few seconds, then shrugged. “No, but I’ve never thought much about gender anyway; I dress and act however I want. In fact I try not to think about it because if I do I’ll probably realize that I’m non-binary or genderqueer, or one of those terms.” He laughed and looked down. “Imagine me trying to tell that to my mother. Remember how long it took for me to explain that I was gay? I think we’d all be dead by the time she grasped the gender spectrum.”

“I could make a powerpoint presentation.” Ed smiled. “You already said how much she likes me, and she enjoys Queer Eye so I could cite Jonathan Van Ness.”

Oswald laughed again. “Thanks, but no thanks. I’m sure she’d try her damndest to learn all about it if I told her, but we’re still working on the first three letters of LGBT; Q and plus haven’t even entered the chat yet.” Oswald looked out his window for a moment before looking back at Ed. “Would you really make me a powerpoint?”

“If you wanted.” Ed made eye contact through the rearview mirror. “I support you no matter what.”

Oswald sank lower into his seat. “Does that mean you’ll support the Sirens too? Pretty please?”

Ed took a big breath. “I...I...sure. For you Oswald, I will.” They both smiled at each other. In the moment Ed felt a tightness in his chest so he felt compelled to add more. “That’s what friends are for because I certainly wouldn’t do it for Barbara, she’s kind of a bitch.”

Oswald laughed so hard he started coughing. “She really is isn’t she? I know you weren’t listening for that last part, but let me tell you…”

* * *

All the way to Oswald’s house they went back and forth comparing their interactions with Ms. Kean. Even as Oswald got out of the car, he was still talking about her commanding presence while leaning on the window. Then the uniquely raspy yet dainty voice of Gertrud Kapelput called out from the front door.

“Do you know what time it is!” She was standing in a fluffy white robe with pink slippers, clearly waiting up for awhile.

Ed chuckled at the face Oswald made. Oswald started walking to the house. “I was…”

“Do you forget that you have a phone or do you enjoy watching me worry about… Is that Eddie?” Her demeanor changed in an instant and she wiggled her fingers as a kind of wave to the car. “Hi Eddie!”

“Hello Ms. Kapelput.” He simply raised his hand as a greeting. “Sorry I’m getting Oswald home so late, he was helping me with a science experiment.”

“No worries Eddie dear, you’re not the one who’s supposed to call me.” Gertrud lightly smacked Oswald’s arm when he got within reach, but then she smiled back at Ed. “Now, you hurry on home to your grandma, I’m sure she’s wondering where you’ve been.”

_Not likely_. Ed nodded. “I’m sure you’re right. Goodnight Ms. Kapelput, goodnight Oswald.”

Gertrud waved and blew a kiss while Oswald mimed ‘I’ll text you’ behind her back.

* * *

The next couple days were almost exactly like the last, but with slightly different class schedules. Ed still made time to visit Oswald at the coffee shop though. The line was much shorter, but Oswald wasn’t at the register today. Instead, Ed got to watch Oswald make his drink with exceptional care, although Oswald did pretend to spill it a few times. 

Ed reached out for the cup, but Oswald pulled it back quickly. “Hold on a sec, I have to do something.” Oswald took the lid off and added a shot of whip cream. “There, now it’s different from your usual.”

“You are pure evil. And absolute menace to me and society.” Again, Ed extended his arm towards the drink, but Oswald kept it to himself.

“Go sit down, I’ll bring it to you. While I’m at it, I should stay and chat with you, it’s only good customer service.”

The lady at the register leaned towards Oswald. “Actually, you’re not supposed to go on break yet.”

He leaned back to her. “And you’re not supposed to fuck your husband’s brother so why don’t you let it go Shannon. Or maybe the next time Bill comes in I should include a special message on his napkin.”

The blackmail worked and the other barista backed off with a look of contempt. “Fifteen minutes.”

“Thirty and I’m taking an apple juice from the cooler.” Oswald went around the counter to stand by Ed. “So where do you want to sit? Pretty empty, plenty of choices.”

“How about away from Shannon’s glowering rage?” Ed pointed to a tall table in the corner and they went to sit down. Ed easily settled into the barstool, but his vertically challenged friend had to hop into the seat. They sipped their beverages and complained about the days they were having. As Ed was detailing his idiotic small group discussion Oswald’s phone buzzed.

After reading the message Oswald smiled. “Hey Ed, are you free tomorrow night?”

Ed lowered his cup. “Why?”

“Don’t be so suspicious! I just want to take you out on the town!”

For some reason Ed’s nerves weren’t settled. “Okay...and the text is...unrelated?”

“You have to know everything don’t you?” Oswald scooted his stool closer to show his phone. “Barbara changed tomorrow’s rehearsal to the morning which means I have a free night to spend celebrating this recent achievement with my bestest friend in the whole wide world.”

“If we’re celebrating do we have to go out? My grandma picked up a panini press at a thrift store, we could easily commemorate your band acceptance with sandwiches and watch Netflix.”

Oswald put a hand on Ed’s shoulder. “As much as I would love to eat glorified grilled cheese with you and rewatch Ben and Leslie fall in love, I would also love to overdress and overdrink at a nightclub.”

Ed sighed. “How about we meet in the middle and go to The Circuit?”

“Hm...booze for me, games for you...alright, barcade it is.” Oswald held out his hand and Ed shook it. “I’m still going to dress like it’s a club though.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

Oswald got off his chair and picked up their garbage. “I’d say pick me up at seven, but you know I mean closer to eight.”

“Seven-thirty it is.” Ed slipped on his backpack.

Oswald walked back to the counter. “I promise nothing other then you will see me at some point tomorrow.”

“Uh huh, bye Oswald.”

“See you tomorrow!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bit shorter than the others, but that's because the next one is probably going to be a bit longer as one can imagine.
> 
> Also, Oswald's blurb halfway through was based on a recent conversation I had with my own friend in a car so...that's a fun note, kind of.


	4. The Circuit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The best buds have a night out and play their own games.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick warning - there is a smidge of homophobia at the end. Only like two lines, but thought I'd mention it anyway.

The following night Ed pulled up to the Kapelput house at 7:31, he had made a last minute decision to clean his glasses which slowed him down. For a tiny, two-story, house in The Narrows, it was pretty well maintained. He gave the door three soft knocks and then two sharper ones, it was a kind of code Gertrud invented to know who was lurking around her house. As gentle as the old lady appeared, Ed was also aware of a baseball bat hiding in the entryway, and he’s seen first-hand that she’s not afraid to use it. Still, the door opened and Gertrud was smiling wide at him.

“Eddie darling!” Gertrud pulled him inside and hugged him. She was kind of bony, but Ed appreciated the maternal gesture.

Ed brushed the curly white hair off his green plaid shirt. “Hey Ms. Kapelput.”

“Gertrud!” She poked his shoulder before shuffling back to her kitchen. “Would you like a cup of tea? I took it off just a moment ago so it should still be warm.”

“No thanks, I’m just picking up Oswald.” Ed glanced up the stairs to Oswald’s room. No doubt it was the source of the not so faint sounds of Panic at the Disco.

“Well then you’ll have plenty of time. He’s  _ primping _ .” Gertrud fluffed her already poofy hair.

Ed chuckled and sat on the battered sofa. “I should’ve believed him when he said closer to eight.”

“Pff, it’ll be closer to next week. I don’t know what takes so much work.” Gertrud sat next to him and handed over a saucer. “I’m sure you only take seconds to get dressed.”

Ed looked down at his outfit, unsure how to take that comment. It was basic, but he had put some effort in. “Thank you?”

“Oh! Oh no I didn’t mean anything bad by it. I think you look fine Eddie, like a mild mannered accountant.” Gertrud dropped some sugar in her cup. “Wait, that’s not right, you’re going to be a scientist aren’t you?”

“Forens...yeah, science.” Ed had explained the difference to Ms. Kapelput before, but it didn’t much matter, in her world he was Eddie the scientist.

“Such a genius you are with your college classes.” She pinched his cheek. “I wish Ozzie stayed in college, but he’s already so smart.”

Ed thought about mentioning that recently Oswald asked if a kilobyte weighed a kilogram, but instead, he quietly sipped his tea. Gertrud asked him some more questions about his classes and he was happy to answer. Even though she didn’t understand anything he said, she would smile and nod encouragingly. He was telling her a thrilling story about how some samples got mixed up during his lab today when the radio was turned off upstairs. Gertrud put down her tea and rushed to the bottom of the stairs. “Szívem, how handsome you are!”

Ed leaned forward to look past Gertrud. The older woman wasn’t lying, Oswald certainly cut a fine figure in a purple paisley shirt, black pants, and black ankle boots with purple glitter on the heels. His hair was spiked and flawless. Ed didn’t even know he was smiling as his friend descended into the living room.

Oswald gave his mother a hug. “Thanks mother. I’m proof that even perfection can be improved.

Gertrud squished her son’s cheeks. “Little Cobblepot, everyone will be in awe of you!” When she let go, her hands were shiny. “What sort of witchcraft is this?”

Oswald sighed. “Well, it was my highlighter.” Then he noticed Ed on the sofa and whistled. “Damn, Edward, khakis instead of jeans? You might have to tone it down.”

Ed stood up. “Then it’s a good thing I left my own sparkly shoes at home.”

“I know you’re being sarcastic, but all I’m hearing is jealousy.”

Gertrud stood back to look at both of them. “Oh my boys are so beautiful. I should take your picture and save you forever.”

Oswald scoffed and headed for the door. “It’s not prom mother, we’re going to a game bar.”

Gertrud gasped. “A gay bar?”

“ **Game** bar mother!”

Ed tried to keep himself from laughing as he walked out of the house. He could see how flustered Oswald got, even with the makeup. Gertrud put a hand on her heart. “Oh goodness I’m sorry. It’s simply that whenever you leave the house you seem to meet some… What’s the man version of a hussy?”

“Mom, please stop talking.” Oswald started pushing Ed to get them to the car faster.

“I’m only looking out for you dear. A male floozy is just as bad as a female floozy. You remember that too Eddie.”

Ed had just opened the driver’s door, but he paused to look back at Gertrud. “I’ll...keep that in mind.”

“Good! I’m trusting you to keep Ozzie out of such dangerous clutches. He goes home with you alright?”

Inside the car Oswald hit his forehead on the dash. Ed smirked and then gave Gertrud a thumbs up. “I shall not fail you Ms. Kapelput.”

“Have fun! But not that much fun!” She blew kisses to the car as it drove away.

* * *

It wasn’t until Ed turned a corner that Oswald lifted his head from the dash. “I am so sorry you had to hear that.”

“Hear what? Your mom telling two adults to look out for wanton strangers?” Ed glanced over at his friend and smiled.

“No, the part where she was complimenting us...yes that part!” Oswald threw up his hands, but smiled back. “At least she fails to realize that  _ I’m _ the hussy men are running off with. It’d probably break her heart if she knew what a sleaze I am.”

Ed didn’t mean to snort, but then Oswald started chuckling too and whether it was leftover embarrassment, Oswald’s bluntness, or simply contagious laughter they didn’t stop until they had tears in their eyes. Ed was thankful for a stop sign so he could lift up his glasses to wipe his eyes. Meanwhile Oswald was trying to fix his eyeliner in the mirror. “Good God, and I’m not even drunk yet.”

“See? This proves you can have fun without alcohol.”

“You’re not getting out of this Ed. We’re already at a compromise.” Oswald batted his eyes. “Do I look alright?”

“I’m assuming the answer is yes.”

“Wrong. It’s yass.”

“I’m not saying that.”

Oswald flipped up the visor. “Fine, then tell me I look splendid or something.”

“Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot, you are the most gorgeous person...” Ed looked into Oswald’s blue eyes. “...that’s been in this car.”

“I’m the only person you’ve had in this car! Unless there’s a body in the trunk I don’t know about.”

“Oh right, I almost forgot about them. Okay, you’re the second…”

“Don’t even finish that sentence or I will end you!” Oswald started punching Ed’s arm. Safe to say there were no further comments on appearance for the rest of the ride.

* * *

The Circuit, while trying to revamp nightlife in Gotham, still held onto the city’s dark tone by combining new tech and old style. Most of the lights were neon and technical artwork hung on every wall, but the seating and ornate bar stuck to the building’s past. Just like the decor, the reviews were mixed on whether or not The Circuit succeeded in blending classic and contemporary. Ed liked it for the most part though, and it really was the perfect compromise for him and Oswald. Although, deep down, he knew that he didn’t care where they went as long as he wasn’t alone.

Despite the crazy combination of customers The Circuit attracted, Oswald was still standing out like an exotic bird. Ed on the other hand, could’ve stood against a wall and nobody would’ve known he was there. Ed allowed Oswald to pull him towards the bar section. Oswald leaned on the counter in front of a bartender. “What’s the best drink that’s strong, fruity, and reasonably priced?”

The bartender rolled up her sleeves and picked up a clean glass. “Quite a tall order for such a short customer, but I think our 1-up cocktail with suit your needs.”

Ed read the neon chalkboard trying to determine if he wanted to try any of the themed drinks. He didn’t know the bartender was waiting on him until she lightly knocked on the counter. “And for you?”

“Oh, um...I’ll have...uh...can I just have a lime spritzer?”

The bartender handed Oswald his drink and started making the next one. Oswald sipped the green mushroom monstrosity and then placed it by Edward. “Try this, it’s way more exciting than a spritzer.”

“Have you considered how different our tastes are? I probably won’t like it.”

“But it’s your favorite color.”

Ed wanted to explain that color had no effect on taste or alcohol content, but figured there was no arguing when it came to Oswald. He brought the round glass to his lips and took the smallest sip. Immediately he scrunched his face. “There’s somehow too much sugar and too much of a burn. It’s like Mountain Dew and Everclear, how do you drink this?”

“Easy.” Oswald took the glass back and chugged the rest. “Like that.”

Even the bartender gave Oswald a look as she gave the spritzer to Ed. “Uh, refill on that?”

“Yes please. Actually, I’ll take two, he’s a slow drinker.”

Ed shook his head. “You’re going to die.”

Oswald raised one of his fresh drinks. “Yeah, that’s why I’m living it up now. Cheers to me!”

“Cheers to me too.”

“Cheers to us old friend!” They both smiled and clinked glasses.

* * *

Ed took his second spritzer into the arcade area of the building, and Oswald followed shortly with a new, blue, cocktail. For the most part Ed would play an old game while Oswald cheered him on, with literal cheers and drinks. The only exception was Ms. Pac-Man, for a reason Ed couldn’t understand, Oswald was ridiculously good at Ms. Pac-Man. They went head to head at Skee-Ball, but one of Ed’s tosses bounced off and rolled under another machine. Before he could worry about it, Oswald dragged him away claiming it was like that when they got there. Oswald stopped when they started getting closer to the bar side, specifically by the pool tables. 

Ed found himself shoved, by Oswald, against a Street Fighter machine. “What...what are…”

“Shh!” Oswald peeked around the corner and sighed. “What a magnificent specimen.”

Ed was intrigued by the opportunity to see a large bug, but saw only a group of guys playing pool. “Oh. Speci- **men** .”

“Very funny Ed, but you look at the blond one and try to tell me that he’s not ultra fine.”

Ed rolled his eyes and picked out the one with the fairest hair. He was attractive enough, average height, lean muscles, and pretty good bone structure. “I’ll admit he’s charming, but if we’re talking about compatibility...not going to happen.”

“While then it’s a good thing we’re not talking about compatibility.” Oswald was practically drooling.

“Didn’t you say you’re looking for a man with depth?”

“My priorities have changed over time.”

“That was earlier this week!”

“Yeah, that was a time before I got drunk and thirsty.”

“Now that doesn’t even make sense, how can you be both…” Ed watched Oswald raise his eyebrows twice. Ed took a moment and then his cheeks got a pink tint. He sighed heavily. “I’m going to pretend this conversation never happened, and go play pinball instead. You’re welcome to join me when you realize that hitting on straight men is a waste of time.”

“Joke’s on you because I’m a dumb bitch that never learns.”

“That’s the comeback you’re going with? Not something like, what if he’s bi?”

“Whatever, I’m thinking of pick-up lines not comebacks.” Oswald smoothed out his shirt and fluffed his hair. Ed felt a little bitterness towards this blond man. It wasn’t jealousy, he just didn’t like seeing Oswald gussy up for someone who wouldn’t appreciate it.

“Alright, well, shoot your shot.”

“Was that a goddamn pool pun?” Oswald look him dead in the eye and Ed smiled. “That’s it, get out of here. Go play pinball you pinhead.”

Ed only smiled wider and started walking away. He glanced back one more time before turning past another row of games.

* * *

Oswald peeked at the men again, watching for a good time to strike. His blond target was at the table lining up a shot while the rest stood back. With tense muscles and laser focused blue eyes he looked like a greek hero. Oswald could’ve sworn there were angels singing, but then there was a scratch as the pool cue scraped against the felt, missing the cue ball. The other guys started laughing and joking. Oswald decided to take the opportunity to make a move. He gave three slow claps as he approached. “Congratulations, you’re officially the worst pool player I’ve ever seen.”

Blondie straightened up. “Can I help you? Or did you just feel the need to insult someone?”

There was a bearded guy pouring from a pitcher of beer. “Please say you’re here to insult him, and feel free to do it again.”

Another guy across the pool table joined it. “Go ahead, soldier boy deserves to be taken down a notch.”

Blondie threw them a dirty look and then turned back to Oswald. “Listen to them if you want, but I don’t take criticism that’s not backed by facts.”

Oswald pretended to be offended. “Are you implying that I couldn’t make that shot?”

“Are you implying that you could?” Those blue eyes scanned Oswald head to toe and he felt a chill.

Exactly what Oswald was hoping for, an invitation to impress, to stay a little longer and get a little closer. He put his hands on his hips to appear more open while simultaneously puffing his chest as he eyed the different colored balls. Before he could respond, the other man with a cue interrupted. “That’s against the rules, you scratched so it’s my turn.”

The one with the beard sipped his beer. “When’d you start caring about rules Alvarez? Let the birdman shoot, I want to see Jimbo’s ass handed to him.”

Oswald wasn’t too fond of the name ‘birdman’, but he did like the smile Jim gave him as he held out the pool cue. However, Oswald knew better than to take it right away, this was a game after all. “What do I get for helping? I can’t hand you a free point.”

The other guys chuckled a bit more, but Jim never stopped looking at Oswald. There was a hint of intrigue in Jim’s eyes and he took the smallest step forward. “You’ve got to make it first.”

Oswald wasn’t sure if Jim actually sounded a bit flirty or if it was the booze playing with his imagination. Whatever it was, when he took the cue from Jim their hands barely touched and he could’ve sworn the other man felt the same jolt of excitement. Oswald maintained his composure though, and coolly walked to the table. As he started to aim he was thankful that Ed used to be his pool partner; always explaining how to use angles and physics to get a perfect shot. Of course those lessons probably weren’t intended to help Oswald pick up dudes, but c’est la vie.

Oswald brushed his fingers through his bangs to both get an accurate view of his shot and to give Jim one last look before he swiftly pocketed a striped ball.

Alvarez muttered something about cheating, but no one heard him because the bearded man was laughing. “It’s okay Jimmy even losers get beer. How about you birdman, want a glass?”

“I appreciate the offer beardman,” Oswald felt inner satisfaction at throwing the nickname right back, “but I ought to move along.” He handed the cue stick to Jim. “Best of luck.”

Oswald started to walk away when Jim’s voice made him turn around. “Wait, I still owe you for the point.”

After a second of internal celebration that Jim cared enough to remember their bet, Oswald took a step towards Jim and smiled. “Oh, it’s nothing, consider it a gift!” Then he moved just a little closer and lowered his voice. “But if you care to repay me, I’m headed to the bar if you want to drop off your number.” Jim’s eyes had that glimmer of something again, but Oswald backed away before he could get a good look.

With a smile to the entire group, Oswald made his exit. “Good night boys, enjoy your game!” He nodded his head and walked away a little faster than intended, but he could hardly contain his excitement and started smiling like an idiot as soon as he hid behind the Street Fighter machine again. He peeked between two games to catch one last glimpse. Jim was still looking in the direction of his departure which was a good sign. Then Oswald heard the voice of that Alvarez.

“So uh...what was that about?”

Jim turned around. “What was what?” Playing dumb did not suit him.

The bearded man spoke with a sing-song tone. “Ooo, Jimmy’s got a boyfriend.”

“Jesus Harv, are we kindergarten? It’s nothing.”

“If it’s nothing then why won’t you tell us?”

Alvarez leaned on the table. “Yeah, what were you and the fruit whispering about?”

Even though Oswald has heard many slurs and jokes at his expense, it still sent a stabbing pain to his heart. He considered leaving, but decided to see Jim’s reaction, he couldn’t judge the group by one person.

Oswald was glad to see that Jim gave Alvarez a glare. “Maybe we were whispering about how you’re jealous of someone shooting straighter than you.”

Harvey stepped closer to the others. “Nice try Jim, but I don’t think there was anything straight about that whole scenario.”

Oswald stopped his spying, but he could still hear laughter as he took off through the maze of machines.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. *Szívem = My heart in Hungarian (hopefully? I ran it back and forth through Google Translate, but what is accuracy to Google?)


	5. Night and Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of Oswald's failed flirtation leading to the day of The Siren's first performance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I considered splitting this into two small chapters so the flow might not be a solid as I'd liked, but there's a double line in the middle to represent the splice of day and night.

Ed didn’t like to call himself a pinball wizard, but he liked to think it. With only one ball down he already made it into the leaderboard, but first place was calling his name. When he puts his mind to something there was nothing that could distract him from-

“Eeeee!!” A girl at a nearby pinball game threw up her hands and hugged the guy standing next to her. “I finally made it to the bonus section!”

The guy tapped the glass. “Honey, quick! Before it spits the ball back out!”

The girl regained her focused and started hitting the buttons again; her man placed a kiss on her cheek. Public displays of affection were among Ed’s least favorite things. Oswald claimed it was because seeing other couples caused people to realize that they’re lonely, but Ed didn’t think that was right, he was uncomfortable, not lonely. He didn’t realize he was staring until his own machine made a sad beeping sound as his second ball slipped past the paddles. “By Newton’s law…” He muttered and pulled the plunger to launch his last ball. The points kept lighting up and Ed fell back into his zone. It wasn’t long after he surpassed second place that he felt pressure on the middle of his back. Without looking he knew that the strange weight was Oswald’s head resting against him. Ed continued watching his game. “Oswald, you’re my best friend and I care about your feelings, but can you please wait a minute before involving me in your self-pity? I am so close to beating this.”

Oswald’s sigh left a spot of warmth on Ed’s back, and then he went to put his head against the wall _. Always the diva. _ Ed allowed himself a small smile before locking his eyes onto the silver ball. As soon as he hit the top score the machine made a knocking noise to signify that he won three extra games, but after he entered his initials he let them all run out so he could walk over to the wall. “Okay, tell me all about it.”

Oswald put his face against Ed’s shoulder, letting his arms hang there. Ed was used to Oswald’s dramatics. “That bad huh?”

Silently Oswald nodded his head. Ed patted his friend’s hair, trying not to disturb too many spikes. “Are we ready to leave now?”

Oswald nodded again, but then pulled his face away to look at Ed. “One last drink?”

“You know bud,” Ed put his hands on Oswald’s shoulders, “you’re not at your drunkest, but I think you’re good to head home.”

“Are you going to stay over?”

“Do you want me to?” It wasn’t unusual for Ed to randomly sleep at the Kapelput house, especially after hanging out with Oswald, but he still felt like he needed a clear invitation.

Oswald glanced down for awhile before looking back at Ed. “I mean, I’ll probably just bitch in the abstract. Or maybe I’ll go off about tonight. Although there’s always the chance that I’ll simply fall asleep.”

Ed scoffed. “Well now I have to, I need to know which alternate ending it’s going to be.”

The joke brought the tiniest smile to Oswald’s face and Ed counted that as his second victory of the night. “Honestly, it’s probably going to be number three, I’m tired as fuck.”

“Shh, no spoilers.” Ed ushered his sloshed and sleepy friend to the exit.

* * *

Ed hadn’t expected Oswald to be quite so tired, but as soon as they got upstairs Oswald threw himself on the queen bed.

Ed went to the dresser and opened the drawer that held his extra clothes, pajamas, and things. “You’re really not going to tell me what happened are you?” He wasn’t particularly interested in hearing any flirtatious details, but he did enjoy hearing Oswald complain about other men.

Oswald gracelessly pulled off his fancy boots and tossed them in the direction of his closet. “You just want to rub it in my face that you were right and I was wrong.”

“When have I ever-” He felt something soft hit him and saw a sock on the floor. Oswald had another plush projectile ready. “Okay, sometimes that’s true.”

Despite getting a confession, Oswald still threw the sock. “More like always because you’re always right.” He fell back on his pillows. “Ugh, why are the hottest ones straight?”

Ed headed into the bathroom to change. “Yep. Crying shame.”

The door was left open a crack so he could still hear Oswald. “I take back what I said tonight, no more going after guys based on looks. I’m only going to date kind, smart, gentlemen. Preferably with decent earning potential.”

Ed emerged in a t-shirt and plaid pants. “Oh, so keeping it simple?”

“Exactly.” Oswald was curled up on one side of the bed, apparently he was too tired, or tipsy, to change. His dress shirt was all wrinkled and his hair was unintentionally messy, but Ed almost preferred this look to the polished one, it was the most authentic.

Ed sat down on the other side of the bed and started to lift the covers. Oswald looked over at him. “What are you doing?”

“Um...what I always do when I sleepover?” Ed suddenly felt anxious. Ever since they were kids they shared a bed, it was the reason Gertrud had gotten Oswald a bigger one. There was a brief time in high school where Edward took the couch downstairs, but that was a complicated situation and things had quickly returned to normal. What had changed this time? Ed was sifting through the past few weeks in case there was something he had done, or maybe there was a small inflection or mood he’d missed…

“I’m kidding! I’m kidding!” Oswald elbowed him. “I just wanted to see the look on your face.”

“I’m glad you’re back in a joking mood.” Ed set his glasses on the nightstand and lied down. “I thought you were finally kicking me out.”

Oswald propped himself up. “I would never. No matter what society thinks, it’s not weird for two friends to sleep next to each other. Like who said that was a bad thing? Did that person make sure their hotel had two separate beds? All humans need sleep and a bed is nothing more than springs, fluff, and fabric.”

Ed smiled at Oswald. “I too was kidding...but there’s that abstract bitching of yours.”

“You really just let me rant that like? Now I’m all fired up, thanks Ed.” Oswald flopped back down.

Ed clicked off the light. “Goodnight Oswald.”

“Fuck you.” Then a few seconds later there was some tossing and turning and a mumbled, “goodnight”.

* * *

The next morning Ed was kicked out of bed. Technically, he rolled out, but his surprise was caused by getting kicked by Oswald. With a loud thud the wooden floor broke his fall, but it felt like it broke every bone in his body. Rubbing his head, he sat up to look over the bed. Oswald’s eyes were closed and he was lying very still, too still. Ed got to his feet and leaned over the body. “You’re not really asleep are you?” Several seconds passed, and Ed was almost convinced Oswald did it unconsciously; but then one blue eye opened. As soon as Ed saw the break in character he pushed and Oswald fell off the other side with what sounded like a squawk.

The door flung open and Gertrud stood there wielding a frying pan. “What in the world is-” She saw Oswald on the floor and rushed over to cradle him. “Oh szívem what happened?”

Oswald put on his most innocent face. “He pushed me.”

Ed rolled his eyes. “Only after you kicked me.”

Gertrud stopped kissing Oswald’s cheek to glance between the two. “You were fighting? My boys shouldn’t be fighting!” She pulled Oswald up and hugged him tightly. “Poor baby, you look terrible, do you want me to run a bath?”

Ed made eye contact with a blushing Oswald. Ed decided to save his friend from getting smothered so he tapped Gertrud’s shoulder. “Hey Ms. Kapelput, did I tell you I learned a new crepe recipe? I would love if you could help me.”

Gertrud released Oswald and pinched Edward’s cheek. “You really are becoming quite the little chef aren’t you? Of course I’ll lend you my expertise!” Onto her new topic, she waltzed right out the door.

Ed picked up the frying pan she left behind, but before he left Oswald grabbed his elbow. “Bless you Ed.”

“Well I do actually have a new recipe I want to try.”

“Oh, good, good. Um...and one more thing…” Oswald pointed his thumb at the door. “While you’re at it, do you think you could tell her we’re going to a concert tonight?”

“Concert? You can’t go anywhere tonight, The Sirens have their first...” Ed’s face fell as the realization hit. “You still haven’t told her? Oswald…”

“I know, I know! You can lecture me at Barbara’s, but-”

“What do you mean at Barbara’s?”

“We talked about this last night. I asked if you could come with me to get ready at Barbara’s house.” Oswald looked confused and then bit his lip. “That uh, might’ve been a dream now that I’m thinking about it. Say Ed…”

Ed sighed. “Sure, it’s not like I have anything better to do than lie to your mom and hang out with someone who hates me.”

“I’m sorry Ed, I’m really sorry.” Oswald put his hands on Ed’s shoulders and looked up at him with pleading eyes. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

Ed rolled his entire head, there’s usually a 50/50 chance Oswald will keep a promise. However, it was a bet Ed would always take. “Fine. Tomorrow we’re watching the original Star Wars trilogy,” Oswald groaned, “and...AND you can’t tell me to shut up when I point out all the continuity errors.”

Oswald frowned, but then he smiled wide. “If that’s what will make you not hate me I’ll do it.” Oswald let go and walked towards his bathroom. “But you’re on popcorn duty.”

“Deal.” Ed lifted the frying pan. “And pray I don’t alter it any further.”

* * *

* * *

Barbara stood in the drawing room turned practice area and stared at her guitar collection. There were varying colors and designs with all sorts of different bodies. Ivy was sprawled on a white settee. “I like the one with the flowers.”

“There are three with flowers on them.”

“Yeah, but you know which one I really like.”

Barbara took the one that was very 70s-ish with oranges and greens and held it up. “Absolutely not. This is The Sirens’ first public appearance and we need to leave a perfect first impression. Tonight could make or break us Ivy.”

“It’s a birthday party.”

“It’s not just any birthday party, it’s Bridgit Pike’s birthday party.”

“Is that supposed to mean something?” Ivy peered over the arm of the settee.

Barbara put the guitar back before she smashed it over the other girl’s head. “One of Bridgit’s brothers is a friend of a friend of a friend of Sal Maronie. Now that’s not as big as someone knowing a Falcone, but the point is to get our name out there. If we’re going to win any of Gotham’s festivals we need to attract some prominent fans.”

“I thought we were doing this for fun.” Ivy sat up. “This isn’t some convoluted way to get back at Tabitha for ditching us by showing her how successful we became without her, is it?”

The name of her ex made Barbara cross her arms defensively. “I...I think you’ve been sniffing too many plants. Revenge on Tabby?” Barbara let out one loud laugh. “Ridiculous!”

“Oh, okay.” Ivy slouched back down.

Barbara pivoted back at her collection, trying to stay focused on which aesthetic to go with tonight. Her irritation didn’t go away, and it only got worse when the doorbell rang incessantly. Barbara looked over her shoulder at Ivy, but the redhead was messing around on her phone. Barbara tried to ignore the ringing, but after several more seconds she marched out of the room and walked towards the foyer. She flung open the front door to see Oswald with his finger on the doorbell. Even after they made eye contact he continued to hold the buzzer. Barbara stared him down until he released it with a smile. “Hey Barb!”

“What’s he doing here?” She noticed Edward standing off to the side.

Oswald glanced briefly at Ed. “Can he not be here?”

Ed’s smile was as insincere as his tone. “It’s fine if I can’t. I respect that this space has your name written on it.”

For a moment Barbara was too annoyed to say anything. Then, as politely as she could, she gestured for them to come in. “You're right, my name is on it, but I’m not going to be an asshole about it.”

Oswald strode into the mansion. “See? We can all get along.”

Barbara caught a sour look from Ed as he passed by. She took a breath and looked up at the ceiling before closing the door. Back in the music room Ivy had Oswald in a tight hug. "Eee! Are you excited for your first performance?"

Oswald wiggled out of her grip. "I don't think it's quite hit me yet."

Barbara walked over to them. "Well it better hit you soon because I was just explaining to Ivy that we need to really dazzle the crowd tonight."

Ed had stolen Ivy's spot on the settee, but instead of splaying out he sat up straight with his hands neatly folded in his lap. "Seems like a lot of pressure to put on a birthday party."

Both Barbara and Oswald turned on him. "It's about connections!". They looked at each other and Barbara decided he was worthy of an approving nod. "Maybe I'm not surrounded by idiots after all."

Ivy angled a thumb at Ed.. "Obviously, I'm pretty sure that guy's got a PhD."

Ed started to speak, but Barbara snapped her fingers for attention. " **Anyway** , we’ve got a lot to do today: make a setlist, practice, brush up on stage etiquette…”

“Ooo, ooo!” Ivy raised her hand and waved it in the air. “Barb, hey Barb! Don’t forget my favorite part! Can I say it?”

Barbara tried her best to ignore the other girl, and waited for her to calm down, but when it didn’t happen Barbara simply sighed. “And we have to go over hair and makeup.”

“Not to mention clothes! Barbara has so many cute outfits I am crazy jealous.” Ivy grabbed Oswald by the shoulders and shook him a little. “We found the most darling dress for you, you’re going to love it!”

Oswald gave her a shaky smile, literally. “I’m...I’m sure I will.”

Ed slapped his hands on his legs and stood up. “You sound like you all have a plan, and I have mine, which includes grabbing my laptop from the car. If I don’t get locked out.”

Barbara caught the look he shot her, and she gave one right back. Ed started to exit the music room when Oswald caught his arm. “Wait, you need to help us get ready. There’s a keyboard so you could do some tuning or warm ups. Or…”

Barbara wasn’t sure where Oswald got the notion that he could start making decisions, but she had to put an end to it. “No, no he won’t be doing anything band related. He’s not even supposed to be here in the first place, it’s members only.”

“Members only? Why he could be a member, he could be our manager!”

Barbara and Ed had the same bewildered expression. Ed recovered first and said what they were both thinking. “Um...no.”

Barbara wanted to shoo him out, but Oswald pulled him further in. “Come on, it could be fun. You’d be like our roadie, or a constant fan.”

Ivy light up too. “Yeah! Like a practice audience!” Barbara lifted a hand in protest, but Ivy held it. “Please Barb, you have to admit it’s smart business to get an outside opinion.”

As much as she hated the idea and the person, it would be nice to have someone double checking her work; as long as her authority wasn’t challenged. She looked back at Ed who had Oswald whispering in his ear. Barbara stepped up to them and reluctantly offered a hand to Ed. “If you’re going to stay, you’re going to work.”

Ed glanced at Oswald. “Do I want to stay?”

Oswald hugged Ed’s arm. “I want you to stay. At least for performances.”

Ed turned to Barbara and took her hand, but didn’t shake it. “I can play piano and offer instruction.”

She tightened her grip and brought her voice to a little above a whisper. “Change instruction to recommendation and we shouldn’t have any problems.”

He also clamped down on her hand. “We shouldn’t, but no one can tell the future.”

“Well I can you’re going to annoy the hell out of me.” Then they forced a smile at each other and gave one rigid shake. Raising her voice, Barbara pointed at her bandmates. “Now let’s get prepared for a kick ass show.”

* * *

Ed sat at the keyboard through the majority of the day. He had brought his laptop in, and when he wasn’t playing pitches or quick bits of a song he was working on homework. Occasionally he’d be asked if something sounded funny, or if it was good enough to make the list, but overall he didn’t have to do much except glance up every now and then. Of course sometimes Oswald would come to lean on the keyboard or distract him another way, but he didn’t mind at all. When they migrated upstairs to change Ed stayed where he was until Ivy rushed into the room. “Yo Ed the head get up here!”

“Just Ed is fine, I…” Ivy started tugging him and he decided not to argue.

Barbara’s room was as over-the-top luxurious as the rest of the mansion. Barbara was at the large vanity, applying mascara when she caught Ed in the reflection. “What is he doing up here? Girls only Ivy!”

“But he has to see my beautiful work!” Ivy placed him at the edge of the plush bed, facing a closet door. 

She dashed to the door and Ed knew what was going on - this had to be a dramatic reveal. “Do I have to close my eyes too?”

Ivy paused and leaned close to the door. “Does he have to close his eyes?”

Oswald’s voice came through the other side. “No, but add a drumroll.”

“Okay!” Ivy patted her knees. “Please welcome the newest member of The Sirens, Oswald Cobblepot!”

The door flew open and Oswald stepped out in his brand new outfit. The black dress had a lace overlay and a loose skirt that hit about the knee. To match, there were strappy black heels and some sparkly accessories. Oswald’s hair was still spiked, but styled with more bangs. Ed had no idea what to say because that would require a level of cognizance he didn’t possess at the moment. His brain got the jump start it needed when Oswald waved a hand in front of his face. “Uh, earth to Ed, where are my compliments?”

Ed blinked a few times. “Oh...uh, I thought you might prefer a reaction of stunned silence.”

Ivy gasped. “Who would want that? Silence could mean you hate it!”

Oswald put his hands on his hips. “Yeah, jeez Ed do you hate me?”

The pressure of both of them weighed on Ed. “Wha...no! I...I love...I love it. Good job with the...dress.”

Ivy made a big deal of showing off Oswald. “Good job? That’s all you have to say? Look how pretty I made her! Uh, him! Er…” Ivy slowed her roll to share a look with Oswald. “Wait, him or her? I’m confused.”

Oswald let out a laugh and put an arm around her shoulders. “Me too bitch! Really though, I don’t care, use anything but it.”

Barbara spun around on her stool. “Wrong. You can be he, they, zey, or whatever outside of The Sirens, but onstage it’s all female.” 

Ed wasn’t too impressed with how she talked to his friend. “Band leader or not, that doesn’t really sound like your decision to make.”

“Pump the brakes on the social justice huh?” She turned back to finish her makeup. “The last thing we need is for people to get suspicious, and I’m sure we all know how some people are. If we use neutral pronouns then people get too damn nosy and have to start scrutinizing everything.”

Oswald scoffed. “I’m not religious, but I’ll give that an amen. I’ve had about enough people getting in my face to determine what I am.” As it was said, Ed recalled a few of those instances that didn’t always have a peaceful end.

Ivy was, at that moment, up in Oswald’s face, but for the purpose of adding some winged eyeliner and other makeup. “Those people are probably the same ones who gender plants. They’re  **plants** , just call them all babies and leave it at that. There we go! Now you’ll be the prettiest girl at the ball!”

Ed smiled as Oswald fluttered some sparkly eyelashes. “Or young adult’s house party.”

Again, both Barbara and Oswald yelled at him. “It’s about connections!”


	6. Act 1, Scene 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's The Sirens' first chance to hit the band scene, and it hopefully won't be their last, as long as they can keep their act together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably won't do this for future "Sirens' performance" chapters, but here are some songs I listened to while writing it to offer a taste of their usual style.  
> Oh No! - Marina & The Diamonds, Ex's and Oh's - Elle King, U+Ur hand - Pink, and Sugar, We're Going Down by FOB.

The Pike house was quite a long drive from Barbara’s, and when Ed got there he had to play his favorite game, parallel parking. Oswald had ridden with the other band members, another one of Barbara’s rules, so Ed walked alone to the house. The Sirens were unloading some equipment when he met them around back. Barbara decided that he should carry the heaviest things because...there was a reason, but it was probably spite. There wasn’t a stage, and instead it was a sectioned-off part of the living room. The party had already started so people were milling about, talking and drinking. As he was helping Ivy screw part of her drum kit together a woman wearing a flaming red sash, with ‘21 Time For Fun’ on it, ran up to throw her arms around Ivy.

“Ivvvyyy!” The impact almost drove them right into the floor tom.

Ivy rocked back and forth. “Omg Bridgit happy birthday! I remember when you were just a twenty year old kid.”

“You mean yesterday?”

“You’ve grown up so much.” The girls laughed and finally broke their hug. Ivy motioned to the decorated house. “And I’m honestly surprised your brothers put this on for you.”

“Well, when you save people from a mysteriously burning building they tend to be nicer to you.” Bridgit elbowed Ivy.

Ed wasn’t one to get involved in a conversation, but his curiosity took over. “Excuse me, but how does a building burn mysteriously?”

“When there’s no evidence.” There was no hesitation or emotion in Bridgit’s voice, but a second later she laughed at him. “Kidding! I would never snap and almost kill my brothers!” Ed took a small step back, but Bridgit keep talking. “So who are you anyway? Ivy said The Sirens were all female.”

Barbara wedged her way into the conversation. “And she’s right! This guy’s only helping us as a co-manager.”

It hadn’t even been twenty-four hours and his title already changed, but Ed didn’t mind the demotion. Bridgit did give him a quick look over before returning her attention to Barbara. “Finally getting some help, that’ll take some weight off of you and Tabby.”

Ivy hopped in to prevent Barbara from stabbing someone with a gold stiletto. “Oh, I forgot to tell you, but Tabitha isn’t with us anymore. We’ve got somebody new!”

Bridgit lit up. “Really? Who is she?”

“Os-”

Barbara clamped a hand over Ivy’s mouth. “Os-some! Yep, she’s an awesome lady with an awesome lady name.”

Suddenly Barbara’s eyes were on Ed and the hot potato of deception was burning in his hands.  _ Think fast, think fast! If Gertrud had a girl what… Wait, Gertrud...Hamlet… _ “Ophelia!” Ed blurted out.

Barbara raised an eyebrow. “Ophelia? That’s…” She caught Bridgit’s wariness and released Ivy with a smile. “That’s her alright!” Barbara shooed the birthday girl away. “And you’ll get to see her very soon because we’re just starting up so you better refresh your drink and find a good spot.”

Once Bridgit was out of sight Ed could finally breathe. It didn’t last long because Barbara grabbed him by the collar. “That’s the best you could come up with? You couldn’t even change the first letter? We’re trying to create a whole new person and some Shakespearean character is-”

Oswald appeared to break Barbara off of Ed. “Hey now, let him go!”

Barbara smoothed her gold romper. “Nice of you to drop by  _ Ophelia _ .”

“Excuse me?”

“Apparently that’s the name your buddy picked for you.”

Ed was afraid Oswald would be upset and he wanted to explain that he doesn’t do his best work under pressure. Oswald only laughed though. “Aw, you remembered she’s my favorite. Cute and crazy just like me.”

Oswald’s laugh washed away Ed’s worries. “Let’s keep you away from water then.”

Barbara rolled her eyes. “Okay nerds, wrap it up. We’ve got a show to do and as soon as I get a microphone I’m doing my introduction.” She walked with Ivy to the rest of their equipment.

Ed rubbed his hands together, unsure of what a co-manager should do now. “Well, I might...go to the car or something.”

Oswald put their hands on their hips. “No way! You have to stay here and hype up the crowd.” Ed was not going to do that and his face conveyed it. “Okay, okay, but you need to hang around and watch. There has to be at least one person in the crowd I can count on.”

“Fine, I’ll retreat to a nice spot on the wall.” He wasn’t sure if he should hug Oswald or offer another type physical encouragement. He decided on a gentle shoulder pat. “Break a leg  _ Ophelia _ .”

“Will do Ed...mund? Shakespeare had an Edmund right?”

“I’m pretty sure there was an actual Edward too.” Ed gave a small wave and left to find the most uninhabited part of the room. When he got there he was thankful for his awkward height that allowed him to see almost all of Oswald and The Sirens.

Barbara had her guitar strapped around her shoulder as she stood in front of a microphone. “Hello everybody! Now, before we get into it, I think our birthday girl should get a round of applause!”

There were whoops and claps as Bridgit waved to everyone in the room. Ivy even stood up on her stool to blow a kiss. Barbara threw back a quick glare to get Ivy down and then put her peppy smile on. “We’re so glad that Bridgit invited us here, she’s a good friend and we’re happy to be a part of your entertainment tonight. Without further ado, I’m Barbara, that’s Ivy, that’s Ophelia and we...are...The Sirens!” Barbara hit a chord while the crowd clapped a bit. Then with Ivy counting on her sticks they jumped into their setlist.

* * *

Ed didn’t join any dancers or other people bobbing along, but he enjoyed observing everyone. Taking in reactions and movements; studying social interactions of a large group. When he wasn’t scanning the room he was actually watching the band, Oswald specifically, but even without them The Sirens had an electrifying stage presence. He admitted that he was surprised Oswald fit in so seamlessly. If Ed hadn’t known better, he would’ve had a hard time believing Oswald wasn’t a girl.  _ Maybe this trick of Barbara’s could work after all. It’d be a tad disappointing if I were wrong though. _ Still, the crowd was buying the act and loving the performance. The Sirens played a variety of songs with the majority being by female artists. After the last song, Barbara held one long note on her guitar and Ivy crashed some cymbals. The crowd showed their appreciation through shouts and applause, and Oswald had to shout over them. “Thank you for being an amazing audience!”

Ivy pointed to Bridgit among them. “Happy birthday Bridgit!”

Barbara held her microphone stand. “Thanks for having us, we were The Sirens, goodnight!”

The band started packing up as the crowd started to drift to other parts of the house. Ed took that as his cue to help out and in no time the group had everything loaded in the van. Barbara slid her guitar case in as Bridgit came running up from behind to catch Ivy and Oswald in a hug. “Wow you guys were better than I expected! I’m so happy you could do this for me!”

Barbara closed her trunk. “Oh of course, our pleasure. So, are you out here with our check, or are you doing a cash payment?”

Bridgit let go of Oswald, but continued to lean on Ivy out of friendship or the need for stability in her intoxicated state. “Pff, one of my brothers has that stuff, I can help you beat it out of him later. I was just coming out to commend you and invite you to hang around the party! We made a little dance area in the basement, which Ivy, you’re required to be at.” They high-fived. “Otherwise there’s free food and drinks in the kitchen!” She gave a last ‘woo’ and headed back inside with Ivy on her arm.

Barbara walked up to the door and gave Ed and Oswald a last, stern, look. “I’m staying to get our money and schmooze. You two are free to do whatever you want as long as it doesn’t affect The Sirens okay?”

Oswald nodded enthusiastically and Ed saluted her. Once the door closed Ed had his arm seized as Oswald bounced up and down. “Can you believe it Ed? We pulled it off!”

Ed thought about explaining that one show didn’t guarantee future victories, but he couldn’t bring himself to dampen Oswald’s mood. “Yeah, it’s been a good night.”

“Been?” Oswald stopped jumping, but they still held onto Ed. “The night’s still young my friend! Unless you missed the part about food and alcohol that’s  **free** . Not to mention a little dancing.” Oswald used Ed’s arm to twirl themself.

Ed groaned. “We just went out last night, my social energy bar is depleted. Besides, the longer you stay the higher the chances are of you being found out.”

“But that’s what makes it so thrilling! And you know what else is thrilling?”

“Getting the daily double on Jeopardy?”

“Close. I was going to say being the guy with the prettiest girl.” Oswald took a cheesy supermodel pose. “Now, are you coming or what?” Ed knew the answer, but he didn’t have to say it, he just had to follow Oswald back into the house.

The living room had thinned out considerably and chairs had been brought in to fill the band’s space. Barbara flitted around like the room like the shining social butterfly she was. She only gave Ed and Oswald a glance before returning to the group she had been talking to. In the kitchen, Oswald beelined for the drink section, but Ed was far more interested in the food spread. Basic, but edible. 

Milling about the first floor, they were stopped a couple of times so people could compliment Oswald’s singing or introduce themselves. One man made a few flirtatious comments, but Oswald silently linked arms with Ed and the guy promptly left the conversation. There was a small amount of pleasure that Ed found in fending off such people, like a dragon protecting royalty from unwanted suitors.

In the basement there were similar interactions, and if anything got uncomfortable Oswald would default to reaching out for Ed. A particular guy was very persistent so Ed actually took Oswald onto the dancefloor to try and escape into the upbeat crowd. Like a hurricane, there was a small eye in the middle of the dancers that offered a little breathing space. Ed stayed vigilant, and Oswald just laughed at him. “Look at this, I finally got you to dance.”

“I may be on a dancefloor, but I refuse to engage in kinetic energy.” Ed was well aware of his two left feet and he didn’t want to make anyone else aware of it. Such lively music wasn’t his taste anyway.

Oswald wouldn’t have it and pushed on Ed’s shoulders to elicit any movement. “Oh Ed, don’t be such a square!” Ed finally relaxed and started bobbing just a bit. Oswald was a much better dancer, but they acted impressed with every tiny motion of Ed’s, cheering and hyping him up. To give partiers a rest, the music slowed down.

Ed figured now would be a good time to leave, but it appeared that Oswald didn’t figure the same. Ed glanced to the nice and quiet wall and then back to his friend. “You’re seriously going to slow dance?”

“Yep. And I’ll do it by myself if I have to.” Oswald held the edges of their skirt to demonstrate solo swaying. “Although I’d prefer a partner to keep me from looking like a complete idiot.”

“I promise you’d be better on your own.”

“Come on, it’ll be like prom.” Oswald put their hands on Ed’s shoulders. “Arm’s length apart and everything.”

“Well then it won’t be like prom at all. We couldn’t dance at arm’s length remember?” Ed had his hands on Oswald’s shoulders, but when he fully extended his arms it pushed Oswald far enough away that they couldn’t reach.

Oswald scoffed. “You’re a jerk, a giant lanky jerk.” They stepped closer to reset their hands on Ed’s shoulder.

Ed did the same, but kept his elbows slightly bent. “There, now it’s a more proper imitation.” The posture might have resembled their highschool days, but that was the end of the similarities. Although, there were still some people who would give them looks; and even though there was no hostility in it, the attention made Ed uncomfortable.

Oswald picked up on it. “Ed, what’s wrong?”

“Huh? Oh, it’s nothing much. Just...humans.”

Oswald smiled. “You should feel lucky. They’re all jealous you get to dance with the lovely Ophelia.”

“I’d rather dance with Oswald.” The sentence slipped out, and Ed didn’t realize he said it aloud until he caught the wide-eyed expression on Oswald’s face.  _ Uh oh, uh oh. Why’d I have to say something so weird? Well, why shouldn’t I say it - it’s true! That doesn’t make it less weird! But I didn’t really mean anything by it, and maybe it’s a compliment. Unless Oswald thinks I’m insulting their disguise, which I’m not! I’m just...just… _ While Ed was searching for something to follow up with, he also searched the room to avoid looking at Oswald. That’s when he recognized the face of the pool player from last night. All of Ed’s worries about his slip up gave way to fears about being equally recognized. He grabbed Oswald’s arm and pulled them off to the side.

Oswald rubbed their arm while Ed tried to find the man again. “Okay Ed, you know I love your quirks, but as your friend I have to let you know that you’re being uh...extra quirky. Is everything...”

“We need to leave.” Ed started to walk away, but then noticed that Oswald wasn’t following him, they just stood there with arms crossed. “This isn’t me being weird or anti-social, I promise. Don’t look now, but the dude from The Circuit is here and-”

Oswald disobeyed Ed’s instructions immediately and looked around the room. “Oh my God, Blondie?”

“I said don’t look!”

“Do you know what this means Ed?”

“Uh yeah, he could recognize you and then everything goes…” Ed made an explosion with his hands.

Oswald swatted at Ed’s doomsday display. “No. This is fate giving me a chance for revenge! I go over there, smoking hot as I am, flirt and flounce, and then when he’s begging on his knees I leave him high and dry. Or maybe high and wet if you know what I mean.”

Baffled, Ed stared at them. “Unfortunately I do, but do you know what I mean when I say that this is crazy? Are you actually insane?”

Oswald took Ed’s hands. “Einstein said, ‘Insanity is doing the same thing over and over everyday’, which is why I try to do something different everyday.”

“First, that’s not even the right quote. Secondly, flirting with Blondie is exactly what you did yesterday. So by expecting a different result today, that’s actually Einstein’s definition of insanity.”

“Oh.” Oswald paused briefly before the fire returned to their eyes. “Well my new point is that life rarely hands you chances like this, so you have to take them or else you’ll spend your whole life regretting it.”

Ed knew that to be true, but he didn’t think it applied to this exact situation. Ed looked at their hands and sighed because there was nothing to stop Oswald at this point. 

Oswald patted Ed’s shoulder. “Don’t worry so much, I’ve got this under control. And it’s not like he’s going to get under my skirt because it’s not going that far. You’re still the only one taking me home.” With a parting wink Oswald began sifting through the crowd. Ed couldn’t shake his bad feeling, but seen as how the basement suddenly got oppressively hot he decided to take a quick break upstairs. He had to trust that everything would work out fine, and it was comforting that no matter what, Oswald was still leaving with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, and Oswald's pronouns will change depending on situations and POVs.


	7. Déjà vu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim Gordon has the pleasure of meeting the charming singer Ophelia.

Jim didn’t want to be here. He went out last night and that would’ve been enough for this weekend, but Harvey was insistent and Jim didn’t want to look like a killjoy in front of his potential partner. Yet, as soon as they were in the door, Harvey took off to talk to some friend of a friend and Jim was left to wander alone. He spent most of his time in the kitchen because the food had to be one of the few good things about this party. The band had to be the other good thing. He hadn’t expected to like them, since he overheard they were only here because of their connection to the host, but those girls put on a decent show. Afterwards he ran into the blonde one, what was her name, Barbara? He only meant to congratulate her, but when she started to dive into a pitch he knew he had to escape. 

The basement was louder than the first floor, but he didn’t plan on staying very long. He spent a couple dances with a couple different ladies, and while it was a little fun it only made him more tired. When a slow song came through the speakers he thought he would surely fall asleep on the woman he was dancing with. His partner could sense his lack of enthusiasm and she made up some excuse to get a drink or something. Jim reckoned that wasn’t a bad idea and thought about heading upstairs himself, but then someone bumped into him and derailed his agenda. 

“Hey, watch where… It’s you.” Jim recognized the culprit as soon as they turned around, a subtle panic on their face. “You’re from the band. Ophelia right?”

The singer appeared to relax. “Only one performance and I’m already a memorable face.” She smiled at him and fluttered her lashes.

He couldn’t tell if that was her flirting or simply showing off. Jim smiled back. “It’d be hard to forget such a lovely face.”

Ophelia scoffed. “Oh, so that’s how you’re going to play. I hate to inform you, but I’ve had enough of these games tonight.”

Jim had a hunch that she was lying, there was something about the twinkle in her blue eyes. Maybe it was his desire to be a detective that made him overthink everything, but he felt confident about his deduction. “Uh huh, so you didn’t wait until I was alone to bump into me and start a conversation?”

For a moment Ophelia only blinked, stunned. “That...is quite the accusation.” Her lips curled up into a coy smile. “You really think I’d go through all that trouble for you? Don’t flatter yourself Blondie.”

Jim knew he was right, but if he wanted her to stay he shouldn’t press the matter. “My apologies ma’am, it’s hard to turn off these police instincts.” Technically, he wasn’t a police officer...yet, but he hoped that hinting at his profession would sound more impressive. He held out a hand. “James Gordon by the way, but you can call me Jim.”

Ophelia started to reach for the hand, but she left him hanging to cross her arms instead. “James, Jim, at least you don’t want to be called tonight.”

Jim didn’t appreciate the snubbed handshake, but he reassured himself it was all part of her ploy. “Ouch, now who’s being cheesy?”

She laughed, and it was such a cute laugh that Jim felt honored to have caused it. The sweet sound diminished and they were left smiling and staring at each other. Then her eyes trailed down his body and Jim instantly wished he’d put more effort into his appearance. His jeans and t-shirt had nothing on Ophelia’s ensemble; he hadn’t even bothered to comb his hair today. She finished checking him out and pursed her lips. Jim thought time had slowed for the mere purpose of letting him admire the action.

Ophelia caught him looking. “So are you going to ask me to dance or what?”

He held out a hand. “I’d prefer the ‘or what’, but I’ll settle for a dance.”

“Oh honey,” she took his hand and pulled them close together, “there’s no settling with me.” Jim could tell this was true by the gleam in her eyes, so he let himself be unsettled.

Ophelia had done some dancing during the band’s set, but it was incomparable to the way she danced with Jim. This didn’t feel like a performance: the fluidity of her movements, the twists and twirls. Jim had accepted that he wasn’t the best dancer a long time ago, but while he was with Ophelia he felt like Patrick Swayze. 

She fell back into a quick dip and when Jim brought her back up her hooked nose was almost touching his. Her breath was warm on his lips and her blue eyes were daring him. Jim didn’t like rushing into things, but he disliked backing away from a challenge even more. He brought her closer and kissed her. She must’ve taken advantage of the free bar too because he could still taste the cinnamon whiskey on her lips. Her mouth opened slightly to draw him in as she wrapped her arms around his neck. 

Jim wished to stay in the moment for awhile longer, but his lungs demanded oxygen so he had to break away. However, he was glad to see that Ophelia was just as breathless. He leaned in to kiss her again.

She put a finger on his lips. “Careful, I’d hate to have you miss me.” She slowly removed her finger, letting it tug slightly at Jim’s bottom lip. With a parting smile she began to walk away.

Jim caught her by the wrist. “Wait. Will I see you again?”

“If you buy a ticket to our next show.” She smirked.

“You can’t tell me this was all a marketing strategy.” He stepped up to her. “Come on, let me take you on a date.” Ophelia’s smugness wavered for a moment and Jim jumped on it. “How about dinner tomorrow? I know a great Italian place.”

“Are you serious?”

“I wouldn’t have said anything if I wasn’t.” He rubbed the back of his neck, a little unsure if he had been too forward. “If you give me your number I could send you the details.”

It was surprising to hear her laugh. “Uh huh, okay. Maybe I’ll drop it off by the bar.” The sentence sounded familiar, but Jim quickly dismissed it as Ophelia kept talking. “Or you could give me the details now.”

“Hey now, I’m not sure about that. How will I know if you’ll show up?”

“You won’t.” There was her challenging look again, but Jim had already taken one risk this evening so why not take another.

“Alright. You, me, Sole Mio at 7 o’clock.” He watched her nod, smile, and walk away. “See you there!” It was a last attempt to get a solid answer out of her, but she just held up a hand to wave and that was all.

* * *

Ed couldn’t decide which floor was worse. At least in the basement he didn’t have to worry about people talking to him, but on the first floor, he didn’t have to watch Oswald’s coquettish behavior. He tried not to think about it as he floated from room to room, occasionally dropping a factoid on anyone who approached him. Only one girl seemed interested in his knowledge on the human circulatory system, but she rapidly abandoned the conversation when he brought up dissection. He briefly ran into Ivy and Bridgit, but all they did was hand him a shot before continuing their run around the house. Ed didn’t do strong liquors, but he figured he could bring it down for Oswald to enjoy. And if he happened to interrupt them and the blond man, oh that would just be too bad.

The basement was as crowded as when he left, but he was able to locate Oswald right away. He was able to locate the other man too because their lips were locked together. Thankfully, the shot glass was made of plastic so it didn’t shatter when Ed dropped it. Surely someone nearby complained about the spilled drink, but Ed couldn’t hear them over the sound of his pounding heart. He backed up to the wall and turned to face it. The concrete was cold, or maybe his hands were just too hot. He couldn’t understand why he felt so sick. It wasn’t like this was a new thing. Oswald freely talked to Ed about their love life so he was aware that Oswald kissed multiple men, among...other things, but he’d never… He’d never  _ seen _ it before. The way Oswald melted into the other person, the tight embrace.

_ Why should I care? They've kissed plenty of people, this is no different. Wait, so it's always like  _ **_that_ ** _! No that's not what- _ Suddenly his brain started putting images to all of Oswald's past flings and Ed wanted to throw up. _ Stop! Stop that!  _ Tons of scummy men putting their dirty lips on his best friend.  _ How dare those people! Getting to kiss Oswald like that only to break their heart! I said stop! _

A hand on Ed's shoulder made him jump. Oswald was there with a smile, but they stopped as soon as they saw Ed's unease. They touched the side of his face. "Oh my God, Ed are you alright?"

Ed hadn't realized he was sweating, but Oswald's fingers were nice and cool. "I uh…I…" He didn't know what to say.  _ I saw you kissing that guy and I started freaking out? _ "I spilled a drink and...and then…"

"Aw Ed it's okay. It happens all the time." Oswald hugged him. "I shouldn't have made you stay so long. Let's get out of here huh?"

Ed felt a little better once he and Oswald got outside and into the car, but his head still hurt and his stomach was still knotted.


	8. Ed's Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A (slightly shorter) chapter all about Ed and the voices in his head.

Even on weekends, Ed usually never slept in, but his past few days left him exhausted and he didn't wake up until almost noon. On the bright side, all of his head and stomach pains were gone so he chalked it up to a lack of sleep and started his day. There were dishes to wash, laundry to do, and plants to water. Ed also planned on giving the house a general cleaning in preparation for Oswald coming over. It was easy enough to clean around his grandma, but it was harder to persuade her to leave the living room so he could hook up his Blu-ray. He checked the time as he took the popcorn popper down. It was about 6:15 and it could've just been Ed's eagerness to hang out with his friend, but he figured Oswald would've been here by now. He debated if he should wait or call, and then decided to send a text instead.

" _ Hey, I didn't know when you plan on coming over, but I've got the popper warmed up." _

It took a minute before his phone pinged. " _ I'm reeeaallly sorry, but I can't tonight. I have a date." _

Ah, so Oswald was pulling this again. " _ Haha okay. So are you on your way then? _ " Ed even included a winking emoji.

" _ No, I'm serious Ed. I'm having dinner with Jim, aka Blondie, and technically it's not me it's Ophelia but… Okay there's not a reasonable end to that sentence. _ " There was no time to react as another message was typed out. " _ I totally forgot about us tonight and I'm super sorry! I know you're probably mad at me, I'd be mad at me, but I'll make it up to you! Rain check? _ "

Ed stared at the texts. The pit was back in his stomach and he couldn't bring himself to type out more than one word. " _ Yeah. _ "

He looked around at all the work he put in: snacks, drinks, pillows and blankets, and he had even adjusted the lights to resemble a theater.  _ Look at this, there's no way some other date could be as nice. Well this isn't really a date, but it's got to be better than whatever Jim planned for  _ **_Ophelia_ ** _. Honestly, how could Oswald pick a lousy dinner over this? How could they pick HIM over ME? _ Ed's knuckles were white from his grip on the counter. When did that happen? He shook his hand out. Although, he did have a reason to be upset, he just got stood up, he still shouldn't have been that angry.  _ It's not like I haven't cancelled on Oswald once or twice. Okay, but that's because you were horribly sick or something reasonable! _ _ Wait, you? I meant me, or I actually… _ Ed wasn't sure why a second person pronoun popped up, but he credited it to his bitterness causing some confusion.

After restoring the kitchen and living room to their usual states Ed did watch some TV and eat some snacks before heading to bed. He checked that his alarm was set and crawled into bed. If there was one upside to Oswald ditching him it was that he was going to sleep at a normal time. Folding his glasses, he put them on his nightstand and got under the covers. Once he reached optimal coziness, he closed his eyes to sleep in silence. Except it wasn’t quiet for long because a voice startled him before he could drift off.

“Do you think they’re kissing right now?” It sounded very close, but when Ed sat up to look around he didn’t see anything. The tone also reminded him of his own voice, but that was impossible because he doesn’t talk to himself; think maybe, but not talk. Unless, he had been in a semi-conscious state, and not in the best of moods, so he potentially could’ve said his thoughts out loud. Ed didn’t want to mull it over any longer, it made him much like how he didn’t want to think of Jim and Oswald on their date. He blocked the idea out and lied back down.

“Yeah you’re right, they’re probably making out instead.” Again, Ed jolted up, and he covered his mouth. He had to have said that too, but it felt like someone else did. A bit rattled, he got out of bed and went into the bathroom. There had to be some sort of reason. He splashed some water on his face. A simple explanation for why he’s been acting so bizarre. He cleaned up with a towel and when he pulled away the cloth he swore he saw two of him.

“It’s because you’re jealous, idiot.” Upon hearing the second reflection speak, Ed reeled back into the wall. His lips had moved in the mirror, but he didn’t remember talking. 

He looked at himself for a long time, but now there was only one Ed. He closed his eyes.  _ It’s just my imagination. I...I’ve been a little stressed is all. _

“Of course you’re stressed, you’ve kept pushing your feelings down.” The other Ed wasn’t just talking, but actually making gestures this time. “You’re in love with Oswald! You’ve  **been** in love with Oswald!”

“That’s not true!” Ed pointed a finger at his reflection, and it pointed right back. It was just him. His hand was shaking, in fact his whole body was trembling. He grabbed his extended hand and brought it close to his chest.  _ No. No this isn’t happening. Not again, I can fix this _ . 

Ed quickly exited the bathroom to get away from the mirror. He practically ran to the cupboard to take out the pill bottle. As soon as it was in his grasp his heart sank. It was empty.  _ Oh no. _ He recalled the past few days. He noticed he was out on Thursday, he’d been too excited about hanging out with Oswald on Friday to remember the bottle, and then the pharmacy wasn’t open on the weekend.  _ Oh dear, oh dear. This isn’t good, this isn’t good at all. It’s only been four days, symptoms shouldn’t be this bad already right?  _ Ed noticed he was starting to hyper-ventilate and he forced himself to take deeper breaths.  _ I can go in tomorrow. Instead of getting coffee I’ll go to the pharmacy and everything will be fine. If I get through tonight, everything will be back to normal tomorrow. _ He put the pill bottle in the middle of the counter so he couldn’t possibly miss it in the morning. Then he went back to bed and tried his best to sleep.

* * *

It was a rough night, lots of tossing and turning, but when Ed woke up the only thing on his mind was remembering the pill bottle. Even as he got dressed, he kept reminding himself of it. Brushing his teeth, he avoided looking at the mirror as much as he was able. Finally he was almost ready to go and walked into the kitchen. His grandma was actually up and moving, it even looked like she was making something on the stove. Ed didn’t have time to be surprised though, he went straight for the counter where he left his bottle. It wasn’t there. Ed moved various things around incase it had gotten knocked around, but it didn’t turn up.

Trying to contain his panic, he slowly turned to his grandma. “Hey, did you happen to see a pill bottle this morning? I left one right here.”

The old woman stopped what she was doing. “A what?”

“A  **_pill bottle_ ** .”

“I don’t recall. There was some trash on that counter though, so I threw it away.” She pointed out the kitchen window to some bags on the sidewalk.

Ed spoke as calmly as he could. “And did this trash happen to be a round container about this big?”

“Why yes. I should’ve made you toss it because I believe I saw your name on it, but I’m used to doing everything around here.”

On the verge of screaming or crying Ed clenched his teeth. "That had a  **very** important prescription on it. Why would you throw something like that away?"

"It was empty! Why would you leave something like that on my counter?". Before Ed could answer, she nodded out the window again. "But if it's so important you should go and get it before they do."

Ed's anger gave way to fear as he saw a garbage collector toss the bags in the back of a truck. He dropped his backpack on the floor and ran outside as fast as he could. "Wait! Wait, wait, wait!". The shouts did nothing as the truck was already moving again. Ed was no track star, and his chase only lasted a few yards. He thought about running after them to catch up at their next stop, but he was already tired and they moved so quickly.  _ Guess we'll be spending more time with each other huh? _ Ed knew the consequences of going off his meds, and he refused to give up so easily.

During his break in the day he went straight to the Pharmacy. When the line finally moved up, Ed met with a fat, balding, man at the counter. Ed wasn't entirely sure what to ask. "Um, hello. I... I would like to fill a prescription."

The man was an apathetic attendant. "Got a prescription?"

"Well yes, but…"

"Where is it?"

"You see, I don't actually have the physical copy. The bottle with the refill number got thrown away by accident and…"

"I can't just give you pills without proof.”

“Uh...actually you can. I refill it regularly so it should just be on your computer there.” Ed pointed at the desktop machine. “Under Edward Nygma.”

The pharmacist didn’t even look at the monitor. “I’d really like to help, but how do I know you’re who you say you are? Plenty of punks try bumming drugs off with fake names.”

Ed surprised himself and the other customers by slamming his hands on the counter. “I don’t think you understand. I’m not some junkie, these aren’t even the right kind of drugs for something like that! I  _ need _ these!”

“That sounds a little too suspicious for me kid. No prescription, no pills.” The man waved his arm in Ed’s face. “Next customer please.”

“Fine.” Ed stepped aside. “But I will be leaving a very negative review.”

Defeated yet again, Ed returned to the rest of his classes with one last hope on his mind. After the final lecture he left the room with his phone in his hand. If it was a prescription he needed then he’d get one right from the source. The phone rang and rang until it was directed into a vacation voicemail box. He vigorously hit the end button, and when it faded to a black screen he caught his second reflection.

“Damn, this must really suck for you. Murphy’s Law am I right?”

He had half a mind to smash the phone, but the other half made him slump against a wall and try not to have a breakdown in the hallway. He couldn’t think of any other way to get out of the situation.  _ At least I’m aware there’s a problem. As long as I know it’s not real, and I don’t engage, I can make it until the doctor’s back. Yeah, I’m strong-minded, I can beat this. Just a few days. _ Ed wasn’t convinced, and he felt nervous about looking at his phone again. He sent out a text to his last support system, Oswald.

“ _ Can we talk? _ ” If Ed hit another dead end here he wasn’t sure how his mental stability would handle it.

  
It was an instant reply. “ _ Of course! Come over any time! _ ” Ed sighed and held the phone close. At least there was one person he could still rely on.


	9. Recollection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some cute stuff between Ed and Oz. And Ed finally has his epiphany.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because Ed and "Hallucination Ed" have a lot of internal conversations, the Hallucination's part is also bolded.

Still a little shaken from his challenging day, Ed shifted from foot to foot while waiting for the house’s door to open. 

Gertrud was on the other side. “Eddie, come in! Oswald told me you’d be stopping by.” She walked into the kitchen. “He’s just up in his room, I’ve barely seen him all day.”

“Uh huh.” Ed didn’t want to be rude, but he kept inching closer and closer to the stairs. He started heading up as Gertrud continued to absent-mindedly talk.

Oswald’s door was closed, and Ed wasn’t sure if he had to knock. His question was answered when the door opened without any prompting. Oswald was wearing a dress with a high collar and ruffles. 

They pulled Ed inside before he could say anything. “Thank God, your timing is impeccable as always! I’m stuck.” They turned to show the back of the dress where the zipper was caught in a ruffle.

Ed sighed, and smiled for the first time today. “Okay, okay, don’t panic. Where’d you get this anyway?”

“I...kind of...borrowed a trunk of vintage stuff from my mom’s closet. I thought I could spruce them up and expand Ophelia’s wardrobe. I don’t want to keep relying on Barbara you know?”

“I wouldn’t want anything to do with that woman either.” Ed delicately picked at the fabric in the zipper’s teeth. “Does your mom know that you’re _borrowing_ her things.”

Oswald was quiet for a second. “I...I did ask if I could have them. I told her I was picking up sewing again.” They quickly added more. “Which is true! I am planning on doing some alterations so everything’s not so...matronly. I actually put that zipper in today, and I’m very upset that it betrayed me. Am I almost free?”

“Almost.” Ed released the ruffle and easily pulled the zipper down. He barely grazed Oswald’s bare back, but after his mirror conversation the contact made him blush. _That was the craziness talking, Oswald and I are friends, just friends._

“Bless your long, slender, fingers.” Oswald slipped the dress off before noticing Ed’s pink face. They snickered. “Oh I’m sorry, should I have gone into the bathroom to change? I didn’t realize this was Jr. High gym class.”

The teasing only made Ed redder. “That’s...that’s not...I wasn’t...I’m not-”

“I know, I know. You’ve got too much respect.” Oswald threw on shorts and a t-shirt with a penguin on it.

Ed recognized the somewhat faded design. “I got you that didn’t I?”

“Oh yeah, you did! And I bought you one with a snake; to commemorate our first time going to the zoo.” Oswald looked down at the shirt, and then snapped their head up. “That reminds me!”

Oswald guided Ed to the bed and sat him down before running to their closet. “I was digging around for my sewing kit when I found this treasure trove.”

Ed pulled his feet off the floor to sit cross-legged. Oswald jumped on the bed with a shoebox which they put in Ed’s lap. “Before you ask, it’s nothing weird.”

“I wasn’t going to ask that.” Now cautious, Ed took off the lid. There were tons of pictures of the two of them inside. Ed sifted through the photos and plucked out one of him winning the science fair. “You know, I think I still have this model somewhere in my basement.”

Oswald picked one with them at a carnival. “Who the fuck let me leave the house like that? I looked like emo trash.”

“Oswald, you’re still emo trash.”

“Excuse me, I have evolved into a horrible mash-up of gothic eighties. I can’t believe I’m being disrespected like this in my own home.”

Ed laughed and found an old picture. “Ugh, want to talk about evolution? Look at these dorks. What was this, first day of kindergarten or something?”

“Aw, we were so adorable. Whatever happened to those little cuties?” Oswald dug around the time capsule of friendship. “Wait, I know, they grew up into these studs. Wink, wink.” They held up a photo that was taken right downstairs.

Ed took the senior prom photo. It wasn’t the best. Sure they had their arms around each other in the clichéd fashion, but they weren’t even looking at the camera. Instead, they were looking at each other and laughing. Ed had no idea what was said, but he remembered the way Oswald’s face lit up. The memory made him smile. “Quite the garish duo, I still can’t believe you talked me into getting a green tux.”

Oswald bent over the box to get a good look at it. “You had to match my purple one!”

“Green and purple don’t really match that well.”

“I’m sorry, but your opinion is wrong. We were a perfect pair.” They looked up at Ed.

“We still are.” He looked up too, and noticed how close Oswald was, leaning over his lap. _Well fuck._ **_Do you finally believe me?_ ** _Fuck._ **_Told you so, you’re in love._ ** _FUCK._ Whether it was him or the voice in his head, Edward had the sudden urge to kiss Oswald, or confess, or, or...something to expel the feeling in his chest.

"You’re right, we still are.” Oswald sat back on their heels. Ed forgot that time was a thing, and he’d probably just been staring in silence for the last few seconds. It couldn’t have been too awkward because Oswald seemed unaffected. They plucked the picture out of Ed’s hands and started to put it back in the box. “But I think there’s a better version of this one...”

Ed grabbed Oswald’s wrist before the photo was lost. “Wait, I...uh...” He had no idea where he was going, and Oswald’s expectant eyes didn’t help. “I...I like this version, um, of...the picture.” He felt like kicking himself.

Oswald just smiled. “Well if you like it so much I know exactly what to do.” They hopped off the bed and snagged a roll of tape off their desk and soon after the photo was stuck to the vanity mirror. “Ta-da! Now you’ll be able to see it whenever you come over.”

Ed was looking at the mirror, but only focused on Oswald’s reflection beaming with pride at the childish decorating. “Beautiful.” Oswald caught him looking, and Ed immediately averted his gaze. _Maybe they didn’t see me._ **_They totally saw you with your lovey-dovey eyes._ ** _That’s...not how I’d describe it._

“So,” Oswald had turned around to face him, resting on the vanity, “something you wanted to tell me?”

“Huh? What? No!” **_Smooth_ **.

Oswald tilted their head. “Really? Because your text was asking if we could talk, and I assumed it was because you had something to talk about.”

“Uh…” Ed remembered his reason for coming over, but now he didn’t know if he wanted to tell Oswald about his recent regression. **_I wouldn’t do that if I were you, which I kind of am; but by all means, tell them about me so that they’ll think you’re crazy._ ** _That’s not true, Oswald’s always supported me! They’ve helped me with appointments and therapy and..._ **_Oh, so you want to put them through that again? Make them worry over you for nothing?_ ** _I...it’s not…_ **_We’re fine, you said you could wait a few days, no big deal._ ** _Well...you have a point. I’m feeling better than this morning, and the doctor should be back soon so I guess there’s no use worrying anyone._

Ed’s throat felt tight, but he forced a light laugh. “You know what, I forgot what I was going to say!”

Oswald took a few steps towards the bed. “Edward Nygma? Forgetting something?”

“It’s more likely than you think.” The answer didn’t satisfy Oswald’s skepticism. “It’s nothing okay?”

Oswald put a hand on Ed’s shoulder and bent over to be at eye level. “You know you can tell me anything right?”

_I’m in love with you and I’m starting to hallucinate again._ “Everything’s fine.”

“Hmm...alright, I trust you.” Oswald sighed. “I was afraid you were going to yell at me about last night.”

“Why would...oh right.” The date. “Um, no, we’re...we’re good. I get it, just a one time thing, we’re good.”

“Oh yeah! Totally, one time.” Oswald’s nervous chuckle made Ed narrow his eyes.

“Is there something _you_ want to tell _me_?”

“I certainly don’t **want** to tell you.” Oswald glanced down. “Buuut...Jim asked me out again and I said yes. We’re going to a movie this Wednesday.”

The thought of Oswald, in the dark, with **Jim** , left a sour taste in Ed’s mouth. “You mean he asked Ophelia.”

“I know it’s a bad idea, but-”

“But what?” Ed’s snappy tone matched his bitterness. “You’ll just keep lying to him?”

His words struck Oswald who defensively crossed their arms. “I’m not lying. It’s the same Oswald, but in a dress, and I’m not required to tell him everything.” Then they dropped their arms. “It won’t last anyway, I just...I like the illusion of dating Jim. He’s kind, funny, and unbelievably hot.”

Ed rolled his eyes, finding the lengthy description unnecessary. Oswald sighed and sat down on the bed. “But you’re right, I’m a terrible person.”

“I...I never said that.” Ed lightly touched Oswald’s shoulder. “However, I agree that you should break it off with Jim.”

“Nah, I have another plan that’s more on brand for me. I’ll go on the date, be wishy-washy on going out again, and then ghost him.”

That almost sounded crueler than being honest, but as long as Jim would be out of the picture Ed was happy. Actually, the fact that it was cruel gave him a greater satisfaction, it shouldn’t, and he knew that, but a small grin still crept on his face. A nudge from Oswald snapped him out of it. “Hm?”

“What has you so smilely all of a sudden?”

“Uh...thinking about..." **_Pick a topic! Any unrelated topic!_** "...ghosts.” _**Wow.**_

“You don’t believe in ghosts, science nonsense and all that.”

“Ye...yeah. I was...thinking of how phony they are. EMF, more like...everything's mostly fake.”

Oswald stuck their tongue out. “Nerd. Anyway, I asked if you wanted to stay for dinner. Unless you have more important things to do, I understand that it’s a school night.”

“It **is** a school night, but I don’t know of anything more important than eating with you...and your mom.”

“I sure hope that wasn’t sarcasm because my mom’s fucking amazing and I will throw hands with anyone talking shit about her. Even you.”

Oswald imitated punching him, and Ed decided to play along. He pretended to take the blow hard and fell onto the pillows. “Alas, I am slain.”

Master of theatrics, Oswald crawled over to him and started shaking him. “Oh fie my unbeknownst strength! Ed, dearest friend, I am sorry for wounding you so.” 

Ed couldn’t stay in character so they both burst out laughing. He looked up at Oswald and felt an affectionate warmth in his heart. He thought he saw the same emotion on Oswald’s face. “Oswald, I…” However, the ceiling light was shining in his eyes, and he’d been supposedly seeing things recently so he reasonably doubted himself. “I will gladly stay for dinner.”

“Good.” They booped Ed’s nose and returned to a sitting position. “This doesn’t count for yesterday either, I still owe you.”

Ed propped himself up on his elbows. “I should start collecting interest on that rain check, maybe require you to bring drinks or something.”

“Oh hun, you can’t handle my drinks.” They got off the bed. “I’ll tell mom you’ll be accompanying us this evening.”

“Excellent, thank you. I’ll stay here.”

“Really? Will you? You don’t plan on jumping out the window or anything?”

“What? Like you did?”

Oswald stopped on their way out. “I didn’t jump, it was a...failed climbing experiment. And fair warning, the bushes got trimmed so there’s nothing to break falls anymore.”

  
“Useful advice, thank you.” They smiled at each other before Oswald left. **_You should’ve told them._ ** _No need, I’ve got plenty of time to mull things over and go about this in a rational manner._ **_Nothing’s more romantic than cold logic._ ** _Just you wait._


	10. Bloom or Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim catches Ophelia after her next show, wanting to know where he stands.

That Friday, Jim sat at the counter of some dive bar. It was trying too hard to fit that kitschy aesthetic, but the beer was decent. Or at least that’s what Harvey said, Jim wasn’t paying attention to much else besides the stage. The Sirens had taken on a more rough and tumble look to match their setting. Ophelia could burn Jim with those smoky eyes and he’d probably thank her.

Harvey finished his current beer and smacked his lips. “I bet you twenty bucks that skirt’s pleather.”

Jim was too nervous to focus on clothes. “What?”

“Your girl’s skirt, I don’t think it’s real leather. The drummer though, her jacket looks legit.” Harvey signalled the bartender for another beer, and then relaxed on his stool. He watched the band a little longer and then eyed Jim. “I still think the flowers are a bit much.”

Jim adjusted his grip on the small bouquet. “They strengthen the apology.”

“Exactly. Screams serious relationship instead of...what are you? Oh wait, you don’t know.”

“It’s...complicated.” Complicated indeed. Jim was typically a slow dater, but he felt differently about Ophelia, so that made it hard to gauge where they were at. 

“I’d say you should have some idea based on how your last date went, but you don’t know that either.”

“And who’s fault is that?” He fixed Harvey with a cold stare. “I’d blame the person who pushed me off the bike and broke my phone.” 

“It’s called real-world training, and you’re welcome. Some perp sees you lounging on a GCPD bike, they’re going to push you off. I can’t help that you were busy texting your girlfriend.”

“She’s not...we’re...we’re not...” Jim made random gestures with his hand, but it didn’t clear anything up. “We’ve had two dates. Three if you count the party.”

“Hey, eharmony says it only takes two to three dates to know if you really click.” Harvey picked up his next drink. “I mean you’re already at like first or second base right?”

“I’m not answering that.” 

“Aw come on, you’ve barely told me anything. Aren’t we close enough for you to share some...details?” Harvey raised his beer at Jim. “I hope you’re aware that it’s a requirement for you to tell your partner when you get laid.”

“Funny, I don’t recall reading that in the handbook.” Jim started to regret bringing Harvey. If only he hadn’t been so nervous he could’ve gone alone. He had thought about asking one of the other officers too, but he felt like anyone else would be just as judgemental, and less trustworthy. Jim didn’t care for gossip, but he was already the new guy and also the guy who can’t ride a motorcycle; he didn’t need his love life made public. Harvey’s lack of interest in precinct drama was his redeemable trait.

The Sirens played their last song, Barbara gave one more plug, and the band exited to much applause. Jim finished his beer in a few gulps, but he still couldn’t conjure the nerve to get off the barstool. This was dumb, this was a bad idea.

Harvey slapped Jim on the back. “Well? Show time partner.”

“This is stupid. I can’t believe I thought this was a good plan.” Jim shook his head and turned to face the bar. “Why did I get flowers?”

“Ah, there there.” Harvey’s words would’ve been more comforting if he wasn’t smiling while he said them. “Your idiocy only proves how much you care.”

“That does not help. Caring is almost scarier. I shouldn’t care so much, we’ve only had three dates.”

“Oh so now it  **is** three.”

Jim put his head in his hands. “Ugh, why did I choose to show up? This has to be kind of stalkerish right? I should’ve played it cool; wait for my new phone and then send a casual text. It’s not too late to do that is it?”

“Well...you could wait until Monday, but I don’t know if your girl will still be yours by then.” Harvey nodded towards the back. Jim lifted his head to look. In the corner he spied Ophelia tightly hugging some tall guy. Jim wasn’t too proud to deny the sting of jealousy, and it was just the thing to make him stand up.

Harvey chuckled a little. “Whoah, didn’t expect you to be so threatened by a nerd.”

“I...I’m not threatened. I mean, come on Harv.”

“Come on what? I’d honestly pick the geek, he’s probably got some smart guy money, but that’s if I were Oddessa.”

“Ophelia.”

“The more time you spend correcting me, the more time string bean has to woo your lady.”

“She’s not-” Jim realized he was walking right into Harvey’s trap so he gave his partner an annoyed look, and instead walked in Ophelia’s direction.

“Go get her buddy, I believe in you!”

* * *

Ed released Oswald from the hug, but they kept their hands on his shoulders. 

Oswald smiled brightly up at him, and Ed couldn’t think of a more pleasant sight. “Was it really good or are you saying that because you have to?”

“Because I have to.” Ed waited to see Oswald’s offended reaction before continuing. “The fact that the show was amazing is just a bonus.”

Oswald harmlessly pushed him. “You’re lucky you said that to me and not Barbara, she wouldn’t find the humor in it.”

“I’m lucky anytime I get to talk to you.” With reassurance from his mirror conversations, Ed was recently gaining confidence in his compliments. 

His slow and steady plan seemed to work too because Oswald would usually scoff and look away smiling. This time was no different, expect when Oswald’s head snapped back up with an almost spooked expression. “Jim?”

Ed turned to see the stupidly handsome face of his adversary.  **_What’s HE doing here?_ ** _ I...I don’t know, Oswald kept their promise and never texted him back.  _ **_We knew that would be ineffective, Jim’s too much of an idiot to catch on. Get rid of him._ ** _ That’s not my place, maybe this is him saying goodbye. _

At least Jim looked nervous, his unease would make him weak. “Uh hey, I hope I’m not interrupting.”

Ed crossed his arms. “If we’re to go by the dictionary's definition, then yes you are.” This accomplished Ed’s goal of making the other man even more uncomfortable.

Oswald had other plans though and tried to soothe the situation. “No Jim, not at all. I was just...surprised to see you.”

“Yeah, I uh...I would’ve sent you a text, but that’s actually why I’m here.” Jim tenderly held out the flowers to Oswald. “My phone broke so I’m sorry if it seemed like I was avoiding you.”

Ed couldn’t stop a somewhat hysterical laugh from ruining the moment. “Really? What a wildly random occurrence that your phone broke so you wouldn’t know what messages you did or didn’t get.”

Jim forced a smile and extended a hand to Ed. “I’m sorry, I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m James Gordon, but everyone calls me Jim.”

“Ed Nygma. Nice to meet you,  **James** .” He shook the hand with a tight grip.

Jim pulled his hand out of the vice before focusing on Oswald again. “Uh, anyway, I was wondering if...if we could talk.”

“We, um…” Oswald glanced at Ed like they were asking for permission. Ed didn’t understand how they could even entertain the idea and hoped the disapproval on his face was easy to read. Oswald only doubled down on their plea so Ed did the same for his refusal. Then Oswald gave Jim a polite smile. “We can certainly talk, but could you give us a moment first?”

“Oh, uh, sure. Yeah, I’ll...I’ll just be over there.” Jim pointed in the direction he had come from and slowly backed his way out of the conversation.

When he was far enough away, Ed hissed at Oswald. “What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking that fate is telling me something.”

“That you need to be mature and cut ties with Jim face to face?”

“No,” Oswald’s face lit up, “maybe we’re not meant to break up!”

Ed felt his body go numb and he couldn’t do anything except continue to stare at the person who just said those horrible words. All of the responses that came to mind were not very couth so he managed to get one thing out. “No.”

“Come on, you have to admit that the odds are in my favor. I tried to leave him at the party and he asks me out, I try to ghost him and his phone conveniently breaks? Seems like more than a coincidence.”

Ed pushed up his glasses to pinch his nose. “Yes, if we were to run the numbers, the chances of all these things happening are rare. That said, it’s still possible that these are random events with no impact on your dating life.” Then, to end the conversation, he dealt a major blow. “Oh, and let’s not forget the biggest issue here...he’s straight!"

Oswald opened their mouth, but with no rebuttal, they closed it. They glanced down in contemplation and then looked up. “Okay, but…”

“No, no there’s nothing that can change that!”

“But what if he’s not?” Oswald continued despite Ed’s eye roll. “I’ve been spending more time with him, and he might not be as straight as previously thought.”

Ed had one last ace up his sleeve, and even though hated bringing it up again, he needed to destroy any hope attached to Jim. “He’s dating Ophelia, not Oswald. And it won’t matter that you’re the same person, because it doesn’t change the fact that you lied to him. Now, I don’t know Jim as well as you, but from what you’ve told me, he seems to hold honesty in high regard.” Yep, his words were stinging Oswald, but he had to finish nailing this coffin. “You have two options: let him down easy, or take a gamble by telling him the truth. Although the odds of that going well are non-existent.”

Oswald spoke quietly to the ground. “There’s no third option where I forget everything you said and continue dating Jim, regardless of consequence?”

Ed put a hand on Oswald’s shoulder. “Look, it might be a fun fantasy, but you have to understand that I’m saying these things because I want what’s best for you.”  _ And that just so happens to be me. _

With a sigh, Oswald raised their head to look at him. “I hate you when you’re right.”

“But I’m always right.” He smiled, trying to put some joviality back into the conversation.

Oswald smiled back, but it faded quickly. “Ugh, and I’d only end up hurting Jim anyway. Fine, I’ll savor this last night, and then that’s it.”

“Promise?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Want me to wait for you?”

“No, I don’t know how long it’ll take to work up the courage, and the bus stop isn’t far from here.” Oswald gave him another hug. “Thanks for being an irritating voice of reason.”

Ed was pleased with his victory. “Always. Text me when you get home.”

“Of course.” Oswald held on a second longer before letting go. They fluffled their hair and started walking across the room. Ed wished he could stay to see the heartbroken look on Jim’s face, but he’d have to settle for hearing about it tomorrow when Oswald would carry on about the whole thing.  **_But won’t that be dreadful to listen to woes about Jim?_ ** _ Only for a day or so, then Oswald will get tired of it too, and soon we’ll both be laughing about it.  _ **_Oh good, because I already have plenty of material lined up at that boy-scout’s expense._ **

* * *

Back on his same barstool, Jim was tapping his foot against the railing. Harvey had been trying to watch Ophelia and Ed, giving an interpretive play by play. “Oh one looks annoyed, nope now they’re smiling. Oof whatever he said was no bueno, but now it’s a hug. Annnd...she’s coming over. Act cool.”

“Got it.”

“I said act cool Jim, it’s going to be okay.” Harvey put out a cautionary hand.

Jim swatted it away. “Yeah! I got-”

Before he could finish, Harvey put a big smile on his face and talked behind Jim’s back. “Why hello, you must be Ophelia!”

Giving Harvey a sour expression, Jim turned his chair around. “Hey, I didn’t even hear you come over.”

Harvey interrupted before Ophelia could say anything. “Yeah, sorry, he was too busy yelling at me like usual. Harvey by the way, and it is a pleasure to finally meet you.” He took her hand and vigorously shook it. “I saw your last show and it was just as good as this one; not to mention Jim talks about you a lot.”

Jim caught the sideways glance from Ophelia and jumped to his defense. “That’s...that’s not true. I don’t do that. I never talk about you - at all.” He immediately knew that was not the right thing to say because what happened next was a moment of awkward silence. He quickly looked at Harvey, who was enjoying this too much. “So Harv, didn’t you have a...thing you had to leave for?”

“You mean that super important thing I have to do on a Friday night? That thing?” Harvey had no intention of making this easy. “Thanks for reminding me Jimmy, otherwise I would’ve forgot about my excuse to leave, I mean my important thing.” He tipped his hat at Ophelia. “Night ma’am, and if this punk gives you any trouble don’t hesitate to call the GCPD, we’ll send a real cop right away.”

Jim’s earlier regret came back and he wished he had gone alone. Still, Ophelia only laughed and bid Harvey a farewell. Then she fluttered her lashes at Jim. “You wanted to chat?”

“Uh, yes, please.” He gestured to a neighboring stool. She adjusted her perforated skirt before sitting down. There was another span of silence before he realized she was waiting for him to speak. “Right, so…I kind of wanted to talk about, um…” He didn’t think ‘us’ was appropriate, but no other labels sprang to mind.

Ophelia was a perceptive girl though, and could follow his train of thought. She didn’t look very happy with the topic. “Jim...you’re a nice guy...”

He couldn’t stand to hear the ‘but’ so he cut her off. “And you’re a nice girl. And...and I believe we’re...nice together.” God, this would be easier with more than one beer. He had no idea what impact his statement had because Ophelia’s face was now blank. “I’m sorry, that...that came out sooner than I-”

She held up a hand. “Oh, no...no I, I always think it’s better to get to the point than dancing around it.”

“You would know about dancing.” Jim tried a joke, but he could tell it didn’t work. “Not to say that you know about avoiding subjects! I meant it kind of like a compliment because you’re...a good dancer. I am...I apologize, this is not going well.”

Ophelia snorted and shook her head. “You’re right, it’s not the best. So how about we just...say stuff about whatever… Goddammit, now I can’t be straightforward!”

They laughed at themselves, and when it died out Jim bit his tongue as well as the bullet. “Okay, being as clear and honest as possible...I like you Ophelia.” Once again, he couldn’t tell if she was surprised in a good or bad way. “I understand that we haven’t known each other, but I enjoy spending time with you. You’re funny and bold, and I can talk to you about anything.”

She looked sad and Jim feared the worst. “Jim...Jim I feel almost the same way. I like you too, but...but…”

He gingerly took her hand. “What? If we share the same feelings, isn’t it worth trying to put them into a relationship?” Ophelia wouldn’t take her eyes off their hands. “I’m willing to take a chance if you are.”

She finally cracked a smile. “You’re far too risky to be a cop.”

“I can’t help it, when I get a lead I follow it, and I have a hunch about us.” He ran his thumb over her knuckles.

“And if your intuition is wrong?” Her blue eyes met his.

“Simple, we break up and while I’ll be crushed, the experience of dating you is something to be thankful for.”

“You’re an idiot.” She tried to be casual, but her face was bright pink.

“So what do you say?”

There was a pause before she moved to kiss him. “I say what the hell, life’s too short to make the right decisions.”

He kissed her again, a little deeper. “You’re telling me this is wrong?”

“Mm, very.” She sat back on her stool. “I mean really, we’ve only had three dates.”

“Why not make this one a fourth? We can pretend like we planned on meeting here and go about our night.”

“That sounds ridiculous.”

“It’s not that absurd. Here, watch.” Jim straightened himself, and then acted shocked to see Ophelia. “Hey, I’m so glad you could make it! You look lovely.”

She stared at him, both amused and cynical. “Oh, thanks.”

“You’re welcome, but you’ve got to tell me if that skirt’s real leather or not.”

Ophelia laughed and then gave him a sultry smile. “Why don’t you find out for yourself?”

Jim was unsure if her intimate invitation was valid, so he maintained eye contact with her as his hand moved to the hem of her skirt. He knew nothing about clothes or materials, but he did know that he liked Ophelia’s quiet moan as he let his fingers graze her bare leg.

She leaned forward. “It’d help if you’d actually touch the fabric.”

“Oh, sorry, I’m not much of a fashionista.” He trailed his hand onto the skirt itself. Well damn, Harvey was right, it wasn’t real leather.

“So? What’s your deduction detective Gordon?”

“Huh, I can’t tell yet. I think when this date is over you’ll have to come over for a closer inspection.”

She rolled her eyes and tried not to smile. “Wow Jim, you can’t even buy me a drink first?”

He finally took his hand away and chuckled. “And you can’t blame a guy for trying. But a drink sounds like a good start to a first official date.” Jim pretended to raise a glass in a toast. Ophelia shook her head before doing the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side-note: I'll have classes starting soon so I probably won't be able to update as frequently as I have been. But I thank you for your patience!


	11. Hot and Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed and Oz fight and make up.

Ed planned on staying awake until he got Oswald’s text, but his eyelids grew heavy as the hours ticked by. He was practically asleep when there was a loud knocking on the front door. His clock said it was 2:13, which was another reason he didn’t want to leave his bed. It could be his imagination, his hallucinations were known to be troublesome, but he wasn’t hearing the usual voice or seeing anything strange. Maybe whoever was at the door would go away, or it could be the wind. However, the knocking continued so Ed was forced out of his comfortable space. He wasn’t as prepared for intruders as Gertrud, but he wasn’t keen on having weapons in the house anyway. Still, armed with one of his textbooks, he moved towards the door with caution. He suddenly froze when he heard the doorknob rattling.  _ Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.  _ **_Why didn’t you grab a kitchen knife you idiot!_ ** Ed thought about making a run for the kitchen, or maybe back to his room to call 911. Then the door opened and he had no choice but to swing his hardcover book. Luckily, he was able to stop the momentum before he hit Oswald’s face.

Oswald stumbled back. “Holy shit!”

Ed held the book to his chest. “What are you doing here?”

“You could’ve given me a fucking concussion!”

“You scared me!” Ed ushered Oswald in and closed the door. “Do you know what time it is? This is not the time to go knocking on people’s doors.”

“Well I didn’t mean to knock, I forgot I had a key.” They held up the piece of metal, but had a hard time keeping their hand steady.

Ed watched them. “Are you high or just drunk?”

“I was with a cop, do you think he’d let me have drugs?” Oswald laughed lazily. “Okay, rephrase that, I was with an almost cop. Speaking of which, I need to lie down. No, you need to sit down...no I definitely need to lie down. Can I lie on your floor? Or is it lay?”

They started to crouch towards the kitchen floor so Ed hooked an arm under them and directed them towards his bedroom. “How about a nice, soft, bed? Because I think what you really need is some sleep.” 

Ed got Oswald to sit on the edge of the mattress, and he started taking off their shoes. If it were anyone else he’d just leave them to sleep, but he didn’t mind babying his friend. 

He got one shoe off and then Oswald laughed again. “Oh my gosh, I’m a reverse Cinderella!” They gasped. “Oh no, does this mean I get turned into a broke kitchen maid?”

Ed took off the other one and gave his princess a comforting smile. “Um...nope, you get to stay exactly how you are.”

“Ugh,” they didn’t seem overly enthused with that answer as they fell onto their back, “so I’m still broke.”

Ed scoffed and gestured to the rest of Ophelia’s outfit. “Now, are you going to sleep in that, or do you want me to get some pajamas out of your drawer?”

“I’ll tell you one thing, I’m not wearing the bra, super uncomfortable. It’s literally the worst part of The Sirens you know?”

In order to pull off the shirt Ed had to first pull Oswald back into a sitting position. “I actually don’t know, nor do I want to find out.” Ed folded the shirt over his arm as he watched Oswald attempt to unhook the undergarment. “Because just looking at this struggle makes me hate it.”

“You sure? I think you would look so cute in it.” They laughed and winked as they handed the bra to a blushing Ed.

“Hard pass.” Ed folded the clothes and put them on the dresser. When he turned around Oswald was laying down again, curling themself around a pillow. There was no use trying to get them out of more clothes, so Ed figured he’d leave them to sleep.

On his way out he heard Oswald groan. “No, Ed come back.” They could hardly keep their eyes open and made a weak grabbing motion with one hand.

Ed smiled by the door, like a parent saying goodnight. “I’d like to, but when you’re drunk you take up the whole bed. You need space to starfish.”

“Nooo.”

“Yesss.”

“Please? I’ll pout if you don’t.”

“Oh no, such a threat.” Ed laughed and he actually debated going back.  **_Why not? It’d be so nice to be close!_ ** _ I don’t want to take advantage of the situation.  _ **_Are you kidding me? This exact scenario happened numerous times before._ ** _ Well now I’d feel like I’m taking emotional advantages.  _ **_Fine, don’t listen to me, keep being a coward._ ** He started to close the bedroom door when he heard the sheets rustling. “What are you doing?”

“If you’re going to the couch I’m going to follow you.”

“Oswald, no. Stay.” Ed sighed and walked Oswald to the bed again.

“Then you stay too. I could fall off, hit my head, and die. Do you want that hanging over you? Do you?”

Ed finally conceded. “You’re the most stubborn person I’ve ever met.” He tightly tucked Oswald under the sheets, and then got in on the other side. Breaking out of the cover cocoon, Oswald hugged Ed’s arm; the action created a spark in his heart as well as a new knot of guilt in his stomach. 

Oswald was unaware of either. “I have no idea how Jim will be able to handle such stubbornness.”

“Thankfully he won’t have to.” Ed figured Oswald’s use of the future tense was a harmless mistake.

“Uh...he’s my boyfriend, he’s bound to see me drunk.”

The endearing term stoked Ed’s envy and he actually snorted. “He’s not your boyfriend.”

“Yeah he is.”

“No he’s not.”

“Yes. He is.”

“No. He isn’t.”  **_That bastard Jim! If he-_ ** Ed felt his temper rising, but took a breath instead. He wanted to believe that Oswald was merely confused after tonight’s events, but they seemed rather sure of their statements. “Why don’t we talk about this tomorrow after a good, long, sleep?”

Oswald looked ready to say something more, but then they lowered their head back onto the pillow. Ed got as comfortable as he could with Oswald still gripping his arm.  _ What if they’re serious? What if instead of breaking up with Jim, they got together!  _ **_Ugh, this is why I told YOU to get rid of him. But no, you had to leave the two of them alone and now look what’s happened! You should let me handle things next time._ ** __ Ed didn’t like the harsh tone of his inner voice, it sounded like the wave of a red flag. _ I can’t jump to conclusions, maybe there’s some logical reason, or it could still be an intoxicated fantasy. Either way it’s a problem for the morning. _

* * *

Ed woke up to see that a gently snoring Oswald was still wrapped around his arm. It was excessively cute and he almost forgot they had an argument hours ago.  **_Dumb Jim_ ** . Ed sighed and carefully removed his appendage from his friend’s grip. If he stayed in bed he’d probably keep thinking about last night’s events, so he decided to get ready to take his mind off of it until he could hear Oswald’s sober side. 

Of course then he made the stupid choice of taking a shower where there was no escape from his thoughts. Images from the bar kept rotating through his head, Jim and Oswald’s expressions, any physical clues that could indicate what happened after Ed left. Since the time together was so short, he had no solid evidence, but that didn’t stop his imagination from cooking up all kinds of scenarios.  _ What did Jim say? Did Oswald at least make an attempt to refuse? Oh my God did they kiss again? _ Ed shut off the water rubbed his face, his curiosity didn’t mix well with his jealousy.

He started to get out of the shower when he noticed someone standing by the mirror. He quickly pulled the curtain closed and then peeked out. “What the hell Oswald!”

Oswald spit toothpaste into the sink. “What? I’m brushing my teeth.”

“I can see that, now get out.”

“But you only have one bathroom.”

“Okay, but I need to get my towel.” Ed pointed to the hooks on the door.

“Then grab it, I don’t see how that’s my problem.” Oswald stuck the toothbrush back in their mouth.

Ed just stared at them in the mirror. Finally they noticed. “Are you serious? Come on Ed, I’ve sucked dicks, I don’t care if I see yours.”

Ed had to hide behind the curtain again because he knew his face was a burning red. “I said get out!” He heard the door creak and seconds later a hand holding a towel popped into his shower. “Or disregard everything I say.” He grudgingly took it and wrapped it around his waist.

“Um, you’re welcome.”

When Ed got out he saw Oswald back at the sink. “Is that my shirt?”

“Yeah.” Oswald spit out the last of their toothpaste and stuck their head under the faucet to rinse.

“Oswald, you have a set of clothes here.”

“But I wanted to wear yours, there’s so much room. Add a belt and this could be a real look.” They held out their arms to show how big the shirt was. It hung off their frame and came past their waist. 

Ed smiled, they looked undeniably adorable. “Alright, you can keep it on.” He walked across the hall. “Now, I’m going back to my room, and actually listen to me when I say don’t come in without knocking.”

“Oh that’s fine, I’m done in there.” Oswald headed out of the bathroom. “So you don’t have to hide your shame.”

“I’m...I’m not...the world doesn’t need to see me naked, okay.”

“But what if the world  _ wants _ to? Wink wink.” Oswald stuck their head in.

Ed pushed on their face. “Hello, 911, I’m being sexually harassed in my own house.”

“Alright, alright! I'll go use my barista skills to make us some coffee, because Lord knows I need caffeine.” Oswald laughed and shut the door.

Once Ed was dried and dressed he walked into the kitchen. Oswald was just finished pouring milk into two mugs. There was one with green question marks on it, which went to Ed, and Oswald took the one with a theme of cats.

Ed graciously accepted the coffee. “Why thank you, and I appreciate you not stealing my mug.”

“I wouldn’t dare! You won that trivia contest fair and square, I can’t take your trophy.” Oswald had a taste of theirs and added more sugar. “But you should keep it on a lower shelf, we’re not all giants.”

“Maybe I should just get you a step ladder.” Ed smiled over the rim of his cup.

“You do that, and I’ll beat you with it.” Oswald laughed, but then a look of unease passed over their face. “But...I wanted to ask you something. It’s nothing bad, I just happened to notice while I was in the cabinet, but um...where...where are your pills?”

Even though his drink was very hot, a chill went down Ed’s spine.  _ Oh no, oh I knew I should’ve said something earlier. Now they’re going to know, and it’s going to be a big deal and-  _ **_It’s a real simple fix, just say you moved the bottle._ ** _ I can’t lie to Oswald! I’ve already withheld information-  _ **_Then what’s the problem with holding back a little more? Technically the bottle did get moved, so it’s not even a lie._ ** _ No! I should-  _ **_You should listen to me! One tiny twist of the truth won’t hurt anybody._ **

Ed swallowed slowly and looked at Oswald, he gave a small smile. “Yeah, I...I moved them a while ago. My grandma was complaining.”

“Ah, okay.” Oswald smiled at the answer and went back to sipping their drink. 

All of Ed’s muscles relaxed, but only until Oswald asked another question. “To where?”

“Huh?” Ed felt the tension building again.

“Where’d you move the bottle too?”

“Oh, um…”  _ They got thrown out.  _ **_Twist!_ ** “Out of the kitchen.”

“Alright, cool, and how far out of the kitchen? Like, another cabinet, a drawer, the bathroom?”

**_Argh, what is this an interrogation?_ ** “What is this an interrogation?” Ed was surprised at how quickly the words came out, and how defensive the tone was. He caught the stunned look on Oswald’s face too. 

**_Idiot!_ ** _ But you-  _ **_No, clearly you can’t handle this alone._ ** The next sentence flowed smoothly. “I mean, it’s not a big deal, so why make it one?”

Oswald took a moment, caught off guard by the question, and then they leaned forward. “I didn’t mean any offense, but...but I think you should be able to tell me.”

“Why?”

There was a gentleness in Oswald’s features as they spoke in a calming manner. “Because I care about you Ed, physically and mentally, and these pills are an important part of that. And the therapist said-”

“You think I don’t know all that? Ed could feel his counterpart’s irritation; it was causing a pit in his stomach, and he wanted the conversation to end. He reset himself in the chair. “I should always have someone know where they are in case I regress, and I should keep sedatives nearby for emergencies. But there is no emergency, and...there is no regression.”

“I’m not saying there’s either, but if you’re not taking them… Ed, please.” Oswald’s eyes were asking the question that he didn’t want to answer so he avoided looking back. 

_ I need to tell them.  _ **_We’ve been over this, they’ll throw you in the asylum if you do_ ** _. Oswald would never! They just said they care, and-  _ **_It’s a trick to get you to admit you’re crazy!_ ** _ That can’t be right.  _ **_They already lied to you about breaking up with Jim, and they’re lying to you now._ ** __ Ed’s heart sank, that part was true, his only friend had lied to him.  _ Oswald...no, no they want to help- _ **_Look, I know you want me gone, I’m in your head, but I also know that you want to avoid the mad house. It’s been a week, I’m sure the doc’ll be back Monday, and you can take care of me yourself._ **

Ed finally met Oswald’s eyes and put on his most encouraging smile. “I’ll put them back tomorrow, okay? Then you’ll know where they are, and that I’m taking them.”

Oswald didn’t look totally convinced. “You don’t have to do that, you can just tell me the new place.”

“It’s...it’s easier this way. I don’t want to confuse you, and I’m sure my grandma really won’t mind.”

Oswald reached for Ed’s hand across the table. “Okay, I trust you Ed.”

He wanted to let any arguments die there, holding Oswald’s hand, but the voice in his head wasn’t done picking fights. If he had to sit through an interrogation, Oswald could stand to answer some questions about last night. Ed pulled his hand away. “But you don’t trust me enough to listen to me about Jim?”

The color drained from Oswald’s face. “Oh shit, what did I say last night? How much did I talk about the car ride?”

“Wait, what? What car ride? Did you get in his car?”

“He was being a gentleman and driving me home.”

“Oswald, people can’t know where Ophelia lives, kind of ruins the secret identity.”

“Duh, that’s why I had him drop me off here.”

“Great, so should I be expecting him to knock on my door looking for you?” Ed leaned back, annoyed.

“That’d be funny. But no, I did say it was your house.” Ed groaned and put his face in his hands, and Oswald kept talking. “I honestly think he was a little jealous.”

Ed perked up to see Oswald smiling off to the side. “I made your supposedly new boyfriend jealous?”

“I think so, he looks cute when he’s grumpy.” They looked back at Ed and did an impression of Jim. “ _ Ed? Nygma? The guy from earlier? _ _ Well gee, if you’re staying at a guy’s house, why couldn’t it be mine? _ ” 

Oswald laughed, and Ed slowly joined in. When he stopped laughing, a teasing smile remained. “So what? Should I try to make him more jealous? Put him on his guard?”

“Pff!” Oswald watched their finger circle the rim of their mug. “Yeah right. Jim better watch out or else that dastardly Edward Nygma will whisk me away.” 

When they looked up at Ed, he felt an odd intensity, alluring even. He knew it was part of Oswald’s joke, but there was an excited pressure in his heart. He panicked and glanced away with a nervous chuckle.  _ Idiot!  _ **_For once, you and I agree_ ** .

He only looked again when Oswald stood up to fill the silence. “Anyway… I think I’ll make some more coffee, this one’s gone quite cold. How about you?”

The eye contact still made Ed a bit flustered. “Oh, I’m not cold.”

“I’m talking about your drink, you goofball.” Oswald poked Ed’s forehead.

  
“Right! Uh...yeah, here you go.” He handed over the trivia mug. Oswald took it, briefly touching Ed’s hand in the process, and went to the sink. Ed smiled to himself.  _ Jim better watch out indeed. _


	12. Fall Fest Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barbara gets the Sirens a big gig, Jim starts to notice a few holes in his relationship, and Ed gains an ally.

Barbara sent several more texts to Oswald, as well as three voicemails. “What could someone be so busy with on a Saturday afternoon? I swear if he doesn’t respond in-”

“They.” Ivy was doing a puzzle on the coffee table.

“What?”

“You said ‘he’.”

“He...they said it didn’t matter.”

“Alright, if you say so.” Ivy went back to her puzzle.

Barbara stopped typing on her phone. “Well I...there are more important things happening Ivy.”

The other girl mumbled. “More important things than respect? Wow Babs.”

Barbara sighed. “Oh my God I didn’t mean…”

“They’re probably just hungover, or maybe they’re with their boyfriend.” Ivy connected some pieces.

“How do you know they have a boyfriend?”

“Because they drunk texted me about it last night. Lots of emojis. Although rethinking it, maybe I wasn’t intended to get them.”

“Well who is it? Can we trust him?”

Ivy shrugged. “I don’t know. There wasn’t a name.” Then she gasped. “Maybe it’s because we know him!”

Barbara rolled her eyes. “That’s ridic-”

“What if it’s Nygma?” Ivy jumped up.

“Good God I hope not. They’re already too,” she made a disgusted face, “chummy.”

“I know right? Super cute! Ah, and best friends to lovers is one of my fave tropes!” Ivy squealed.

“You make me sick.”

“Oh come on, you have to admit it’s a little romantic.” Ivy poked at Barbara’s face, trying to get her to smile. 

Barbara swatted her away, but the other girl was persistent so Barbara’s mode of defense was to poke back. They engaged in a finger fight that only ended when Oswald popped into the room. “Um, hello?”

Barbara got one last  _ accidental _ jab at Ivy before funneling her anger in the newcomer’s direction. “Where the hell have you been? Why haven’t you answered your phone?”

“Just hanging out with Ed, and since we were already on our way I didn’t need to tell you.” Oswald strolled into the room.

Ed entered awkwardly behind them. “Hi.”

Ivy was rubbing her face. “Oh hi, look at you two, showing up together.”

Oswald fell sideways into an armchair. “Of course, I don’t have a fucking car.”

Ed stayed by the door. “Or a driver’s license.”

“Excuse me, I have a license.”

“Oh right, it’s just not valid.”

Barbara stepped between them. “Let’s keep the bickering to a minimum shall we?”

Ivy sat on the couch. “Yeah, come on, you’re bantering like an old marri-”

“Alright, listen up!” Barbara snapped her fingers to cut off Ivy and draw attention. “First off, excellent job on yesterday’s show ladies! And I guess thanks to Ed for helping and stuff.” He gave her a thumbs up. “Secondly, I hope everyone’s ready for round two because we’ll be doing another great performance tomorrow!”

Ivy stood up. “And it’s one of my favorite events of the year...Gotham’s Fall Fest! Oh the trees are so pretty and you get to see all the flowers before the frost gets ‘em!”

Oswald looked quite impressed. “My, my Barb, how’d we score such a gig?”

She flipped her blonde hair. “Well my dear friend, it’s all about who you know. Gotham’s a schmooze or lose town, and I happen to be an expert.”

Ed leaned against the wall and muttered. “At what? Losing?” After saying it he seemed surprised at himself. 

Barbara wasn’t surprised, but she still shot him a nasty look before continuing. “Anyway, thanks to my ever-growing network, we’ll be playing alongside other talented musicians so we have to be even better. This is the first big step towards breaking into the city’s music scene.”

Ivy was bouncing on her heels. “Not to mention, the winners get a special prize!”

Oswald sat up in their seat. “Money?”

“A wreath! It’s big and gorgeous and I want it really bad!”

Barbara mouthed to Oswald while rubbing her fingers together. “And money.” She then put a hand on Ivy’s shoulder to slow down the hopping. “So if we want to win, we need to start preparing right now.”

Ivy clapped her hands loudly. “Oh! And last thing, super important, we need to be here early tomorrow so we can all go to the festival together!”

Oswald grimaced. “And how early is that exactly? I, uh, kind of had plans with...someone.”

Barbara crossed her arms. “Well cancel them because…”

She was interrupted by Ivy latching onto her. “Because they can come with us! When I said ‘we’, I meant everyone, not just us bandmates!” 

Oswald blinked a few times. “Are you sure? I wouldn’t want things to be awkward.” They looked around the room for any protest, and then at Ed who was off in his own space.

Ivy whispered to Barbara. “Come on Babs, what  _ someone _ would they have plans with? What  _ someone _ is super awkward?”

Barbara sighed and pushed Ivy away. “Certainly, all are welcome with the Sirens. Now can we please focus? I’ve got a lot of ideas on how we can improve, and we’ve got a short time to do it.” Picking up her binder of songs, Barbara lead the rest of practice with and iron fist.

* * *

Gotham’s Fall Fest took place on the outskirts of the city’s limits, where there was a large orchard and vast, green, space. Families, friends, and other groups of people milled about, going between vendors, games, or just admiring the scenery. Jim was sitting on the hood of his car, watching the crowd. He scanned the parking lot again, mindlessly tapping his foot on the front bumper while searching for the Siren’s van. 

He really wished he had his cellphone, a confirmation text would be a great thing to have right about now. Not that he doubted Ophelia showing up, she had sounded pretty excited over the landline... _ the landline _ , probably the lamest way to get asked out, but at least she had approached him. Of course, now he had no idea if he was in the right parking lot, or if she was expecting him to meet her in the field, or what. He’d have to meet the rest of the Siren’s too, which didn’t calm his nerves. Ophelia said it’d be okay, but he remembered Barbara being pretty intimidating. As for Ivy, he hadn’t heard much about her so that could go either way. 

Then there was Ed. Jim wasn’t even sure if the other man was a part of the group, but he seemed really close to Ophelia, maybe too close. Had it hurt Jim that Ophelia spent last night at that guy’s house? Certainly, and even though Jim had been assured they were just friends, he had enough experience to harbor some doubts. Especially after meeting Ed the other day, that guy did not appear to like him, and Jim had a few guesses to explain why. He tried to avoid thinking about the worst case scenarios, after all, maybe they’d gotten off on the wrong foot. Yeah, that's probably it, and he could make it better today.

Lost in his building anxiety, Jim didn’t notice Harvey’s approach. “Hey mister, I’ll have to write you up for a parking violation.”

“Oh, I’m sorry I-” Jim was fully prepared to obey the law until he recognized the enforcer. “Harv? What the hell are you even doing here?”

“Slow day at the precinct so I volunteered to run security. Doesn’t hurt to be your wingman either.”

“I...I don’t need a wingman. Ophelia’s already my girlfriend.” The label made Jim’s heart skip a beat. “And if you’re running security shouldn’t you be, you know, actually doing your job instead of following me around?”

“I am. I’m making sure you feel secure...in your brand new relationship with a woman you don’t know anything about.” Harvey tapped out a beat on the hood.

Jim gave him an offended look. “What do you mean by that? I know things.”

“Okay, what’s her last name? Where does she live? Ever committed a felony?”

“Oh, come on Harv.” Jim turned away, realizing that he didn’t have any answers.

“You don’t know do you? Getting all caught up in that lovesickness, rookie mistake. I didn’t think much of Ophelia until I got home and then...you know what?”

“Wha-”

“I thought she looked mighty familiar.” As Harvey said it, Jim remembered his own déjà vu moment, but he let his friend keep talking. “So I got to thinking, there’s something going on here.”

“Like what? She’s a criminal? You want a last name so you can investigate my girlfriend?”

Harvey held up his hands in defense. “I’m not saying that’s it, but there’s got to be some reason she’s not telling you everything. I’m only looking out for you Jimbo.”

“Well thanks, but I’m fine. Why don’t you look out for the other citizens of Gotham for awhile?” Jim stared back at the crowds again, hoping to avoid his gnawing suspicion.

Harvey didn’t say anything as he gave Jim a pat on the back, and then he headed off to do his job. It took Jim several seconds to relax again, his mind still plagued by what Harvey had uncovered. There was something off about Ophelia, but Jim had been too smitten to notice. As much as he didn’t want to confront her, if they were really going to be a couple, he’d have to get some answers.

“Jim! Hey Jim!” The faint shouting caught his attention and he looked to see Ophelia standing with her band at the edge of the field. She was waving her hands high in the air. The closer he got, the prettier she looked. She was wearing a long plum coat over leggings with high-heeled boots. Her autumn elegance almost made him forget his recent scrutiny, almost.

* * *

Ed parked his car alongside the Siren’s van. They were already walking towards the field by the time he turned off the ignition. When he got out he could see Oswald waving someone over, well not someone,  _ Jim _ . As much as he didn’t get along with Barbara, her move to cancel any other plans was admirable, but noooo anyone could join the group now. 

Today had not been his day: his mirror hallucination had been extra mean while he washed his face, he had to tighten the screws on his glasses, and his scarf kept getting caught in things. Now, he had to watch Jim and Oswald make goo-goo eyes at each other.  **_Oh I have an idea for that!_ ** _ What?  _ **_When getting someone’s attention, this is what you might try to catch._ ** Ah, so apparently Ed had reached the riddle stage of his psychosis, excellent.  _ Their eyes?  _ **_Exactly! We should poke out Jim’s eyes!_ ** _ No. No, no, no. _ Ed rubbed his forehead. Yep, definitely in the riddle stage. It’s kind of fun because he did enjoy the occasional brain teasers, but also not fun because every answer had a violent end.  **_Jeez, I was kidding. You can’t take a joke now?_ ** _ Your jokes aren’t very nice. _ Ed sighed and stepped across the grass to join the Sirens.

He could see Jim making his way over, jogging even, and the light breeze was playing with his golden blond hair.  **_Ooo look at me, I’m Jim, so athletic and handsome_ ** _. We get it, you’re perfect! _ When Jim finally arrived he scooped Oswald into a big hug and kissed them. Ed shoved his hands in the pockets of his green checkered coat, preferring to stare at the ground. 

He probably would’ve kept staring if it wasn’t for Ivy’s outburst. “Wait a second! Who are you?” Ivy was completely baffled, and so was Jim. This could get interesting.

Recovering first, Jim had one arm around Oswald and used the other to wave at Ivy with a polite smile. “Uh, hello. I’m Jim Gordon,” he glanced quickly at Oswald, “the boyfriend.”

Oswald buried their face in Jim’s shoulder and mumbled something incomprehensible. Whatever it was, Jim chuckled and whispered. “What? I like the title.” He gave Oswald’s forehead a peck.

Ed couldn’t stop an irritated ‘tsk’ from coming out, but it went unnoticed thanks to Ivy’s sounds of disbelief. “You’re...you… Wow. Okay, wow. I uh...I apologize for my shocked behavior it’s just...huh.”

Barbara shook her head at her friend. “It’s nice to meet again Jim. This is Ivy, by the way. Now, shall we um...move along? I’d like to pass through the orchards before all the best apples are gone.” Without waiting for any responses, she started blazing her trail.

Ed was about to fall in line when Ivy grabbed his arm. She pulled him back from the group and spoke in a rather loud whisper. “What the hell man?”

“Excuse me?”

“I thought you were the boyfriend!”

He sighed. “Yeah, common misconception, but it’s alright.”

“No, it is not alright!” Ivy stomped her boot. “I thought the  _ someone _ Oswald was inviting was you! Since you’re not really part of the group-”

Ed was more confused than he thought possible. “What are you talking about? And what do you mean I’m not part of the group? I’m a co-manager, I think.”

“Sorry, you’re not in the group chat so-”

“Wait, there’s a group chat?”

“See what I mean?” Ivy threw up her hands. “I thought Oswald was just being subtle about how you get excluded so I wanted to make sure you were invited.”

“Okay, but what does any of this have to do with Jim?”

“Because I thought you were the boyfriend!” Ivy thought that repeating herself would somehow make a point.

“And why do you care?”

Ivy paused for the first time. “Ugh, I don’t want to say it, it’s embarrassing. But I wanted  **you** and Oswald to have a romantic day because I think you two would make such a cute couple.”

Ed was stunned. “You...you…”

“I know, it’s stupid, and probably super weird since y’all are my friends, but-”

“You really think that?” A smile tugged at Ed’s lips.

“Sure I do. You’re always so close, and you have all these inside jokes. And let’s not forget that eye contact huh?” Then she sighed. “I was sure you liked each other, but I guess I was wrong.”

Ed tried to hide his giddiness. “Wait, you think Oswald likes me?”

“I mean, maybe. It could just be a friend thing, like how I always hang on Barb, but…” Ivy spun on him. “Wait. Oh do you like Oswald?”

There was an immediate blush on his face. “Well I…”

“Aw, you’re totally in love with Oswald!” She squealed and Ed tried to shush her incase someone was listening. “Eep! I can’t believe it! Do they know?”

He gave her a serious look and she figured out the answer herself. “Oh, that’s too bad, and now with Jim…” She shook her head. “Man, fuck Jim.”

**_You said it girl, fuck Jim._ ** Ed scoffed. “Yeah, it kind of sucks, but there’s not much I can do.”

Ivy stopped in her tracks and grabbed the lapels of Ed’s coat. “Not much you can do? Boy, I ship this too hard for you to give up! If you love Oswald, you gotta go for it. They’ve been dating for how long? A couple days? You’ve got years built up.”

**_Oh I really like her._ ** Ed was shaken, figuratively and literally. “But...but…”

“And don’t worry,” Ivy smoothed Ed’s outerwear, “if you need any advice, I will be in your corner.”

“Great...because I have no clue.”

She patted his back. “Well today’s your lucky day because I was already planning on getting you two to flirt and flounce.”

Ed laughed, but then it registered what she actually said. “Wait...what?”

“Here’s the game plan. You see how Jim’s got his strong arms around your man...girl...person of interest?”

“Unfortunately I do.”

“So we have to prevent that. You’ll have to be offense and defense alright?”

“That, that doesn’t really make sen-”

“First, wait for an opening and then bam! You intercept them, and after that it’s about defending you spot. I’ll also be playing point guard for you, so if you say something about Oswald or Jim, I will guard whatever point you’re making. Sound good?”

_ I’m starting to think she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.  _ **_Shut up, this is good stuff._ ** Ed shrugged while making a slightly concerned face. “Uh, sure. Sounds good.”

“Yay!” Ivy did one little skip and then she raised her hand. “Let’s break up a love triangle!”

Ed slowly completed the high-five. “Yeah, woo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might start replying to some comments if that's okay. I just think these words are always so encouraging and I want to appreciate my followers more <3
> 
> (P.S. I'm starting classes tomorrow, but I hope to get the second part out before things get too crazy.)


	13. Fall Fest Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An immediate continuation from the last chapter, and it's easy to assume what's going to happen. The first half(?) is pretty sweet and fluffy, but just like Ed's mental stability it kind of goes downhill real fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's a little longer than usual, which could be good or bad, but I couldn't chop it up due to some important moments that all build off each other (in my opinion, I don't want to over-sell the drama). So read at your leisure, thanks!

With a renewed and competitive spirit, Ed was feeling much better about his day. He and Ivy caught up with the others who were already wandering among the apple trees. Barbara was in front, carefully selecting which fruits would go in her small bag. Jim and Oswald seemed much more interested in each other than harvesting anything, whispering and giggling.

Ivy gave Ed an encouraging slap on the back. “Alright, phase one of operation Edwald.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“It’s a couples name I’ve been working on. I used to call Barb and Tabitha, Babitha, or Babby for short.”

“And how long have you been working on ours?” Ed started to rethink his association with Ivy.

“Uh...unimportant. So here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to go ahead so I can walk with Barb, but as I do, I’ll be creating a little distraction that’ll get Jim to let go. Then it’s on you to swoop in.”

“What kind of dist-”

“And break!” Ivy fist bumped, or more accurately,  _ punched _ , his arm before picking up her pace. She  _ accidentally _ jostled Jim’s shoulder as she went up to Barbara, but if that was her big plan, it backfired and actually pushed him further into Oswald’s arms.

Ed groaned, he shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up. Ivy tossed back a concerned look, and then she stopped right in the middle of the path, speaking at a louder than necessary volume. “Oh wow that apple looks particularly good! Ugh, if only I wore my platforms today. Hey Jim, you’re taller than me, do you think you could grab it?”

Jim and Oswald came to a halt, Ivy acting as a roadblock. Jim looked at the one she was pointing at. It was easily within her reach, and the slight confusion was evident in his voice. “Um, I guess.”

He removed his arm from Oswald’s waist and took a few steps to help Ivy. Ed wasn’t sure if this was the distraction Ivy was talking about, because he thought the bump had been it. Unless they were improvising now, oh dear he was useless at improvising. What if something went wrong? What if he tripped, or his timing was off? Or-  **_Do something!_ ** _ Ahhhhhh! _ His second guessing lasted way longer than a second, and before he knew it Jim was back by Oswald’s side.  **_You are the worst_ ** _. I’m aware. _ **_Great, a perfect opportunity wasted. Those don’t come around all th-_ **

Ed watched as Oswald stopped again, and they pointed to a different tree. “Do you think you can get that one too?”

Jim kissed their temple. “For you? Of course.” 

He left them again, but once more, Ed was frozen in his spot.  **_Move!_ ** _ I don’t know, there’s not a lot of room to get between them. _ **_Move!_ ** Ed lurched forward a step, unsure if it was by his choice or the voice’s prodding. 

He didn’t get to think about it long because he heard a grunt from Jim. The other man’s fingers barely touched the apple he was reaching for. Ed, watching the struggle, had a sudden stroke of genius. His next steps were full of confidence as he effortlessly swiped the fruit right out of Jim’s grasp, startling him.

Ed noticed a quick thumbs up from Ivy as he offered the prize to Oswald. “Here you are milady.” When they grabbed for it, he held it up. “But I should warn you, it might be poisoned.”

Oswald smiled and held out their hand impatiently. “Oh yeah? Is there an evil witch after me?”

“Well you are the fairest in the land.” He gently placed the apple in their palm, putting one of his underneath.

Oswald fluttered their lashes, maybe even a little taken aback. Ed’s heart was racing so fast he forgot about his second task: defense. 

Jim put a hand on Ed’s shoulder, passive-aggressively pushing him out of the way. “Thanks for your help Ed.” Then Jim slipped his arm around Oswald again, lowering his voice to a sweet whisper. “And if that apple  _ is _ poisoned, you’ve got prince charming who’s always happy to kiss you.”

Oswald laughed and nuzzled Jim’s neck. “Oh Jim.”

_ Oh Jim…bleh. _ **_He hijacked your reference, that smooth son of a bitch!_ ** Ed closed his eyes and shook it off. There was plenty of time left in the day.

* * *

Later in the afternoon, the group decided to try one of the several food vendors. Ed was getting a lightning fast education on how he should behave as he stood in line with Ivy.

“Lots of factors to keep in mind here, but the most important is that you two sit together. Don’t ask permission either, otherwise one of them could say they’re saving a seat. I’d also suggest one of the benches so there’s no room for Jim whatsoever.”

“How am I supposed to do all that?”

“Look at me.” Ivy grabbed his face so he didn’t have much choice. “I’ll do as much as I’m able, but you need to stop waiting for life to hand you a manual and-”

The person at the stand knocked on their counter. “Can I help you?”

Ivy let go and Ed rubbed his cheeks. She smiled brightly to the worker. “Of course! Two Autumn salads and an apple cider.”

Ed mumbled to her. “I didn’t really want a salad.”

“What are you talking about? These are both for me.” She looked offended that he would assume such a thing. “We’ll reconvene at the condiment table, but I think you’ll do alright on your own.”

“Did you see how terrible my last attempt went? I-”

The employee rang their bell. “Two salads for you.”

Ivy graciously picked up her order and nudged Ed as she left. “You’ve got this. Don’t overthink it, and let destiny guide you.”

Ed wished he had Ivy’s faith, but he didn’t and as he took his food he headed towards the condiments to ask for more advice. He stopped short, seeing Oswald and Jim standing near Ivy. Unsure what to do, he managed to get eye contact with the redhead. She covertly held up a finger telling him to wait. 

She started talking to the couple, and well he couldn’t hear the conversation he hoped it was some way of getting the two apart. Ed was reasonably nervous, there weren’t many people he trusted, and Ivy was still fairly new to him. He watched as Oswald touched Jim’s arm while saying something. Looked like that backfired too...but then they walked away from Jim. Ed found Ivy’s face again and she was wiggling her eyebrows and mouthing ‘go’. Jim must’ve noticed something because Ed could see her trying to cover up her actions. That might be a problem, so Ed quickly followed Ivy’s recent instructions and followed Oswald.

They were sitting on a bench when Ed approached, and he figured that’s what Ivy was talking about back there; she really did help. Oswald noticed him and smiled. “Hey Ed, which stand did you go to?”

“Uh, the yellow one. So…” He almost asked if he could sit when he remembered Ivy’s point about permission. “Which did you go to?” He settled down next to Oswald, close enough that their knees touched.

“You see the one with the red and white umbrella? Jim said it had good reviews.” Then Oswald held up their paper plate with some disappointment. “But do you see this? That’s way too many onions.”

Ed mumbled somewhat to himself. “And you hate onions.”

“And I hate…” Oswald perked up, surprised at first, but then they smiled softly. “Oh, of course you already knew that.”

He tried to return the sentiment as best he could. “Why do you think I avoid cooking with them?”

Oswald chuckled. “Because otherwise I’ll bitch about it.”

“Heh, yeah.”  _ And also because I love you _ . As much as he wanted to say those words, he couldn’t, but he had to say something to fill the space. “We can switch if you want, there’s nothing you don’t like about mine.”

“Except your cooties on it.” Oswald scrunched their face while exchanging plates.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize this was a middle school cafeteria.” They both laughed.

Then a third, less authentic laugh chimed in as Jim awkwardly came to stand by their bench. “Hey, what are we talking about?”

Oswald welcomed him with a smile. “Nothing much.” They lifted their new dish. “I swapped with Ed, by the way. No offense, but I couldn’t stand the onions.”

“Aw, you should’ve told me.”

Ed shrugged. “It’s fine, I already knew so I figured I’d offer.”

“Ah, that’s...that’s nice of you.” Good, Jim had the same look of veiled irritation from the orchard. “Uh, anyway...are you…” He gestured at their seating arrangement, probably hoping that Ed would get the hint and leave. 

Ed got the hint alright, but he wasn’t going to be pushed away as easily as last time. He only blinked at Jim, pretending that social cues were some foreign language. Ed could sit comfortably, knowing that Jim would never be impolite in front of Oswald.  **_Ha! Look at him squirm!_ ** Then Jim turned to Oswald for some kind of assistance.

Oswald picked up on the silent request and looked between both men. “Oh.” There was a new chill in the air, but it wasn’t the wind. Nobody moved. Oswald glanced between them again, and ended on Jim. “You know...Ivy and Barbara are sitting somewhere over there. So...I think...”

Ed couldn’t resist a small victory smile as he looked at Jim’s pathetic face. Then Oswald stood up. “I think I should keep the band together. But you can sit here. My boys getting to know each other, it’ll be fun.” They patted Ed’s shoulder and kissed Jim’s cheek before leaving the situation.

Even with Oswald gone, there was still lingering tension. Jim sat down next to Ed and offered a tight-lipped smile. “Hey.”

**_I’m sick of this, let me try to shake him._ ** _ I already told you, we’re not poking his eyes out.  _ **_What? I can play nice, and Oswald said to have fun, so let’s have fun._ ** “Do you want to hear a riddle?” Ed rushed through the question as if holding it in was painful.

“Uh...s-sure.” Jim was surprised at the sudden outburst.

“You’re training to be a detective so I think you’ll like this one. A man hung himself from the ceiling, but there’s no chair beneath him, just a puddle. How'd he do it?”

Jim looked uncomfortable, as anyone might be in this scenario. “Um…”

“He stood on a block of ice and waited for it to melt.  **Agonizing way to die** .” A laugh slipped through too, and Ed tried coughing to cover it up.  _ Why would you say something like that!  _ **_I didn’t say anything._ ** _ You...you made me say it then! _ **_You’re confused, I have no control over these things._ **

Ed would have to reassess all this later, but first, he should probably try to persuade an uneasy Jim that he wasn’t a maniac. “I take it you haven’t heard that one.”  _ That...that was not the right thing. _

Jim continued to stare at him for some time and then examined the area. He quickly turned back to Ed. “You know, I think we’ve been getting off on the wrong foot, and since I presume we’ll be seeing a lot of each we should put our differences aside and try to get along.”

“What do mean?” Ed didn’t intend on seeing Jim.

“Well, it’s clear that we’re both important to Ophelia, and that means we’ll probably be at a lot of the same places.” Jim angled his whole body to deliver the next part. “Kind of like today, except in the future, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t flirt with my girlfriend. Otherwise it could cause all this unnecessary tension.”

Jim may have extended an olive branch, but both men knew that a bough could easily become a weapon. “Are you threatened by me?”

“Not at all.” Jim’s eyes locked onto Ed’s.

Ed smiled at Jim for the first time, but there was nothing polite or amicable about it; it was small yet malicious. “Hm, I think you should be. Because you’re temporary James Gordon.” That struck Jim. “I’ve seen more boyfriend’s come and go than you care to imagine, and I’ll see you go too. Then, after you’re gone, I’ll still be here as the only person who truly cares and understands. So, I don’t really have to  _ get along _ with you.”

A heavy silence settled between them. Then Jim broke it with an unexpected laugh. “Damn, alright then, war it is.” He held out a hand. “I’ll warn you, I’ve actually had military training.”

Ed stood up. “You might have brawn on your side, but I have a brain.”

Jim got to his feet, and he leaned into Ed’s face. “I also have a heart, and that’s more important than anything.” They were stuck in a standoff again, neither wanting to back down or move away.

**_This bastard’s lucky these knives are only plastic or else I’d-_ ** . The intrusive thought forced Ed to wince and he lost his match with Jim. 

After blinking a few times he was confused to see a slight concern in Jim’s blue eyes. “You okay?”

It couldn’t be genuine, and Ed didn’t want to think of his enemy as a nice person. “I’m fine, I...I have to wash my hands. I’ll be right back.” He muttered and scurried off to the nearest bathroom.

* * *

It was a dingy little building, but Ed suspected it was only used for big events like these. He took deep breaths, hanging onto the sink.  **_Why the hell did you run away?_ ** Ed looked up into the mirror, seeing his doppleganger.

“Why do you make me think of such cruel things?”

“ **Again, I can’t-** ”

“Yes you can! Because you’ve done it before!”

His reflection rolled its eyes. “ **Are you still mad about those little things? Things are different now.** ”

The second face looked so hopeful that Ed almost believed it, but then he shook his head. “Different? So far everything’s been the same! You invade my thoughts, then my mirrors, and now you’re already riddle...ing. I’m not an idiot, I know your pattern.”

The Riddler, as it now seemed fit for Ed to call him, smiled. “ **Ah Eddie, you’ve always been the smarter half, but things** **_are_ ** **different. Look at how self-aware you are now. Meanwhile, as you said, I have to obey a pattern, so you’re already better off.** ”

That part was still true...right? Ed took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. At the beginning he was certain that his recognition of the problem would be enough to remain in check. Now he wasn’t as sure, and deep down he shouldn’t trust anything Riddler said, but Ed’s awareness still meant he had control. He’d just have to be more careful with it.

Steeling himself, he looked to his reflection. “You’re right, things have changed. One of the first things we’re going to do is make some rules.”

Riddler laughed madly. “ **Oh yeah? How’re you going to enforce ‘em?** ”

“If you break them, I’ll...I'll do something drastic like...march myself into Arkham.”

“ **You wouldn’t** .” The smugness faded from his reflection.

Ed straightened himself. “It’s my body, I can do what I want. And, since I’m in charge, I forbid you from thinking about anything gruesome or violent.”

Riddler snarled, and then relaxed. “ **Fine, but I’m not stopping the riddles.** ”

“I’ll allow it, but they should still follow rule one. Number two, you stay in my reflection and my head. No full body apparitions.”

“ **I can’t show you my outfits that way, I’ve been planning for years!** ” Naturally the guy who lives in a mirror would be so vain.

“No. I’m not letting this thing get to your free-standing stage.”

“ **Okay, okay, is that everything?** ”

Ed glanced down at the sink. This was going surprisingly well, but he better not push it. “Yes, I believe that’s everything.”

“ **Good, now we can get out of here?** ”

“Hold on, what’s got you so antsy to leave?”

“ **Because we’ve been in here so long that we’re going to lose the group dumbass.** ”

“That’s another thing, you need to stop calling...wait, what?”

“ **The Sirens, you think they’ve been hanging around this whole time? They’re definitely gone** .”

“Why would they leave me?”

**“If I had to guess, it has something to do with you declaring Jim an enemy so that he’ll be actively trying to get rid of you. Oh, but it has been fun chatting, let’s do it again sometime!** ”

“You listen here-” Ed yelled at his reflection, but the face was gone, replaced by some bewildered elderly man who just walked in. Ed apologized and made a swift exit. Once outside, he started scouring the crowded field and saw only strangers. He instinctively reached for his cell, but patting his empty pocket reminded him that he’d left it in his car.  _ Aw jeez. Any suggestions where they went? _ The other voice in his head didn’t respond.  _ Oh, so now you’re going to keep quiet? Fine, I wanted you gone anyway. _

* * *

If there was one thing Jim hated, it was lying, but when he assured the Sirens that Ed would catch up after lunch it wasn’t really lying because the man did say he was going to be right back. Barbara’s “charge forth” attitude was helpful too, and after some time they were browsing the craft tables at Ivy’s earnest insistence. He still wasn’t sure where he stood with the redhead. While she seemed very friendly, he also got the sense that her sweetness wasn’t completely authentic. He swore she frowned at him when she thought he wouldn’t notice.

Ophelia started tugging on his hand. “Jim, come look at what Ivy found!” She pulled him over to a table selling jewelry made of leaves.

Surveying the goods, Jim was as thrilled as Barbara, which bordered on apathy. Ivy was handling necklaces and bracelets while Ophelia picked what suited her best. 

The crown of burgundy leaves was tucked into Ophelia’s black hair. “What do you think?”

“Gorgeous. You’re the queen of Autumn.” He touched her cheek, but as he slowly moved to kiss her, she gasped.

“This would be a perfect match!” The next crown she picked up was made of more typical fall colors: oranges, reds, and browns.

Jim smiled and ran a hand through his hair. “Oh yeah? You think so?”

Ophelia nudged him. “Think? No, I know.” She examined the headpiece again. “Ed would look darling in this! It’d bring out the rust color in his hair.”

The conversation, not going where Jim expected, made him purse his lips to avoid breaking the civil rule of ‘be nice or say nothing’. Ivy did the opposite and let her mouth fall open. “You’re absolutely right! It would make him look soooo much cuter, don’t you agree?”

Ophelia turned to Ivy. “Without a doubt. Although it’d be a fight trying to get him to put it on.”

“But it’d be worth it.” Ivy covered her heart. “You two would be like Fall Fast royalty! I could take a picture with a punny caption too, like...something with fall or falling for something, or someone...”

Yeah, Ivy probably wasn’t on Jim’s side. He rolled his eyes. “How about leaf me alone?”

Ivy put her hands on her hips. “That’s not even funny Jim.”

“Wha- I-” He looked at Ophelia for support.

She gave him a weak smile. “Sorry, but it wasn’t the best, Ed’s a lot better at puns.” Then she started glancing around. “Speaking of which, he should’ve caught up with us by now.”

Ivy’s irritation vanished as she also started searching. “You’re right, that’s odd. Especially since Jim here said he was only washing his hands, which could’ve taken that long. Right Jim?”

He didn’t have to defend himself because Barbara cut in with her indifference. “He probably got lost.”

A worried look came over Ophelia’s face. “Oh dear, the poor baby.”

Jim rested an arm around her shoulders, trying to hide his personal pleasure at Ed’s disappearance from his date. “It’s no big deal, he can handle it.”

Ophelia faced him, undoing his embrace. “Jim, I know Ed. He hates crowds and the outdoors, and being alone in either is enough to stress him out. I should go find him.”

As she started to walk away, he caught her hand. “He’s an adult, I think he’ll be fine. Besides, if you go wandering off you’ll both get lost.”

She covered his hand with hers. “While I appreciate your concern, that’s highly unlikely. Ed and I are like magnets, no matter how far away we are, eventually we smack together again.” Ivy made a small squeak that she covered with a fake sneeze, but Ophelia ignored her and smiled at Jim. “I’ll only be a few minutes.”

He didn’t want her to go because the idea of her being alone with Ed made Jim sick. Just as she was going to let go of him, he spotted a helpful figure in a hat. “Or we could ask a professional!”

Jim waved to Harvey and the officer walked over. “Hello hello everyone! Ophelia, nice to see you again. Say, I don’t think I caught your last name the other day, what was it?”

Jim made a cutting motion across his throat, signalling that this was not the time or place. Harvey let out his breath with a slight huff. “Right, anyway I’m sure you got my attention for more than a friendly conversation. What seems to be the problem, Jimbo causing trouble?”

“Funny, but we need your help-” Jim was interrupted by his girlfriend putting a hand on his chest. He probably would’ve like it if her eyes didn’t have that tinge of annoyance.

Ophelia smiled at Harvey. “Thank you, but it’s nothing we can’t handle.”

Ivy jumped in. “That’s right, one of our friends went missing so-”

Harvey faked a surprised face and looked at her. “My goodness, a missing person in the past half hour? Oh, I certainly see why you need my expertise on the case.” He gave Jim a subtle wink. “So, who will I be detecting?”

Ivy tried to cover her mouth. “No, that’s not what I... No we don’t need...when I said Ed was missing I-”

Harvey pulled out a little notebook. “Ed Nygma? Yeah Jim’s mentioned him. Tall, glasses, probably wearing something green?”

Jim snapped his fingers before Ivy could try dismissing everything again. “Yep, spot on! You know who you’re looking for.” He looked at Ophelia, hopeful that she would finally accept the help. “See? Harv can find him, so there’s no need to worry or run off.”

She sighed. “I guess you’re right. It’s not too big of a place so it can’t take too long.”

Harvey clicked his pen a few times. “Right you are, he’ll be back in a jiffy. I just need some contact information for when I find him.”

“Of course, you can use my number.” Ophelia went through the digits.

“Uh, huh. And I’m going to need a full name for that.” He caught another head shake from Jim.

Ophelia crossed her arms. “Really? For something so small scale?”

“It’s...protocol.”

Barbara poked her head in, surprising those who forgot she was there. “Her name’s kind of complicated, you can use mine if that’s easier.”

Harvey shrugged. “No this is fine, it’s her number. Besides, I’m really good with names.”

Jim noticed Ophelia’s shifting weight, but she kept her chin high. “Well, if you must know it’s...uh...Cob...Kap...Kapelput. Yeah, Kapelput, and don’t ask me to spell it because-”

“Nah, I got it. K-a-p-e-l-p-u-t, Hungarian right?” Harvey wrote quickly while Ophelia’s jaw dropped open. “Told you I was good with names. Anyway, I’ll be going to find your pal, shouldn’t be long. Enjoy the festival ladies, I look forward to hearing you play tonight.” He tipped his hat and walked away.

Jim excused himself from the Sirens, which wasn’t hard because Barbara already tugged Ophelia away, and he left to catch his friend. “Hey Harv, can I…”

“A ‘thank you’ isn’t necessary. I’m just getting info for...protocol.”

“That’s not what I was going to say, but I do appreciate it. No, I was wondering,” Jim had a brief feeling of guilt, “if you find Nygma, could you maybe... _ not  _ call right away?”

Harvey pretended to gasp. “Boyscout James Gordon, are you asking me to not do my job properly?”

“I...I know, I know. It was selfish to ask, but he was flirting with Ophelia earlier and I’m pretty sure he threatened me.”

“Ooo Jimmy’s jealous.”

“I’m not jealous. It’s more of a...worry, a concern!”

Harvey snickered. “A concern that Nygma’s going to bone your girl before you do?”

“That’s…” Jim felt his cheeks get warm. “Nope, I’m not going to engage. Forget I said anything, maybe I’m overreacting.”

Harvey patted Jim’s back. “Totally, because I know I hit on my friends all the time. Don’t fret Jim, I already told you I’m your wingman. Bros help with hoes.” Jim threw him a severe look. “So I’m realizing I called your girlfriend a hoe, my bad, I’m not the best at rhymes. Regardless, the feeling is still there and I’m going to help you out.”

“Thanks Harv.”

“No problem. Now you get back to your lady and don’t let her go.”

Jim gave a small salute and jogged back to the group, relieved to have gotten rid of his rival, at least for now.


	14. Fall Fest Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of stuff. It's make it or break it for The Sirens' future, if you thought Riddler was the only villain you're wrong, and between all that there are a few cute moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so long, but there was a lot of plot and scenes to cover, and I really wanted to limit the Fall Fest to three parts. Now, because it's the first big performance, I did include a specific song, and I will not apologize for my cheesiness.
> 
> (Also, heads up, but there's a slur used in the first part of this chapter as Ed's day just gets worse.)

Ed wandered around for awhile, figuring Oswald would be looking for him; and sooner or later he’d spot the spiky little head bobbing his way. It didn’t happen like that though, and he really wasn’t sure what to do. He ran into a cop he recognized as Jim’s friend, but the man was useless and Ed only went in circles. It shouldn’t have been that hard, it was God forsaken field after all, but everything looked the same and there were too many people to see through. Eventually, he found the stage for tonight’s performance, and decided he’d stay put until the band came. He could always go back to his car, but he was so turned around and tired he just wanted to sit on the wooden stairs and wait. It was fairly secluded, with curtains on both sides to hide the stage from audience members so at least he didn’t have to worry about the sea of people. 

He expected his alter-ego to chime in throughout the ordeal with some deprecating comments, but Riddler’s been mute since this afternoon. He hated the voice, but he hated this silence even more because it was...too quiet, like Riddler was doing it on purpose to mess with him. Ed lowered his head into his hands and sighed. Paranoia passed the time, but it was one of the worst ways to do it. 

It was getting dark and he expected his friends soon.  **_If they’re really your friends, they left you behind after all._ ** _ Well, well, well look who’s back. _ There was no retort, and Ed still couldn’t tell if this was a mental game or something worse. He thought he heard a ‘hey’, but it didn’t sound like his doppleganger so he dismissed it as a passing stranger.

Another new voice joined in, boorish yet oddly familiar. “Hey bud, lady’s trying to talk to you, show some respect!” Then they kicked Ed’s leg, prompting him to look up.

There were two figures in front of him, a man and a woman. She was slender and dark-skinned, attractive by most standards. The man was more interesting to Ed though because he was unmistakeably Butch Gilzean, as brutish as their school years.

Butch seemed more surprised to see Ed, even flinching. “Nygma?”

“Butch.” Ed wanted to crawl under the stage and dismantle the support beams, but he was trapped by the curtains and the stairs.

The lady’s dark eyes darted between Ed and her partner. “You know this wimp?

“Know him? Tabby, he’s the psycho that stabbed my fucking hand!”

Tabitha raised an eyebrow. “You told me you got that scar in an alley fight, all knives and thugs.”

“It...it...well there was  **a** knife.” The sheepishness was new to Butch, but his apologetic tone didn’t stop Tabitha from shaking her head.

“Whatever, I’m going to grab my mic, and this nerd better be gone when I get back.”

When she left Butch turned back to Ed, sneering. “So where’s your little boyfriend?”

_ Ugh, this day only gets better, just walk away. _ Ed stood up. “I think your partner was right, I should leave.” 

Butch put a hand on Ed’s shoulder. “What’s the rush? I thought we could have a high school reunion.”

_ Walk. Away. _ Ed didn’t even make eye contact as he shoved his way out.

“Aw, what? Don’t tell me you guys broke up.” Butch’s mock sympathy wasn’t enough to make Ed turn back. “Is it because your fairy friend’s still a manwhore?” But that statement was.

Ed pivoted with clenched teeth. “ **I didn’t know you wanted a matching scar on the other hand.** ”

Butch grinned. “Try it. Fag.”

Ed threw his whole body into the punch, but Butch easily caught his hand and delivered a swift blow to the abdoman. It knocked the wind out of him, and he struggled to get a breath in as he doubled over.

Butch bent down to hiss in Ed’s ear. “I think you owe me a long, overdue, apology.”

“He doesn’t owe you jackshit.” Barbara was not the expected savior, but there she stood with eyes like daggers. “Now you better let him go or you’ll have to deal with me.”

Coming up behind her, Tabitha returned with a customized silver microphone. “Wow Barbara, since when did you start hanging around geeks? When I left I knew you’d downgrade, but this is pathetic.”

Barbara snagged Ed’s arm and yanked him away from Butch, and then turned on Tabitha with a venomous expression. “You know what’s worse? Dating a bully. I’m sorry honey, but that’s the real downgrade.”

Tabitha laughed and pinched her boyfriend’s cheek. “Please, Butch has only been a sweetie to me.”

Ed regained proper respiration. “Are you kidding? He tormented me and my friend!”

“And apparently you stabbed him, I’d say you’re even.”

Barbara shot Ed the weirdest of looks, but didn’t say anything. Then Tabitha took a languid step towards her ex, putting on a pretend smile. “So what brings you here anyway Babs? I can still call you that, can’t I?”

If this were any other situation Ed would’ve ducked out, but he got rescued from a nasty character so he should stay to support Barbara with hers. 

She didn’t budge while replying. “The Sirens are here to perform, and win.”

“Oh yeah? With what? That twit on drums and a few flashy guitars? You can’t win on appearances Babs, and unless you suddenly grew half-decent pipes...you can start clapping for me now.”

The insult chipped Barbara’s stone face. “Why you-”

“Ed! Ed!” The voice was distinctly Oswald’s, and Ed barely caught them as they threw their arms around his neck. “Ed I was so worried! I kept imagining the worst, and how fretful it must’ve been for you!”

The hug was wonderfully tight, but the emotional timing was a little off. With an awkward glance at the other people, Ed slowly detached Oswald. “It’s only been a few hours.”

They continued to hold his hand. “Well I’m not letting you go ever again.” The fervor in Oswald’s eyes stopped Ed’s heart.

Tabitha motioned to the newcomer. “Who the fuck is this?” Oswald apparently didn’t notice anyone else until now. They looked over Tabitha, and only seemed confused by her presence. 

Barbara stepped up, mirroring Tabitha’s previous smugness. “Why Tabby, this is Ophelia. She’s the new lead singer for The Sirens.”

“You’ve got to be kidding. This is my replacement? She’s not a siren.” Tabitha leaned into Oswald’s face and sneered. “You’re supposed to be a voice for femininity? You look more like a boy.”

Oswald smiled slyly. “I think you’re just jealous because I’m more fabulous as any gender than you are as one.”

Tabitha scoffed, but backed off. Butch came behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. “Oh yeah? Well you won’t be so cocky when my girl wins her way to the Snow Ball.”

The event name sparked something in Barbara. “Wait, tonight’s winner gets registered for Snow Ball?”

Tabitha elbowed Butch for spilling the secret. “Yeah, it was  _ supposed _ to be a special prize, but when you have connections, you get to know everything.” She flipped her ponytail. “It’s not like I need it, I already have a sponsor who entered me. I’m just going to win to keep posers like you out.”

Barbara clenched her hands into fists. “Excuse me? You’re the poser, you don’t even have any real instruments!”

“News flash! No one cares! If they did, wouldn’t you be the one playing at festivals and clubs?” Tabitha waved a hand in the air. “Get over yourself Barbara, I made The Sirens what is was and you’re just mad because when I dumped you the whole band fell apart.”

Butch slightly lifted his hands off his girlfriend’s shoulder. “Wait...you, you and her...?”

Tabitha looked over Barbara as if she were a discarded toy. “Yeah, and the poor thing refuses to give up on me.”

Oswald broke their promise to Ed by letting go of his hand in order to raise it to Tabitha. Before any bitches could get slapped, Ed grabbed his friend’s arms to hold them back. The threat to Tabitha made Butch snap out of his confusion, but he wasn’t able to launch an attack either because Tabitha held up a finger. 

Then she smirked at the small ball of rage. “Quite unladylike.” She leaned into Oswald’s face. “You’ll never be able to fill my high-heeled shoes.”

Ed could only do so much, but Oswald still snapped their teeth close to Tabitha’s nose. She only laughed. “Tsk, tsk, so feisty.” 

Standing straight, she directed Butch towards the stage. “Come on, let’s do a mic check.”

“Right now? But you’re performing last, we’re supposed to wai-”

“I said go.” She shoved him, but before she was gone she threw a last glance at Barbara. “Oh, and I want to let you know that I’m singing  _ our _ song tonight, but don’t make a scene please.”

Once the two bullies were out of sight, Ed let go of Oswald’s arms. They shook themselves and adjusted their coat. “Oh I can’t wait to obliterate her! Why, if she thinks she can…”

Ed would’ve been content to listen to Oswald’s bloodthirsty rant, he couldn’t ignore how unusually quiet Barbara was. Her eyes were void of their ambitious spark, and there was water pooling on the bottom. She blinked the weakness away when she caught Ed staring, then she turned on Oswald. “Hey! Don’t ruin your voice before the show.”

Oswald crossed their arms, but when they saw Barbara’s face they relaxed. “Oh no, she got to you didn’t she?”

She was still batting back a tear. “No. I’m fine.”

“You can’t listen to her Barbara.” Oswald stepped forward to gently rub Barbara’s back.

“I said I’m fine!” She turned away from the comforting gesture.

Oswald looked at Ed, asking him to say something. He pointed at himself, unsure why Oswald thought he could possibly be of use in any emotional situation. They nodded in response.

Ed knew he was pretty useless, but he’d try to get something out of Barbara. “So...you two had a song huh?”

“That’s none of your damn business!” At least she turned around, but with such ferocity that Ed took a step back.

He glanced apologetically at Oswald and they rolled their eyes as they got in front of Barbara’s stare. “Maybe it could  _ be _ our business. Turn this situation into a little revenge party.”

Barbara crossed her arms. “What are you talking about?”

Oswald smiled as they laid out their plan. “Tabitha’s performing last, yes? And we’re performing second to last. So, if you tell us what the song is, we could sing it first! She’d be forced to copy us, or scramble for something new.”

“Either way she’d be screwed…” Barbara matched Oswald’s malicious grin. “I knew bringing you onboard was the right call.”

Ed had to step in as the voice of reason. “As admirably evil as this plan is, we’d also be scrambling to learn a new song.”

Barbara tapped her chin. “True, although it’d mostly be on you.” She pointed at Oswald. “Ivy and I already know it because we used to play it with Tabitha. Do you know ‘I wanna be your girlfriend’?”

“Uh...like the Avril Lavigne one?”

For once, Ed knew more about music than Oswald, and he candidly delivered the facts. “Actually, that title is just ‘Girlfriend’; the one Barbara’s referencing is by the Norwegian artist Girl in Red.”

There was a sharp clap from Barbara. “That’s the one. Except Tabby would always change all the ‘Oh Hannah’s to ‘Oh Barbara’s and she’d...” She let the rest trail off, but quickly snapped her head up to look at Oswald. “So do you know it or not?”

“Hm...it’s slower than our usual songs right?”

Ed tried tapping the tempo on his arm. “I think it’s around this speed.” He did his best to copy the melody, watching to see if it jogged Oswald’s memory. “I don’t wanna be your friend, I want to kiss your lips. I wanna kiss you until I lose my breath.” 

He noticed a change in Oswald’s face, but it wasn’t that of sudden recognition. Their features were soft, and their head was slightly tilted; Ed really did want to kiss them until he couldn’t breathe. However, the image of Oswald pressed against him the way they were with Jim caused Ed to lose his rhythm. “Uh...well...that’s...you kind of get the chorus right?”

“I mean, I already knew the song. I was just concerned it might be too off-brand for us.” Oswald smiled a little. “But I didn’t want to interrupt such a lovely rendition. You should sing more often Ed, I miss it.”

Barbara nudged a flustered Ed out of the way. “Do it on your own time though. We need to grab Ivy and get practicing if we’re going to stick it to Tabitha! Move out troops!” She pushed Oswald ahead of her to make her order clear. They gave Ed a sassy look, and received another prodding from Barbara.

Ed started to follow when Barbara clamped a hand on his shoulder. She didn’t look happy, but that was rarely the case to start with. “Not you, we have to talk.”

“About what? Did I do something?”

“Not yet, but I want to discourage you from getting into any more fights. It makes us look bad, and it’d be better for everyone if you weren’t in the ER.”

Oh. They were talking about Butch. “Hey, I didn’t-”

“I know. I...I caught the end, and I...” For a brief moment she was sympathetic, but she quickly changed back to her indifference. “I’m sure he and Tabby with have an...intense conversation based on his reaction to...well me.”

Both were quiet, lost in their own histories. Barbara sighed and straightened herself. “Alright, that’s all I wanted to say. Now, there’s revenge to serve.”

She started walking away. Ed wished he had her ability to move on so quickly, even if he could tell it wasn’t genuine. He lingered behind for only a second, long enough to vow that, despite Barbara’s warning, if anyone insulted Oswald the way Butch did, he wouldn’t  **stop** fighting.

* * *

Ed had to spend the rest of his time with Jim because apparently, neither of them could be around for the rehearsal. At least the other man didn’t make another attempt to be friendly. They sat in silence which was perfect for Ed who neither had the energy, or the patience, to deal with anything else tonight. The only thing keeping him from rushing to his car and leaving was Oswald. At the beginning of this endeavour, he promised to support his friend, and that’s what he’d do. 

Ed was aware that their song tonight was only meant to harm Tabitha, but a small part wanted to believe that those sweet lyrics were being sung just for him. He fantasized that after the song ended Oswald would rush into his arms and say. “I’m sorry I’ve been so oblivious, but up on that stage I realized that  _ you’re  _ the one I love!” 

**_Then Jim would be the one left in the field_ ** . It wasn’t too long ago that Riddler had returned to his head, or at least hearing the voice. Ed swore he felt his alter ego’s presence during the standoff with Butch, but Riddler reminded Ed how he’d been mute the whole time. 

The deafening screech of feedback cut through the crowd, and he looked up to see another band nervously leave the stage. Ed didn’t care who they were, but he counted off another number. Good, they were almost at the end which meant The Sirens should be up next. He glanced over at Jim who was having a social drink with his cop buddy, whatshisname. Seeing them at The Circuit seemed so long ago, and if Ed had known how it would turn out… 

He sighed, and looked back to the stage as The Sirens were being introduced. Even with their layers Oswald was beautiful, and Ed was enamored just watching them take their place. They smiled in his direction, and he smiled back until he saw Jim beside him, blowing a kiss. Ed took a step to the side, trying to get some distance from Jim so he could pretend that the other man didn’t exist; that Oswald’s smile was only for him.

Barbara improvised a solo bar or two, showing off, before their song started. It was superior in every way compared to Ed’s earlier attempt. Despite having such a short practice, the band truly pulled it off. Oswald didn’t strut around as much as usual, but the song didn’t require a lot of energy, just emotion. The crowd appeared to enjoy it, and gave a great deal of applause to show their approval.

As The Sirens made their exit, Ed wanted to slip backstage to follow them, but Barbara had given specific instructions that the boys stay out front. Something about it being too crowded, which Jim had easily bought, but Ed figured it had to do with the earlier altercation. Still, Butch or not, he wanted to see Oswald. 

**_Oh, is someone in a mood to confess?_ ** _ N-no, I’m going to congratulate them and-  _ **_We share a brain dummy, hearing Oswald sing got you all worked up._ ** __ He blushed and fiddled with his scarf.  _ You got me there. I just...they deserve to know and with Jim getting closer, I don’t have as much time as I thought.  _ **_Wow, that’s almost what I’ve been saying since day one. So let’s go, come on_ ** . Ed started to stepped forward, but then stopped himself.  _ Well not now!  _ **_Why not?_ **

Suddenly, Tabitha stalked onto the stage with barely veiled anger, apparently The Sirens’ sabotage actually had some affect.  _ There’s a lot of stress at the moment, I probably shouldn’t add to it.  _ **_Touché_ ** .  _ After the results though, wait...too many people...on the ride home, that’s when I’ll do it. _ Ed smiled at the prospect of his plan.  **_Let’s hope we win then, or else that’s going to be one awkward car ride._ **

* * *

The last contestant bowed and walked off, leaving the MC to announce that the winner will be declared shortly. Hearing the message, Jim downed his beer and patted Harvey’s shoulder. “Thanks for the company man, but I think that’s my cue to go be a supportive boyfriend.”

“I thought that Barb told you not to.”

Jim tossed his plastic cup. “Well...yes, but...I should be there for the results. Right?”

“Should you?” Harvey also finished his brew. “You know, I wasn’t sure about the pumpkin spice, but I think I will get that case.”

“Forget I said anything, clearly your judgement can’t be trusted.” Jim wrinkled his nose. “I’m going to go back there.”

“Alright, well you give Barbara a congratulatory hug from me.”

“I’m pretty sure she’d kill me if I did.”

“Why else do you think I asked?” Harvey smirked. “Good luck though.”

“Are you wishing them good luck or me?” Jim raised an eyebrow.

“Good luck to them and get lucky to you.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “And earlier today you thought she was a criminal.”

“I thought she  _ might _ be. I’ll look into her record tomorrow, but tonight...my rule is that you can fuck a criminal as long as you don’t know about it.”

“Awfully suspicious logic coming from a  _ cop _ .” Jim smiled and Harvey just chuckled. “I’ll see around Harv.”

“Later Jimbo! Oh, but don’t tell those training guys, I can’t be friends with the rookie quite yet.”

Jim zipped his lips and headed backstage. The Sirens were huddled together whispering. Ophelia noticed him first and rushed to wrap her arms around him and kiss him. Her lips were a little cold from the night air, and Jim wanted nothing more than to warm them up. 

Aware of the other contestants, he restrained himself and pulled away. “You were marvelous, I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

Ivy lurked around their little bubble. “Gee, sounds like you need to get your eyes checked then, they might be broken.” She glanced behind Jim and waved cheerfully. “Speaking of the visually impaired… Come on over Ed!”

The tall man awkwardly approached. “Oh hey everyone, you all did an incredible job.”

Ophelia left to hug Ed, but unlike Jim there was no kiss. “Of course!” She let go to address everyone else, yet kept one hand on his shoulder. “It’s not hard when you put all this talent together.”

Ivy threw her arms around everyone in a group hug. “Yeah, we don’t need that terrible Tabby!”

Slowly, the corners of Barbara’s mouth pulled into a small smile. “I suppose we do make an excellent team.”

Suddenly the speakers buzzed to life with the MC’s voice. “A big thanks to everyone who made it to our show tonight, and a round of applause for all our musicians! However, only one of these great acts can be our winner.”

Jim’s hand was found by Ophelia and he gently interlocked their fingers. For a moment he was pleased she chose him for this stressful situation, but then he noticed she was also holding Ed’s hand. The two men made subtle eye contact, a knowing look. Jim then offered his other one to Barbara, trying to lighten the mood. “I think we’re doing that ‘hold hands for good luck’ thing.”

She was not impressed. “Hard pass.”

After the first dramatic pause, the MC continued. “Our judges had to think long and hard about this decision, but our Fall Fest Band Battle winner is…” Jim was startled by Barbara violently clutching his hand as she also grabbed Ivy’s. 

The second pause wasn’t as long, but the suspense took a much higher climb. “...Tabitha Galavan!”

From the wings, The Sirens watched Tabitha step into the spotlight with a shiny smile. Barbara’s face was the complete opposite, boiling with so much anger that each of her words was a hiss. “How could she? She doesn’t even have a band, she’s a solo act!”

Jim went to pull Ophelia into a comforting hug, but she already had her face buried against Ed’s arm. They looked at each other again, and this time Ed had the audacity to shoot a smile.

Any victories were short lived as the MC came over the speakers again. “My deepest apologies to Ms. Galavan, but there was a miscalculation in our judges’ scores. The correct winners are The Sirens!”

Everyone in the group did a double-take at each other, but then Ivy started bouncing up and down. “We won!”

Barbara snagged Ivy’s arm. “You can jump around like crazy later, we’ve gotta get out there!” She yanked Ophelia off of Ed and hurried onto the stage. 

Right as Ophelia was up the stairs she blew back a kiss. She was gone before she saw Jim send one to her, but he noticed Ed did the same.

* * *

In the parking lot Ed helped Ivy load the giant floral wreath into The Sirens’ van. She snipped at him the whole time, but it appeared unscathed when they closed the doors. It was ridiculous that some idiot miscalculated the scores, but at least justice had prevailed. He glanced at the Jim and Oswald embracing, okay it had prevailed in some areas.

Thinking ahead to the car ride home, Ed got all nervous planning what he was going to say. He couldn’t spring it on Oswald, but he had never been good at directing a conversation.  **_I have a solution to your overthinking._ ** _ It better not be a riddle.  _ **_First, rude; secondly, why don’t you let me do it? You can sit back while I handle the tough stuff_ ** _. _ **** _ No thanks. In fact, I don’t want a peep out of you the whole- _

There was a tap on his shoulder from Oswald. “Hey.”

Ed smiled as a bunch of butterflies were released in his stomach. “Hey. Um, good to go?” He pointed a thumb at his car.

Oswald sucked in a breath.  _ Uh oh. _ “Actually…”  _ That’s not good. _ “I was just going to let you know I’m leaving with Jim.”  _ That’s even worse.  _ **_That’s it, you let me fix this right now or-_ **

“No! I...I mean, no.” Ed dropped his volume to a sharp whisper. “We’ve been over this, he can’t know where your house is.”

“That’s why we’re not going to my house.”

“Well if you’re going to mine then why…” Ed met Oswald’s eyes and his confusion changed to anger.  **_Like hell!_ ** He had to struggle to keep his voice down. “Absolutely not! You are not going to his place.”

“I wasn’t asking permission mom.” Oswald smirked a little. “If you’re worried about me spilling any secrets, you shouldn’t be. I’m not going to say anything about it tonight.”

“Just because you don’t tell him doesn’t mean he’s not going to find out for himself!”

Oswald tilted their head. “Oh, and how would he find out? It’s not like I’m going to sleep with him.”

Ed scoffed. “Really?  **That’d be a first** .” His regret was immediate. He wanted to grab the words out the air and keep them from being heard.

It was too late, and Oswald’s face was one of utter shock. If Ed had the ability to speak he would’ve tripped over all his apologies. Then, unexpectedly, Oswald laughed. “Okay...like, damn. I mean, you’re not wrong. Just…” they laughed again, “Shit Ed, don’t call me out like that.”

It was Ed’s turn to be shocked, but he brushed it off with a nervous chuckle. “Y-yeah. Uh...sorry regardless.”

“Accepted as always.” Oswald hugged him. “But seriously, please refrain from slut-shaming me in public.”

Ed sighed at his forgiveness. “Noted. Although I swear I didn’t really mean it, I-”

“Yeah, I know, you just hate Jim.”

“I...I don’t  _ hate _ …” He could tell Oswald wouldn’t be buying it.

“He was very vague on your lunch conversation, but he did say that you didn’t intend on getting along.” Oswald put their hands on Ed’s arms. “But could you try? For me?”

He avoided looking at them, but his eyes unfortunately found Jim standing off in the distance. Jim started to glance over so Ed turned back to Oswald. “Until you tell him and we see where he stands, I can only guarantee basic civility during group outings.”

“That’s fair.” Oswald gave his arms a farewell squeeze before walking away with their hands in their pockets. “I’ll talk to you later then!”

“Yeah, see you.” Ed opened his car door, and as he was about to get in he heard footsteps running toward him. He spun around to see Oswald again with one fist raised.

“I almost forgot your gift!” They opened their palm to reveal a leaf barrette. “You should’ve seen what I  **really** wanted to get you, but it wouldn’t have fit in my pocket.”

Oswald used Ed’s shoulders for support as they stuck it in his hair. “Aw, you look so pretty!”

Ed had no idea how attractive or ridiculous the accessory was, because the only thing he saw were Oswald’s shiny blue eyes as they stood close.  **_Kiss them!_ ** It would be so easy. Wrap his arm around their waist, pull them in, and cover their mouth with his. The idea was beyond wonderful, but...would Oswald kiss him back? With Jim only several feet away?

He simply smiled. “Thanks. I’ll  _ definitely _ wear it to class.”

“You better!” Oswald tapped his nose. “I want to see it in that exact spot tomorrow!” Then they said another goodbye and ran over to excitedly take Jim’s hand. It hurt Ed to see them leave, but he gingerly touched the new trinket and everything felt a little better.


	15. On the Rocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Ophelia start with a nightcap, but the drink only heats things up in good and bad ways. (A.k.a between the love affair there is some useful plot.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is just Jim and Oswald, so if you're in this story solely for the nygmobblepot content...¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Jim opened the door to his apartment, and as he walked in he wished he’d put more effort toward upkeep. Of course when he made the offer, he never expected Ophelia to actually accept. Even at the end there he wasn’t certain if she would leave with him or Nygma. Jim turned on the lights. “You can put your shoes and coat over there, if you want.”

“Oh can I?” Her sarcasm was mumbled.

“I said if you  _ want _ .” Jim took off his own jacket and shoes.

“Well good, because I do want to.” She shrugged off her coat, and revealed a cold shoulder sweater dress.

Jim couldn’t resist and ran his hands over her newly exposed skin. She tilted her head towards his with a cheeky smile. “Um, excuse me?”

“What? Isn’t the style called cold shoulder? I’m just trying to keep you warm.” He gave her a peck.

She rolled her eyes, but he was close enough to see her blush. “Ah, apparently you’ve brushed up on your fashion knowledge since the last time.” Then she turned around in his embrace to face him. “But you know what else would warm me up?”

The suggestive tone made Jim spare a glance at her lips. Ophelia was toying with him, but the thought made him smile regardless. “Hm, is the answer a neat glass of whiskey?”

“Close,” she kissed him tenderly, “but I’m more of an ‘on-the-rocks’ type.”

“Well...I don’t have any ice. So…”

“Then what am I even doing here?” She pushed him away. “What sort of self-respecting person doesn’t have fucking ice?”

Jim chuckled and shrugged. “Geez, I wasn’t aware that this would be such a deal breaker.”

“Well it is. I’m sorry, but this is how our relationship ends. No ice, no dice.” She winked.

“Ouch.” He put a hand over his heart. “I do have other beverages if that’ll win you back.”

She laughed as she sauntered into what was considered the living room. “No, no, whiskey will be perfectly fine.”

Jim entered the small kitchen area and took out the bottle and glasses. “I admit, it’ll be nice sharing with someone.”

“Do you usually drink alone?” Assessing the few pieces of furniture, Ophelia settled on the couch.

“Yeah, actually I...” he realized how sad that would sound, “well no, um...not really. You see...”

“Oh, so you typically have other cute people over to drink with?” She rested a finger on her jaw.

He walked over with the liquor, noting the extremely serious expression. He smiled. “There’s no way to win an argument with you is there?”

She gratefully accepted the refreshment and cuddled up to Jim as he sat beside her. “Many men have tried, and many men have failed.”

“Maybe one day I will be the first to do so.” He clinked their glasses and then took a drink.

Ophelia barely flinched at her rather large gulp. “Well...you’d be the second.”

“Yeah? Who’s the…” Jim didn’t have to finish the question. He took his arm off her shoulders. “Edward Nygma. Of course, it’d be like arguing with a super computer, impossible.”

She set the glasses on the coffee table and put her hand on his cheek, guiding his face back to hers. “Jim…”

“Uh huh?”

“I think it’s adorable that you’re jealous,” she kissed him, “but you have no reason to be.”

“Don’t I? I don’t need to worry that he’s flirting with you?”

Her laughter built until she fell back onto the cushions. “He’s...he’s not...flirting with me!”

Jim shook his head and poured two more drinks. She must’ve caught his pout because she pulled herself up again. “I’m serious! Okay, fine, he totally was, but it wasn’t  _ flirt _ flirting.”

“I wasn’t aware there was a difference.” He mumbled into his whiskey.

“Yes there’s a difference! I mean, I flirt with my friends all the time.” She quickly held out a finger. “And not just with Ed. Why just this morning I told Ivy her ass looked amazing in those jeans. Are you going to be jealous of Ivy too?”

“I don’t know, should I be?”

She rolled her eyes as she positioned herself on his lap, draping her arms around his shoulders. “Absolutely not.” She kissed him. “Only men for me. Well, dicks in general.”

“Mm…hopefully we’re talking anatomy and not personality because I happen to think I’m a pretty nice guy.” 

It made her giggle and she kissed him again. Jim deepened it, and then flipped her onto the cushions. She squealed with surprise, but didn’t stop him. Instead, she raked her fingers through his hair and opened her mouth even more. He graciously accepted the invitation with a moan, and moved his hand along her side.

He would’ve continued trailing his hand down, but one thought kept bothering him. As much as he hated to do it, he took a brief pause and pulled back to look at her. “Although...technically...Ed would fit both of those categories so…”

Ophelia tilted her head back. “Ugh! What do you even want me to say?”

Jim pushed himself up. “I...I don’t know! But you have to understand how things are from my point of view.”

Ophelia sat up too. “I do, but what I don’t understand is why you can’t accept he’s my friend.”

“Because I think he likes you!”

She stared at him for a second before shaking her head. “No, he doesn’t. Not...not like  **that** anyway.”

“Are you sure? Because it seemed fairly obvious to me.”

“Trust me, he made it clear that he’s not interested.” She picked her glass off the table and took a slow sip.

“And how do you know that? Did he tell you one day? Did you have a friendly chat about...” He watched her carefully set the drink down. “Wait...you weren’t the one to bring it up were you?”

She crossed her legs. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”

Jim wished he could change the subject, but he wanted an honest answer more. He looked into her eyes. “Do you have feelings for Ed?”

Ophelia scoffed. “No.” 

“That...that was a pause. That was a clear-”

They started talking over each other. “Oh my God, no! There was no-”

“Yes there was!”

She threw her hands in the air. “So what!”

“So what? That’s body language 101 for lying!”

“I- Fine, maybe there was a  **slight** hesitation, but it meant nothing. I don’t have feelings for Ed.” She reached for Jim’s hand and locked eyes again. “Trust me.”

He wanted to, he desperately wanted to, but there was still doubt gnawing at him. She had to notice this because she sighed. “Alright, I don't know if this will make you feel better, but if you must know...I used to like him.  _ Used _ to. Obviously, he didn’t reciprocate, but...but we moved past it and stayed best friends. **J** **ust** friends.”

They looked at each other a little longer and then Jim nodded, satisfied with the answer. “Okay.”

“Okay what? You believe me when I say there’s nothing to worry about?” Ophelia touched his face.

“I believe you.” He sighed. “And I’m sorry I was such a jerk about it.”

“And to think, not too long ago you were bragging about what a nice guy you are.” She kissed him so Jim figured he was forgiven.

He smiled at her, a bit sheepish. “Truly, I’m sorry I doubted you. It’s just...I feel like I barely know anything about you and it makes me a little anxious.”

“I make you anxious?” She scooched closer and walked her fingers up his chest.

He held her hand as it reached his collar. “You know what I meant. Hate to play the detective card again, but it’s in my nature to learn things about people.”

She pulled their linked hands close and kissed Jim’s knuckles. “I thought you weren’t a real cop yet.”

“Well...uh, it’s...it’s complicated.” It was hard to explain the training process while Ophelia’s lips continued to caress his fingers, occasionally nibbling at the skin.

“Mmhm, I bet.” She lifted her face to be close to his.

He looked her in the eye, somewhat dazed. “Were...weren’t we arguing a minute ago? Not...not that I’m complaining at all. The timing’s just-”

She silenced him with a kiss. “Shh, consider it part of my mystery.” She leaned in again, but playfully backed away instead. “Of course, if you don’t want to makeout we can sit around and talk. In fact I’ve got lots to rant about.”

“Joke’s on you,” he put an arm around her to pull her close, “because I want to talk to you just as much as I want to makeout.”

“Oh really?” She kissed him with an open mouth while one hand found its way to his lap. “No preference?”

Jim’s breath hitched at her touch. “I...I don’t know what you’re implying. That...that’s my conversation boner.”

She started laughing and rested her forehead on his, making him laugh a little as well. After a second or two she pulled away just enough to meet his eyes, her flirtatious smile back in place. “So, what do you want to  _ converse _ about?” Her lips brushed his.

“Oh, anything.” It was difficult to speak as Ophelia planted kisses along his jaw, but he managed to stutter out. “Uh, f-favorite animal?”

She whispered in his ear, biting it softly. “You were serious?”

“You weren’t?” He did his best to curb his arousal.

She stopped for a moment where Jim thought she might get up and leave, but she just moved to stare at him with a raised eyebrow. “Um...penguins I guess.”

“That’s...that’s cool.”

A curious smile, probably brought on by seeing him still out of sorts, lifted the corners of her mouth. She put one finger in the middle of his chest. “How about you?”

Jim let himself be slowly pushed onto his back. “Oh...pretty basic, dogs.”

She climbed on top, placing a knee between his legs to keep applying pressure. “Interesting.” She kissed him deeply before trailing her lips to his collar.

It was impossible to think, and Jim knew it was part of her game to get him to give up, but acknowledging the problem didn’t make it go away. He was a sore loser though; even as he ran his hands along her body he managed to speak. “How...how about...ice cream flavor?”

“Mmm...mint chip.” She mumbled as she sucked and licked at his neck.

His head tilted back and he swallowed hard, which was simultaneously good and bad. He pushed his words out on a quick breath. “French vanilla.”

She gave his delicate skin one last nip and then moved to face him, smirking. “God, you are boring.”

“What can I say?” It was his turn to use some teeth as he raised his lips to hers. “I know what I like.” One hand slides up her thigh, crossing the hem of her dress. The elicited moan was splendid, and he wanted to keep advancing so he could hear it again.

However, she took hold of his wrist and carefully guided it back down. She gave him a shaky smile as she pushed herself up. “Uh, I forfeit, you win.”

Jim joined her in a sitting position, unsure what he did wrong. “I...I didn’t mean...I-I’m sorry.” He put an arm around her, and tried his best comforting smile. “We don’t have to talk either, if you don’t want to. I was kind of kidding in all honesty.”

“Oh, it’s...it’s not...it’s not that. Or, or you. I...I just-”

He rubbed her bare shoulder. “It’s okay, you don’t need to explain.”

Ophelia chuckled softly and looked down, almost ashamed. “I should though.”

“No, you don’t need to say anything, and you shouldn’t feel you have to either.” He lifted her chin.

“Jim, it...it’s not that I don’t want to, in fact I really do, but I...the thing is…” She struggled with her words, opening and closing her mouth. He had to admit he was a little fearful about what she would say, and he only hoped it didn’t show in his eyes. She suddenly stood up. “I didn’t tell my mom I’d be out this late, and she’s probably mad so I need to go home.”

Jim blinked a few times. “That’s it? Jeez, you looked so terrified I was getting worried.”

Her laugh was still nervous. “Yeah, yeah I...it’s just kind of embarrassing to be twenty three and living with your mom.”

“Come on, it’s not that bad. I mean, it was only a couple months ago that I was also living with my mom.” He stood up too. “I get it, and I also understand their temper so if you want a quick ride home I can-”

“Oh no, no I’ll be fine.” She waved her hand in the air and went to get her coat.

“Are you sure? Maybe I could even vouch for you.” He leaned on the wall by the entryway.

“God, please don’t. For your own safety you should stay away from my mother.” She bent down to put her ankle boots on. “She absolutely hates cops, and would chase you out with a bat. I’ve seen her do it more than once.”

Jim laughed and shook his head at the floor. As he started to look up again he noticed Ophelia’s shoes for the first time today. The heels had purple glitter. It wasn’t another case of déjà vu because he  **knew** he’d seen those before, but he couldn’t place where. He pointed at her shoes and didn’t care if he was interrupting. “That’s an interesting style.”

“Huh?” She glanced down and she seemed surprised, actually more than surprised. “Oh, uh thanks.”

He didn’t take his eyes off the heels. “They look pretty one of a kind.”

“Yeah, I guess.” She sort of laughed and started to open the door. “You really have learned a bit about fashion.”

He stepped in and put his arm across the doorway. He didn’t want to be rude, but he had a hunch there was something off. “I’ve seen these before, but not on any of our dates.”

She glanced at the hallway, and then turned back to his with unexpected confidence. “Oh yeah? And you’re sure about that?”

“What? I-”

“I didn’t know you paid such close attention to footwear.”

Her defensive attitude only made Jim more certain that she was trying to hide something. However, she did have a point. He hadn’t noticed any of her shoes until now, so it  _ was _ possible she’d worn them earlier and that’s where he saw them. Still, he could’ve sworn he’d seen them before, but not on Ophelia.

He held their eye contact for a second longer and then let his arm drop with a sigh. “I’m sorry. I, I just...I thought...nevermind.”

“It’s alright. I’m sorry I got a little snappy.” She gave him a small smile. “I’m not used to be interrogated.”

“Again, I’m very sorry. I promise that’s not usual for me.”

“Really? Because it’s the second of the night; first was Ed, and now it’s my shoes. It seems like I came over here to be questioned.” She winked.

He finally smiled back at her, and even stepped closer. “Well at least the questions in the middle were fun, right?”

“Sure were.” She kissed him. “Mr. boring vanilla.”

“It’s an underrated flavor.” He kissed her a few more times. “That’s a good idea for a date though. And my new phone’s coming in tomorrow so I could text you my schedule.”

“Sounds great.” She turned to leave. “Goodnight Jim.”

“Goodnight Ophelia. Stay safe.” He gave one last wave as she headed down the stairs.


	16. Speak Now or Hold Your Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed and Oswald have a nice long conversation about the previous night, and a bit of the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like the last chapter it's just two characters, but that's where the similarities end.

Ed put everything from the past few days out of his mind for the duration of his classes. He was able to eliminate the entire world by focusing on powerpoints and lectures. Usually he’d give Oswald texts throughout the day, complaining about various things, but he wasn’t ready to think about that either. Surprisingly, the lost communication didn’t really bother Ed because Riddler was there to talk instead, and their shared mind eliminated the need for redundant context. In fact, it was kind of pleasant, especially since Riddler was being well behaved today; only a few internal threats to irritating students. However, Ed had to consistently remind himself about the dangers of getting too comfortable with the voice.

Ed’s shift at the writing lab was flowing smoothly too. One freshman brought an atrocious essay, but hearing Riddler’s snarky commentary made it bearable, almost to the point of ill-timed laughter. Otherwise there was plenty of time to catch up on homework and chat with himself. 

He was getting a second opinion on some lab notes when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He expected some shy student trying to get help, but instead he saw Oswald holding a coffee cup. They smiled and sat across from him. “Working hard or hardly working?”

“What are you doing here?” It was more brusque than Ed intended, but after being on auto-pilot he had to reboot his emotional processors.

Oswald only seemed a little jostled by the curt question, but they stayed light-hearted. “I can’t check in with a friend?”

**_Some friend, abandons you for a lousy boy-toy._ ** Ed shook off the thought. “Well you can, but technically only those enrolled are allowed in this part of this library.” Then Ed did crack a smile. “I won’t snitch though.”

“Gee thanks, I was super worried. You can have this for my gratitude,” they slide the cup across the table, “since I missed you coming in today.”

“I thought you were going to quit the cafe job.” He lifted the lid to check for anything unusual.

“Meh, still picking up a few shifts. Gotta have that side hustle you know?” They nudged Ed’s elbow and then leaned back in the chair. “So how has your day been? Haven’t got any textual updates.”

“ **A phone works two ways.** ” Riddler’s snap barely bothered Ed because it  _ was _ a true statement, and there might have been some leftover bitterness.

Oswald raised an eyebrow, but then shrugged. “I mean...you’re not wrong. I guess I’m a little too used to your routine. But really though, how are you?”

He held the warm cup for awhile and then took a quick sip. “Fine.”

“Just fine? No big news or class hijinks?” They smiled again.

Ed merely shook his head and there was a moment of silence that followed, inconceivably awkward for their friendship.  _ I should probably say something.  _ **_Don’t._ ** _ No, that’d be rude.  _ **_And? I’m still mad about yesterday._ ** _ What? You can’t blame Oswald for anything that happened.  _ **_You’re right. I’m going to be mad at you for being a coward._ ** _ Hey! I- _

“Earth to Ed? Hello?” Oswald was waving their hands.

“Oh, sorry. Did you say something?” Ed rubbed his forehead.

“No, but you looked really out of it. Are you sure you’re okay?”

He had another drink of coffee. “Y-yeah...it was a rough night, that’s all.”

“Tell me about it.” Oswald sighed. “Although, it was probably worse for you. Again, I feel so bad about losing you, and then running into Butch...I can’t imagine.”

“ **At least I didn’t stab him this time.** ” The delivery was mumbled, but it made Oswald look up.

“Don’t joke about that Ed, it wasn’t your fault.” They reached across the table to take his hand.

He was also surprised at Riddler’s muttering, but he tried his best to cover it up. “I...I know. I...I didn’t mean to say anything.”  _ Why would you do that?  _ **_Already told you, I’m upset with you, so I wanted to make you suffer. But also...pity hand holding._ ** Ed glanced at their interlocked fingers.  _ Neither of those make it okay! _ He undid his alter-ego’s work and pulled away from Oswald. “In fact, why don’t we talk about any other subject?”

Oswald was still worried for a second, but then they relaxed. “Yes please, and while we’re at it, let’s just purge last night of everything but the good stuff.”

“Agreed.” The two shook hands and laughed. Ed raised his beverage. “So what should we talk about instead?”

“Hmm…” Oswald tapped their chin. “Oh! Here’s some good news, this morning I told my mom about The Sirens and she’s totally onboard.”

“Really?”

“Okay, maybe not one hundred percent, but you know, she’s supportive as always.”

“Do you think she’ll be coming to your next show?”

“Can’t say. Although, I don’t know how that’d go over. I appreciate her acceptance, but I can only see her showing up with like, pom poms and an airhorn and accidentally outing me because she’s so excited.”

“Accurate depiction.” Ed chuckled. “Still, it must feel good to have her know.”

“Not at three in the morning it didn’t.” Oswald snorted. “She was so pissed when I got through the door, and then she saw the dress and… Bless her heart, love her to death, but I have never answered more questions in my life.”

Ed crossed his arms, smirking. “Ah, see I was thinking you told her of your own accord, not because you got caught.”

Oswald blushed, guilty. “I thought she was going to be asleep when I got home, but I should’ve learned by now that she will wait up forever.”

“Did you fess up about Jim too? Or did you blame your tardiness entirely on the band?”

“Judging by that tone, I think you already know the answer smarty-pants.”

“Uh huh, and speaking of Jim…” Ed leaned forward.

“Dear Lord.” Oswald shook their head. “I swear, for as much as you two refuse to get along, you’re obsessed with each other.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Did he say something?”

“Ugh, nevermind. I thought you wouldn’t want to listen to my love life anyway.”

“You’ve never let my disinterest stop you before. There are plenty of things I wish you hadn’t told me, but this time I’m asking.”

“Really? You  _ really _ want to hear about Jim?”

Ed paused, unsure if he actually wanted to learn what happened between them. Reality couldn’t be worse than anything he’d imagine, and if he was brought up then he had a right to know. He politely folded his hands, attentive. “Regardless of him, I’d like to know about  _ you _ and your night.”

That made Oswald smile. “Okay, fine, I’ll try to keep it short. So we get there, and it’s the definition of a bachelor pad, like...dishes piled and everything.”

“Oh ew.” Ed crinkled his nose, playing along with the story.

“I know! I mean, I’ve been to worse, but still. So then we’re having whiskey, which wasn’t top shelf, but it was alright. Until, get this, this boy doesn’t have any fucking ice.”

He gasped. “No. What a tragedy.”

“Right?” Oswald partially jumped out of their seat. “It’s not that hard to buy an ice tray!"

Seeing them all worked up made Ed laugh, which in turn made Oswald laugh, and it took a few stern ‘shh’s to get them to quiet down. Despite the glares, Ed felt grateful for the lighthearted moment, especially since it was at his rival’s expense.

Oswald settled back into the chair. “Fine, whatever, shush me from speaking the truth.” They brushed back their hair. “Anyway, after that it was pretty simple, some back and forth between kissing and arguing.”

Ed blinked, trying to figure which was worse, Jim raising his voice to Oswald or them kissing. “Those...those are two very different things.”

“Yeah, and? You know my mood swings, there’s a fine line between huffy and horny.” They even added a wink.

“Bu- but...hold on, that…” He took a breath. “What...what were you even arguing about?”

“Hm? Oh, it was so stupid. Jim...he thought…” Ed patiently watched Oswald make a few gestures; they blushed while searching for their next words. “He thought that I, um…well, that...I...” 

Oswald stared at him for an extended period of time, letting the words drop off. Usually Ed wasn’t a fan of eye contact, but the look in Oswald’s eyes was...well he couldn’t figure it out. Was it reluctance? Wistfulness? Maybe a combination of emotions? He could stare back forever and probably never get the answer. He didn’t know how long it’d been, or if they’d started the conversation this close, but he finally had to blink.

With the trance broken, Oswald leaned back. “Fuck. What was I saying? Right, last night. So everything was fine until Jim got a little too handsy.” The image made Ed tense, but Oswald didn’t notice. “Under normal circumstances, hell yes, he’s so fucking hot, but-”

“But usually you’re not pretending to be someone named Ophelia.”

“Yes, exactly! The gravity of the situation finally hit me, major mood killer by the way, and it was such a weird moment for me. I was so close to confessing, but then I knew I didn’t want to be trapped there in case it was a bad reaction you know?” Whether it was a rhetorical question or not, Ed nodded; he remembered Oswald talking about a few unpleasant times.

Apparently Oswald didn’t linger on it as much and kept talking. “So I head for the door, thinking everything will be fine, but then he recognizes my shoes. It’s one thing if he figures out I’m not Ophelia, but it’d be even scarier if he knew I was the pool player. I don’t remember what I said, but whatever it was got him off my case.”

Ed sighed. “That’s a lucky break.”

“You can say that again.”

There was a beat of silence where Ed hesitated before his next sentence. “So what now?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well...he’s only going to get closer to the truth. What’s your plan?” He hoped the answer would be to breakup, but he was smart enough to know that wasn’t likely.

Oswald looked down at the table. “I suppose I’ll have to tell him, but I’m not sure how. Do I text him a heads up? Do I just show up to our next date as Oswald?” They scoffed. “There’s no good timing for something like this, I’m tempted to go back to our first plan and simply ignore him for the rest of my life.”

Ed had to put a hand over his mouth until he could control his secret glee, pretending to contemplate the possible abandonment. “I...I mean, nothing’s  _ stopping _ you from doing that.”

“No, no it’s too late.” Oswald was quiet and then got a melancholy smile. “Is it wrong that I almost wish he’d found out?”

The question took Ed a bit by surprise. “Uh, a little.”

“I’m just saying that it would make things easier.”

“Easier for what? For him to be upset you kept this secret?”

“Exactly.” Oswald’s response made Ed wonder if his friend might be the crazy one. “What I’m trying to say is that when I tell Jim there’ll be two outcomes. He’ll either be mad at me for lying, or not having vagina, whichever comes first, or...he’ll be okay with everything I guess. But if he found out himself...then it’s more likely to be option one.”

Ed took some time with his reply. “And that’s...that’s what you  _ wished _ happened? That he’d figure it out and get mad?”

“No! Well...maybe?” Oswald waved a hand in the air. “It would’ve been easier is all! He’d get angry, and then we’d breakup and that’s it.”

It was almost Ed’s perfect scenario. “Uh huh.”

“I wouldn’t even need closure because it’d be my fault for not coming clean.”

“Uh huh.”

“Whereas if he’s cool with hearing the truth...it’s...it’ll be harder.”

“Harder to...break up with him?” There was a spark of hope in Ed’s voice.

“Obviously! Because if he likes me afterwards then...then what? Honestly, until last night I still imagined Jim as some mindless fun, but then I start thinking of this junk and…” They sighed. “It’s just so different from the usual chain of events.”

Ed nodded absentmindedly, aware of past hookups and week long boyfriends. Oswald crossed their arms and slumped in the chair, looking at the carpet. “What if he wants to keep dating me? Like, could this be a serious relationship?”

The idea made Ed sick and he bit his lip.  _ Okay, I’ve got to chose my words very-  _ **_No! Fuck Jim! Tell them there can be no serious relationship unless it’s with you._ ** _ Um, so that’s what a controlling, hysteric, psycho would say.  _ **_Well don’t say it verbatim, idiot. Clearly they want that relationship with you, but they need an excuse to not get serious with Jim._ ** _ I don’t think that’s it… _

Ed folded his hands on the table and leaned forward, speaking carefully. “What...do you want?” Oswald’s eyes flicked up to Ed’s face. It was like time stopped, or maybe just his heart. The look was tender and their lips were slightly parted as if to say ‘you’.

“I don’t know.” Oswald’s voice was soft as they glanced away. “If he accepts Ophelia, I guess the only thing I’d want is for him to accept Oswald too. Like, I could handle him leaving me over this situation, but if we seriously date he could find a flaw anywhere and...still leave.”

“ **Then he’d be a damn fool** .” Ed quickly swallowed Riddler’s statement, and tried to recover with some humor. “What I mean is…I’m a genius and I can’t think of any flaws.”

Even Ed’s intentional flitations yesterday didn’t cause Oswald to blush as much as they did now. “Ed...you’re too sweet, but thank you. In fact, thank you for everything. I’ve been rambling on about my messy life and you’ve just been the best audience.”

“Anytime. I’m here for you.”

“I’m here for you too.” Oswald smiled and then the moment was interrupted by their phone buzzing. “Oh it’s Barbara. I’m shocked.”

“Ah, duty calls.”

“Or texts. Duty sends lots and lots of texts.” Oswald stood up. “Thanks again Ed. God I’m still nervous, but I think it helped, getting everything off my chest.”

“No problem.”  **_Hey, you know who else has something to get off their ches-_ ** _ Shut up, not the time. _ **_At this rate, it'll never be the time._ ** _ There...there’s a plan. _ Ed cleared his throat. “Oh, uh, before you go I was going to ask if you’ll be busy this week. My grandma’s gone on this casino trip so uh...it’s going to be pretty quiet.”

Oswald stopped at the end of the table. “Ooo Eduardo home alone, mischief and mayhem await. Hm...got Sirens tonight, mom stuff tomorrow, Jim date...how does Thursday sound? Then I can give you all the details about what he says.”

Ed stammered out his reply, not expecting to be pushed so far down the schedule. “Oh. Oh um, s-sounds good. Hope...t-things go...well.”

“Me too. I’ll see you then!” They started leaving, but as Ed was returning to his work he saw them come back. “Can I ask one last thing?”

For some reason the tone made him nervous.  **_I think we’re getting confronted._ ** _ A-about what?  _ **_Best case scenario, they demand an answer for your mixed signals._ ** _ That’s the worst case! I’m not rea...oh. Easier. I get it now.  _ “Of course, go ahead.”

“Okay, um…” They were taking their sweet time, building Ed’s anticipation. “This might sound weird but…” **** _ Please ask if I like you. _

However, Oswald chuckled lightly. “Wait, let me start again. You know how much I value you and I feel our friendship is...” 

**_Oh fuck, what if they’re confessing to you? What if that Jim stuff was just to see your reaction?_ ** Ed’s brain short-circuited at the prospect, and he didn’t catch the actual question. “What?”

Oswald buried their face in their hands. “Ugh, I knew it was stupid.”

_ Yikes, what do I do?  _ **_Honestly, you’re kind of screwed._ ** _ Because of you!  _ **_Geez fine. They mentioned feelings, say something vague and I’m sure we’ll catch up_ ** . Ed fumbled his words. “I-It’s not stupid! I uh...I feel...strongly about...this.”

“In a good or bad way?” They peeked through their fingers.

_ Definitely caught up.  _ **_Know what? I stand by my outburst, I think they’re into you._ ** Ed risked a smile. “Good?”

Oswald let out a relieved sigh. “Thank God. I was worried you’d say no.”

Despite the lack of communication, Ed’s spirits were lifted seeing Oswald smile back. “How could I say no to that face? I only want you to be happy.”

“Well, you have made me the happiest person in this library.” They went behind his chair and hugged him. They rested their chin on his head, and he blushed. “Of course, that’s only if everything works out. I...I just really like Jim and your approval means so much to me.”

Time stopped for the second time that day. Except it was so Ed’s heart could find its way into a blender set to puree.  **_Forget objections, you just officiated the damn wedding._ ** He was too numb to muster a thoughtful retort. 

Oswald’s goodbye squeeze barely registered, and his own farewell wasn’t much more than a nod. After staring at nothing for a long while, he managed to put his things away. Standing made him light-headed, but he shuffled outside. There might’ve been wind, but he couldn’t tell as he finally reached his car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I hate to leave after this bitter ending, but I'm taking a quick break from this to work on another story. It's short though, so I shouldn't be gone too long.


	17. Day's Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey helps Jim learns all he can about Ophelia, which leads to him uncovering some startling news about her best friend.
> 
> On the opposite end of town, Oswald has some time with their mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the quick wait! Here's a little chapter to enjoy(?).

Jim felt a little nervous walking into the GCPD building. Sure he’d be done with all the prerequisite steps soon, but it was odd striding up to Harvey’s desk without a badge.

Harvey was too engrossed in his sandwich to notice, so Jim knocked on the metal. “Hey, you rang?”

“Jimbo, hey!” He chewed what was left in his mouth. “Glad you could make it, I’ve gotten so much work done.”

“Congratulations?” Jim had little to no idea why he was here. All the voicemail said was to come to the precinct asap.

Harvey held up two files. “So, good and bad news. I didn’t find any Ophelia Kapelputs in our records, but-”

Jim put his face in his hands and groaned. “No. No, no, no you did not investigate my girlfriend.”

“Yeah, that’s what I just said. I couldn’t because she’s not on file, so at least she’s not a ex-con. Try to keep up please.” He set the folders down and opened one up. “But, I did find  **a** Kapelput who I have reason to believe is dear Ophelia’s mom.”

Jim slowly raised his head. “Really?”

Harvey held out a photo as he spoke. “Yep, and Gertrud Kapelput is a piece of work. This lady is not a fan of law enforcement, or government in general. She’s been associated with some protests, but only arrested once, and strongly resisted it.”

The frizzy haired woman in the mugshot didn’t look terribly threatening, just irritated. Jim saw a bit of Ophelia in her features, mainly the nose. “Hm...I mean...Ophelia mentioned that her mom hated cops, but-”

“Why didn’t you tell me that earlier? That’s gotta be her then!” Harvey rapidly pointed at the picture. “We got a mom, which means an address which means-

Jim raised his hands. “Whoah, slow down. It could still be a coinci- Wait, I didn’t say that before? Then what was your reason for suspecting her?”

“Besides the fact that she’s the only known Kapelput?” Harvey picked up the other file, but held it close for a second. “Well...upon researching Gertrud, I found a little string connecting to a big ole piece of your girl’s life.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. You might want to sit down, this could take some explaining.” Harvey patted the edge of his desk.

Jim sat in the designated spot, eyeing the manilla. “Okay, well don’t keep me in suspense.” 

Harvey did though, he tapped his fingers on the back a few times before turning it around. The named attached to the top caught Jim’s attention, ‘Edward Nygma’. He reached for it, but Harvey snapped it back.

Jim stared at the other man. “Is this a joke?”

“Like I said, there’s a bit of explaining to do.” He carefully opened the file. “I don’t even know what to tell you first.”

Jim stuttered his surprise. “F-first? How...how much is there? Should I be worried my girlfriend hangs out with a criminal?”

“Technically, he’s not a criminal because he didn’t really get charged with anything, but apparently the reports were significant enough to...” Harvey caught Jim’s confusion and sighed. “How about I take it from the top and work our way to my point? Alright, around age 8 this kid almost committed manslaughter and-”

Jim took a long moment to blink. “I’m sorry... _ almost _ ?”

“Well the dad didn’t die.”

“T-the...the dad? Ed almost killed his dad?”

“Yep, shoved straight down the stairs.” Harvey pulled out a picture of said staircase, several spots of blood on the steps. “Pretty sure the bastard hit every single one.”

“Jesus. And you said he lived?”

“Unfortunately he scraped by with major paralysis.”

Jim raised an eyebrow. “Being paralyzed is unfortunate?”

“For this piece of shit, yeah. I took a gander at his file and...well I’m not giving you his life story, but drugs, alcohol, abuse, you name it. Undoubtedly the kid had a reason.” 

“That’s...I can’t…” Jim didn’t really have the words.

“I hear ya. It’s also pretty fucked up that the mom actually took her husband’s side in all this, but she’s no parent of the year either.” Harvey turned a page over. “Anyway, this all leads to my little red string. Since it was clear this was not a safe environment for a child, little Eddie was going to sit in the system until they found a relative or another alternative. However, instead of serving time at the orphanage, one Gertrud Kapelput marched in and  **demanded** he stay with her.”

Jim finally got the chance to flip through the files. “Is that legal?”

“Probably not, but do you really think anyone’s going to challenge that crazy lady?” Harvey leaned back in his chair. “She only got to keep him for a couple months I think, or until they found the mom’s mom. Which there was nothing on her, I checked.”

“Hm.” Jim sifted through a few more of the photos. The father in the hospital, a pool of blood on the hardwood floor, and one very young Edward Nygma. Still gangly and nerdy, he even had the tape holding his glasses together, but the eyes behind them were full of terror. Jim started to feel bad, rival or not.

Being ignored by Jim, Harvey took another bite of his sandwich. “So yeah, there’s my evidence board connecting Gertrud to Ophelia via almost killer Ed. Good day’s work huh?”

“You wasted an entire day on this?”

“Waste? Did you not just observe these detective skills? I probably know more about your girlfriend than you do.”

“No,” Jim closed both files, “you know about her  _ probably _ mother and her best friend. Who, thanks to this eye-opening information, I will never be able to look at the same way.” He got off the desk and started walking away.

Harvey was quiet for a few seconds. “Then I’m guessing you don’t want to hear about the stabbing.”

Part of Jim wanted to keep walking, but curiosity brought him back. “Excuse me?”

“Figured you didn’t peek ahead.” Harvey picked up Ed’s folder and shuffled the papers. “Sometime in high school, I’ll let you see for yourself.”

Jim was reluctant to take it. It wasn’t really his place, and he felt he knew too much already. However, if someone close to Ophelia...had a  _ history _ , it’s better safe than sorry right?

He thumbed through the report. Apparently, the victim, Butch Gilzean, and unnamed friends were picking on an unnamed individual when Mr. Nygma stepped in. There were a few different accounts from everyone involved, but the anonymous associates all stated that unnecessary violence was used by Mr. Nygma. A few images were included too, majority being a few grainy phone pics of the victim's hand; switchblade went right through.

Despite being used to blood, Jim winced. Meanwhile, Harvey was chewing away. “Freaky stuff isn’t it? Like the initial stab is bad enough, but it said he twisted it too.” Harvey made a hard motion of rotating the knife. “That’s gotta hurt.”

“Even if this Butch pulled the blade first...seems like an overreaction for self-defense.” Jim picked up the final photo, Ed’s juvenile mugshot. He was fairly similar to his current form, but the child from the last picture was still evident. Except the terror was gone from his eyes, replaced with a morose, maybe bored, expression.

As he examined it, Harvey reached over to point at the bottom of a paper. “The judge thought it was an overreaction too, so it was determined to be a mix of self-defense and temporary insanity.”

“Unusual combination.” Jim flipped the last page over and over. “Doesn’t say what happened next? No record of treatment or juvie or anything?”

“Nope. Well...maybe if I made a few visits, but if I have to leave this chair it’s not worth my time.” Harvey started putting the folder back together. “I mean, if he’s out and about he probably had some therapy, or help of some kind.”

“Yeah...makes sense.” Jim thought Ed was a bit weird, but insane? Even temporarily it seemed hard to believe. Although, his behavior at the festival had been a little more than odd: the riddle, a backhanded threat, and he ran away so suddenly…

As Jim was lost in contemplation, Harvey was scribbling on a notepad. The pen scratch eventually drew Jim’s scrutiny to the desk. “What on earth are you doing now?”

“You’re the one in training, you tell me.” Harvey chuckled at his own joke and ripped the note out.

“Looks like an address.”

“It is.”

“Someplace in the Narrows.”

“Right again.”

Jim took the time to breathe and sigh before speaking. “Is this Gertrud Kapelput’s place?”

“Ding ding!”

Jim tried shoving the paper back. “I don’t want it.”

“Oh come on Jimbo!” Harvey shoved it back.

“Absolutely not! I’m not staking out some poor lady’s house.”

“You don’t need to stalk her. Just go over and say hi, see if she has a daughter, pull the ‘asking for directions’ bit.” Harvey wrung his hands. “Please? I've put in all this effort, you’ve gotta get some real proof."

Jim looked at the slip, indecision brewing. To go or not to go… If he went it could end badly with Ophelia being mad at him for showing up unannounced. That’s right, it’d have to be unannounced or else it’d raise the question of how he knew, which would come off as creepy. Feigning a coincidence might work...but what if it wasn’t even her house? This Gertrud Kapelput could just be minding her own business without any children at all.

If he did go though, the pros could be worth it. He could convincingly play off a random visit. Then he’d get to know Ophelia’s mom and neighborhood, as well as being able to pick her up for any future dates. And if it’s all a misunderstanding, then he can simply apologize to Gertrud with no one being any wiser. It’d be fun to disprove Harvey’s theory too...

Jim tucked the address inside his jacket. “I’ll think about it.”

“Yes!” Harvey pumped a fist in the air. “You gotta tell me how it goes, and you also gotta tell me about your date tomorrow. I want details on everything.”

“We’ll see okay? We’ll see.” He gave Harvey a pat on the back and said goodbye. The tiny piece of paper weighed heavily in his pocket.

* * *

Oswald sat at their dining table with their latest sewing project sprawled out. Their mother was baking cookies and would occasionally, or constantly, hover over the operation.

“That seam’s busted.” Gertrud aimed her wooden spoon.

Oswald had pins in their mouth. “I’m aware.”

Gertrud shook her head. “You will not ‘a wear’, you can’t go out with a busted seam.” Oswald rolled their eyes as their mom kept talking. “And don’t keep those things in your mouth. I don’t want you swallowing one and dying.”

“I wouldn’t die.” Still, they took the pins out.

“Mmhm.” Gertrud went back to stirring her dough. “You know, if you keep practicing like this, maybe you could be a tailor one day.”

“Bleh.”

“You could at least save some money on tux alterations.” Then her head snapped up. “Or dress alterations!”

Oswald chuckled nervously. “Uh, yeah. I guess.” 

Their mother’s attempts weren’t the most eloquent, but the heart was there. Although that didn’t make things any less awkward. There were a few seconds where they were both quiet, just the rustle of fabric and the scrape of utensils. 

Gertrud set her bowl down. “Speaking of which…” Oh no, that could only mean more questions. Oswald cringed as she continued. “I was wondering if we could go shopping. On a day when you weren’t busy of course.”

That wasn’t so bad. Oswald let out the breath they were holding. “Um, sure. That’d...be a lot of fun.”

Gertrud smiled and clasped her hands. “Oh wonderful! I always wanted a daughter to take to cute little stores.”

Oswald’s own smile faded. It was alright, she was still getting used to the change. It wasn’t the easiest concept to grasp anyway. There’d have to be explanations later, more long hours of going back and forth. A dreaded experience, and Oswald debated if letting her believe what she wanted was better than correcting her.

Gertrud sighed happily. “But this’ll be so much better than I ever imagined. Now we can dress you up in anything and everything adorable. Blouses, trousers, I’ll get to spoil you twice as much!” She covered her mouth. “Oh, I mean neither as much? Was it neither or both? Wait...how does a spectrum work?”

This time was a genuine laugh from Oswald, maybe she was more receptive than suspected. “How about we agree that any which way I’m a spoiled brat?”

She tutted and busied herself again. “You’re not a brat! You’re my beautiful baby boy, child, and it’s my privilege to give you nice things.”

“Hey mom?” They waited for her to look at them. “Have I told you today that I love you?”

She put a hand on her heart. “I love you too szívem. Now take a break and help your dear mother finish these up. I still have supper to get ready.”

“Uh, shoot. I totally would, but I’m in the middle of a stitch right now, so sorry.” Oswald quickly turned back to their project.

“Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot.” Yikes...the full name.

“You know, I wouldn’t be of much use. I’m more of a chef than a baker, too much science involved.” That didn’t make the stern look go away, but they knew something that would. "Say, Ed’s a scientist _and_ baker who I’m sure would love to come over and help.”

Yep, that got her to perk up. “Ah, I feel like I haven’t seen Eddie in ages! I miss my sweet son-in-law.”

Oswald raised an eyebrow. “I’m not sure what you think that means, but it’s not right.”

“How do you know what I think?”

“Well, because it means that...nevermind, I’ll text him.” Oswald sent the message and started to pick up their handiwork. “I should probably move out of the way if you two are going to be taking over. I’ll try and finish upstairs, but if I’m not down when Ed gets here, just holler.”

“Certainly! Hollering is one of my many skills.”

Oswald put the loose pins back in their mouth for ease of carrying. “Sure is.”


	18. Sad Boi Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed straight-up doesn't have a good time and basically sleeps through the whole chapter. Meanwhile, there's a smidge of nygmobblepot and Riddler's a jerk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another warning that there's a little homophobia/past trauma in this chapter. (I don't think it's enough to warrant a tag, but anytime I write something that makes me grimace I feel like I should mention it.)

That morning Ed’s eyes flew open, but immediately started to flutter closed. As his head flopped to one side it woke him up again. He figured it was early, and he glanced at the clock for confirmation. The numbers didn’t make any sense at first and he had to stare at them for a long time before seeing that it was almost twelve. Huh, he didn’t remember when he went to sleep, but it had to have been way past midn-

Ed struggled to sit up, somehow his sheets had gotten twisted around, trapping him. It couldn’t be noon already, his alarm hadn’t gone off and he never misses an alarm. Finally free, he looked at the clock to double check. Indeed it was noon. He’d slept through his first period.

While he panicked internally, his body had no intention of leaving the warm, soft, bed with its cushy, comforting… He forced himself back up. He had to hurry if he wanted to make it to his other class.

In order to stand up he had to drag himself to the edge of the bed and basically roll off. Goodness what time  **did** he go to sleep? How many hours had it been? He couldn’t recall anything about yesterday, or at least nothing after the library. He closed his eyes, trying to fill in the blanks, but that only brought the grogginess back. Before collapsing back onto the covers, he shook it off. Why couldn’t he-

He shuffled into the bathroom and looked at the mirror. “What did you do?” There was only him. He tapped on the glass. “Hey! I’m talking to you!”

Still no reply. Fed up, he started knocking against the smooth surface until he heard his own voice snap at him. “ **Do you mind** ?”

Ed took his hand away to get a good look at the second reflection. “What did you do?”

“ **What did I do when** ?”

“Yesterday!”

“ **Hm, lots of stuff. We woke up, had breakfast-** ”

Ed was in no mood for this. “After the library, what did you do?”

“ **You know, it almost sounds like you’re accusing me of something.** ” Then Riddler gasped. “ **_Are_ ** **you accusing me of something?** ”

“Yes, and you need to tell me what that something is!”

“ **Well it was nothing really.** ”

This was going nowhere. Ed gripped the edges of the sink and stared down before speaking softly. “Did I hurt anyone?”

“ **You, no. Myself on the other hand,** ” Riddler paused, “ **also no.** ”

Ed let out a heavy sigh, blackouts typically signalled danger. But...usually they came after his hallucinations left the mirror. If it wasn’t following the pattern, maybe this exhaustion and memory problem were unrelated to his condition. He couldn’t be too careful. “Good, but that still doesn’t explain anything.”

Riddler rolled his eyes. “ **That’s because there’s nothing to explain** .  **You literally did nothing afterwards, except you cried in the driveway for a while.** ”

That part started to sound familiar, but vague. “Why can’t I remember that though?”

“ **Why? Oh that one’s easy.** ” Riddler snapped his fingers and pointed at his head. “ **I blocked it from your memory.** ”

“Excuse me?”

“ **It served no purpose except to make you look pathetic. I was only trying to help, so I blocked it. I also shut off your alarm because I figured you could use the sleep.** ” Ed left his jaw hanging open as Riddler kept talking. “ **Although it was quite fitful. Perhaps you should return to bed and lie down.** ”

Ed yawned suddenly. There was no way he could be tired if he slept in so late, this had to be a trick. He yawned again. Or maybe it wasn’t, an object at rest tends to stay at rest and he was still sleepy.

Logic aside, he shook his head and pointed at his copy. “I-I have to get ready for class.” 

He didn’t wait for a response before walking back into his bedroom. He went to his dresser and started to change into fresh clothes. He didn’t notice that he was still wearing yesterday’s outfit until now. Stupid Riddler, he could block out an entire evening but he couldn’t put on pajamas. Ed took the thought back immediately, letting Riddler having autonomy was a slippery slope.

“ **I don’t know why you’re bothering with this. Class will have started before you even get there.** ”

“A few minutes won’t matter.” He looked over his shoulder to see Riddler sitting at his desk. That pompous doppleganger was even wearing a full suit, gee, must be easy to just get dressed by imagination. “Better late than never.”

Riddler scoffed. “ **Please, you’re never late for anything in your life. It should be early or never, and frankly it’s usually never. Take your Oswald situation, that was supposed to be** **_later_ ** **, and now it’s never.** ”

“Hey, you’re the one who messed that up! If you could’ve kept quiet for five seconds I would’ve been able to hear the question!” He pulled a t-shirt over his head.

“ **You would’ve botched it anyway.** ” Riddler inspected his nails. “ **I’m starting to think this isn’t worth our time.** ”

“You’re giving up? Weren’t you the one encouraging me to-”

“ **That was before. I’ve been doing some calculations, and I’ve decided that it’d be more efficient to move on. At least for now.** ”

Ed spun around to face his alter-ego. “Really? Since when have you  _ deci _ -” He froze. “You’re not in a mirror.”

Riddler looked down at himself. “ **Oh shit.** ”

This couldn’t be good. “How...how long have you been able to do that?”

“ **Do what?** **This?** ”

Suddenly, he appeared by the dresser and Ed yelped before backing away. Riddler chuckled and casually walked forward. “ **Come on Eddie, no need to look so scared. I can’t hurt you.** ”

“What are you talking about?” Ed pointed an accusatory finger. “All you ever do is hurt people!”

Something snapped in Riddler’s eyes and he snarled. “ **No.** **All I’ve ever done is protect you! Preservation is my one and only goal.** ”

“But you didn’t have to be cruel.”

“ **Didn’t I?** ” Riddler stopped his advance. That was almost worse because Ed had an idea of what trick was coming.

The next steps were taken by a hallucination of his father with the same smoker’s rasp. “ **You think you could’ve handled this yourself?** ” The figure cracked its knuckles. 

Ed’s whole body started trembling. He wanted to keep backing up, but his legs wouldn’t work. It’s not real. He knew it wasn’t real, that it was only trying to make him upset; but his rationalization didn’t change anything.

The hallucination showed no signs of stopping either. “ **You’re a coward. A pansy piece of shit who’ll never be man enough to beat me.** ” A fist was raised.

Before the punch was thrown, Ed had a flashback to the original event. Up until then Riddler had been nothing more than an imaginary friend, but as the blow was coming down, it had felt like a possession when he extended his arms to give a hard shove.

This time he pushed forward of his own accord, trying to banish the thought. It worked for a moment as figure of his father hit the floor, but then it changed into the clone of a teenage Butch. In fact, the whole room seemed to waver between Ed’s house and a scene behind the high school.

“ **You could’ve walked away Nygma.** ” The bully stood up, rubbing its jaw.

Ed watched the switchblade come out. “Stop it.” He wasn’t sure if he was talking to Butch or his own mind.

“ **But now I’ve got to beat up two fags.** ” Butch surged forward, ready to slash across with the knife.

In Ed’s memory, Riddler had been in control and had swiftly grabbed Butch’s wrist, twisting the arm and pinning him against the brick wall. Ed however, was on his own here, and all he managed to do was duck to the ground, covering his head. “I said stop it!”

Ed found his breathing was difficult to control. He finally raised his head, still quivering, to see Riddler kneeling in front of him.

“ **I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, but I had to show you how much you need me.** ” Riddler put an imaginary hand on Ed’s shoulder.

A tendril of hopelessness came creeping into Ed’s veins. It was all true, if Riddler hadn’t been there he couldn’t have faced all that alone, and… He shook off the sinking feeling, along with Riddler’s hand, trying to reorient himself. “It’s...it’s not that bad. They’re in the past, they can’t… I-I’ve gotten better.”

Riddler seemed surprised for a split-second, and then put on a tight smile. “ **Right you are! And emotionally-** ” he clenched a fist, “ **so much stronger. It’s like an impenetrable fortress up there.** ”

He tapped the middle of Ed’s forehead and let out a breathy laugh. Ed didn’t feel stronger, he felt unsettled...and exhausted. Of course, being reminded of past abuse could do that to a person. It took years of work to cope, and yet even now it made him want to bury his face and hide. At least he avoided a complete breakdown, he was getting better in that regard.

Ed took several breaths and then sighed, mumbling mostly to himself. “I don’t think I should go to class today.”

Riddler clapped. “ **Great choice! Why I-** ”

“And could you leave me alone? For like five minutes?”

“ **What? I said I’m sorry. I could help with-** ”

“Just...leave me...alone.” When Ed stood up he passed right through the hallucination, causing Riddler to disappear. Despite complaining earlier, he didn’t bother getting undressed before climbing back into bed. He hugged one of his pillows and closed his eyes.

Breathing. Breathing and focusing always helped; so did happier memories. He slowly pictured the moment Gertrud brought him home, she held him almost the entire day, stroking his hair and cooing words of reassurance. Oswald had been glad to see him too, excited to share their house with their friend. It had been the most blissful time of his childhood, and then…

Being relocated to his grandma’s house was not as pleasant a memory. It wasn’t particularly bad, but it’s intrusion was enough to break Ed’s calm concentration. He flipped to his other side and tried falling asleep again. Maybe thinking of nothing would work, just letting the blankets weigh him down...peacefully into an empty-minded...

* * *

Ed heard music and opened his eyes. He wasn’t in his room anymore, and it took him a few seconds to recognize the surroundings. It was the high school gym, decked out with lights and streamers meant to represent some fatuous theme. He was standing off to the side, watching everyone else on the dancefloor. The song was almost over and he glanced at the sound system. That’s right he’d just-

On cue,  _ Nine In The Afternoon _ started playing and Ed felt the satisfaction of success. Then he felt like his arm was going to be ripped off by Oswald shaking it.

“Ed! Ed, Ed, Ed! They’re playing it!” Then they quickly gasped. “That liar, he said they didn’t do requests.”

Seeing Oswald happy made Ed happy, and he couldn’t contain his smile. “They don’t...but I do.”

That got a quizzical look from Oswald so Ed leaned in to whisper. “I may or may not have hacked into the DJ booth and...adjusted the que.”

Oswald stared up at him for a second before laughing and wrapping him in a big hug. “Ed! That’s like the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.” 

“I know, I’m the best.” Ed hugged them back, and then he caught a glimpse of a nearby couple whispering. He felt his face get warm and he wished he could tell them that this was normal for friends, especially good ones.

Instead, he let go of Oswald and smiled. “So let’s not waste it over here huh?”

“Right as usual.” Oswald gave him another quick squeeze and then pulled him to the middle of the room. They bumped into some people on their way through, but it only made Ed laugh because of Oswald’s excitement.

Ed had no clue how to dance, but it seemed like other students were a little lost too. Some were doing their own version of a slow dance, a group of girls jumped around, and the rest awkwardly shuffled around; but that was the status quo for all songs.

Oswald’s movements were a little all over the place as they seemed more concerned with softly singing than dancing. They were still graceful though, and their voice had always been lovely. Ed did his best to follow along, sometimes twirling Oswald and singing with them.

The middle of the dancefloor was the most crowded area, but it could’ve been empty for all Ed knew. The only thing that registered was how Oswald looked under the colored lights, shades of blue and purple bouncing off their freckled face. 

They did one more spin and then Oswald rested their head on Ed’s chest. This was all perfectly normal. Their spiked hair was brushing his cheek, and Ed hoped they didn’t hear how fast his heart was beating. He wasn’t used to this much physical activity so dancing took a lot out of him.

The song came to an end, but Oswald held on for a second longer. Then they looked up at him with those spectacular blue eyes. “Ed…”

There was a shrill whine through the speakers, and the DJs announced that there were some technical difficulties. They looked pretty upset and eyed the crowd suspiciously. Ed cast a worried glance at Oswald and they both made a face.

Oswald grabbed Ed’s hand and started tugging him out of the gym. “Come on, I know a place they won’t get you.”

They ended up on the roof. It was peaceful and quiet, except for the faded sound of traffic from the city. The only lights came from the parking lot below and what filtered up from the gym. Still hand in hand, they started laughing as soon as the staircase door closed behind them.

When they caught their breath Oswald held out their arms and beamed proudly. “See? Perfectly safe and secluded.”

“Ah yes,” Ed wandered to the wall and looked over the edge, “with no escape.”

Oswald crossed their arms. “Hey, I can’t be gorgeous and smart.”

“What are you talking about?” Ed nudged them and paused. “Somehow I manage to do it.”

Oswald tried as hard they could not to smile and lightly punched Ed’s arm. “Shut up. You’re not that smart.”

“Oh? So that means I’m just gorgeous then.” He winked and chuckled.

“I said shut up!” Oswald punched him again, but they were blushing.

Ed rubbed the sore spot. “I’m kidding. You can keep the title, I’d rather be smart anyway.”

Oswald went to sit on one of the vents. “Of course, because you’re going to go to college to get some fancy degree to get some fancy job.”

“We’re going to the same college you know.” Ed sat beside them.

“Yeah, but you’re the one with a plan. I have no idea what I’m going to do when I get there. Theater? Business?”

“Microbiology?”

“Now you really are being dumb.”

“You need to give yourself more credit.” He put a comforting arm around their shoulders. “You’ve got ambition, charm, creativity...an understanding of social cues.”

They both laughed, but Ed felt he had more to say and the words spilled out. “Where I’m stuck in one direction, trying to make as little noise as possible, you’re being fearless and adaptable. I’m in awe of you every single day.”

Oswald paused and then looked up with a smile. “I’m in awe of you too Ed. I wish I could actually finish a task, or keep a desk organized. You’re so patient and kind, and there’s no denying that you’re absolutely brilliant.” They glanced down at their shoes and scoffed. “I mean...who would think to hack into a DJ’s computer just to play a silly song for me?”

“Oswald,” Ed waited for their eyes to meet his, “I would do anything for you.”

For a moment or two they gazed at each other. Oswald seemed so struck by the declaration that Ed started to wonder if he sounded too-

Oswald kissed him. With no warning they had leaned in to kiss him. Ed had neither the time or capacity to process what was happening. He didn’t close his eyes or do anything except let himself be kissed. This was his first time so there was no experience to go off of, and it was one thing to read about but...but...and Oswald…

They pulled away and then they noticed Ed’s blank expression. Their cheeks turned a bright pink. “Ed...I-”

He didn’t let them finish as he pressed his lips on theirs. It was Oswald’s turn to be surprised, but they quickly melted into it, throwing their arms around his neck. Ed moved his hands to the middle of their back, feeling the smooth suit jacket along the way.

Oswald titled their head to deepen the kiss, and Ed clumsily tried to reciprocate. What he really wanted was to run his hand through their hair...to touch those dangerous spikes. But he barely had a clue what he was doing. Would it be appropriate, or aggressive, or-

Just then, Oswald put a hand on his thigh and gave it a squeeze. The sensation sent a jolt of excitement through his body. He even jumped a little and broke their embrace. He knew his face was red, but so was Oswald’s. Oswald giggled and leaned in again. Ed started to, but then a thought hit him and he pulled away.

Oswald traced a finger along his collar, playing at the top button. “It’s okay to be nervous Ed.”

He took the hand away and inspected the whole situation, coming back to Oswald’s face. “This isn’t real.”

Oswald raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“This never happened.” Ed’s heart sunk. “We...I...I didn’t-”

The scene changed in an instant and Ed found he had a third-person view of the memory. 

He watched himself get kissed and Oswald say his name again. Like before, they were interrupted, but this time it was because younger Ed quickly got up and started running for the stairs. 

Oswald stood up too and chased after him. “Ed! Ed I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

They reached for his hand, but he yanked it away; holding it close as if fearing some kind of infection. “Don’t touch me!”

“I-I’m sorry. I...I thought-” They looked like they were on the verge of tears.

Then came the moment that present Ed wished he could undo. Wished he could go back and erase forever and ever.

Young Edward spat out the words, almost crying himself. “I’m not like you!” Then he continued running until his legs ached and his lungs burned.

It was the worst decision he’d ever made, and could only be rivaled by the series of other terrible decisions that immediately followed. He stayed home for days, went off his meds, and willingly handed control over to Riddler so he wouldn’t have to think anymore.

Riddler’s reign had been a drastic change in his high school career, in a short time he somehow worked his way into more popular groups, and briefly dated the beautiful Kristen Kringle. All it cost was Oswald. Ed didn’t want to confront any...conflicting feelings, and Riddler happily obliged by cutting out any interaction with Oswald.

That was until the Butch incident. Stumbling upon the gang of bullies sparked something in Ed, and it momentarily dragged him out of his mental isolation, fighting against Riddler’s authority. Only after the stabbing, and hearing Butch, Kristen, everyone screaming, did Ed wrangle his consciousness back; and Oswald with it. Even though Ed had abandoned their friendship, Oswald hadn’t hesitated in helping him again. Yet after-

* * *

Riddler couldn’t be less interested in sitting through Ed’s recap. And it was absolutely rude that his starring role had been glossed over to give more attention to Oswald. What. A. Loser. He was also disappointed that his altered sequence didn’t get a bigger reaction. He’d been trying to build up a roller coaster for a greater drop, but Ed had to crush his own dream first.

Suddenly, Ed’s cell-phone buzzed on the nightstand. Ed woke up just enough to touch it and Riddler quickly skimmed the message.  **_Baking, conversation, pseudo family-time? Gee, that sounds fun, maybe even healthy._ ** It took almost all of his strength to make Ed’s thumb swipe the notification away.  **_But it’s probably better to give the Oswald situation some space. You seem pretty busy here anyway._ **

Ed buried his face in the pillow again. However, a second later his head bolted up. “Wait…wait, what...what was...”

“ **What was what?** ”

“I thought my phone buzzed.”

“ **Well...I think you were still dreaming.** ”

Ed yawned and sat up, staring into space for a short time. Riddler was prepared to have his answer questioned, but Ed either accepted it or didn’t care.

“I didn’t eat anything today did I?” Ed looked at the hallucination and then blinked slowly. “Why am I talking to you again? I thought I told you to go away, I don’t want to talk to you.”

  
Riddler was content with the subject change. “ **Fair enough, my apologies.** ” With a polite smile he disappeared to the back of the mind.


	19. Rollercoaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the title suggests, there's a rollercoaster of emotions in this chapter, and maybe a twist or turn.

Jim held the piece of paper in his hand. He tried not to think about it for the rest of the day. He’d even thrown it away...twice, but then he’d take a few steps and go back for it. It was a ridiculous idea. Ridiculous, creepy, an invasion of privacy…

He reread the numbers and looked up at the house. It wasn’t the best on the street, but it wasn’t the worst either. He knew this because he’d driven around the block a few times before deciding to go up to the door. Now that he was here however, his uncertainty was back. His gut felt knotted, but his curiosity wouldn’t leave him alone.

He pointed a finger at the doorbell and then pulled it away. Why did Harvey have to get in his head? Then again, why did Ophelia never want him going to her house, and why had she been so defensive lately? He thought about knocking, and raised a fist. What would he say though? He was in the neighborhood? No, that wouldn’t make sense. He could’ve gotten the address from Barbara or Ivy? Hm, that’d be too easy to debunk.

He lowered his hand. Maybe he could come clean about it, blaming most of it on Harvey. He was ready to knock again. He could probably make up some excuse...or just beg for forgiveness later. He kept his fist near the door for several agonizing seconds. Then he dropped it and turned back towards his car.

Walking down the steps, he tore up the address. “Nope. Can’t do it. Nope, nope, nope, nope. It’s just too goddamn weird. Fuck you Harv, I’m not-”

“Oh Eddie is that you?” The voice was a little squeaky, but if Jim had to guess it was none other than Gertrud Kapelput. “I was waiting for you to show up!”

He froze, there was no way this could end well. She had to see that he wasn’t Nygma right? He didn’t want to get in trouble for stalking  _ and _ impersonation. He looked forward to his car and wondered how bad it would look if he simply sprinted. Probably pretty bad, but facing the woman had to be worse.

Still, he slowly turned around with his most approachable smile. “Uh...hey…”

She gasped, and a baseball bat materialized in her hands. “You’re not Eddie!”

Jim was a bit surprised to see the weapon, but he attempted a light-hearted yet nervous chuckle. “To be fair, I never said I was.”

Gertrud stepped out of her door and let loose a few warning shots. “Scram you miscreant! You rascal!”

He held up his hands as he dodged a few swipes. “Wait, wait! I know your daughter!”

She stopped mid-swing and deeply furrowed her eyebrows. “I don’t have...oh, are you...are you a _band_ person?” She leaned in to inspect him head to toe

“Like... **in** The Sirens? Or...” Jim wasn’t sure what the qualifications for ‘band person’ were.

Gertrud lowered the bat. “Oh is that the name of it? Nobody ever tells me anything I swear.”

“Uh huh.” Jim looked over his shoulder, it was still possible to make it to his car before anything really-

One of his hands was grabbed by Gertrud and shook vigorously. “Well it’s nice to meet you young man! I’m Gertrud Kapelput, surely you’ve heard of me.”

“Um...yeah, yeah. I’m Jim. Gordon.” He smiled kindly, casting a few quick glances at the bat. “Anyway, I should-”

“Why don’t you come inside for a bit?” She tucked her arm around his and started guiding him to the house.

“Oh, no. No I don’t think…” Jim was surprised at the tightness of her grip, and he had to rub his elbow once they were inside.

“Dinner’s almost ready if you’re interested, and I’m working on some cookies too.” She paused at the bottom of the stairs and hollered up. “Darling! Friend’s here!”

Gertrud left him by the door and continued into the kitchen. Jim figured there was no longer a chance for escape, and the only real positive he saw was that he wasn’t being threatened anymore. The only negatives were everything else. 

With nothing to do, except wait awkwardly in the entryway, he scoped out the scene. The whole place looked like an estate sale met a flea market. The pieces of furniture were mismatched, each made of a different fabric, and there was a lot of unnecessary draping and lace. He took a step towards the living room to investigate the pictures, but before he could get a closer look he heard footfalls on the stairs. He turned his head to see…

“Ophelia?”

She stopped dead and her eyes grew wide with horror. “Jim?”

They stared at each other with the same level of frozen bewilderment, Jim couldn’t even breath. Then the realization started to sink in. This person wasn’t Ophelia, but they also weren’t  **not** Ophelia. The voice was similar, the nose was the right shape, but without the makeup and clothes this clearly wasn’t Jim’s girlfriend.

Gertrud looked between them before breaking the delicate silence. “Who’s Ophelia?”

Jim didn’t take his eyes off the person on the stairs, feeling his confusion churn into anger. “I thought I knew.” Struggling to keep himself in check he nodded at Gertrud. “Pleasure to meet you - I need to leave.”

As he pivoted towards the door the rest of the stairs creaked with fast footsteps. “Jim, wait!”

Jim did not wait, and marched right out the door. His pursuer didn’t let up either and followed him into the small yard. “Jim please! I’m sorry!”

A small part of Jim told him to keep walking, but the building rage and grief were too strong. He whipped around and threw up his hands. “Oh really? You’re  _ sorry _ ? Well that automatically makes up for whatever sick joke this is!”

The imposter came to a halt a few feet short of Jim. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was going to tell you I swear!”

Jim crossed his arms. “When, huh? Before or after we had sex?”

“Jim!” The tone had the audacity to be offended.

“Honestly though! How long were you going to keep lying to me? Was this some game to you? See how far you could string me along before I figured it out?” He pointed an accusatory finger. “That’s why you got so defensive about your shoes! I knew I’d seen them before because I remember…” he let his hand drop, “you’re the guy from the bar.”

The man bit his lip and looked away. Jim’s fury was quelled for a moment as he processed the discovery, and then it erupted back to life stronger than before. His whole body was on fire, and he had the deepest urge to punch something as hard as he could. 

“God how could I be so stupid! I should’ve known, but I thought maybe… Ugh, nevermind!” He balled his hands into fists and continued to his car.

When he started moving, the other man did too. “Wait, wait I can explain! It was an accident!”

Jim had the door open when the phrase stopped him. He smacked his hand down on the roof and glared back. “An accident? You call pretending to be a woman a fucking accident?”

“That’s not what I meant…”

“Want to know the worst part? I genuinely liked you. Ophelia I- Goddamn it!” He caught himself and hit the roof again. “That’s not your real fucking name!”

“No...it’s…” The guy was shaking, probably cold from standing barefoot, or the fact that his whole charade was crashing down.

Jim held up a hand. “Know what? Forget it. I don’t fucking care who you are! Hell, I don’t fucking care  **what** you are, and…” That was probably too far, but he was way past any apologies so he just shook his head. “Fuck this and fuck you.”

Then he got in his car and slammed the door shut; he didn’t look back as he hit the gas. Almost to his apartment, he hit a stop. For the first time he glanced in the rearview mirror, but then quickly went back to the road. His hands clenched the steering wheel and then he started pounding on it, letting out a string of profanities.

* * *

Ed’s night was going just as bad as the rest of the day. He’d zoned out in the kitchen and almost cut his fingers off, which is when he decided that cereal wouldn’t be the worst thing. The bowls were by the mugs, and when he opened it, there was a weird feeling upon not seeing his pill bottle. Questions circled in his mind: how long has it been, did his doctor ever get his message, and what if it was too late.

Ed gingerly reached into the bottle’s empty space, and in the back his fingers brushed a syringe. He and Oswald nicknamed it the ‘Arkham EpiPen’ because it was supposed to be a last resort to prevent a repeat of the Butch incident, or something worse. Simply, it was like a concentrated version of his pill that was to be used in case of emergency. He closed the cabinet. This wasn’t an emergency.

A loud knock on his door made him jump. Maybe he could turn off the lights and pretend no one was home. The knocking was incessant, and Ed begrudgingly shuffled over to open it. He was fully prepared to tell the visitor off, but as soon as he turned the handle the door flew inward and Ed almost ended on the floor.

Oswald basically crashed into Ed, sobbing into his torso. Ed raised his hands, unsure of where to put them or what was going on. Oswald dug their nails into his shirt and spoke through tears.

“I fucked up Ed. I fucked up so bad…”

He awkwardly patted their back. “Oh, oh no. What...what hap-”

“It’s Jim! He found out I’m nothing but a dirty fucking liar!”

Ed bristled at the name and hugged Oswald close. “Jim didn’t say that did he?”

Oswald shook their head against his chest. “No, but it’s still true. I’m a horrible, no good, person who fucks everything up.”

“No...no, no you’re not.” Ed softly rocked them.

“Yes I am!”

“Well I say you’re not, and I know everything so you have to listen to me.”

It was hard to tell if Oswald scoffed or snivled, but they did look up at him briefly before burying their face again. “It was so bad though…”

“Shh…it’s okay.” Ed shut the door with his foot and guided them to the sofa, sitting them on the edge while he grabbed a box of tissues. “Now you tell me exactly what happened.”

Oswald took a handful and wiped at their eyes. “Well...well it wasn’t too long after I texted you...”

“Mmhm.” Ed’s frame of mind had shifted to disaster relief. While he was listening, he went to his room and came back with the fluffiest blankets and pillows. He affectionately tucked them around Oswald, who kept talking, oblivious to the world outside their story. Ed gathered snacks for the coffee table, and sweets too. Next was picking out a few-

“Were these always here?” Oswald just became aware of the new features. “Wait, what are you doing?”

A blush crept on Ed’s face. “Uh...cheer-up procedure?”

“What?” They asked with a sniffle.

“Th-that sounded weird. Um...well…anytime you have a breakup or something sad...I-I get all the things that cheer you up.” He rushed to add more, recounting his checklist. “Like your favorite blanket, and some chocolate. I have a few musicals and movies that are good to have in the background, and-”

“You do this every time? How have I never noticed?” The expected reaction was confusion or discomfort, but Oswald looked genuinely curious.

Ed felt too embarrassed to say more so he mumbled. “I’ve kind of gotten it down to a science, the point is that you shouldn’t notice.”

There was a brief pause before Oswald started either laughing...or crying. They curled around a pillow to try and muffle it. Ed was prepared for everything except that, but there was at least one ace up his sleeve. He returned from the kitchen with a box of wine and two glasses. When they clinked on the table, Oswald lifted their head. 

Ed chuckled and filled each glass. “I knew this would get a response.”

Again, Oswald started laughing and then it dissolved into tears. Ed dropped everything and kneeled beside the couch, rubbing Oswald’s arms. “I’m sorry, I thought this would make you feel better, but if-.”

“No! No, don’t apologize.” Oswald grabbed more tissues. “I  _ do _ feel better! But...but I just can’t get over how...how amazing you are. Who does something like...creates a cheer-up procedure?”

The phrase ‘I’d do anything for you’ resurfaced to the tip of Ed’s tongue, but he bit it back. If that memory held such mixed feelings for him, it was probably worse for Oswald, and he didn’t want to risk them remembering; they were already emotional enough. So instead he shrugged. “You know me, I work better with lists and statistics than...sentiment.”

Finally, Oswald smiled. “That’s why I need you. I’m all heart and no head.” They met Ed’s eyes and then their shoulders drooped. “Which is probably why things with Jim got so fucked.”

Ed had to keep himself composed. Tomorrow, tomorrow would be the appropriate time to badmouth the ex. He stood up and picked up the wine glasses. “That sounds like my cue to break out the ice cream.”

“No…” they mumbled into their drink, “that’ll be later.”

Ed smiled and sipped his own. “I’ll move it down the itinerary. For now, I recommend Mamma Mia or any other feel good piece.”

Oswald drained their glass in one swig, and then pointed at Ed. “No, let’s watch those nerd movies you talked about.”

“What, no, this is for you.”

“You’re already doing so much for me!”

“And?”

“I let Jim get in the way of our original movie night so this’ll be...my shitty repayment to you.”

“You don’t need to repay me I-”

Oswald took his arm and shook it. “Shut up and let me be nice back to you! Besides, I won’t be truly happy if you’re not happy so...add that to your checklist and go get the Star Battles or whatever.”

Ed laughed, and gave in, freeing his arm. “Alright, if that’s what it’ll take.”

“Yes, and then don’t forget the ice cream later.”

“Mint chip, of course.” Ed tapped his temple and went to start the trilogy.

* * *

A New Hope passed pretty uneventful, but the second one quickly divulged into a fit of drunken giggles every five minutes. That’s also when Ed had to explain more of the plot, which he could never tell if Oswald didn’t actually understand, or if they were just riling him up. Of course, everytime Oswald would ask a question they would scooch a little closer, and by now they were practically in his lap so he didn’t mind it too much.

Oswald pointed at the screen, causing their wine to slosh around its glass. “No! Billy Dee is a bad guy?”

Ed almost choked on his own wine. “What are you talking about?”

“He-he just...that’s...that was Vader! He betrayed H-Ha...Harrison Ford!” Their head fell onto Ed’s shoulder as they pouted. “They were broooos.”

Ed could either have his arm crushed or wrap it around Oswald, he chose the latter. “The bromance isn’t dead, trust me.”

“I do...because you would never betray me like that.” Oswald sipped their drink. “You’re not a snitch like Lando.”

“Oh my God,” Ed started laughing uncontrollably, “just watch. Please.”

It only took ten second for Oswald’s attention to wander. Using his peripheral vision, Ed saw they were looking at him. He tried to ignore it, but he couldn’t fight his smile so eventually he glanced over. “Wh-what are you…”

“Shh.” They lifted one finger and slowly inched it towards his face.

“Oswald. Oswald, what are-”

“Shushy.”

Ed looked between the approaching digit and Oswald’s face, deep in concentration. They were so adorable he wanted to start giggling, but then he feared he’d lose an eye. And then he remembered he wore eyewear, but the protection level of those…

His lost train of thought was interrupted by Oswald achieving their goal and successfully tapping his nose. “Boop.”

It was the smallest, dumbest thing, but after a second of silence they both burst out laughing. Oswald collapsed against Ed’s chest, their messy hair tickling his neck. Everything seemed back to normal, they were just two best friends having a good time. It was a nice thought, but then Oswald raised their head and Ed felt his heart jump seeing that shining face. As long as that continued to happen it would be impossible to return to normal.

Oswald resettled onto Ed’s shoulder. Then they looked up at him again with that silly, dreamy, expression. He smiled and raised an eyebrow. “What ridiculous thing are you thinking now?”

“I’m thinking how unfair it is that people like you have to wear glasses.”

“Yeah, I wish I wasn’t so damn blind either.” Ed chuckled at his cursing, his filter had been coming a little loose tonight.

“Noo...not just that. It’s cruel to hide them.” Oswald tenderly touched his cheek, right under the frame. “You have such pretty eyes Ed.”

Ed wanted to explain that nothing was hidden because glasses were transparent, but he also desperately wanted to kiss Oswald. God, the way they were looking at him! It wouldn’t even be that hard, he could accidentally turn his head and that would be all. He restrained himself, but he did allow a glimpse at their slightly parted mouth. The corners curved up into a smile.

Oswald let their fingers trace up Ed’s cheekbone until they were cupping his cheek. “Good bone structure too. Gosh you’re just pretty.”

Without any assistance from Riddler, Ed was fairly certain he would kill for Oswald to run their thumb across his lips. To have that feather light contact would be heavenly, or maybe it could be a drag, slow and rough… Ed’s skin must feel scorching underneath Oswald’s hand.

He swallowed, trying to muster any non-physical response. “Not as pretty as you, and...you’re more than that, you’re beautiful! A-and talented, and funny, and... Fuck, Oswald I-”

It was a slight miscalculation of his head shake that brought their lips together. It wasn’t enough to be considered a kiss, but it made Ed freeze. He should pull away and apologize for accidentally turning too far, but...he didn’t really want to, and his brain was being very sluggish about the whole thing. 

Oswald’s actions were also languid as they closed their mouth over his bottom lip, delicately tugging on it. Now, that was technically a kiss, and it was incredible. Ed closed his eyes to savor the sensation, and as Oswald let go he leaned forward to bring them back. They hadn’t removed their hand from his cheek and his own hand found its way to their hip. It was still a bit clumsy, but this was a kiss. An authentic, real… But this wasn’t entirely real either.

“No. No, no, no.” Ed mumbled against Oswald’s lips, pushing carefully on their shoulder. “Y-you’re drunk and...and I’m drunk, and it’s been a long, emotional, day…”

Oswald sort of looked at him with half-hooded eyes. “Oh...oh, yeah. I'm...you...yeah.”

“Yeah.” Ed pulled the blanket back around Oswald. If he had been really thinking he would’ve offered his bed, but instead they put their head on his shoulder again. It felt different now, but not necessarily in a bad way. The tiredness he was experiencing also felt different from earlier, and despite spending most of the day in bed he had the need to sleep.

He shook Oswald just a little. “Hey, do you mind if I lie down?”

The only reply was a tiny murmur. So Ed meticulously moved onto his back while keeping Oswald by his shoulder. They were on top of him, but the weight was comforting and warm as the blanket covered both of them. He stared at the ceiling for awhile, wondering how this would all play out tomorrow, but that seemed very far away. Right now he had Oswald, and they had him.

He looked down and whispered. “Oswald?”

Nothing except breathing. Ed waited a second and pressed a kiss into their hair. “I love you.” He didn’t have to say it, but hearing the words out loud put a small smile on his face as he fell asleep.


	20. Fluff pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Fluff" is to be used loosely as there continue to be problems, but for these next two parts Ed's life doesn't suck as much as usual and there are a few nice things.

Ed’s living room couldn’t have possibly been so bright, but the second he opened his eyes he had to close them and moan. He put his hands on his face, trying to massage away the splitting headache. What did he even…oh right. Pieces of last night started to assemble themselves: Oswald, crying, wine, and... Dear Lord he kissed Oswald. Or Oswald kissed him. They’d kissed. Kind of.

Adjusting to the light, he looked down. The blanket and everything else was still there, but no sign of Oswald. Odd, usually they were the heavier sleeper. Unless...they left already. Oh no, what if he’d scared them off, and now they’d never talk to him again. Nausea built in his stomach. No, Oswald wouldn’t do that, not to him. Then another terrible theory passed through his head, last night could’ve been an extremely realistic and elaborate hallucination. Which would be outlandish, even for Riddler’s standards, but Ed wasn’t so sure what his mind was capable of conjuring up. If that were true, this could be a lot worse than he thought.

He was contemplating the limits of his reality when a sound in the kitchen drew his attention. He raised himself just enough to look over the back of the couch, and he saw Oswald standing by the stove. Orrrr... maybe they simply woke up before him. They were humming something, and dancing along to it. Although, this would also be the kind of thing he would dream about so he couldn’t be sure yet.

He sat up, but everything was sore and it made him groan. Oswald stopped humming and turned to smile at him. “Wakey wakey sleepy Ed.”

“How are you so…ugh, what’s the word...” he snapped his fingers, “um...chipper this morning? There it is.”

“Because, unlike some people, I’ve developed a tolerance.”

“I don’t think tolerance has an affect on hangovers.”

“Well I don’t know what else to tell you, I feel fine.”

Ed was a little unsteady getting up, but he shuffled into the kitchen. “Lucky you.”

“Hey, you’re pretty lucky too.”

“Why? Because my wardrobe keeps getting raided?” Ed gestured to their outfit, consisting of boxers and a loose green flannel.

“Excuse me? Half of this is mine.”

“So you were clearly in your drawer, and yet you still chose to go into my closet to steal from me.”

“I don’t steal, I borrow. And the only reason I go into closets is so I can come out of them.” There was a beat before they elbowed Ed. “Huh? Huh? You get it? It’s cause I’m gay.”

He sighed heavily. “And you say my riddles are bad.”

“That’s because riddles aren’t funny to a comedic genius like myself.” They made a dramatic flourish with their hand.

“Oh yeah? Well since you’re making eggs I think this one will be appropriate.” Ed cleared his throat. “Is it correct to say ‘the yolk of the egg are white’ or ‘the yolk of the egg is white’?”

Oswald crossed their arms. “Too easy, ‘is white’ because yolk is singular. Duh.”

Ed looked at Oswald for a long time, and then he took a deep breath through the nose. “I’m going to get changed, and while I’m gone I want you to take a good hard look inside your pan and carefully rethink your answer.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Then, it wasn’t until Ed was in his room, that Oswald shouted. “For fuck’s sake!”

* * *

Ed was still chuckling to himself as he closed the bedroom door. When he turned around, the sight of Riddler made him jump.

Riddler was sitting on the edge of the bed, as if he’d been kept waiting. “ **Hello Edward.** ”

Ed glanced around the room in case there was some trick he was missing. “Yes?”

“ **Oh I was just wondering if we could chat, maybe work out a new plan.** ” Riddler pursed his lips. “ **Since you** **_ignored_ ** **me last night.** ”

Seeing that the location was secure, Ed went about his task of getting dressed. “What are talking about? You never said anything.”

That wasn’t the answer Riddler was looking for. “ **You never even** **_heard_ ** **me?** **Why that-** ” He took a breath and smoothed out his suit. “ **Well now it makes sense how you missed such an opportunity.** ”

Ed knew he was being baited, but he still sighed. “Oh?” 

He looked to Riddler for a response, but the apparition did nothing except sit there with a tilted expression. It didn’t take long for Ed to pick up on the implication, and he gasped. “I would never take advantage of Oswald like that!”

“ **Yeah, we both know** **_you_ ** **wouldn’t.** ”

“And you would?” Ed clenched his hand into a fist, he wasn’t above punching a hallucination.

Riddler shrugged. “ **Happens all the time, especially when someone’s throwing themselves at you.** ”

“They were not!” Ed blushed, remembering how Oswald caressed his face.

“ **Well they didn’t have to kiss you, and then they didn’t have to** **_keep_ ** **kissing you, but they did.** ”

Ed shook his head. “None of that matters, we were drunk, they just went through a breakup...”

“ **True, but alcohol doesn’t create ideas, it lowers the inhibitions to do them. So if there’s any take away from this, it’s that some part of them wanted you, and dare I say...they still want you this morning** .” Riddler ended with a sleazy smile.

Ed felt a chill down his spine, but he wasn’t entirely sure it was positive. “If you’re not going to offer anything useful, you don’t have to be here.”

Riddler folded his hands in his lap. “ **How about a useful explanation of the obvious? I mean, who wakes up and puts on** **_less_ ** **clothes? Your clothes by the way, and for someone so obsessed with hair it’s odd they didn’t even comb it.** ”

“It  _ is _ odd, but...but everything doesn’t have to have some secret meaning.” Ed turned away to face his dresser. “And...and sometimes Oswald is just like that.”

“ **I guess you’re right, they are like that...** ”

Then Ed felt a hand on his back, slowly moving to his shoulder and down his arm. He looked up to see Oswald, but not really Oswald, standing by him with a coquettish grin. 

“ **That meaning...desperately wanting to be pinned to the counter.** ” They demonstrated by backing up against the dresser, even gasping, a hungry look in their eyes. “ **Having your hands all over m-** ”

Ed swatted a hand through the hallucination and whipped around to face Riddler. “Don’t...do that!”

Riddler was snickering. “ **Oh come on, I was trying to...give you an example.** ”

"Well I don’t appreciate your examples, or your bad advice.” Ed walked to the door.

“ **_Bad?_ ** ”

“Yes, bad, because how do I know you’re telling the truth? Why just yesterday you were pushing me to give up on Oswald and now you’re suggesting...well the opposite.”

Riddler sat, baffled for a moment. “ **T-that was for your own good...at the moment! Things change, and...and now-** ”

“And now, for my own good, I think I’ll go back to ignoring you.”

“ **What! It doesn’t work like that, you can’t jus-** ” The bedroom door closed on Riddler’s approaching form.

* * *

Ed knew the door was useless against the voices in his head, but it still felt good to slam it. One last chance, he’d give it one last chance, and if things got worse he wouldn’t hesitate to stop Riddler, one way or another. The vow sounded confident in his head, but he continued to stare at the door, as if his alter-ego would start seeping through the wood. A curse from the kitchen drew his attention, and when he turned the corner he saw Oswald stabbing the spatula into the pan.

Ed cautiously stood beside them. “I thought you were going to make fried eggs.”

“No.” Oswald was still scowling. “I was clearly planning on scrambling them, it was always my intention.”

“Ah, I see.”

“I’d hope so, otherwise you’d need stronger glasses.” Oswald cracked a smile.

It was a joke, but it brought Ed’s mind back to last night. He could still feel Oswald’s hand on his cheek, and… One of them should talk about about it at some point, they couldn’t just let the elephant stay in the room. Surely Oswald would bring it up, they were much more bold after all, and if Riddler was even partially right about their feelings for him they’d never ignore it.

Ed laughed, probably a bit delayed. “Yeah, and I don’t need optometrist bills anytime soon.”

“Ugh, bills...responsibilities, don’t get me started.” They rolled their eyes. “But speaking of getting things, I would have you-”

Oswald put a hand on Ed’s forearm, and being reminded of the hallucination, he jerked it away. For a moment they looked at each other, confused, and then Ed gave a weak laugh. “Uh...easily startled. Sorry, um...blame it on hangover brain.”

“Oh. Oh, sure.” Oswald lowered their hand. “I was just going to ask if you could start some toast, maybe grab plates?”

Ed sighed and nodded. “Of course, certainly, affirmative I...I’m going to stop listing things with the same meaning.”

He scurried to the other side of the kitchen to follow through on his several words.  _ Yikes, this better not be as awkward as I think it is.  _ **_It’s definitely as awkward as you think._ ** _ I don’t remember asking for your opinion, I was talking to myself.  _ **_I am yourself, and I know you don’t want my advice, but you should just bring up the kiss. Get over it._ ** _ You’re right, I don’t want it, that’ll only make things weirder. Besides, Oswald’s much better with confrontation, and they know that too so when they say something-  _ **_All you have to do is not fuck it up._ **

Ed didn’t bother responding, he shouldn’t have engaged in the first place. Still, as nervous as he’d been before, he felt even more pressure thanks to Riddler. So sitting down to eat, he found himself fiddling with his fork more than usual, and if he could just bring himself to-

“Ed?”

“Huh?” He almost jumped.

“I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle you again. Jeez, twice in a row.” Oswald smiled, but then they shifted in their seat. “On a similar note...I’m sorry if I got...too touchy last night. I know you’re not super into physical stuff, but I also know I get super touchy-feely if I’m emotional or drunk sooo, you kind of hit a double-whammy.”

Their chuckle was half-hearted, and Ed didn’t know what to say but he knew he had to say something fast. “No! No you...I don’t think...you were fine. Wait, I mean you were fine and I don’t think anything happened, not ‘I don’t think you were fine’. Uh...” Ed coughed. “Either way, if you  _ did _ do anything I barely remember last night so it’s...it’s cool.”

“Oh.” The sigh wasn’t as relieved as Ed expected, but then they perked up. “Well...good. We’re both on the same page then. I mean...I can’t really recall anything after the ice planet anyway”

“Oh! So you don’t...you don’t remember…” He realized he’d probably said that a bit too loud. He’d been counting on Oswald to bring up the kiss, but if they didn’t know about it that would prove impossible.

“Was there something I was...supposed to remember?” Oswald was very careful while putting butter on their toast, not taking their eyes off of it.

Ed was just trying to keep his inner panic, well, on the inside. He could bring it up. No he couldn’t, he’d already said that his own memory was flawed, then he’d be caught lying. Although he could always-  **_Might I suggest-_ ** _ No! _ “No!”

His voice was definitely too loud that time, judging by Oswald’s reaction. “Sorry, that uh...that came out wrong. But um...the answer’s still no. Well, you missed some plot stuff, most of the plot, but it’s fine.”

“Oh...okay, nothing too important.” They paused, but then they offered a small smile. “I guess we’ll have to...watch it again sometime? Preferably sober - so we won’t forget anything."

“Yes, yes, of course! And we have plenty of time now that Jim’s-” Ed knew his snarky tone was still too soon by the way Oswald’s shoulders drooped. Usually exes weren’t a big deal for Oswald, but Jim hadn’t been the usual in any way. “I didn’t mean to…”

“You have a point though. This morning I realized I haven’t exactly been the best friend to you lately,” they pulled Ed’s shirt tighter around themself, “and I’m sorry if it seemed like I was prioritizing Jim over you.”

Ed had no clue how to respond, and he stared at his plate like an idiot. His instincts were to jump up and defend Oswald, but only to appease the conversation, not because he disagreed with what they said. He finally brought himself to look at them, they were so small, wrapped up in the flannel. If there wasn’t this ache in his heart he could’ve appreciated how delicate they looked in that green,  _ his _ green.

**_I know you said to shut up, but trust me that the only way to accept this apology is to storm over there and kiss them until the only color they’re wearing is blush pink._ ** _ Trust you? That’s the last thing I’d do, and if you haven’t noticed, this is a serious conversation!  _ Ed wished he even had one pill left to at least quiet the voice. He needed to think clearly, and...appropriately.

The trouble was, he honestly couldn’t come up with a better response. He could say ‘it’s fine’, but it hadn’t really been fine, having plans cancelled, being left in a field. He didn’t want to say it wasn’t fine either because he couldn’t hurt Oswald’s feelings. Crazy as Riddler was, a kiss would really capture the ‘don’t worry about it anymore because I love you no matter what’ vibe he was aiming for. If only he had a fraction of Riddler’s confidence to pull it off.

Ed swallowed, anxious about how much time he’d wasted thinking. “I uh...don’t worry about it because honestly...it’s fine.” Probably better to play it safe. “No matter what, we’re still best friends.”

Oswald glanced down for a moment and then lifted their head with a smile. “Thanks Ed.”

Both of them went back to their plates, but shortly after Oswald abruptly smacked the table and looked eagerly across to Ed. “Do you want to do something fun tonight?”

Even though Ed was the only other person in the house he pointed at himself. “Me?”

“No, my other best friend.” Oswald laughed and rolled their eyes. “For a super smart genius you can be dumber than me sometimes. So what do you say?”

“To what?”

“To what! To doing somethi-”

“Okay, okay! I know that part, but what is the  _ something _ we’d be doing?”  **_Please say each other._ ** _ Stop it. _

Oswald leaned back in their chair with a fiendish smile. “I’ve decided it’s a surprise.”

“You expect me to say yes without knowing any details?”

“Hmm...alright, but all I’m going to say is that Jim’s loss is now your gain.”

**_Damn, we really are getting laid._ ** _ No. Stop. Just stop. _ Ed couldn’t stop his heart from beating a little bit faster though. “W-what’s that even supposed to mean?”

“Good question, got any more?”

“Several! Where? What time? Will I have to change clothes? Do I have to-”

“Shhh…” Oswald continued shushing him until they walked from their end of the table to poke his forehead. “All you have to do is trust me.”

Ed crossed his arms. “Give me some details.”

“Trust me.” They put both hands on his shoulders.

“Absolutely not.”

“Trust me. Pleeease?” Oswald almost brought their foreheads together.

Ed had nowhere to look except those crystal blue eyes. “...Fine.”

Oswald stood back up and clapped gleefully. “Yay! I promise it’ll be great. You just come right over after school and… Wait, what time do you have class today?”

He’d forgotten to reset his alarms. “Uh...like right now.”

“Oh fuck! I’m sorry, I should’ve woken you up or something.”

“No, no you didn’t know.” Ed scrambled to get a few last minute things. “I...I’m just going to brush my teeth in the car.”

Oswald helped him with his coat. “That’s how the cool kids get ready. I’m going to clean this up and hang around until I’m ready to go back and talk to my mom.”

“You didn’t tell...okay, yeah. Just lock the door when you leave.” He ran out the door, but quickly turned back. “Don’t steal my stuff, I’ll see you later.”

“I can only guarantee one of those things!” Oswald waved and ducked back inside the house.

Ed spared a moment to imagine how perfect a domestic morning could be with Oswald, and then he snapped back to his fast-paced reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, thanks for making it to chapter 20. I don't know how the heck it got to this point, (probably because every chapter's only around the 2-3,000 word count) but wowza.


	21. Fluff Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Most of the stuff that happens is good and sweet.

During classes, Ed was surprisingly focused, despite most of his thoughts going to Oswald and whatever they had planned this evening. He was determined to do well now in order to have a good time later. Riddler’s pestering went largely unnoticed, and the voice barely registered as anything more than an angry buzzing, but occasionally Riddler would say something outrageous enough to catch a second of Ed’s attention before fading away.

His library work went painfully slow, and even though Oswald never specified a time, he didn’t want to be late. After rushing through the last student, he followed Oswald’s instructions and went straight to the Kapelput house. He felt like skipping up the walkway on his way to the door. It barely took two knocks before Gertrud flung it open and greeted him with a spine crushing hug.

“Eddie darling I’ve missed you! And it’s actually you this time instead of that-” she let go of him to glance around before lowering her voice, “ _ Jim _ fellow.”

Ah yes, Oswald had mentioned their mother’s case of mistaken identity. Ed didn’t know if he should be flattered that his gangly self had been confused for Jim’s handsome figure, or offended that they had been compared in any way. Regardless, it brought him joy to hear Gertrud say the name like a curse, and he couldn’t wait to hear her opinions.

“Yep. That Jim huh?”

Gertrud’s eyes grew wide and she raised her hands as if to say ‘Lord help me’. Then she signaled Ed to follow her. “You need to come into my kitchen right now.”

Ed smiled and walked through the entrance, glancing up at the stairs. “Are they-”

“Mmhm, so we have to make this quick.” She stopped at the counter. “Okay, I know you knew about this Jim...so why didn’t you tell me?”

Ed put on the most innocent face. “I couldn’t spill Oswald’s secret, it wasn’t mine to tell.”

Gertrud continued to frown for a moment, but then she softly nodded. “Very loyal, I appreciate that. I’ve always said snitches get stitches.” Then she took the lid off a jar. “But good boys like you deserve a cookie.”

“Oh...uh, thank you.”

“You’re very welcome.” She pinched his cheek. “I used your recipe.”

“Mm, but you used more white sugar instead of brown.”

“I like them crisper.” Then she flipped like a switch. “Now, you need to give me the low-down on that schmuck.”

“Short and sweet? Nice face, complete idiot. I will give him this, out of all the exes, he’s the best so far in the other categories.”

“Doesn’t mean a lot to be the best of the worst people on earth.” Gertrud grabbed a cookie of her own and bit down as if it were Jim or one of the others. “Honestly, why date any of these scummy...scummers. Why can’t there be one decent- No, decent isn’t good enough for my Ozzie. He deserves a man who’s above and beyond the rest. Kind, devoted…”

“Intelligent, funny...” Ed started keeping track on his fingers.

“Talented.”

“Practical.”

Gertrud snapped her fingers. “Practical! Yes, someone who has all these things, but above all else, they should be practical. Oswald’s a wonderful dreamer, but all dreamers need a realist or else they’ll get lost in the clouds.” Then she firmly nodded. “They should be handsome too. And I need to like him or else.”

“Are you sure that’s it? I have two fingers left for some last minute attributes.” Ed held up the results of their list. “We could make it a perfect ten.”

“Hm...well what else describes you?”

“Uh…” Ed blinked, it felt like the wind was knocked out of him.

Gertrud tilted her head with a knowing look. “Oh come on, don’t be so modest. You’re pretty much the standard all other men are held to around here. I always tell Ozzie to find a guy like you.”

**_You’re a guy like you!_ ** Ed didn’t even notice he muttered Riddler’s line out loud.

“Right you are!” Gertrud poked him in the chest several times. “And how easy would that be for me?”

For the second time, Ed was at a loss for words, unsure how to take Gertrud’s enthusiasm. Then she lightly ribbed him. “Then I wouldn’t have to keep track of names and faces, I’m getting too old for that.”

Ed let out a relieved chuckle. “Please, you’re not old. Why, if I were a bartender I’d ask for your ID.”

She waved a dismissive hand, but smiled regardless. “Bah, only because it’d be part of the rulebook.”

“You don’t have to  _ know _ the reason why.”

“But I would, a mother knows everything. Now, I’ve probably delayed you long enough so you should get up there. I don’t know what’s going on, but they had one of your suits, fair warning.”

“Of course they did.” He rolled his eyes. “Well thanks for the heads up, and if you ever want to hear more about Jim, I’d be happy to share more details.”

“I don’t think I need to know anymore about that hooligan.” Then Gertrud put some cookies on a plate and handed it to Ed. “But take these with you! Some sweets for my sweet boys...uh...oh drat I just had it. I’ll have to go over my cheat sheet again, but you two have fun.”

“Will do, thanks mo- Ms. Kapelput.” Ed gave a parting nod and quickly ascended the stairs.

Ed reached Oswald’s room, but he paused before entering, catching a glimpse through the slightly open door. Sure enough, his olive suit was laid out on the bed, with Oswald gently sewing the jacket’s cuff. They were still wearing his shirt from earlier, but there was a modest addition of pants. Ed watched them reading the numbers, biting their lip in concentration.

He only admired the sight for a moment before walking in. “Didn’t I give you one simple instruction?”

Oswald jumped, almost stabbing themself on the needle. “Well...you said don’t steal. I’m  _ borrowing _ . In fact I’m doing you a favor, there was some fraying at the end.”

“Mmhm.” He set Gertrud’s plate on the nightstand. “Want one? Your mom’s kind of a pusher.”

“I shouldn’t, but she’d be sad if they went untouched.”

“I feel so dumb, I almost called her mom again.” Ed sat on the side of the bed that was open.

“You should have! She’d love it!” Oswald at least covered their mouth while they chewed. “It would’ve made her whole fucking day...her whole year!”

“No, it would’ve been weird!”

“Noo, I can tell you exactly how it would go.” Oswald took on the soft expression of their mother and squished Ed’s cheeks. “Oh Eddie, my dearest boy! I’m so honored-”

Ed put his hand on Oswald’s wrists. “Okay, okay enough! Desperately needed subject change - why do you have one of my suits?”

Oswald left their hands on Ed’s face, still squishing and poking like a child. “That’s part of the surprise, you get to be styled by the classiest bitch in Gotham.”

“This is starting to sound less like a surprise and more like a punishment.”

Oswald scoffed. “Punishment? My hands are dangerously close to your neck for you to be saying rude shit.”

**_Ooo, kinky_ ** . Ed was thankful he could blame his red face on Oswald’s antics, but he finally pulled their hands away. “So what happens after you dress me up like a mannequin?”

“What happens when you stop being cynical?”

“It’s not cynicism, I like being in on the plan.”

“Ugh.” Oswald fell on the bed next to him, careful not to lay on any clothes. “Can’t you just have some blind faith?”

When they flopped down, part of the flannel rode up to expose a strip of skin just above Oswald’s waist. When this would happen in the past Ed paid it no mind, but now he was itching to trace the pale line with his finger.  **_Then do it._ ** _ Are you aware of how awkward it is to touch someone’s stomach?  _ **_Fine. I’ll do it, coward._ ** Ed felt his hand moving, but he didn’t stop it...until it was almost there; then he shook off Riddler’s influence.

His movement caught Oswald’s attention and they lifted their head to catch his hand still hovering over the scene of the crime. Ed tried to cover up his guilt by tugging down the shirt as if it’d been his intention all along. Oswald continued to watch him a little longer, but he averted his gaze.

Then Oswald sat up and put a hand on his back. “So, ready to get ready?”

“I don’t think I have a choice.”

“You have a choice. You could always tell me to fuck off instead.” They leaned against him.

“Except you know I would never say that.”

“That’s right.” Oswald winked before pushing Ed onto his feet. “Now, let’s get you looking fabulous!”

Ed’s makeover should’ve been shot and edited into some TV show because what he thought would be a change of clothes turned into a change of clothes, accessories, and even a new hairstyle. He didn’t really trust Oswald with scissors, but it was only a quick trim and he secretly enjoyed their hands running through his hair. When it came to Oswald’s turn to change they shooed Ed out of the bathroom and closed the door.

Ed adjusted his jacket and strolled over to the vanity to check his hair again. He shouldn’t have been surprised to see his second reflection.

“ **_See? This is why I wear suits, they’re the sexiest look for any occasion, and I’m expecting this to be a very sexy occasion._ ** ”

“I really wish you weren’t coming.” Ed groaned. “And could you keep it down? Oswald’s not too-”

“ **_What the FUCK is that?_ ** ”

Ed looked to where Riddler was pointing and he quietly gasped. The photo of him and Oswald was still taped there, but overlapping it was a printed picture of Jim and Ophelia. Judging from the background, it was taken at the Fall Festival, but it was hard to concentrate on the setting because all that Ed could see was the blaring couple. Oswald looked mid-laugh, probably taken by surprise as Jim kissed their cheek. Ed glanced between both pictures, comparing Oswald’s expression in each, afraid of seeing them happier with Jim.

“ **_Fuck Jim!_ ** **_They’re not even dating anymore, why is this here?_ ** ” In the mirror, Riddler took off the picture, sneering at it. Then he slowly started to tear a corner, ripping the top of Jim’s blond locks. Ed watched the hallucination, aghast, but with a touch of satisfaction.

Oswald’s alarmed voice caught Ed’s attention. “What are you doing?”

“What? I-” Ed looked down to see the partially torn paper in his own hands. He felt a rising panic, unable to meet Oswald’s eyes. Only when they plucked it away did he manage to lift his head. “I-I don’t...I didn’t…”

It was a little difficult to read Oswald’s expression as they cradled the picture in their hands, running a thumb over the damage. Even in a mix of emotions, one had to be sadness, some remorse, and a dash of a broken heart, but there was no anger.

Ed finally lowered his hands, clutching them in front. “I-I really didn’t mean to. I...I was trying to...look at it, but...”

Oswald smiled, but it lacked genuineness. “It’s alright. That tape can be a little tricky, gets stuck around the edges sometimes. But, it’s-it’s only paper so no worries.” 

There was silence as Oswald’s gaze returned to Jim. The knot in Ed’s stomach tightened.  _ This is all YOUR fault!  _ **_What are you talking about? I’m YOUR reflection._ ** Riddler’s smirk wasn’t visible, but it was felt. That realization deflated all of Ed’s anger, but...but he truly didn’t mean to. He hadn’t even  _ felt _ the paper in his hands, in fact he hadn’t felt anything. Riddler must’ve...

Ed heard the paper ripping again, but saw it coming from Oswald this time. They tore it straight down the middle, again and again. “It’s actually more than alright. I should thank you for helping me take this down. I saw it up there earlier, but couldn’t bring myself to do anything about it.”

They dumped all the pieces into the garbage and then turned back to Ed with hands on their hips and a grin. “Now I’ve got more mirror room to admire myself.” They did a twirl so their loose top swished around their slacks.

A small smile came on Ed’s lips, accepting the forgiveness. It surprised him how many times Oswald would pardon any of his missteps, but that couldn’t last forever. Oswald stepped over to the vanity and stood on their toes to put an arm around Ed’s shoulders. “And to admire us too. I mean, check these models out, looking ready to hit the runway.”

“The surprise isn’t a runway is it? Because I’m telling you now, I  **will** hate it.”

Oswald laughed. “No, but we should get going. Don’t want to be late.”

“Late for what?”

“A very important date!”

Ed rolled his eyes. “You know how I feel about Alice in Wonderland.”

“Are you still mad Tetch memorized the jabberwocky poem before you? Ed that was like eleventh grade, and he was a total weirdo. He wore a fedora for crying out loud.”

“Didn’t you make out with him once?”

“I uh...don’t see how that’s relevant.” Oswald glanced aside, but then they abruptly faced Ed again. “Oh, I almost forgot something very important!”

They disappeared into the bathroom again, and returned with a paper cup of water in one hand. Ed chuckled. “Should I be worried?”

“That I would ruin my masterpiece? Never! No, this goes along...with  _ this _ .” They opened their other hand to reveal a travel-sized container of pills.

Ed’s smile faded and he stared at the medicine. He was caught between horror and relief because it meant Oswald  _ knew _ . How long had they known? Were they mad? What tipped them-

Oswald spoke calmly. “I...I noticed you didn’t take one this morning. Which, which is fine, totally fine, it was a busy time. I just...I wanted to make sure you got one today because...you know.”

**_Oh this is some bullshit! Just make up something about they need to be taken at a certain hour or whatever._ ** Gingerly, Ed took the container and water.  **_You’re not serious are you? Come on Ed, don’t be an idiot, without me you don’t have the guts to make this little romance work. Besides, you’ll need more than one measly pill to get rid of me_ ** . There was a waver in Riddler’s confidence, even though what he said was true. One pill would be like putting Riddler to sleep, weakening him for a day or so. Ed looked up to Oswald. They were watching him very carefully.

He didn’t hesitate taking out one of the pills and swallowing it. Then he smiled at Oswald. “Thanks.” 

He considered telling them about his other “missed” days, but after seeing their shoulders relax he figured he could leave the subject alone. “You’re welcome. I-I didn’t want to say anything, or sound aggressive or… What are you doing?”

Ed tucked the container in his jacket pocket. “Huh? Oh, um...I’m just going to...refill it at home.” There weren’t many left, but even one every few days would do some good, a temporary solution. “So...about this being late?”

* * *

Since Oswald wouldn’t even give Ed the name or address of their destination he had to rely on their directions. Riddler had made a few complaints, but as time passed the medication started to wear on the voice, and it faded away. There were only a few wrong turns, but apparently they were right on time as Ed parked in a restaurant lot. It wasn’t five stars, but it was certainly one of Gotham’s higher class establishments. When they walked inside Ed understood why Oswald spent so much time fixing him up, business casual was the bare minimum among the guests who were waiting impatiently.

Oswald paid them no mind and pulled Ed up to the host’s station. “Hello, we’d-”

“Wait time will be about an hour and a half, thank you for your patience.” The host didn’t lift their head.

Ed started to walk away, probably best to find a bench now, but Oswald yanked him back. They stared at the person behind the podium. “You’re welcome, but there will be no patience because we have a reservation.”

Ed looked at Oswald. “We do?” He received a slight nudge. “I mean...we do.”

The host didn’t seemed impressed. “Name?”

Oswald leaned over the station. “Gordon. Either Jim or James.” Ed shot them a confused look, but they replied with a small shrug.

After typing away on a screen, the host put on a polite smile. “Ah, there it is. If you’ll follow me we have a table for you right over here Mr. and...the both of you.”

Once seated, the waiter came by shortly with drinks and menus, leaving them to decide. Oswald opened theirs up, but Ed simply stared at them across the table until they noticed.

“What?”

“When you said ‘late for an important date’ I didn’t think you meant…” he gestured to the candlelit atmosphere, “an actual date.”

A faint blush rose to the top of Oswald’s cheeks, but they casually went back to their menu. “Well, I didn’t know what to expect either. I just knew that Jim made a reservation for Ophelia, and I didn’t want it to go to waste.”

“Ah.” Ed tried not to sound disappointed. So the surprise wasn’t as personal as he assumed, but at least they didn’t deny the potential of a date.

Oswald quickly continued. "That doesn’t mean you’re getting a second-hand dinner though! Think of it more like an inheritance, and now that the relationship has died, you...wait.” They buried their face in their hands, and chuckled a little before looking up. “Let me try again, I wanted to do something special for you okay? And I thought it would be nice to go out, looking hot as hell, to a restaurant that we would never go to otherwise and just...have fun.”

Ed was certain that if he took his eyes off his water glass to look at Oswald, his heart would explode. They’d done nice things for each other because that’s what friends do, but the butterflies in his stomach made him second-guess everything. Emotions couldn’t be trusted, they clouded one’s judgement, and Ed couldn’t risk misreading the situation. How much thought had Oswald  _ actually _ put into this night? Was this a dinner of intentional romance or a coincidental convenience? Both were plausible, but the recent context had to be taken into consideration. This night was supposed to be for Jim, so what mood does that set, and what did it mean for Ed to replace him?

"Ed?" Oswald tilted their head to try and get into his line of sight.

He snapped his head up. "Hm?"

“It looked like the wheels were really cranking in your head.” Oswald smiled, but their eyes were nervous. “I-is this too much? We can leave if you’re uncomfortable. I hadn’t expected this many people, and I kind of put you on the spot…”

“Oh, oh no, no! I...I like it.” Ed snuck his hand across the table to brush Oswald’s. “It’s good to get out and...and have fun like you said. No school, no Sirens...and no Jim.” He tried to sound as confident as possible at the end, it could still be too soon.

Oswald moved their hand away, but only to raise their water. “No school, Sirens, and especially no Jim.”

Before they could clink glasses, the host walked past with a suspicious eye. Oswald caught the scrutiny and glanced back to Ed. “Except for the Jim at this table obviously.”

Ed nodded and smiled. “Oh yes, except the Jim who’s reservation wasn’t stolen.”

They waited until the host left earshot before laughing at each other. Date or not, tonight would be a much needed breather from all of Gotham’s stress, and Ed was lucky enough to be sharing it with Oswald.

* * *

After the waiter boxed up any leftovers, they returned with a delightfully decadent dessert. Ed looked at the chocolate cake alamode, and then slowly looked up to Oswald. “When did you even order this?”

“I ran into our waiter outside the bathroom.” They wasted no time digging in with their spoon. “It was either this or cheesecake, but I know you get picky about cheesecake.”

“Mmhm, and your love for chocolate had no influence?” Ed picked up the other spoon.

“Hey, I considered you first.” They watched Ed take his bite, and raised an eyebrow. “Have you always done the ice cream before the cake?”

“Yeah, that’s the right way to do it. A little bit of ice cream, and then the cake, that way the chocolate hits your tongue first and it isn’t blocked by the vanilla.”

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“It’s true, go ahead and try it.”

Oswald rolled their eyes and scooped up some ice cream before moving their spoon to the cake. 

Ed waved his hands. “No. No, no, no. The ratio’s all wrong.”

“It’s dessert, there’s no such thing as wrong.”

Ed used his own spoon to construct the perfect bite. “Well there’s definitely a right way. Now, try this.”

He held it out across the table. He expected Oswald to take it from him, but instead, they slowly leaned forward to eat from his hand. It was an interesting sight to see Oswald wrap their lips around the end of the spoon, salaciously close to his fingers; and how painfully long it took for them to release the metal. Or maybe it wasn’t that long, but Ed’s brain wouldn’t work because all the blood had gone to his lap. Thankfully the pill had kicked in or else Riddler probably would’ve conjured up worse thoughts and images.

Oswald swallowed and licked their lips. “What do you know? Much better.”

All Ed mustered was a nod, trying to hit the refresh button on his body. Oswald was still his friend who deserved to be thought of respectfully in any situation. He was getting ready to speak - a tasteful quip with a flirtatious edge - when he noticed Oswald almost duck to the side.

They dropped their voice to a whisper. “Don’t look now, but- I said not now! So there’s a table behind you with a guy in a red shirt.”

Ed pretended to look at the decor as he casually turned around. The man in the red shirt was vaguely familiar with his greasy man bun. Ed pondered it a moment before looking back to Oswald. “Wasn’t he from our Spanish class?”

“Sí señor, and he’s also the reason I skipped a lot Spanish. That man had a good weed supply, but it’s too bad his joints were rolled bigger than his dick.” Oswald peeked around Ed to glimpse at the guy again, and then they made a disgusted face. “Ugh, not my worst rebound, but certainly not my best.”

Ed laughed, but then a thought struck him. He wasn’t turning into a rebound was he? Sure they’d just been through a terrible breakup with Jim, and now he was literally replacing him on their date, but no...he couldn’t be. Besides, if he was going to be one it would’ve happened earlier in their history, and Oswald knew that he wasn’t the type to… Well, okay, he was a rebound boyfriend for Isabella - until she realized that Ed wasn’t the love of her life, he just happened to be her closest guy friend who was checking out books at the right time. She had been super flirty and eager in the beginning, like Oswald was now.

Ed knew that if Riddler wasn’t sedated, the voice would be egging him on regardless of the reason for Oswald’s advances. Ed cared though. He couldn’t tell if Oswald was serious, joking, or projecting their unresolved feelings for Jim. Oswald needed more than one day to move on and figure out their shit, preferably without Ed meddling in it. As much as he wanted to turn their friendship into something more, he wanted to go about it in a proper way, and if that meant waiting a little longer than so be it.

He shrugged at Oswald. “Well, at least a man bun is better than a fedora guy.”

Oswald took another stab at the dessert. “Tetch wore many hats, and it was one time. One time!”

“Still, that’s one time too many for a guy who could barely do card tricks.”

“Well I’m sor-ry, but we can’t all makeout with our hot biology partners.”

“Excuse me? It was calculus three and chemistry. I took biology the semester after Lucius transferred.”

Oswald smirked. “Right, that was his name. God, I can’t get over how neither of you knew the other was gay until the day before he leaves.”

Ed blushed. “To be fair, I’m still not sure if I’m pan or demi, so a couple semesters is pretty impressive. He actually thought I was ace for most of it, but-”

“But you still got the d in that class, wink wink.”

There was a beat as Ed took a long time to blink. “Annnd this conversation is officially over. How about we talk about getting the check instead?”

Oswald chuckled. “Are you pulling a ‘check please’ on me? Well I hate to inform you, but it’s already taken care of. I paid when I ordered dessert.”

“You what?” Ed had been prepared to take his card out, as a ‘thank you’ for the invitation out. “Wh-what do I owe you then?”

“Nothing, friends don’t owe friends.”

“No, seriously. I know mine must’ve been-” He lifted his finger to start doing the math.

Oswald laughed and grabbed their hand, shaking it. “Let me treat you goddammit!”

Ed smiled while letting out a frustrated noise. “Gahh, noo…”

“Yes! And get used to it because I’m making musician money now so expect to be showered in pampering.”

With a sigh and a scoff, he hung his head. “You’ll be the death of me.”

Oswald stood up and went to give Ed’s shoulders a squeeze. “You’d be the first person to actually be killed by an act of kindness. Now come on, let’s skedaddle before Mr. Mary Jane spots me.”

“You don’t want a charming reunion? Go out for a smoke?”

“Once again, my hands are dangerously within choking range for you to be so bold.”

They both laughed and put on their coats, careful to leave out the opposite side of the restaurant. There were no wrong turns getting back to the Kapelput house, but the car took an extra loop around the block to talk a little longer. Ed parked in front to let Oswald out, but they stayed seated for a bit.

“Sure you don’t want to come in again?”

Ed shook his head. “I should get back and do some homework.”

“And you don’t need me as a distraction?”

“You are an excellent distraction, but that kind of defeats the purpose.”

“Aw, alright.” Oswald started to exit the car. “You have a goodnight then.”

“Thanks, you t- Wait,” Ed noticed the leftovers on the dash, “aren’t you forgetting something?”

Oswald sat back down, smiling coyly. “Did I?”

“Yeah, you did.” Ed held up the box. “You paid for it so you should have it.”

They looked at the styrofoam before taking it with a light chuckle. “Oh, yes, that’s true.”

Hesitating, they leaned over to hug Ed, he could smell the faint rose scent of their hair. “Ed, I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you. Thanks for coming out tonight.”

The position was a little awkward, but he got his arms around them too, holding them tight. “And thank you for such a wonderful surprise.” 

“Even though you hate them?”

“Well...this was a good one.” The hug continued, and Ed felt content with this tiny world inside his car. Then he noticed a light on in the house. “Uh oh, I think your mom’s at the window.”

Oswald’s sigh tickled Ed’s neck. "Of course she is, that snoop. You better get out of here before she catches you, except instead of chasing you away she'd drag you in."

"Then I'd never get anything done." Reluctantly, Ed let go so Oswald could get out.

They stuck around to lean in the window. "And don't forget about your other assignment - you've gotta figure out what we're doing tomorrow."

"We're doing something tomorrow?"

"Yeah! I gave you Thursday remember?"

"Oh. I thought today would makeup for that."

"So now we can't hang out twice in a row? No, this was supposed to be Jim's day, and tomorrow was yours. But you lucked out so you get both...if you want, I don't want to drain your social energy."

Ed laughed. "I could never be tired of this. I-I'll think of something."

"Don't think too hard! This is for you so it's whatever  **you** want." Oswald was about halfway through the window, leaning in further to jab Ed's arm.

"Okay, okay I'll try!" He swatted the hand away. "I'll text you when I figure it out."

"You better." Oswald lingered before backing out the window. "Have a goodnight."

"You too." They shared one more smile and then Ed left them waving on the sidewalk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was way longer than I intended, but I didn't want to break it up. This is also going to be a busy month for me, so we'll see when the next chapter comes out.
> 
> (I'm also considering, after this story is done, to do a quick Foxma one-shot because as I wrote that bit, a cute/steamy scenario got stuck in my head. But first things first lol)


	22. Twist and Shout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a time jump as Edward and Oswald's lives resettle into their old routine. Meanwhile, The Sirens prepare for a unique show, and and it makes for one emotional rehearsal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter in bits and pieces during my finals week (month basically) so that's why it'll seem a little disjointed and much longer than usual.
> 
> And for those still hanging on, I will say that we're nearing the end. Can't say how many chapters exactly, but there is a light at the end of this tunnel so thank you for reading!

After arriving home, Ed noticed something odd - Oswald’s box was still in the car. He started to roll his eyes, he couldn’t believe someone could forget twice...and then he realized he was the idiot in this situation. They hadn’t cared about the leftovers, when he called them back they were probably expecting a kiss and he ruined it! Sure, he had decided to give them some space to get over Jim, but a peck on the cheek wouldn’t have hurt anybody. 

He sighed before getting out and heading to the house. It couldn’t be helped now, and maybe it was better because if Oswald really wanted  _ him _ instead of a body to fill the space then they would keep trying, right? Then there was the question of how long would it take to get over Jim, the relationship hadn’t been very long, but it seemed intense. Maybe he’d give it a month before amping up his efforts, but then again emotions rarely went according to plan. Which lead to another problem for Ed - Oswald’s flirting. He was never good at picking up signs and Oswald could be flirtatious about anything and everything. They dropped pick-up lines and made suggestive comments throughout their entire friendship, so now he had to decipher what was real, what was teasing, and respond accordingly...whatever that meant. Looks like he was going back to his original plan of strategically wooing Oswald until he was certain they loved him as much as he loved them. Nothing more romantic than logic.

The first step was Thursday’s date, if he could call it that, and he considered inviting Oswald over for another night in, but that seemed too soon. Instead, he found a quaint bar that was running a trivia event. It was popular, but not crowded, reasonably priced, and he would take any opportunity to showcase his superior intellect. Even though Oswald already knew he was smart, they still seemed impressed with every correct answer, praising him like a personal cheerleader. Once or twice he’d put a hand on their lower back under the pretense of asking for input, it was subtle, but he didn’t want to take any big risks.

Over the next few weeks he developed a kind of routine with Oswald. They both fell back into their schedules, everything returning to normal, but when they would hang out or go somewhere, Ed would try to sprinkle in an extra compliment, or sneak a moment of physical contact. Sometimes he would get too nervous and shy away, but he didn’t have to lament over it very long. That was the best part, he didn’t have to worry about missed opportunities because without any competition there was no pressure to win them over right away.

Riddler would pop up occasionally to either criticize his technique or to try pleading with him, but then he’d take a pill the following morning and Riddler disappeared for a day or two. Ed had almost forgotten what it was like to only have one voice in his head, not worrying that he’d wake up one morning having lost control, and it was a welcome change. He wanted to thank Oswald again for remembering his stash at the Kapelput house, but that might get suspicious. Instead, he vowed to repay them by making another attempt to renew his prescription every week. First he tried calling, waited, and then sent an email, waited, and recently he texted his doctor’s nurse. So far there wasn’t any response, which was increasingly odd, and his supply was almost out. Once they were gone, he was just going to sit in the hospital until they gave him an appointment; and then loudly complain about their lack of communication.

Ed was reading through his textbook when his phone buzzed. He hoped it was the nurse, but was equally pleased to see Oswald’s name.

“Ed! Siren rehearsal ASAP! Your expertise is needed!” It wasn’t quite the message he wanted, but he was curious what kind of expertise they required.

* * *

As soon as he stepped foot in the house, Ed could already hear a heated discussion coming from Barbara’s practice room. He cautiously opened the door to see Ivy and Barbara in each other’s face, going back and forth with ‘was not’ and ‘was too’. Oswald was lounging on the settee, rubbing their temples, but they jumped up when they noticed him.

“Ed!” They grabbed his arm and yanked him further into the room. “Thank goodness, settle a debate for us will you?”

Barbara and Ivy stopped glaring at each other to refocus that energy on Ed. Ivy spoke first. “Poison Ivy was released in the 1950s wasn’t it?”

Barbara crossed her arms. “It was the early 60s.”

“Was not!”

“Was too!”

Ed held up his hands. “Whoah, whoah, back up. What are we talking about?”

Ivy rolled her eyes. “Poison Ivy, hit song of the 1950s, duh.”

Barbara clenched her jaw. “I think you mean of the 60s.”

“Admit it, you just don’t want to play it because  _ I _ want to!”

“Oho, trust me, if I didn’t want to do something we simply wouldn’t do it.”

Ivy whipped back to Ed. “So which is it?”

He took a moment to glance between them. “Uh...first, I don’t know why I need to be here, but The Coaster’s recorded it in 1959, and then there were covers in the 1960s.”

The ladies stared at him, and then Ivy slowly smiled before pointing a finger at Barbara. “Ha! I knew it! We are so playing it this weekend.”

Ed turned his head to Oswald. “What’s this weekend?”

“We’ve got a show at this 50s themed diner-bar thing, and we can  _ not _ agree on a set list. Then, as you can see, we need some fact-checking which is why I called you in.”

“Uh huh, but you didn’t think to use that phone to just...look it up? No one here did?”

The Sirens exchanged a series of looks, and then Barbara pinched the bridge of her nose. “It...has been a looong day Nygma, so if you could refrain from being a smart ass it’d be greatly appreciated.”

Ivy nodded her head and added. “That’s right. It’s such a struggle to find a venue that’s not tied to Tabby.”

Ed had to ask. “What’s she got to do with it?”

Barbara let out a huge sigh. “She’s got money and connections. She’s using both to bully all sorts of bars and clubs to ban us from playing, thus killing our exposure pre-Snow Ball.” She looked to see if Ed was following, and then she sighed again. “Okay, no exposure means people don’t know us. If people don’t know us they’re less likely to vote for us at Snow Ball.”

“But...isn’t it a battle of the bands type thing? It’s just the one show.”

He was sure Barbara was ready to kill him. “It’s a popularity contest. Sure there’s a judging panel, but the public gets the final say. And it’s a lot easier to win when you already have a fanbase.”

Ed still thought she was overreacting, but he knew better than to push any more of her buttons. “I see… Well, if you have any more questions, I suggest asking Google. Otherwise I’m-”

He took a step back towards the door, but Oswald caught him again. “Oh come on, you should stay!”

“Why?”

“Because, uh, isn’t 50s music your favorite?”

“I do appreciate its flair, yes, but what does that have to do with anything?”

Ivy cleared her throat. “I’m sure we’d all  _ like _ for you to stay, you know...keep us accurate and stuff.”

“Accuracy? As long as you play the right note…” Now Ivy looked ready to kill him. “Of course I  _ could _ always stick around to offer some expert opinions.”

Oswald gasped and shook his arm excitedly. “You should play piano! A lot of these songs have it right? You could help with rehearsal.”

“Ah, the days when pianos were considered rock and roll instruments.” Ed couldn’t suppress a smile. “What would you have me play then?”

Barbara picked up a giant book from the coffee table. “Anything out of here, we need about 15 so...I will never say this again...go wild Nygma. But don’t mess up any pages, it’s new.”

It was like a knighting as Barbara handed the scores off to him, and the power of decision-making for the band. He tried to keep calm as he sat at the piano, flipping through all the classic tunes.

Oswald leaned over his shoulder. “Ooo, play the one I like.”

“Which one’s that?”

“You know, the one that’s super fast and it’s got...uh it’s got those...sliding things?” They put their arms around him to imitate sliding their fingers across the keys.

Ed was rightfully confused and also blushing. “Uh...what? Like, as in an arpeggio, or a chromatic scale...?”

“I don’t know.” They pulled their hands away. “Just play whatever you think’s closest to that and I’ll tell you if you’re wrong.”

Barbara muttered in the background. “I put my trust in idiots.”

Ed ignored her and put his fingers on the keys. He had some clue to what Oswald was talking about, and stared at them for confirmation as he did his best Jerry Lee Lewis. “You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain. Too much love drives a man insane.”

Oswald mimicked his confused expression, but they started bobbing their head, trying to place it. Ed continued until he got to the first glissando. “I laughed at love when I thought it was funny. You came along and moved me honey.”

Oswald snapped their fingers, but didn’t miss a beat. “I’ve changed my mind, this love is fine.” Then the two finished the line in unison. “Goodness gracious great balls of fire!”

Ed’s fingers kept playing, but he spoke instead of sang. “So  _ now  _ you know the lyrics?”

“Well yeah! After you played the-the scale thing.”

“You mean...a  **_glissando_ ** ?” He threw an example into his underscore. “The easiest thing to play?”

“Whatever, you still knew what I meant.”

Ivy bounced along to the extended melody. “I think I know this one too...could you sing a little more?”

Oswald pointed to Ivy and then to Ed. “Yes! Yes he absolutely can!”

Ed pressed his lips together and shook his head. Oswald nodded vigorously. He would’ve kept up his refusal, but he noticed Ivy also nodding and giving him a thumbs up. He heaved a big sigh. “Alright, alright.”

Both Ivy and Oswald excitedly gathered around the piano. Whether the singing was good or not was debatable, but the room had a lot of fun with it - even Barbara joined in towards the end. Oswald and Ivy danced together, but sometimes Oswald would turn to shimmy at Ed instead. He ended with a little improvisation and got a smattering of applause.

“Thank you, it’s just reading music…” he got a light punch from Oswald as they sat on the bench next to him, “but I guess I can take some credit.”

Ivy swayed her hips a little more. “I forgot how wild these dances get.”

Ed’s mumble was very quiet. “And they’re even better if you do them correctly.”

Apparently it wasn’t quiet enough to go unnoticed. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, uh, nothing.” He’d just felt accepted into the group, he couldn’t go upsetting his only ally. “You were doing a fine job, it’s...it’s nothing I just think without a swing dress it’s hard to get the full effect, but-”

Barbara was the one to interrupt with a snarky look. “Well what do you know, I just got some from a costume shop yesterday, gotta look the part right? Ivy, why don’t you grab them? Mr. Expert recommends the  _ full effect _ .” It was getting increasingly hard to tell if she was for or against him.

Ivy perked up. “Omg, you’re right! Wouldn’t that be fun?” She dashed out of the room and came rushing back in with a bundle of clothes. “Oh, Oswald you’re going to love these!”

Oswald took the dress, it was black with polka dots, very cutesy, but Ed could see they weren’t thrilled with it. “Oh thanks, it’s great.”

Ivy was pulling on a green one over her clothes. “Uh oh, I can recognize a tone. I’m really sorry but they didn’t have any purple.”

“The color’s fine I...it’s just not my style.” Oswald looked embarrassed. “Any chance I could opt out for a more Betty Rizzo look?”

Barbara pondered the request. “Do you have a Rizzo look available? Because I’m not buying any more costumes for one event.”

“Do you mean do I have a belted black dress and a pink scarf? Obviously.”

“Whatever, as long as you’re looking feminine I could allow it.” She shrugged. “We don’t want too much tulle onstage anyway.”

Ed lifted the hem of the skirt to inspect the netted fabric. “I wouldn’t say too much. It’s actually the proper amount for the type of...sorry, rambling.”

Barbara clicked her tongue. “No, no, glad to see this passes inspection. Say, if it’s so perfect why don’t you wear it? Someone should be using it.”

He turned a bright red, but continued messing with the dress. “F-funny, very funny.”

“I’m serious,” she actually sounded like it, “I don’t want it, and hey, it’d probably look cute.”

Ivy squealed. “Probably? I think you mean definitely! You should totally wear it! Then we can match!” 

She pulled him to his feet and held up the dress. It was ridiculous, but he swayed the skirt in front of him, knowing how satisfying a twirl would be. “No, no...I...I couldn’t.”

The entire room burst into protest, and Ed didn’t think his face could get any redder as he tried suppressing a laugh. Ivy stepped back and threw out her arms. “Are you kidding me? Don’t you want to look  **this** adorable!”

Barbara rested a hand on her chin, smiling. “And it’d sure be nice to have an accurate example showing us how to dance.”

Couldn’t argue with that logic. “I...I suppose that  _ might _ help…”

From the bench, Oswald clapped rapidly. “Yes, please! Oh this is going to be great! It’ll be just like Halloween!”

“What are you-” Then the memory resurfaced and his smile dimmed. He quickly put it back in place as he handed the dress to Ivy. “I-I couldn’t. It doesn’t look like my size anyway.”

She started to say something, but he turned to Barbara. “But before I teach anyone anything, could I use your bathroom?”

“Sure, take a left at the stairs.” She casually pointed at the door.

“Thank you.” He had to remind himself not to rush out of the room.

* * *

Oswald watched Ed scurry out the door, and debated running after to apologize. Ivy let the skirt droop to the floor. “Was it something I said?”

Oswald shook their head. “No, it was something I said because I’m a fucking idiot.”

Barbara sat down on the settee. “Oh please, I can’t imagine him being mad at anything  _ you’d _ say.”

“No, really, I messed up. I just had to bring up bad memories.”

The skirt of Ivy’s dress crinkled as she sat with Barbara. “What? Halloween? What’s bad about that?”

Maybe they shouldn’t say anything, but...but maybe it would be good for the girls to know, especially Ivy who might otherwise ask Ed. Oswald sighed and glanced at the door. “Okay, quick summary and you can’t say anything. Back when we were kids, we agreed on doing 50s themed costumes because, well, Ed liked the music. He also liked the swing dresses because who wouldn’t? So, my mom spent a few days making him one and then we all went out together.”

Ivy put a hand on her heart. “Aw, that’s so cute. Did you match?”

“God no, I wasn’t a tulle fan then either. I was Elvis, and then my mom was Marilyn Monroe, very classy.”

Barbara crossed her legs. “So far this is all sounding like a great time.”

Oswald exhaled with a breathy scoff. “It was a great time, and we all had a lot of fun, but…but after we dropped Ed off at home, it wasn’t as much fun for him. His...his parents didn’t think the dress was as cute as the rest of us, especially his dad.”

There was a silence, and then Barbara nodded. “Hm, my parents were a little like that. It’s hard.”

Ivy stared at the floor. “Yeah, I don’t even want to imagine what it must’ve been like when they found out he was gay.”

Oswald had no intention of laughing, but one got out. “No. No, no, no they...they weren’t in the picture anywhere near that point, thank God.” Then they paused, thinking over Ivy’s words. “Wait, did Ed tell you he was gay?”

She froze and blinked several times. “Uh, ye...no...not directly. I mean, like...as a fellow non-hetero I just...got the vibes. He hasn’t said anything to me about...stuff. Pfft, I don’t know, do you know if he is?”

“Yeah. I know. I’m his best friend Ivy, I should know these things.”

“Well I was just checking!” She threw up her arms. “I mean, maybe you didn’t, that would explain why you’re not together!”

She immediately covered her mouth. Oswald could only stare at her, unable to think of a response.

Ivy quickly continued. “I...I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”

Barbara put her arms on the back of the settee. “Nope, that’s exactly what she meant.”

“Babs!”

“What? I usually don’t like to get involved, but this has been going on for awhile and I’m sick of it. If you know he’s into you, what’s the hold up?”

Oswald still couldn’t muster a response. They scoffed a few times, opened and closed their mouth, and finally just stared at the floor for awhile. Then they looked up again and ran a hand through their hair. “Because I really don’t know if he’s into me. Just because he’s pan, demi, etc, it doesn’t mean I’m one of the people attracted to.”

“Are you kidding me?” Barbara rolled her eyes. “It’s obvious!”

Oswald held up a finger. “You’d think that, but I’ve thought the same thing twice and I’ve been wrong both times.”

Ivy leaned forward. “Wait, twice?”

“Yeah, both pre and post coming out.” Oswald sighed. “First time was a complete fuck up on my part, and I figured he didn’t like me because...maybe he wasn’t actually gay. So I pushed all my feelings out, only to have them come swarming back two years later when he tells me he has a crush on a boy.”

“Aw...” Ivy put a hand over her heart. “Was it you?”

Oswald stared at her. “N-no. That’s, that’s the point. It wasn’t me. It was some guy named Lucius who was tall, sophisticated, and a fucking einstein. Basically, everything I’m not. So, then I realized that maybe internalized homophobia wasn’t entirely to blame, and that getting my hopes up was pointless because...maybe  _ I’m _ part of the problem, I’m not his type.”

“But you are!” Ivy almost jumped up. “Uh, like Babs said, it’s obvious that he’s into you! You must’ve noticed.”

Oswald had noticed, at least a few things. While they were dating Jim, Ed had been a little more protective, jealous even. Seeing Ed all riled up had sparked that old flame, but there was still a difference between liking them and disliking Jim. Except, the night of the breakup, they’d kissed. If Ed had just hated Jim he wouldn’t have kissed them. If that’s what really happened... Oswald had been certain of it the morning after, and they were excited to spend the rest of the day kissing and cuddling with Ed...until he said he didn’t remember.

It seemed ridiculous that Ed of all people would forget anything, and it got to the point where Oswald wasn’t sure if there even  _ was  _ a kiss of if they were actually drunk enough to imagine it. As much as they wanted to ask Ed for confirmation, they couldn’t. Oswald had tried dropping hints and clues throughout the day with little to no reaction. They’d even tried to coax another kiss out of him, but he wasn’t interested. Yet, recently, Ed had started to seem interested: he’d been complimenting them, standing closer, and occasionally making some sort of contact. Although Ed had been that way back in high school too...

Reflecting on the past few weeks, Oswald sighed and looked at Ivy. “It might seem obvious to you, but you don’t know Ed as well as I do, to me it’s a mess.”

There was a ‘tsk’ from Barbara. “Well if you two are so close then why not ask him to clear it up?”

Oswald shook their head. “I can’t.”

Ivy had been nodding along, but suddenly she stopped. “Why not? If you love him you should tell him!”

“I love him too much  _ to _ tell him!” The words spilled out too quickly and Oswald hugged themself to keep it in. “It’s hard to understand, but as I said, I already fucked up once and I’m not going to risk losing him again.”

There was a beat of silence and then Oswald straightened up. “No, if he likes me it’s on him to say so. I just wish he’d hurry instead of all this teasing and half-assed flirting. Like, if you want to kiss me, kiss me. If you want to touch me, then just fucking touch me! This yo-yoing between hot and cold is driving me crazy and I’m not sure I can take much more.”

Ivy actually looked a little worried. “But...but..”

Barbara held up a hand in front of Ivy, but kept her eyes on Oswald. “Again, I don’t really care about your drama, but my suggestion is to draw that line sooner rather than later.”

“Babs! No, if-”

“He’s had years to fess up, and it’s not healthy to keep waiting. Especially with Snow Ball on the horizon, we all need to stay focused.”

Oswald let out a big sigh. “You’re right about that. It’s just been so hard and incredibly frustrating. This whole month I’ve...ugh I’ve been on edge.” Then they chuckled. “But thank you for listening to all that. I know it’s a lot and you probably didn’t plan on having everything unloaded on you.”

Ivy got up to hug Oswald. “No problem, that’s what friends are for!”

Barbara looked like she wanted to get up too, but she smiled instead. “Yes, we’re here for each other. And thank you for informing us of...everything.”

All three of them smiled for a moment, and then the door creaked open as Ed tentatively entered. “Hi, hope I’m not interrupting anything important.”

* * *

When Ed left the room he had no real intention of following Barbara’s directions. Instead, he wandered around the rest of the house trying to right himself. He felt a little bad leaving so suddenly, but even though the memories weren’t nearly as bad after all these years it still shook him enough that he needed some space. It wasn’t entirely Oswald’s fault, Ed always downplayed the severity of his past; and he’d only talked about that particular night once during therapy so it wasn’t expected of Oswald to remember.

He sighed. Unfortunately, he couldn’t forget because it was the reason he took his pills. The spark of his split, the origination of Riddler as a protector and the only person allowed to know the whole truth. In the beginning Riddler was nothing more than an imaginary friend who, unlike Oswald, Ed could unload all his negativity onto without worry. Until his dad was at the bottom of the stairs, he never imagined that his alter ego had any power to act on any of those violent thoughts. 

Ed stopped when he caught a glimpse of his reflection in a glass cabinet containing all sorts of pictures and trophies of Barbara’s. In addition to filling his prescription, maybe he should try scheduling a few therapy sessions. There was a lot of things he should do, and one of them was to get back to the practice room. The door was mostly closed, but as he approached he caught the very end of Oswald’s conversation.

“This whole month I’ve...ugh I’ve been on edge.”

Ed pulled back. This month? The month that he’d spent trying to get Oswald to forget about Jim, make them happy, and get closer together? Everything seemed to be going so well, but it was possible that there was a flaw in his plan. Ed bit his lip, but then shook himself free of any nerves. If anything was wrong he’d have plenty of time to figure it out.

The door creaked open as Ed tentatively entered. “Hi, hope I’m not interrupting anything important.”

Ivy gave Oswald a quick squeeze before turning to Ed. “Oh no, we were-”

Barbara stood up. “Okay people, break’s over! We’ve got dances and doo-woops to learn.” She paused to look at Ed, her demeanor softening ever so slightly. “You good to go Nygma?”

He gave her a smile and two thumbs up. “Yep! Now who’s ready to handjive?” He did a little example, and that brought back Barbara’s annoyance.

* * *

The rest of the day was filled with both work and play. Ed alternated between the piano and showing everyone how to twist, shout, and mashed potato. Barbara had tried her dress on, and while Ed considered putting on Oswald’s again, he merely held it up to exemplify the best way to emphasize the swing skirt. Ed ended up sharing a dance with everyone, rocking around the room and singing along with the rest of the band. During the rehearsal of a guitar solo Barbara went all out, having the most fun of the group and kept her smile bright the entire time.

At the end they all applauded each other before saying their goodbyes. Barbara even gave Ed an approving pat on the shoulder and asked if he wanted to be The Siren’s  _ ‘one time only’ _ guest pianist. He didn’t get a chance to say anything because Oswald answered ‘yes’ for him. Luckily that was going to be his response anyway, happy to have the new experience.

On the way out to his car with Oswald, Ivy stood at the front door. “Wait! Babs said you need to take the dress because, and I quote, ‘you touched it so it’s no longer her problem’.”

Oswald looked over their shoulder at Ed. “Technically you’re like a foot closer so if could please…”

“Yes I can get it for you.” He sighed and handed over his keys. “In exchange you have to warm up the car.”

“Deal, I’m so hot it’s going to be steaming by the time you get in.” They plucked the keys out of his hand with a flourish.

Ed smiled and shook his head as he went to meet Ivy on the stairs. “Okay we’ll take it off Barbar-”

Ivy whispered quickly. “I totally lied, Babs doesn’t care what happens to the dress, but I needed to talk to you about operation Edwald.”

“Do you have to call it that?”

“Shut up this is super important!” Ivy leaned in. “I don’t have time to explain everything, but you’ve got to make a serious move and make it now.”

Ed tensed up. “N-now? Now, now?”

“Preferably.”

“But...but… I-I can’t! I don’t...I don’t know what-”

“Okay, maybe not  _ now _ , now, but soon! I’m talking tomorrow after the show at the absolute lates-” Ivy paused and then nodded. “Actually, I think that would be perfect. We finish up the show, you two are walking out, and then in that moment of tired yet happy bliss you just say ‘Oswald, light of my life and keeper of my heart, I love you’.”

Ed stared off to the side and took a deep breath. “Uhh…”

Ivy waved her hand in the air. “Well not that  **exactly** ! You get the gist though, right?”

“I...I think so.”

“Good! Now take this and start thinking up romantic shit!” She shoved the dress at him. “Sidenote, as our guest accompanist you’re not required to dress feminine, buuuut if-”

“Not wearing this.”

“Alright, but if you ever do, even just for fun, I recommend a bright red lip.”

He sighed, but it came with a small smile. “Why you think I would have that on hand, I don’t know, but...thanks I guess. And thanks for your advice too. You see, my original plan was to-”

The car horn cut him off and he looked to see Oswald half in the driver’s seat. They waved at him and he waved back. Then he turned back to Ivy. “That sound means I should get going, but thank you, really. Even though I’m far more stressed about everything now…”

“Oh you’ll do fine. I wouldn’t have said anything if I didn’t believe in you two.” Ivy stepped back into the house. “Get started on those ideas, operation Edwald is a go.”

Ed scoffed. “I-I’ll see you tomorrow.” He gave her a parting nod and she saluted him before closing the door.


	23. Rock Around the [Ticking] Clock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed gets to perform alongside The Siren's, but he also has a different kind of performance for Oswald. Will he make a hit or be a disastrous flop?

Ivy’s urgent message had weighed on Ed’s mind for a solid twenty four hours. Despite having the time to reflect, he didn’t have a lot to show for it, nothing actually. The only thing he’d done was find a 50s inspired outfit because, it turns out, a lot of what he owned could pass for the past. He was adjusting his tie and sweater vest in the mirror, but he was also hoping to catch a glimpse of Riddler.

He hated to admit it, but with the sudden time crunch, he might need his alter’s assistance. At the very least he needed the voice to yell at him so he could find the strength to simply prove Riddler wrong. He hadn’t taken one of the spare pills, so the double should be showing up anytime now.  _ Come on, when I actually want you, you refuse to come out? What happened to promising to help me? _ He waited a little while longer and then sighed.  _ Fine, be that way. _

Ed started to walk away when he heard the voice in the mirror. “ **Hey Romeo, wait up.** ”

Of course, fashionably late. Ed marched back to see his second reflection. “Well it’s about time. Do you hav-”

“ **Fly’s undone** .”

Ed glanced down and quickly fixed the mistake. “Uh, that-”

“ **There. You’re welcome. Goodbye** .”

“Wait just a minute, I-”

“ **You what?** ” Riddler put his hands on his hips. “ **You need me now, but then you’ll throw me away later?** ”

“E-excuse me?”

“ **Why should I help you, huh? Anytime I try to help, you banish me the next day** .  **What happened to the good ole days when we could just talk and hang out?** ”

Ed stood baffled. “W-what? You mean before I realized you’re a dangerous hallucination hellbent on murder and mayhem?”

“ **Just because I’ve done some...unsavory things doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings! It gets lonely** .” Riddler pouted.

Ed stared back. This was not going where he thought at all. “You know, I’m starting to think this was a bad idea. So I’m just going to-”

“ **No! Eddie, come back!** ” Riddler pressed himself against the glass. “ **I want to help! Really, I do. Look, things have just been weird with all these highs and lows you’ve been putting me through** .”

God, he was really starting to look unhinged. Ed was getting used to Riddler’s begging and dramatics, but the unpredictable mood swings and desperation couldn’t be a good sign. Great, now he was stressing himself out over that too. No, he shouldn’t worry too much, Riddler was just acting out because the pills had weakened him

“O-okay.” Ed shrugged. “So, what should I do about Oswald?”

Riddler sighed, adding an uncomfortable laugh at the end. “ **What should I do indeed... Heh, let’s see...no such thing as ‘over-the-top’ here. Be big and expressive, maybe even a little theatrical** .”

“Like, a poem?”

“ **I was thinking more of a riddle, but that’s just more my style** .”

“More my style too, and I actually think I have the perfect one.” Ed nodded his head. “Yeah, that could work. I open with a riddle, then when they answer I can explain how much they mean to me and finish with a classic declaration of love.”

Riddler smiled. “ **Excellent, wonderful, creative!** **Also, do you want me on point for this? I can take over while** -”

Swinging back to pleading again. Unpredictability was certainly something he didn’t need tonight, but he only had one spare pill left and he had planned on saving it for a little longer. He cut himself off. “No, no you cannot. But...but if you can behave yourself I might delay talking to any doctors.”

“ **R-really? I might get to stay for a little bit?** ”

“Sure, yeah.” Ed didn’t know how well lying to himself would work, but if it got him any peace of mind that would be a success. “You’ve just got to stay quiet tonight.”

“ **Oh! Oh yes, absolutely! Not a problem at all!** ” Riddler said, a little too enthused.

Ed didn’t have the time to dwell on it because he checked his watch and found it was time to go. He grabbed his bowler hat on the way out, a fedora would be more accurate, but c'est la vie. Since his grandma had gotten back from her trip they’d barely had any contact the whole month, but when he got to the door she snorted disapprovingly.

“Geez, even in my decade you’re a nerd.”

Ed wrapped a scarf tightly around his neck, muttering. “Do you even know what the  _ current _ decade is?”

She turned around in her chair, vehemently shaking her remote at him. “What’d you say? Something in a  _ tone _ ? There’s a little thing called respecting your elders.”

Once she turned back around, Ed made a face and stomped out into the cold.  _ The only good thing about this family is the inheritance.  _ **_Speaking of which, I could probably help speed thing-_ ** _ You’re supposed to be quiet, remember? _ Ed sighed, there was one more semester he had to endure, and then the convenience of free housing wouldn’t be worth staying. Maybe after graduation he could temporarily move in with the Kapelputs, Gertrud’d probably love it. Or, depending on how tonight went, he could look for a future apartment to share with Oswald. While the fantasy was sweet, it reminded him of the stressful situation he had to look forward to. With a nervous gulp he got in his car and headed for the venue.

* * *

The diner, bar, whatever it could be called, really went all out with its theme. Amidst the malts and memorabilia, The Sirens fit in quite nicely. Ed actually felt a little underdressed, but Oswald assured him otherwise. They made a fuss over how classy he looked, and not only made him more confident about the upcoming performance, but for the one that would follow too. He couldn’t spare a second thought on confessing to Oswald at the moment though because Barbara was commanding everyone’s undivided attention. She gave one last threatening pep talk before plastering on her smile to walk into the spotlight. Ed had one last moment of hesitation, but Oswald took his hand and guided him onstage with a smile.

The piano may have been off to the side for the purpose of visually separating Ed from the official group, but nothing could separate his music from the rest. Focusing on his notes instead of the crowd he managed to keep up with The Sirens with as little nerves as possible. What resulted was a stellar performance by all: Oswald danced around stage, Barbara showcased her rock and roll talents, and Ivy got to play her ‘Poison Ivy’. The audience was one of the most receptive, singing and dancing along with the band; when it came time to leave, they gave the loudest applause. With a signal from Oswald, Ed stood up to receive his adulations, and it was a wonderfully giddy experience to be cheered by strangers. It was even better offstage when Oswald enveloped him in a hug. 

Ivy jumped in too, almost strangling both of them in her tight grasp. “That was so much fun! We should do this more often!”

Ed weaseled out of the embrace. “What? Hugging?”

“Nooo.” She scrunched up her face. “Okay, also yes, but I meant stuff like  _ this _ . Tabby never let me sing with her, not even backup.”

Oswald put a hand on her shoulder. “Well she was missing out on a lot of untapped potential! You and Babs were amazing, I couldn’t imagine doing this without you.”

Barbara came strolling over, having collected the band’s payment. “Duh, multiple voices were a big part of these songs. If we wanted this to be a good show we had to do it.” 

“But why limit ourselves to one show?” Oswald put their other hand on Barbara’s shoulder. “We don’t need a silly theme to bring us together, we should sing for all our shows!”

“Oh no, I really can’t sing.”

“What are you talking about? You were almost better than me!”

Ivy threw up her hands. “Agreed! And you were definitely better than  _ Tabitha _ .”

Barbara actually blushed for the first time. “I-I…” then she resettled into her cool expression. “I’ll think about it. Besides tonight, The Sirens have never done anything like it before…”

Oswald chuckled. “I am known for breaking a lot of norms.”

“That’s also true,” she looked to Ed, “and even though you’re not a girl, you weren’t a terrible guest.”

“Thanks?” Ed didn’t know if he should get involved with band politics. “It wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be. Not terribly inclined to become a full member but-”

“God no, there still has to be some standards for us. The Sirens should remain a voice for femininity, but...but there are changes we might make.” Barbara tapped her chin, and then she snapped. “That’s for a later day though. Right now we need to load up the van and get some rest. We’ve got to hit the ground running if we want to be ready for Snow Ball!”

* * *

Again, Ed did most of the heavy lifting, but the brief physical labor took his mind off his upcoming conversation. It started to snow as Ivy locked the van doors and gave the thumbs up to Barbara in the driver’s seat. She gave him one last pat on the back and went to get in the passenger’s side.

There was an overabundance of butterflies as Ed turned around to face Oswald. “To the car then?”

“You think?” They smiled through chattering teeth. “I don’t know why I thought a chiffon scarf would have any protection against the cold.”

“In my opinion, I’d say having exposed legs would be the bigger problem.” Ed wrapped his own scarf around Oswald’s neck. They pulled the fabric over their nose, their blue eyes peeking up at him. Despite losing a layer, Ed felt warmer than before. 

He had to remind himself to breathe and then he offered Oswald his arm. “You might want to take this too, these back alleys get super icy. The sidewalks didn’t look much better, but if they don’t get salt...”

“The only reason I need is the assurance that if I fall I’m taking someone down with me.” Oswald slipped their arm into his, nudging him as they did so.

Ed blushed a little and they started their walk. Like shuffling papers, he had to ready his mental script before he opened his mouth again. “Uh...Oswald…”

“Hm?”

“Um...um, I’ve got a question for you.”

Oswald slowed down, almost stopping as they got to the end of the alley. “Always so quizzical. What is it?”

Ed cleared his throat. “I cannot be bought, but I can be stolen with one gl-”

This time Oswald did come to a halt, releasing their arm to face Ed. “Ed...is this a riddle?”

“Y-yes.”

“You know I love your passion for puzzles, but you also know I’m not the best at these.”

“Oh, but...but this is a good one, trust me.” This wasn’t how he planned it, and his nerves were starting to turn from excited to concerned.

Oswald sighed. “Ed…”

“No, no please. There’s an important point that I’m getting to, I promise.”

“And the riddle’s absolutely necessary to the point?”

“I-I suppose not, but...but it’s kind of…well I don’t want to say because it’d give away the answer.”

Oswald put a hand on Ed’s arm. “If it’s important, I’d rather you just tell me.”

“Oh, it’s nothing serious if that’s what you’re wondering!” Then he wanted to smack himself. “Bad! I meant it’s nothing bad because it  **is** serious...it’s very serious, deadly serious. Not deadly! I uh, uh…” 

It was like he’d dropped a stack of mental notecards, shuffling through them, struggling to find his place. With his anxiety mounting, he started glancing around until he made eye contact with someone down the sidewalk. As soon as they noticed each other the blond man quickly turned away, pretending he hadn’t been watching. Ed couldn’t help but stare, another knot forming in his stomach. After the initial shock he tried preventing Oswald from looking behind them, but he was too late.

“Jim?” Oswald’s voice was surprisingly soft.

Jim hesitated before turning around again, a slightly uneasy smile on his face. “H-hey. It, it was a great show. I um...”

“What are you doing here?” That was not so soft.

Jim faltered, opening and closing his mouth while shuffling his feet. Then he chuckled with a sigh. “Look, I-I know you probably don’t want to see me, but I don’t like how we left things and, and I was hoping...”

Ed felt nauseous. Why the hell was Jim back? Out of nowhere! Hadn’t this man caused enough trouble, put Oswald through enough? Now what, he felt guilty and wanted to clear his conscious with a half-hearted apology?

Oswald cut Jim off. “And what? You want to apologize for being an asshole? You want  _ me _ to apologize? Well here’s your apology, sorry, but we’re leaving.”

It seemed Ed was just as shocked as Jim. He’d honestly expected Oswald to jump at the chance to clear things up with Jim, but they completely shut down that idea; or at least they weren’t going to make things easy. Oswald nodded at Ed, signaling that they should walk away. Taking a few steps, his heart soared. Whether out of love for Ed, or spite for Jim, they’d picked  _ him _ ! They were leaving with  _ him _ .

Ed threw a smile over his shoulder, enjoying Jim’s deflated expression. Although, any satisfaction he had vanished as soon as he realized he still had to confess to Oswald. The Jim encounter surely ruined the mood, but he hadn’t been doing too hot before that anyway. Ivy said he had to act soon, but relatively speaking tomorrow was still soon, he just had to rethink his approach...

“So what was your important news?”

Oh dear. Ed laughed nervously. “Uh...you know, I think I built it up too much. I-I was just going to...to tell you that...I got that TA position! Yeah, after break ends my schedule will be all messed up.”

“O-Oh!” Oswald was clearly surprised, but it was unclear if it was good or bad. “That’s...that’s grea-”

Then Jim’s voice was heard again. “Wait! Please, wait I-I just think we should talk-”

They both turned in time to see him running after them, and they also saw him slip on the ice, barely catching himself on a nearby car door. Hanging on, he still looked up to Oswald. “Please?”

Oswald rolled their eyes. “And if I say no? Are you going to keep chasing me until you break your neck?”

Jim smiled as he gained his footing. “Probably.”

Ed let out a ‘tsk’, but Oswald let out a laugh; not a scoff, an actual laugh. Then Oswald sighed loudly and pursed their lips, looking to Ed and then to Jim. “Fine. Fine. We can have a quick little chat.”

No. No no no. Ed was ready to protest when Oswald squeezed his arm and whispered. “Hey, I’ll call you when this is over. That way you’ll know I wasn’t murdered by a vengeful ex.”

He tried to match Oswald’s jovial spirit, but it was his turn to feel defeated. “Heh, yeah See you tomorrow?”

Oswald gave him another squeeze. “Definitely.”

Their hand slowly left his arm and they crossed the space between him and Jim. At least they weren’t taking  _ Jim’s _ arm or  _ Jim’s  _ hand as they both walked away. Ed stood still for a moment longer before putting his hands in his pockets and continuing to his car. He was shaking, but it had nothing to do with the cold.

**_Fuck Jim Gordon!_ ** _ Please be quiet. _ **_What right does he have?_ ** _ Quiet.  _ **_Showing up, swooping in, and-_ ** _ Shut up! _

Ed shook his head vigorously. “No! No, nothing’s going to happen. They...Oswald’s look was so reassuring. I…” he took a calming breath, “everything’s okay. They’ll call me, we’ll joke about it, and maybe I’ll...I’ll...everything’s going to be okay.”

Riddler had nothing to say, but he didn’t have to in order to make his displeasure known. Except...it didn’t feel directed at Jim as expected...either way, there was a throbbing in Ed’s head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sure hope no one believed I'd write something without an extra helping of angst ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	24. We Need to Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Oswald have a few important conversations, and reach some kind of conclusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There's an explicit section in the middle that I've marked off with 2 horizontal lines.  
> If you don't want to read it, etc., you can skip to the next pair of lines, and you won't be missing any plot.
> 
> (I know this story is labeled mature, but I felt a little self-indulgent and wanted to try my hand at something new. So again, you've been warned.)

The ride to Jim’s apartment was agonizingly quiet. He’d suggested going back inside the restaurant, but apparently the “Ophelia” situation had to be discussed in absolute privacy. Jim thought about making a joke that they could go to the Kapelput house, but he decided that would be in poor taste. Walking into his apartment was much different this time: no teasing, flirting, or kissing. Instead, they both stood awkwardly in the entryway. At least it seemed awkward to Jim, he couldn’t discern anything from the other man’s face.

  


Jim took off his coat and shoes, and then stepped into the kitchen. “C-Can I offer you a drink or anything? I uh, finally got an ice tray like you-”

  


“What do you want to talk about Jim?” The question was curt and made Jim even more nervous.

  


“Oh um...well...f-for starters, I’d like to know your name. Your real name.”

  


“You don’t think Ophelia’s my real name?” If it was a joke, it wasn’t presented that way. Except, afterwards, the man did give a small smile. “It’s Oswald, Oswald Cobblepot.”

  


“Nice to meet you, I’m Jim Gordon.” He stuck out his hand, trying to keep the humorous mood.

  


Oswald just looked at the hand and then to Jim before heading towards the living room. “I think I will have that drink.”

  


“Right, yeah.” Jim curled his fingers, pulling back his handshake as he started on the drinks. “So, I uh...I’d also like to...apologize. When we broke up-”

  


“When you showed up at my house with no warning.” Oswald added, sitting on the arm of the couch.

  


Jim pressed his lips together. “Y-Yes. That was poor judgement on my part, but a friend of mine said...nevermind, still wrong and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I said too. I admit it was uncalled for, and I should’ve given you the chance to explain.” Then he offered a glass of whiskey to Oswald.

  


It was quietly accepted, but after a moment Oswald spoke. “It wasn’t totally uncalled for. I did lie to you, mislead you, whatever you call it. I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you, but...but I didn’t know if I could trust you yet. The Sirens have an image to uphold, and if word got out that I was...you know, it probably wouldn’t bode well for us.”

  


“Hm.” It made enough sense, but Jim was still a little hurt.

  


“So, yeah. I don’t think either of us handled things in the best way.” He paused to take a sip. “Especially me. In the beginning it was sort of an immature joke on you.”

  


“What? You didn’t think I’d recognized you from the bar?” Jim took a swig of his own.

  


“Well you didn’t so...that part worked out.”

  


“Eh.” Jim bobbed his head side to side. “I had my suspicions.”

  


Oswald scoffed. “Bull-shit.”

  


“No offense, but hair and makeup can only do so much. I just thought it was impossible that we’d run into each other again, and in...such a fashion.”

  


“Fair, I didn’t expect to see you either so I’ll give you that one.” Oswald finished the rest of his whiskey.

  


They were both quiet for awhile. Jim had more to say, a lot more, but he could easily end the conversation on neutral terms. He’d be okay if Oswald left and they only saw each other in the occasional passing, or if he attended a show. However, Jim had gotten this far so he might as well close the case.

  


“Can I ask one last question?”

  


Oswald grinned, sardonic. “That’s why we’re here, isn't it?”

  


Jim nodded, but bit his lip. “The first time we met, at The Circuit, why...why weren’t you at the bar?”

  


Oswald blinked. “What do you mean?”

  


“Well...when you left you said you’d be by the bar, but you weren’t.”

  


Then Oswald was quiet for a very long time. “Y-you actually went over there?”

  


“Yeah. I mean, it was a few minutes later, but I didn’t think it was too long. I waited awhile, but you never showed up.”

  


“Why would you do that?” Oswald genuinely looked confused.

  


Jim chuckled nervously. “Um...because you told me to, remember? You uh...said I should drop off my number.”

  


Oswald set his glass on the coffee table and folded his hands. “Yes, but...but I thought you were straight so I just left. I...I overheard your friends joking and-”

  


“And they don’t speak for me.” Jim stepped around the counter to stand across from Oswald. “I know I should’ve stood up more, but...it’s hard being new, and like you said, you heard them.”

  


“So you…you’re...” Oswald left the words hanging.

  


“I’m bi.” He blushed, he’d only said it outloud once or twice. “And if I can say one more honest thing, one of the reasons I felt so drawn to Ophelia was she made me think of you, and ‘what if’.”

  


“You thought about...a ‘what if’ with  _ me _ ?” The corner of Oswald’s mouth twitched.

  


“It sounds silly, but yeah. You were funny, confident, actually good at pool, and...” he took a few steps closer, “undeniably attractive.”

  


Oswald was absolutely stunned. He looked Jim over, keeping the same surprised expression, and then glanced off to the side. The way he was obviously thinking made Jim second-guess his sudden approach. Probably a little too strong given the circumstances, but Jim would rather take a chance than miss one.

  


However, when Oswald finally looked at him again, he had his familiar, intriguing, smile. “So, say we did meet at the bar, what did you expect to happen?”

  


“Hm…” This could be a trick, but Jim strolled over to the arm of the couch, until he was directly in front of Oswald, “I’m not sure on the details, but I imagine we’d end up something like this.”

  


“Really? Me in a dress and everything?” Oswald scooted to the edge of the furniture, and had his knees on either side of Jim, letting him get closer.

  


And closer Jim got. He bent down to kiss Oswald, a little unsure at first, but more steady at the end. “I said  _ like _ this.”

  


“So you don’t think the dress is sexy?”

  


“I never said that either.” Jim chuckled and slide his hands under Oswald’s thighs. “You need to stop putting words in my mouth.”

  


Oswald raised his head for a deep kiss, and then Jim lifted him off the couch. There was an approving moan as Oswald tightly wrapped his arms and legs around Jim, grinding into him before settling at his waist. When their kiss was broken, Oswald looked eagerly at Jim’s lips. “Would you like me to put something else in there then?”

  


Jim burned bright red at the thought, caught between embarrassment and excitement. He was left speechless until Oswald lightly kissed his nose and smiled. “Kidding. Do continue.”

  


Jim took a few steps towards a short hallway. “Well, next, I like to think I carry you down this hall.”

  


Oswald turned his head to look at the bedroom, but the gaze seemed farther away. Even when he looked back at Jim it was like he spared a glance at the front door. 

  


Jim pressed several kisses into Oswald’s neck, and kept his head low to whisper against the soft skin. “If you wanted, that is.”

  


He felt two hands cup his face and bring him up to meet those stunning blue eyes. Oswald gave him a long kiss. “Mmhm, but let’s not get too  _ carried _ away.”

  


Jim shook his head. “Puns do not fall into the sexy category, and that one wasn’t even good.”

  


Oswald snickered and used a thumb to tug at Jim’s bottom lip. “But you know what would be good?”

  


Jim smiled. “I can think of a few things.”

  


Both giggling and kissing, Jim carried Oswald down the hall and closed the bedroom door behind them.

* * *

* * *

When Jim’s knee hit the edge of the bed he let Oswald down onto the mattress, but kept his hands on the man’s thighs. He was finally able to move past the hem of that skirt, but it was only so far until the clothes got in the way. Oswald hadn’t taken his coat and shoes off before, so those were the first to go, along with the scarf. The dress already had a deep V, and Jim wasted no time attacking the exposed clavicle bone. Sucking and biting as he undid the buttons and belt. Oswald was in a similar rush to strip Jim of his attire, but would occasionally pause in reaction to the love bites, or to press a heavy hand against Jim’s groin. Their kisses were filthy and careless as they discarded the rest of their clothes.

  


Jim did take his time with Oswald’s tights though - kissing and caressing each leg as he pulled down the thin fabric. He’d only done this for the women he’d been with, but the slow removal had the same effect on Oswald, causing all sorts of lewd noises. He removed Oswald’s underwear in a similar fashion, leaving them both fully undressed as Oswald sat on the edge of the bed.

  


Jim stayed crouching by Oswald’s knees, taking a moment to admire the naked figure in front of him before looking up. “Mm, so now what?”

  


“I’m sure you remember what I said earlier,” Oswald started to stroke himself, not too far from Jim’s face, “but this is  _ your _ ‘what if’.”

  


A smirk crossed Jim’s mouth as he leaned in to barely brush his lips against the tip of Oswald’s cock. His tongue darted out to lap across the sensitive slit. Oswald gasped and jerked his hips up, but Jim had already moved away. He gave a coy smile as he moved up, slowly pushing Oswald down as he climbed on top. He practically dragged his body against the other, keeping their skin pressed together, occasionally kissing and licking until he was face to face with the smaller man.

  


He kissed Oswald deeply, but was then playfully pushed away. “Jim Gordon, you fucking tease.”

  


He chuckled. “You did say this was  _ my _ ‘what if’. Trust me, if I had more experience in that area,” he planted a few kisses on Oswald’s jaw, “I’d swallow you in a second.”

  


“God, you say no, but then leave me with  **that** image? You’re just cruel.” Oswald got a bit of revenge by tugging on Jim’s hair, making him wince before meeting Oswald’s eyes. “But...I’m true to my word, what did you have in mind?”

  


“I don’t know if I should say...” he slid one hand behind Oswald, giving his backside a squeeze, “you might get mad at me.”

  


While Oswald did growl and nip, it didn’t sound too displeased. “Wow, first night and you think you can fuck me?”

  


“I think you’d like it.” Jim moved his fingers a little closer to Oswald’s entrance, smiling as the man squirmed. “Few guys in the army certainly did, couple girls too.”

  


Oswald pursed his lips with a downward glance. “Mm, you really are too risky to be a cop.”

  


“Risky?” Jim knew he was forward, but…

  


“Oh yes.” Oswald trailed a finger down Jim’s neck, chest, and then lower. “Because you  _ can _ fuck me…” he slowly wrapped his hand around Jim’s aching dick, “but if it’s not as good as you’re promising…” the hand tightened and Oswald’s nails started digging in.

  


It was both painful and pleasurable, and Jim couldn’t suppress a moan. Oswald leaned in, dropping his voice to a purr. “I  _ will _ get mad.”

  


Jim panted, he didn’t even think before asking. “And that’s supposed to be the bad option?”

  


Something between shock and arousal flashed across Oswald’s blue eyes before he yanked Jim down into an open kiss of tongue and teeth. He bit down on Jim’s bottom lip, not hard enough to make it bleed, but definitely hard enough to make Jim whimper.

  


Then he licked the sore spot. “It was, but now I’m thinking it’d be more tortuous if I left you with nothing but your dirty thoughts.”

  


“So exactly what you did to me at the bar? That was punishment.”

  


There was that glimpse of something again, and then Oswald claimed another wet kiss. He pulled back with a growl. “Then you better fuck me before it happens again.”

  


“Gladly,” Jim gave his ass another squeeze, “but first-”

  


He regretfully detached himself from Oswald in order to grab the container of lube from his nightstand. He crawled back to see the man had started stroking himself again.

  


Jim watched for a second, the sight making him smile. “You really are impatient.”

  


“Mm...you have no idea how badly I need this.”

  


The word ‘need’ stuck out, it sounded a bit odd to Jim, but it mostly made him hurry to coat his fingers. He massaged the area around Oswald’s entrance, and then easily slid in the first finger. Oswald hummed in satisfaction, but Jim wanted to hear more: moans, gasps, shouts.

  


He started to kiss and nibble Oswald’s jaw as he inserted a second finger. That certainly increased the volume. Oswald let out a throaty groan and rocked back, pushing both digits deeper. Jim cursed under his breath, the feeling made him want to rush the process and skip to having that tight heat around his cock. Judging by the current enthusiasm, Oswald probably wouldn’t mind, but if Jim wanted this to be good he couldn’t think of only himself.

  


Two fingers worked for awhile, but when Jim added the third he actually got Oswald to arch his back. Oh, and the strangled gasp shot straight to his...ego. Jim licked along Oswald’s ear. “Said you’d like it.”

  


His mistake was leaving his neck exposed for Oswald to latch onto. The attack startled him and his fingers curled in response, causing Oswald to bite him harder. The man was like a goddamn vampire. It’s just too bad all of Jim’s blood had gone to his groin.

  


Then Oswald yanked a fistful of blond hair, a low rumble coming from his throat. “You’re not off the hook until I get off.”

  


A threat? A challenge? Jim didn’t fucking care. He crushed his lips against Oswald’s as he sped up, shoving his fingers deeper and occasionally pressing against that sweet spot. Oswald’s hands were all over him: grabbing his ass, scratching red lines into his back, and pumping his leaking member. Oswald was wet too, Jim could feel the precome on his stomach, and he decided it was time to change tactics.

  


He removed his fingers, with a little cry from Oswald, and instead used them to pour lube onto his cock. Oswald’s hand was still there to help lather it on and guide it back to his entrance. As much as Jim wanted to breach that ring of muscle, he teased his head around the area first.

  


Hearing Oswald whine was worth the wait. “Fuck’s sake...come on!”

  


How could Jim refuse that order? He pushed in, a little faster than he should’ve, but there was no protest from Oswald. In fact the smaller man was rotating his hips, adjusting to the fullness. The movement didn’t help Jim’s struggle for rational thought, but at this point it didn’t really matter. Nothing really mattered except the filthy look on Oswald’s face, and Jim’s own desire.

Jim pulled out a few inches before pressing back in. He starts slow and shallow, but Oswald’s pleas for “more, faster, harder” are difficult to ignore.

  


Soon they adopt a ruthless pace, and Jim took hold of Oswald’s cock, trying to match the speed. The sounds coming from Oswald’s mouth were almost better than anything he sang onstage, music set to the rhythm of Jim’s thrusts. The only thing that could make it better was if he heard his name among those screams. Not for pleasure or pride, but just some reassurance that Nygma’s name wouldn’t come spilling from Oswald’s delicious lips.

  


“Ah, yes! Yes, yes fuck!” Oswald had a hand in Jim’s hair, pressing him closer to his neck.

  


Jim had no choice but to accept the gift offered to him. He opened his mouth to run his tongue all over the pale skin. Oswald gasped again, tilting his head back. He tasted sweet, yet salty with sweat. Of course he would, Oswald was never one thing: hot, cold, masculine, feminine, hard, soft... Oswald wrapped his legs around Jim’s waist, letting him slide in even deeper, and paradox be damned there was nothing soft about this.

  


Jim abandoned the developing hickey with the need to groan loudly. He saw Oswald panting under him, and it was his first real look at the man since they got in bed. He thought the man at the bar was attractive, he thought Ophelia was attractive, but this version of Oswald was  _ ravishing _ . Unruly black hair framing his flushed face, with the blush extending across his whole body. Those ice blue eyes blown wide, sometimes obscured by fluttering lashes, and his slightly parted lips were a sinful sight.

  


Jim stuttered between each thrust. “O...Osw...Oswald you-”

  


He wanted to say ‘you’re beautiful’, but Oswald’s tongue was inside his mouth before he could finish. Although, he did finish moments later, shuddering through his orgasm. Damn, he’d hoped to get Oswald there first, but it only took a few more jerks until the other man came spilling over his fist.

  


They were both breathless as Jim pulled out, rolling off to lay on his back. He stared at the ceiling before smiling over at Oswald. “You haven’t left yet so I’m assuming it was...”

  


Oswald closed his eyes, but he had his own smile. “Don’t flatter yourself. Maybe my disappointment’s making me too tired to get up.”

  


“Wow. Insulting me in my own bed.” Jim chuckled. “Although, what I’m really hearing is that you plan to stay the night.”

  


“Oh?” Oswald cracked one eye open, keeping a neutral tone.

  


Jim hesitated with his next answer. Sometimes sharing a bed meant something, but sometimes a bed was nothing more than springs, fluff, and fabric. He didn’t know what Oswald thought about it, and honestly...Jim didn’t know what to think himself.

  


He shrugged. “Not kicking you out.”

  


Oswald didn’t say anything, he just rolled onto his side. Jim watched him a second, and then moved close to put an arm around him. Without warning, Oswald lightly smacked the arm. Much like his rejected handshake, Jim slowly rescinded his cuddle, but he did see Oswald smile one more time before he fell asleep.

* * *

* * *

Jim woke up to see slants of sunlight on his ceiling, cut perfectly by the blinds. He yawned and stretched his arms, expecting to slide one around Oswald. However, he only felt empty space. He turned his head to the side, and while Oswald wasn’t lying next to him, he was still in the room. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he had the black dress on, and he was working on the buttons.

  


Jim watched him awhile, wondering if he’d notice. When he didn’t, Jim propped himself up on an elbow. “Good morning?”

  


Oswald jumped and whipped his head around. “Oh! Uh...morning.” He flashed a smile.

  


“Sooo…” Jim’s gaze drifted to the coat and pair of shoes piled at the foot of his bed.

  


“Oh this? I was um, trying to give you the full ‘what if’ experience.”

  


Jim laughed, but then he noticed Oswald wasn’t entirely joking. Jim’s face started to fall into confusion. “W-wait...wait, are you serious? If we had sex that first night you would’ve just...left?”

  


Oswald opened his mouth and then sighed, still smiling. “Being honest, yes. Except, ideally, you’d still be asleep.”

  


“Really?” The only response Jim got was a light shrug, and then Oswald went back to getting dressed. Jim scoffed and shook his head. “ _ Really _ ?”

  


Oswald stopped and looked back at him. “Oh, get off your high horse. If we hooked up at The Circuit you wouldn’t have given me a second thought.”

  


Jim sputtered before speaking. “Last night I literally said I was thinking about you after-”

  


“Ah, ah, ah! That’s because you felt unresolved, and that’s not what we’re talking about. No, what we’re talking about is-”

  


“Is in the past! It doesn’t matter, it’s not like we can go back and change anything.” Jim sat up as Oswald turned away. “Now we know each other, I mean, we  _ dated _ . Last night wasn’t some random one night stand.”

  


He looked at Oswald, but the other man was quiet. It only took a second for Jim’s heart to drop.  _ Shit. _ How was he going to be a good detective if he couldn’t keep things to himself? He quickly glanced away, looking around the room instead.  _ Shit _ . Should he change the subject, or wait and see if Oswald said anything, or maybe Oswald would just leave.  _ Shit, fuck, dammit. _ Jim struggled to turn back, debating if he even should, but his gut pushed him to keep talking.

  


Jim cleared his throat, trying to be as casual as he could. “U-Unless it was...for you.”

  


Staying silent, Oswald lowered his head into his hands. That wasn’t a good sign. Then he started laughing. That really wasn’t a good sign. But after running his hands through his hair, he finally looked at Jim.

  


He opened and closed his mouth a few times, gesturing aimlessly before scoffing and smiling. “I don’t know. I...I don’t know. Last night was...well I didn’t expect any part of last night to happen so I…I don’t know.”

  


Jim chuckled and nodded his head, a little relieved he wasn’t the only uncomfortable one. “Y-Yeah, I uh...I get that. There was a lot I wasn’t expecting either,” he sighed, “and not just last night. Days after we broke up, I didn’t...I didn’t expect to still...like you.”

  


Oswald stared at him, his lips parted slightly, but he didn’t say anything. Jim rubbed the back of his neck, preparing to continue making things awkward. “That’s...that’s actually what I really wanted to talk about last night, but then things…”

  


“Jim.” It was soft, almost scary soft. Yet Oswald’s eyes didn’t convey anger or coldness, but curiosity and a hint of...longing? No, sadness? Oswald turned away before Jim could figure it out.

  


“Jim.” Oswald was looking at the floor, his tone blunt yet casual. “We had sex. We’re not dating.”

  


“I-I know.” Jim rushed the words, afraid his meaning had been misinterpreted. “And I’m not saying that we pick up where we left off-”

  


“Good, because that would be a bad idea.”

  


Jim paused. “Yeah.”

  


Oswald caught his hesitation and turned back, actually scooting closer to look him in the eye. “Jim we were a mess together.”

  


“I don’t know if I’d say a mess, but complicated. I...it’s just, with everything out in the open now…” He took a breath. “Look, I’m not asking to be your boyfriend again, but I would like to ask if you’d have breakfast with me.”

  


“So a date? Exactly what we said we weren’t going to do.”

  


“Ah ah ah.” Jim mirrored Oswald from earlier. “We said we wouldn’t pick up where we left off. This is a whole new starting point.”

  


Oswald laughed and then met his gaze. “I don’t know. It’s...it’s kind of a weird time for me, lots going on, and…”

  


“And that’s okay. Again, not a relationship, no commitment. It’d be super laid-back, and we just see where things go.”

  


“See where things go.” Oswald smiled a little. “So like last night?”

  


“Y-” Jim stopped himself, narrowing his eyes. “Is this a trick question where no matter what I say you’re going to spin it to make me look like an asshole?”

  


Oswald’s smile widened. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  


They both chuckled, and then Oswald went quiet again. He focused on the floor, tapping his knee, and when he stopped he looked at Jim. “Will there be waffles?”

  


Jim, who’d been watching patiently and nervously, sighed in relief. “Yeah, I think Maria’s serves waffles.”

  


“Serves? You don’t cook?”

  


“Trust me, you don’t even want me attempt it. Besides, I don’t have a waffle iron.” He saw Oswald’s disbelief. “I  **just** got an ice tray, okay? One step at a time.”

  


Oswald groaned loudly and stood up. “Well...if I’m going somewhere I should probably shower.”

  


He pointed towards the door. “It’s uh, out and to the right. I should probably clean up too, but you can go first.”

  


Oswald opened the bedroom door, but stopped in the middle of the frame. “Or…” he threw a seductive look over his shoulder, “we could save water and you could join me.”

  


Jim perked up, a little suspicious, but reassured by Oswald’s wink. He bit his lip, trailing his eyes all over Oswald as he pretended to think. “I mean...if it helps the environment.”

  


Oswald snickered and disappeared into the hallway. Dating or not, the only thing that was certain was Oswald’s constant unpredictability. Jim shook his head and smiled before following.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know what I've done. It's probably not any consolation, but Ed gets to be the focus of the next chapter.
> 
> Also, shoutout to halfbloodhacker who's last comment made me laugh because that's exactly what I had planned, but in much fewer words.


	25. Wrecked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed has the worst of times.

Ed was a wreck. Ed was an absolute wreck. He’d practically passed out on his bed waiting all night for Oswald to call or text. After a fitful sleep he woke up and hadn’t let go of his phone since. In an attempt to take his mind off of Jim’s return, he scrubbed the house top to bottom, but he was too scared to vacuum in case his phone started ringing. Except, given the choice, he’d much prefer the noise to the quiet spinning of the washing machine.

Riddler wasn’t helping either, but Ed was already stuck with radio silence and he couldn’t stand to be utterly alone. So he kept an eye on his reflection in the washing machine door, sitting in front of it.

“ **...he’s a cop, so if he** **_did_ ** **kill Oswald, he’d probably be able to cover it up.** ”

“Oswald was joking about that. I...think.”

“ **Hm, and Jim’s probably too stupid for murder anyway. See, if I were going to do it I’d-** ”

“Ugh, not back to this.”

He started to stand up when Riddler waved him back down. “ **Wait, wait! Okay, okay everything’s perfectly fine. No problems, nothing to worry about, Jim coming back won’t affect anything.** ”

The mocking was almost worse than murder. Then Riddler pursed his lips and muttered. “ **I mean, nothing was happening anyway.** ”

“Hey! I was  **this** close! If Jim hadn’t shown up I would’ve-”

“ **Yeah? Because you were doing** **_so_ ** **great before.** ”

“I-I…” Ed crossed his arms. “There was a lot of pressure! It’s nerve-wracking! You don’t know what it was like!”

“ **You’re right, I don’t. Because I would’ve just spat it out** .”

Ed scoffed. “B-B-But...y-you… You were the one who told me to make it elaborate!”

“ **I did? Doesn’t sound like me.** ” Riddler raised an eyebrow, and the fake tone made Ed clench his hands in fists. “ **Well you didn’t have to listen, so again, this is your fault. You missed out and now Jim has Oswald.** ”

“No he doesn’t!” Ed pressed a finger against the plastic door.

Riddler leaned closer. “ **Then why haven’t they called you? After they** **_promised_ ** .”

Ed started shaking. From fear, or rage, he didn’t know, maybe both. Riddler grinned. “ **I think we know the answer Eddie.** ”

_ No. Don’t say it, don’t even think about it. We don’t know anything! There’s a million possibilities I could list right now. Phone died, somebody stole it... _

“ **They didn’t call you-** ”

_ Dropped in the river, run over by a bus or subway or- _

“ **-because they were too busy with Jim-**

_ A tower’s down, a bird swooped by and snatched it- _

“- **getting absolutely fuck-** ”

Ed threw a punch at his reflection, and immediately regretted it. He clutched his hand and hissed, at the pain, at himself. He was on the verge of hyperventilating or crying, trying to push away all the bad thoughts waiting to crush him. Nothing was certain, there could still be an innocent, simple-

The doorbell made him jump. He froze a moment before scrambling to his feet and racing to the door.  _ Oswald...Oswald, please…please tell me I’m overthinking like always. _ He almost skidded into the door as he flung it open.

Oswald was almost as startled as he was. They looked like they’d been ready to knock, so they just opened their hand and waved. “Hey.”

It felt like he hadn’t seen Oswald in forever. Ed went to hug them, but as he moved closer, they flinched back. Ed froze. They hardly ever shied away from a hug, especially not from him.

It was only a split-second before they leaned in to hug him back. “It hasn’t even been a full day and you miss me this much?”

Even though the day was cold, Ed felt a rush of warmth. He didn’t want to let Oswald go ev- Something was off. Something in the air…or lack thereof. Oswald’s hair had lost its usual rose scent in exchange for a new woodsy, amber.

He let go, and blurted out. “Why didn’t you call me?”

“What?”

“Last night. You said you would call me.”

“Oh, right.” They fidgeted. “Yeah...I was really tired after...everything so I just went to sleep instead, I’m sorry.”

Ah, see, harmless explanation. “And this morning?”

“Well...I didn’t wake up until-”

Then Ed held up a hand. “Nevermind. I- not important.”

He took a breath, just looking at Oswald. Happy to have them here, seeing that they hadn’t abandoned him for Jim, and yet equally afraid that they still might. He didn’t know if they’d been staring at each other long, or for only a second, but if he blinked he was sure Oswald would disappear.

Then Oswald swallowed and looked away. “Either way, I’m sorry I didn’t call. I meant to, I did, but-”

“Don’t worry about it!” Ed waved both hands. “Y-You’re here, I forgive you, and-and it’s fine, everything’s fine.”

He might’ve gone too hard on the sell because while Oswald  **did** look back at him, their eyes were intently searching his face. “Is it? Ed, are you alright? You look-”

“Rough night.” He interjected with a tight smile. “Didn’t sleep well and my grandma’s been bemoaning this family reunion trip...thing coming up, and-and enough about me! How uh...how was your...how did things go? With uh...with...yeah.”  **_With JIM_ ** .

“Oh, um...f-fine.”

“Fine?” Ed chuckled. “ **So he didn’t yell or swear at you this time** ?” Riddler may have slipped out, but Ed felt it was justified.

Except he felt a little bad seeing Oswald’s stunned expression. “N-No. No, he actually apologized, and I apologized, and then...well we talked a little bit.”

“About what?”

“Stuff. Mostly that night at The Circuit.”

“ **Like** when you  **overheard** his friends  **making fun** of you?” Ed truly didn’t know if the passive-aggressiveness was coming from him or Riddler at this point. 

Oswald crossed their arms, and Ed realized a second reason why they looked uncomfortable. “I’m sorry, why don’t you come in and we can talk about it? It’s rude to have you out in the cold.”

“Hm? Oh, no it’s fine. I-I actually can’t stay anyway. I really just meant to drop this off,” they started to take off Ed’s scarf, “but I promise we’ll talk later. First I’ve got to go home, and then Barbara needs-”

“Wait, didn’t you come from your house?”

They paused. “Y-Yes. Yes, but...but I forgot something important, and I can’t have Barb mad at me you know?” They gave a half-hearted laugh and then held out the scarf. “Thanks for lending it to me last night, it’s very warm.”

“I’d hope so, that’s its function.” He smiled as he looked from the wool to Oswald, and then he caught something in his peripheral vision. 

Oswald said something else, but Ed couldn’t hear a word because he was focused on the newly exposed skin. Specifically, a reddish purplish spot barely hiding beneath the collar of their coat. Wait, was there another one? It was also at that moment that Ed started paying attention to what else was under Oswald’s coat.  **_Wasn’t that the same black dress they had last night?_ **

He forced himself to look away, into Oswald’s eyes. “B-Before you go, c-can I ask one quick question?”

“Is there such a thing as a quick question from you?” Oswald smiled, teasing. As if Ed’s heart wasn’t on the verge of shattering.

**_Did you sleep with Jim?_ ** “Did…”  **_Did you sleep with Jim?_ ** “Did you…”  **_Did you sleep with Jim?_ ** “Did you and Jim…” The question was stuck in his throat, his words fighting against Riddler’s, both choking him.

Oswald’s throat was fine though, as they cleared it. “Jim and I aren’t together again. We’re not dating, and he’s not my boyfriend, so if any of that is what you’re going to ask, the answer’s no.” 

It didn’t exactly answer his question, but Ed couldn’t open his mouth to say anything more. He just nodded. 

Then Oswald patted his arm. “We’ll talk later okay? I’ll text you when I can come over and then I’ll tell you everything, promise. But I should really get going.” They hugged him goodbye, giving a tight squeeze.

It was a quick hug, too quick, but Ed still smiled and waved goodbye before heading back inside the house. Once he closed the door, he leaned his back against it and sank to the floor. He wanted to scream, or cry, or throw something, or run outside and make Oswald talk to him, something! The control he had on his emotions was slipping as he was overwhelmed by the whole situation.

A tear did fall from his eye, but as he buried his face in the soft material of his scarf he caught a hint of that earlier scent, Jim’s scent.  **_That bastard! How could Oswald sleep with him?!_ ** Ed bundled the scarf together and threw it to the side.  **_And how could they LIE about it? To. Your. Face._ ** Ed put his head in his hands and then raked his fingers through his hair. Oswald  _ had _ lied to him about Jim, again!

“ **And they’re only going to** **_keep_ ** **lying to you!** ” In the second Ed blinked he thought he saw a manifestation of Riddler, but there was no one else with him.

_ Ugh, I really need to take that pill, I can’t start seeing things, not now. _ He stood up and hurried into his bathroom where he pulled the travel bottle from the medicine cabinet and shook the last round pill into his hand.

“ **Oh no, don’t do that, then I can’t help you.** ” The reflection started talking.

“Your help?! What have you done to help? This past month was the closest I’ve ever gotten to Oswald and that was when you were quiet! Now I’m in this mess and you’re still doing nothing except causing me more stress! So I’m taking this and you’re-” He held the pill up to the mirror, but then his other hand came up and slapped it onto the floor.

Ed stood baffled, watching the little thing roll on the tile...until a hand grabbed his jaw and forced him to look into his own face. “ **No. You’re not.** ”

With a bit of effort, Ed wrenched himself free and reeled back, staring at the Riddler’s manifestation. “Y-You...you’re not supposed to...it’s only been…”

“ **Yeah…** ” Riddler took a few steps forward, “ **about that. You see, medications don’t have much effect if you don’t take them regularly.** ”

“B-But when I took one you would-”

“ **Fake it? Yes, most of the time. It’s almost laughable how you thought you had all this control because you took one measley pill.** ” Riddle held out his arms. “ **But you couldn’t get rid of me!** ”

Ed tried to straighten himself. “Well...well I’m going to now!”

Riddler tilted his head and smiled. “ **_Really?_ ** ”

It’d gone too far. Ed realized that and all the regret of not doing something sooner, as well as the fear of what would happen, hit him hard, and he started to shake. No! No he could still move, he was still in control, he could fix this.

He spun away from Riddler and threw the door open. In his haste to get away he almost tripped over himself, but he caught himself on the wall and raced for the kitchen. Riddler appeared in front of the counter, bringing Ed to a halt.

“ **You know you can’t outrun a hallucination right?** ”

Ed’s first reaction was terror, but then he put on a scowl, hoping to force some courage.

It only made Riddler laugh. Then he stepped to the side, gesturing to the cabinet where they both knew the syringe would be. “ **Please, don’t let me stop you.** ”

Any confidence Ed had vanished immediately. This had to be a trick, he knew this had to be a trick because Riddler would never be so calm about something so important. Unless Riddler had done something while he was asleep...maybe he’d moved it... But Ed  _ had  _ to go for it. He had no choice. Riddler would become too dangerous if he didn’t. Ed  _ hated _ this feeling, well, combination of feelings. He was scared, angry, worried, confused…

He was breathing hard and shaking uncontrollably. He had to stop thinking and just  **do** something! He launched forward, practically slamming into the counter as he yanked the cabinet open. Part of him expected to find nothing, so it was surprising when he saw the capped needle.

Now his mind was really racing, as was his heart. Why was it here? Why wouldn’t Riddler have done something? Unless he couldn’t...but if he couldn’t why would he be so cocky? He tried to ignore Riddler next to him, but the presence was still weighing heavily. He reached out, touching the syringe, but he was breathing so hard and trembling too. Ed felt sick, hopeful, paranoid, on top of everything...it was too much.

Then he heard Riddler chuckle and that was it. He didn’t know if he hit his head on the counter or not, but he was unconscious before he hit the floor.

* * *

Jim wasn’t a wreck. He wouldn’t say he was perfect, but things could be worse. It’d been about a day since he saw Ophelia...Oswald, and he’d already sent a text. They weren’t serious, and he knew that, but he wanted to show that he was trying to be genuine. 

When Oph-Oswald said he would’ve left after the first night really bugged him...except what bugged him more was that Oswald was probably right. If they’d hooked up at the bar, he’d maybe think about it for a few days and then move on. He’d never thought about actually having a boyfriend before, or even being  _ seen _ on a date with a boy. He remembered how Alvarez and the others reacted when Oswald had only flirted with him, if he showed up to some outing with a man on his arm how would they react then?

He sat at his desk, glancing between the file in front of him and his phone. He started to feel a little bad. He’d asked Oswald to come over for dinner tonight, thinking it would be fun to try cooking, and then of course they’d already be at his place… But he was worried that he subconsciously asked to be somewhere private so no one would be able to see them to-

A tapping on his desk startled him and he looked up to see Harvey. “What’s on your mind Jimbo?”

“Huh? Oh, just um...just thinking about the…” he quickly looked at the file, “Johnson case.”

Harvey flopped into his chair. “I hear that, the last bit with the woodchipper has me stumped.”

“The...the yeah, that really got me too.” He looked at Harvey and Harvey looked back. “Wait-”

“You didn’t even read it did you?”

“I-I…”

Harvey started laughing. “The look on your face. Don’t worry rookie, I haven’t read it either. So...since it’s not the case you’re thinking about…”

Jim waved the question away, sneaking one last glance at his phone. “It’s...it’s nothing.”

“Nothing?  _ Nothing? _ ” Harvey leaned forward. “There’s only two reason why a guy checks his phone that much, and I doubt your mother will be calling. I think...you finally had some fun this weekend.”

Jim scoffed. “W-What? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Uh-huh, I knew it! So...who’s the lucky lady? One night fling or do you think you’ll see her again?”

Lady. Right. Well there was no law saying he  **had** to correct Harvey. “Oh um...we...we agreed to keep things casual. Casual until further notice.”

“Casual’s the best way to do it. Now uh...you remember what I said about how partners tell each other everything right?” Harvey shot Jim two winks.

Jim looked down. If only that were entirely true. “I-I don’t know…”

“Okay, okay. Maybe we can talk details later huh? I’m just glad you’re getting over that Olivia...uh, Ophelia chick. Man, I wasn’t going to say anything while y’all were together, but I always had this suspicion that she…” Harvey stopped talking and Jim realized he must’ve caught the weird look on Jim’s face. “She’s not the girl is she?”

Jim narrowed his eyes. “What if she is? Is there a problem with that?”

Harvey paused, and then shook his head. “Uh...nope. Nuh-uh, not at all, no problemo with that. I-I’m glad you’re back together, and uh...sex, right?”

There was a slight blush on Jim’s cheeks, but he tried pushing any embarrassment aside as he continued to stare at Harvey. “Yeah. And?”

“And nothing. That’s great. Fully undressed and all?”

“That’s how most people do it.”

  
“Right, right. And...everything uh...everything was fine?”

“Fine how?”

Harvey was shifting around. “With um...with her...uh…” He glanced down uncomfortably.

Jim leaned forward. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“No reason! I just uh…” Harvey tapped his fingers on the desk. “And we’re talking about the same Ophelia right? Short, black hair, looks kinda like a bird?”

“That’s the one.”

They both stared at each other, Harvey’s brow was sweating, and Jim’s almost started to do the same. He hoped his answers sounded confident enough, so that if Harvey even thought he knew the truth, Jim’s secret would be safe.

Harvey finally leaned back in his chair, still a bit fidgety. “Oh. Alright. I um...just checking, wanted you to be safe. As long as you...used protection and what not.”

“Shit.” Jim muttered, now realizing he didn’t, but if Os-Ophel-Oswald had anything they would’ve told him, right?

“Oh don’t tell me... If you got someone knocked-”

“God no, that’s not even a possibility!” Jim was so quick to deny one thing he was afraid he might’ve confirmed another.

He and Harvey looked at each other again, both a little red. Slowly, Harvey nodded and went back to the file. Jim did the same, but he couldn’t focus on any of the words. Then he heard Harvey clear his throat rather loudly.

“So...you uh…” and here comes the question Jim was bracing himself for, “want to take an early lunch? I know a great place. They have the best sandwiches, and uh, it’s...pretty quiet.”

Jim looked up, and Harvey pursed his lips and shrugged slightly. “Um...sure. Yeah, that’d be fine.”

“Alright.” Harvey stood up. “We can take my car...partner.”

“Sounds good...partner.” Jim gave him a small smile.


	26. Self-care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's some self-absorbed Riddler doing stuff to better himself.

When Riddler opened his eyes, he had his work cut out for him. First, he had to make sure Ed hadn’t hit his head too hard on the floor, a concussion wouldn’t do either of them any good. Secondly, the laundry needed to be folded. Curse Ed and his stress cleaning. Thirdly, he had to take a brief break to look himself over in the mirror, having the sensation of being on the right side of the glass. God it felt good to be back!

His self-admiration was cut short by the buzz of a cell phone. He picked it up and opened the text from Oswald.  **_Blah, blah, blah you’re sorry, talk later…_ ** Riddler started to type back.

“No thanks...you lying whore…” He shook his head. No, that wouldn’t do. He erased the draft and made up some excuse to avoid Oswald, at least tonight. “Not feeling well, maybe talk tomorrow?”

Riddler had no intention of meeting Oswald tomorrow either, he was a busy man, he had plans to draft, but he didn’t mind giving Oswald hope only to flake later. They lied to him, he should be able to lie back. All’s fair in love and war right? Although, Riddler wasn’t quite sure which one it was going to be yet. Depriving Oswald of Ed might be seen as a cruel move, but the end justifies the means...it’s proven. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, you don’t realize what you have until it’s gone, etc...

Riddler knew Eddie was sure to be upset when he finally woke up, but hopefully he could see that this was all for his own good. A little space was healthy, why look at the mess Oswald stirred up by showing up...poor Eddie was so stressed. Of course, without that mental strain Riddler wouldn’t be here, but that was completely irrelevant…

The phone buzzed again, and Riddler marked ‘read’.

* * *

The following day, Ed’s phone was buzzing more frequently, but Riddler just started to ignore most of the texts. He’d barely apologized for having to cancel on Oswald, but he didn’t lie when he said he’d be out of the house.

One of the top things on his to-do list was to update Eddie’s drab closet. Green was a nice color, yet Ed somehow managed to butcher any sense of style. No wonder he couldn’t compete with Jim in that department,  _ Jim _ didn’t look like someone’s nerdy grandpa.

The dressing room had three mirrors, more the merrier, and Riddler took his time examining each outfit from every angle. “Oh Eddie, you should just forget about Oswald, they don’t deserve you anyway. I mean look at us! We could have anyone we want.”

He blew a kiss. “Don’t worry about the price either, all of this is donated via granny’s stolen wallet. She’s not using it, and you’ve practically been her housekeeper so really she owes you.”

Edward’s consciousness still wasn’t awake to hear any of this, but unlike him, Riddler had no problem talking to a reflection. Besides, the longer Ed was out, the easier it would be for Riddler to take the necessary steps without the constant nagging. The phone buzzed again. Well almost no nagging.

There was a new barrage of texts from Oswald. What he ought to do is put it on silent, but every little ping was a point closer to his goal. It meant he was wanted, his time was Oswald’s top priority, but his friend hadn’t served their penance yet. He smirked and tucked the phone away again. Then he did one more spin for the mirror and headed for the checkout.

As he put the last bag in the back of the car, the receipt fluttered out into a snow pile. The cashier had written what looked to be her number on the bottom of it, so Riddler’s little experiment worked, some people were still vulnerable to well worded compliments and a dash of confidence. He took special care to brush it out of the way with his shoe before getting in the driver’s seat.

“It shouldn’t be colder inside than outside.” Riddler muttered, waiting for the car to warm up. If he didn’t have unfinished business, moving out of Gotham would be a real possibility, but despite his newfound freedom he was ultimately tied to Edward and Edward was still tied to the city. He pulled out the phone again, sure there would be more messages beginning for his attention.

However, the last one made him grip the phone so his knuckles turned white, ‘ _ Disregard my last message, I won’t be free tonight at all, got plans. Maybe tomorrow afternoon?’ _

“Plans?!” Riddler pointed at the device. “No. No, you don’t  **get** to have plans!  **I** am your plans, your life revolves around me until I say so!”

He angrily typed out a reply, ‘ _ Plans? Let me guess, with JIM?’ _ How unbelievably rude could they be? First, they leave poor Ed, lie to him, and now he’s clearly upset and they just move on with-

The phone started ringing, catching Riddler by surprise. He quickly hit ‘decline’.  **_Shit._ ** He didn’t actually want to talk, he shouldn’t have sent anything. It started ringing again, but this time he let it go, maybe they’d get the hint. The voicemail notification popped up on the screen, and Riddler sighed before playing it.

“Ed?” Oswald’s voice was scratchy through the speaker. “Ed I know you were just on your phone.  _ Please _ answer me. I don’t care if you’re mad, just  **talk** to me. I don’t even care if you pick up just to yell at me, hell I deserve it! I haven’t been a very good friend to you, and I’m sorry. Just please,  _ please _ don’t ignore me Ed.”

There was a beep signaling the end of the message. Riddler leaned back in the chair, thinking. He’d originally planned on letting Oswald suffer awhile longer, but they sounded pretty contrite and desperate already. And...if he kept avoiding them it would become too reminiscent of last time Ed cut them off, which wouldn’t be good for Riddler.

Once more, the phone rang. Riddler counted three full seconds before answering. He didn’t say anything though, he couldn’t let Oswald have what they wanted right away, and if they dared to speak first, he’d hang up. Surprisingly, the other end was quiet, except for an occasional exhale.  **_My, my such patience, I might be impressed._ **

Riddler took a breath, preparing to be as apathetic as possible. “Hey.”

“Hey.” There was a pause before Oswald continued, a little shaky. “So what’s kept you busy today?”

He glanced at the bags in the rearview mirror. “Shopping.”

“Really? Finally giving your closet a makeover?” There was a small chuckle.

Riddler smiled himself, at least he and Oswald could be on the same page about that. “Yes, one long overdue.”

Another little laugh, and despite his lingering annoyance, Riddler had to admit they  _ did _ have a cute laugh. However, that wouldn’t be enough to soften him into forgiving Oswald, it might’ve worked for Ed, but Riddler wasn’t so easily won. He let things slip into silence again, and this time Oswald better get to the purpose of their call.

As if he’d spoken aloud, they quietly asked. “You know I lied to you, don’t you?” 

Riddler didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. Oswald scoffed. “Of course you do, you’ve always been so smart and perceptive, I never stood a chance.”

**_Now THIS is starting to sound like a proper apology_ ** . Riddler smiled.  **_Although I wouldn’t mind a few more compliments..._ **

Oswald kept talking. “I-I just didn’t want you to be mad at me because I know you don’t like Jim, and I know I said nothing was going to happen, but then...”

“But then what? He said ‘Sorry I was such a dick earlier, speaking of which I like yours, let’s fuck’?” Riddler spat out. Then he remembered Ed would never say something so crass. “I-I apologize for my language, I’m still trying to...process. Please, continue.”

“Oh, oh no don’t apologize! You have every right to be mad.” 

**_Phew_ ** . Oswald sighed. “And...and you’re actually not that far off. He did say sorry, and that he  _ did _ like me pre-Ophelia, and then...then I diiiiiid let him get me in bed. I will not feign innocence there.”

“If you tried to convince me you  _ were _ innocent then I’d really know you were lying.”

That got a full on snort from Oswald. “I can’t believe this, I try to be open and honest, and what do I get? More slut-shaming? Jeez.”

Riddler smiled too. “You brought it upon yourself when you jumped in bed with your ex.”

“Which time?” He could almost see Oswald winking on the other end. “Seriously though, that’s all that happened with Jim. Okay well, one last thing, the morning after we got breakfast, but that’s it and I wasn’t lying when I said we’re not together again. And I’m really, really, infinity times sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

Riddler thought over his next course of action. He wanted to stay mad at them for betraying Ed in the first place, but they  _ did _ sound sorry; and if he was going to win them over he should do it before they jump in bed with Jim...again. “Can I ask one more thing?”

“Of course, anything.”

“Jim...circumsized or no?”

If Oswald were there, their mouth would be gaping like a fish. “W-What?”

“I’m curious.”

“Really? You really want to know?”

Riddler snickered and leaned back in his seat. “No. I just wanted to go back to the days when you’d overshare instead of under.”

“Well I can certainly do that, I have no problem sharing all the dirty little details.” After a breathy laugh, Oswald paused. “So...does this mean I’m forgiven?”

Pursing his lips, Riddler conceded. “Oh...I could never stay mad at you.”

“Aw, Ed.”

“Say, I know I said I’d be busy today, but if you  _ did _ want to meet up later I’m sure I could find the time.” Riddler was already formulating a romantic plan of attack.

“You know I’d love to, but I can’t, I do actually have plans later.”

So that wasn’t just a ploy to get him on his phone, which now, made Riddler switch back to being upset. “With Jim?”

“Well...he did ask me out,” Oswald took a breath, “but I couldn’t do that either. Sirens are meeting this evening.”

“Oh?” It took a split-second for Ed’s memory to kick in. “Oh, yes! I suppose so, with the uh...the concert coming up and all.”

“Yeah, it’s going to be a tough few nights.” Oswald groaned. “But my days are pretty free, we can get together tomorrow if that works.”

“I…I’ll have to see, but I think tomorrow will be just fine.”

“Ugh, thank goodness, I’m so glad! Okay, so...talk to you later?”

Riddler made his voice as pleasant as possible. “Definitely. I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah, I’ll- Oh wait, real quick! I-I want to thank you...for not shutting me out, and-and for being a far better friend than I deserve.”

“Of course. I’m always here for you Oswald, I care about you.” There was another round of quick goodbyes and then Riddler put the phone down. That seemed to go better than expected. Hopefully, Oswald was too emotional or busy to notice if anything had been strange...although they were never really that bright to begin with. 

Now, with lines of communication reopened, Riddler had to start constructing an approach to let Oswald know he was finally able to return any and all feelings...in any and all ways that entailed. He’d already figured that Jim’s one redeeming feature was his sex appeal. Hell, if Jim hadn’t made himself such a rival, maybe the three of them would have reached an agreement, but Riddler wasn’t really the type to share. No, he’d have to prove he could be the perfect amount of sensitive and sensual so that if Oswald needed a shoulder to cry on, or a bed to fall into, Ed would happily provide. Well, technically Riddler, but he knew Ed felt the same.

So...The Sirens were taking up Oswald’s precious time huh? That was an obstacle he could easily overcome. He’d have to cut his other self-care plans short, but having Oswald in his arms would be the best thing he could do for Ed right now. His mind was running through all sorts of scenarios and tricks he could pull, but first things first he’d have to hurry home and put his purchases to use.

* * *

Riddler straightened his jacket and glasses before knocking on the big wooden doors of Barbara’s dwelling. He’d barely blinked when the door was flung open and Barbara was looking him over.

“Is Oswald with you?”

Riddler started to speak. “Uh, no. Isn’t-”

The door was slammed in his face.  **_How unbelievably rude! That’s it, that woman’s moving further up my list._ ** He was in the middle of plotting her  _ unfortunate _ demise when the door was opened again by Ivy.

She practically pulled him inside. “Oh my God, you need to tell me everything.”

“Everything meaning…?”

“Uh...what happened with you and Oswald, duh!” She held out her arms. “What’d you say? What’d they say? How much kissing was involved? Why aren’t they with you? Where are they now? Good God what are you wearing? What’s that box for?”

She pointed at the brown box he was carrying. Riddler looked down at it. “Oh this? It’s supposed to be a little surprise, but...but do you not know where Oswald is? Because weren’t they…”

“Yeah. They were. Should’ve been here like fifteen minutes ago, why else do you think Babs is more pissy than usual?”

“Here I was thinking it was just me.” Hm...Barbara was safe for now, but she better be thankful Riddler had more important things to worry about. “Well, they said they didn’t have time for me because they’d be at rehearsal all night, so I wish I could tell you.”

“Hm...hopefully nothing bad hap-”

Barbara came storming out of the drawing room and pressed herself against the sidelights by the door. “That bitch!”

Ivy and Riddler gathered around to peek outside too. That was Jim’s car, there was Jim, and there was Oswald in Jim’s car, laughing and smiling at  _ Jim _ .

Ivy’s mouth dropped open. “No way. Are they like friends now or-”

Then she gasped, along with Riddler, when Jim leaned in to  _ kiss _ Oswald. Barbara was shocked too, but she didn’t stand around to gape. Instead she whipped open the door and shouted from the house.

“Cobblepot! Get your ass in here or else I’m going to extend every practice by an hour!”

Oswald got out of the car, but before they could say anything, Jim opened his window, waving a hand at Barbara. “Uh, sorry about the time. Traffic was-”

“Yeah, don’t care, some of us have things to do.” She grabbed Oswald by the arm when they were close enough, but kept looking at Jim. “Bye now, hopefully  _ traffic _ isn’t so bad for you going home.”

As much as Riddler hated having the door slammed on his face, he couldn’t have been happier to see it closed on Jim. Barbara really was making her way off the priorities list, but the way she kept dragging Oswald through the house undid her progress.

Riddler followed everyone into the practice room, where Barbara finally let go, only to continue her scolding. “So what was that huh? I thought he was the guy you broke up with!”

Oswald rubbed their arm. “Well yeah, but-”

“And now you’re wasting  _ our _ time on him?” She threw up her arms and then pointed at them. “This is  **just** what was happening with Tabby! Some guy walks in, and suddenly the group revolves around you instead of working together. Why is that? Why do you both think you can do whatever you please with no regard for the consequences of others?”

The room went quiet, and Oswald sighed. “Do you know why I was with Jim right now? He was giving me a ride, that’s it. I missed the bus, and instead of waiting thirty minutes for the next one, I called Jim. Figured it would be better to be fifteen minutes late than forty-five.”

Hearing Jim’s name was rather unpleasant for Riddler, but Oswald’s deficiency towards Barbara got a devious smile out of him. Such malice delivered in a restrained manner was admirable. His smile quickly faded though, when Oswald put their hands on Barbara’s shoulders.

“Don’t ever worry about me leaving The Sirens. I might not be the most put together or punctual member you’ve had, but I can guarantee my loyalty.” They gave her a hug. “Even if you falsely accuse me.”

Barbara tried to hide her surprise behind a snide remark. “Well...well a text would’ve been nice.”

“I did text you.”

“No you didn-” Barbara held up her phone as evidence.

Oswald pointed at the screen. “Missed bus. Getting ride. Will be late.”

“O-Oh...I uh...I guess I didn’t have my volume on.” She hurried to put it away. “A call would’ve been better anyway.”

Ivy crossed her arms. “Yeah, or you could’ve called one of us to pick you up. You know, instead of bothering with Jim” She elbowed Riddler. “I’m sure Ed would’ve loved to.”

“Huh?” Riddler started to forget he was part of the conversation, being left out for so long. “Ah, yes definitely.”

Oswald turned to him. “Really? I thought you said you were b-” They stopped mid sentence, looking him over.

So they finally noticed. Riddler bristled with pride, his work on Ed had paid off. He may not have Jim’s natural ability to turn a plain ass t-shirt into an outfit, but there was just something about rolling up the sleeves of a dress shirt that could leave someone speechless. 

He stepped back, letting himself be admired. “As you can see, I  _ was _ busy. But you could’ve called if you really needed it. Although I’m not sure if these would’ve been done.”

He held out the brown box. Oswald cautiously lifted the lid and gasped. “Penguin cupcakes! You made penguin cupcakes?! How is that even possible?”

“With a recipe.” He got a light punch. “Although I’m afraid I messed up one of the beaks, but the piping bag was giving me trouble.”

Ivy came to lean over Oswald’s shoulder. “Shut up, these are gorgeous! Are they for everyone?”

“Well there are four in there so-” Riddler had to stop himself from being too snarky. “Yes, yes they are.”

Ivy plucked one out, practically drooling. “Ooo…chocolate.”

Oswald did the same. “These are almost too pretty to eat.”

“Oh stop, please.” He glanced away, pretending to be bashful. 

Oswald took a bite, and their face was all pleasure, eyes closed and lips pressed together.  **_Now that’s a sight I could get used to_ ** .

Riddler smiled. “Any good?”

“Ed, they’re-” Oswald had to cover their mouth to swallow. “Ed they’re so good.”

He noticed a few crumbs at the corner of their mouth, and he took the opportunity to use his thumb to wipe them away. Then he slowly brought the crumbs to his own lips and licked them up.

“You’re right. Delicious.” In all of Ed’s memories, he couldn’t recall ever seeing Oswald’s eyes so wide.  **_That’s right. I’m openly flirting with you. No more of that hot and cold bullshit._ **

He would’ve loved to stay in the moment, but Barbara started clapping her hands. “Uh...people? We’re already behind schedule.”

**_This bitch._ ** Riddler still smiled and offered the box. “Are you sure you can’t spare any time?”

She narrowed her eyes, and he almost got a little worried. How embarrassing would it be to get called out for trying to be nice to Barbara? Luckily, she just quickly grabbed a cupcake.

“A few bites, but that’s it.”

“That’s fine, a few bites is all it takes for the poison to kick in anyway.” He gave her a cheery smile.

Oswald, empty wrapper in hand, looked up. “I know you’re kidding, but honestly...if that’s how I go, that’s how I go.”

Ivy nodded along. “Same.”

Meanwhile Barbara just rolled her eyes and shook her head.


	27. Battlefield

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the title suggests, there's some fightin' words thrown around. Riddler also gets a bit more "Riddler-y", and he has to deal with an unexpected guest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really important, but to help with inspiration...  
> The "main" song The Sirens sing in this chapter is "Sexy Dynamite" by The Orion Experience.  
> And then Riddler's vibe is sorta "Do it all the time" by I Don't Know How But They Found Me, (really any of their songs.)

Riddler was buzzing with excitement. He already did so well for himself, and the practice had barely begun. Where Ed would typically sit quietly until someone asked for something, Riddler had no problem offering feedback or sprinkling in compliments. He liked to throw a wink in Oswald’s direction every now and then, but it didn’t always get the response he wanted. Fluttering lashes were supposed to be good, but this was a shocked expression that looked more confused if anything.

**_Come on, what’s the matter? Don’t tell me you actually prefer that shy loser Eddie! Or did he mess you up so much that you truly can’t tell if I’m flirting?_ ** Riddler would hate to tone down his advances, see how well that worked for Ed, but it’d be even worse if he made Oswald uncomfortable.  **_But how can they be uncomfortable? They’re supposed to love me and my attention!_ **

Barbara struck her last chord of a song, Ivy crashed her cymbal, and Oswald took a little bow. Then Oswald looked back at their mates. “So what’d we think of that? I didn’t mind.”

Ivy held up her sticks like pom-poms. “I loved it.”

Barbara groaned. “You’ve said that about every other song. I don’t know, I’m not crazy about it, I don’t think it has the energy we’re going for.”

Riddler had his arms on the back of the settee. “Not to mention you were a little pitchy... Uh...no offense?”

A new voice came from the doorway. “I thought it was alright.”

Everyone looked to see Jim timidly enter the room. 

“H-Hi. I um…” he glanced at everyone before quickly approaching Oswald with a pair of sunglasses, “you uh...left these in my car.”

“O-Oh thanks, yeah.” They took them, but since there was no place to set anything down it was an even more awkward situation.

**_Oh my God, just leave already._ ** And then Jim did take a step back, but only a step. “You guys do sound great though. I mean, seeing you onstage is one thing, but it’s really cool to listen in on the ‘before’ part. I wish I could hang out and hear some more.”

Riddler was trying to catch Oswald’s eye, to let his displeasure be known, but stupid Jim was in the way. Thankfully, he had Ivy as a fallback.

She jumped up, almost knocking over her snare. “Well you can’t, so there. How’s about moving along so we can continue?”

Jim seemed stunned a moment, looking at Oswald probably begging to stay. Oswald just gave him an apologetic shrug. He continued to waste time though, shuffling his feet. “Aw, that sucks. I would’ve loved to stick around, see how the metaphorical magic happens. You know, I was actually thinking about-”

**_Why on earth is he still_ ** \- Barbara’s sharp voice cut through the room. “Oh my god, stop talking! Stay, go, I don’t care! Just be  _ quiet _ .”

**_Oh. So that’s why, preying on Barbara’s short patience, well played detective._ ** Then, as if this horrible man hadn’t done enough, he gave Oswald’s arm a pat, and THEN he sat on the settee too. If Riddler had been staring daggers before, he was staring machetes now.

As The Sirens reset to play their next song, Jim gave Riddler a friendly smile. “Hey Ed.”

Riddler maintained his glare for a couple seconds before putting on a sickeningly sweet expression. “Why hello James.”

It made Jim recoil just a little, and then he noticed the brown box. “Are those penguin cupcakes?”

“Yes, but I’m afraid you can’t have any, the last one’s  _ mine _ .”

“Oh. That’s fine.” Jim settled back in, and then he chewed on his bottom lip as if he were trying to stop himself from saying something. Still, he looked over and whispered. “I have the real one anyway.”

It was probably a good thing the music started playing before Riddler could say anything in response, it wouldn’t have been very  _ Ed _ -like.  **_I’m going to murder him. I’m going to FUCK-ING MURDER HIM. I’m going to cut him up limb from limb, shove his bones down his fucking throat, and then light him on fire so I can spread his ashes all over this goddamn city!_ **

All of Barbara’s expensive, and heavy, vases were starting to look mighty nice. Riddler was also considering how hard it would be to get ahold of some piano wire for a classic strangulation, but then he remembered he was in a room full of people. A room including  _ Oswald _ , who, despite having a history of forgiving Ed, probably wouldn’t be able to overlook the manslaughter of their boytoy.

New plan: stick to the old plan and continue wooing Oswald as if Jim wasn’t here. That wasn’t to say homicide was off the table, but certainly more of a ‘Plan B’ thing. He turned his attention back to Oswald as they started singing along to the group’s music.

Like any other time, Oswald danced around as if the room was their stage. Shaking their hips, shimmying their shoulders, and getting low only to slowly rise up. Riddler certainly enjoyed the show, and had hope for a more private one later. However, it was irksome that most of their focus had previously been on Ed, but now, any attention that didn’t go to the band was now split between him and Jim.

Riddler was determined to change that. He wasn’t sure how Barbara would react, but he didn’t really care as he slinked over to the keyboard, listening to the key and rhythm before joining in. Thank God Edward had some decent skills in his arsenal, and it seems to do the trick.

Barbara may be shooting him a weird look, Ivy may have an approving one, but what mattered was the look on Oswald’s face. It wasn’t that unsure surprise anymore, but a charmed smile. Riddle gave one right back, and while he knew better than to interrupt with singing, he mouthed along to a few lines.

The luring effect continued, but as Oswald started to move closer to him, they stopped. Jim had his hand placed lightly on their arm.  **_No._ ** Then he and Oswald started dancing together, twirling them or simply swaying along.  **_No, that bastard! How dare he lay so much as a finger on my-_ ** _ Os...wald? _

Riddler jerked. He hit a wrong note and got a harsh glare from Barbara, at least he hadn’t thrown anyone else off. With a fake apologetic smile to everyone, he stood up and excused himself from the room.

* * *

He wandered away from the music, locating another parlor type room and shutting the door behind him. There was a mirror above the fireplace, and when he looked into it, there was only him. He sighed and rubbed the middle of his forehead.

_ Nmm...hngh… _

Riddler looked up again to see a much more dazed version of himself. Great.

Ed slowly blinked. “ _ W-Wha… Where, where… Oswald? _ ”

**_Just remain calm._ ** “Heyyy Eddie, how are you feeling?”

“ _ I...I… _ ” Ed put a hand on his face, “ _ Is Oswald here? _ ”

Riddler glanced to the side. “Nnnn-no. Not here, not in this room. So you don’t have to worry about them, you can just uh...go back to sleep.”

Ed’s eyelids started to droop. “ _ Oh...yeah, okay. _ ” 

Then he snapped them open, trying to wake up from his stupor. “ _ Wait. Wait, where am I? Are, are you me? No...something...something happened. _ ”

“Nope, nothing important happened! Everything’s fine! It’s under control, and you don’t have to worry your little head about it.” Riddler wished he could have Ed here to soothingly rub his back...or clock him over the head with a fire poker, either would work.

Ed relaxed, but he still seemed a little uneasy. “ _ But...but I...but you… _ ”

“Shh, shh, shh.” Riddler gently put a finger on the glass. “I’ve got this dear Edward. Now you relax so I can do what’s best for us.”  **_Without you ruining all my work_ ** .

Riddler had to quickly remind himself they shared a brain so his thoughts had to be controlled too. Ed might be an anxious thing, but he wasn’t stupid like the rest. Riddler refreshed his smile. “I mean...otherwise it’s going to be a whole affair, or a fight and I don’t want to fight with you Eddie. You don’t want to fight either, do you?”

Ed lowered his head, but didn’t say anything.

“That’s what I thought. So you just stay quiet and-”

He gave one last jolt of life. “ _ Is Oswald okay? _ ”

**_If you say that name one more time…_ ** Riddler unclenched his fist. “Oswald’s fine! I said don’t worry about them! Just, just trust me. Trust me that anything I do is for  **us** ...and that everything will be fine if you go back to sleep.”

“ _ I...I’m not...I don’t kn- _ ” Ed’s eyes were starting to close, and even though he weakly wrestled against the haze at the end, his voice eventually faded away.

Riddler had his head on the fireplace mantle, and looking up at the mirror again there was only one pair of brown eyes, dark brown eyes. Riddler sighed. Ed didn’t need to meddle, he should feel lucky he has someone to take care of things. At least he was easy enough to put down in this current state.

With a sharp intake of breath, Riddler straightened himself. Back to the task at hand.

* * *

As he made his way back to the practice room he ran into Ivy. They were both startled, and then Ivy put her hands on her hips.

“Uh...care to explain?”

Riddler looked off to the side.  **_She doesn’t know, does she? No, there’s no way she knows, her plants are smarter than she is. But what if she asks, what excuse do I give?_ **

“C-C-Care to explain what?”

Now she crossed her arms. “Oh I think you know.”

**_Fuck._ ** There was a lamp on a nearby table he could grab...but that would raise even more questions. No, he could get out of this. “It’s um, complicated to explain.”

“You’re darn right it’s complicated. Last time I see you, you’re supposed to be confessing your true love, and now douchey Jim is back? Well...okay he’s actually a nice guy, but you’re a nicer guy and-”

Ah, that’s right, she was on Ed’s side. Riddler held up a hand to stop her. “Yes, about that. Jim swooped in and stole what I had, so quite douchey. But don’t worry Red, I’ve got it.”

Ivy raised an eyebrow. “Red?”

**_Oh shit, do I not call her that? I must not. Dammit I should be better at this._ ** “Um...codename? Since we’re kind of partners in crime. I’m...I’m trying new things, if you can’t tell.”

“Hm,” she looked him over, “yeah. Still not crazy about the name though, one of my exes used to call me that.”

“Say no more, forget I mentioned it. So, what has you bumping into people instead of being with the band? Hopefully no one was so worried about me they had to send you.”  **_Because if they were that might cause some trouble..._ **

“Oh no, nothing like that. I’m getting band aids, I got a splinter from using old sticks.” She held up her hand to point out the spot between her thumb and index finger.

“Ah, I see, tragic.” He started to move past her. “Well, don’t let me get in the way of your safety.”

“Thanks, I’m only going to the- Wait!”

He stopped and turned around. Ivy didn’t move towards him, but she stared at him, almost to the point of being uncomfortable.

Then she finally said something. “I don’t like your hair like that either. It kind of makes you look like a fuckboy. Everything else you’re doing is great though, keep it up.”

She gave a thumbs up and immediately winced before hurrying towards her destination. Riddler rolled his eyes and continued towards his.

Back in the practice room was a sight that made him want to burn the house down. Oswald wasn’t in Jim’s lap per say, but they were both on the settee with one of Oswald’s legs over Jim’s, and he had a hand on their knee. Jim was talking about being a detective, probably, Riddler wasn’t trying to listen. Instead, he walked over to where Barbara was taking a decanter out of a cabinet.

When he watched her pour a glass, she sniped at him. “This has been our craziest rehearsal, so if you’re going to lecture me, don’t start.”

“Lecture?” Riddler put a hand on his heart. “No, I was going to ask if you could pour another.”

She leaned in, narrowing her eyes, but then handed him a glass. “You like cognac?”

“It’s alright,” he took a sip, “and of course you have exceptional taste.”

“Surprised you noticed.” Barbara actually smiled at him, but it wasn’t necessarily friendly. Then she addressed the other two people in the room. “Hey, either of you interested?”

Oswald looked over, but then did a double-take, pulling away from Jim. “Ed, are you drinking?”

Riddler tried not to choke.  **_That’s right, Ed doesn’t have fun either._ **

Barbara spoke before he could. “Oh yeah, I did think that was a bit odd.”

Aha, what a sneaky woman. If she knew, he couldn’t figure out her motive for exposing him, but he could admire her cunning. They might’ve been friends if she wasn’t a backstabbing snitch.

Riddler attempted a sheepish look for Oswald. “I-It was a good year, and I just wanted to try it. I-I’m trying new things.”

He didn’t know if that line would work a second time. Oswald’s expression didn’t change, so no. Riddler swallowed.

“Although...this is a change I’m not keen on keeping.” Chuckling, he pretended to make a disgusted face as he set the glass down. “Still too harsh a taste.”

Oswald continued to watch him, but then they finally relaxed. They gave a small smile. “Well don’t just set it down, I’ll finish it.”

If it wouldn’t have been so suspicious, Riddler would’ve let out a huge sigh, maybe a ‘thank God’ too. Instead, he happily strode to the other side of the room and handed off the drink, shooting Jim a look as he did so.

Oswald swirled the liquid around. “I feel like cognac just makes a person classy.”

Jim scoffed. “What? Like a history professor or something?”

“Ew.” Oswald crinkled their nose. “Academia.”

Riddler wanted to laugh at Jim’s failure, but opted for a considerate . “I’m seeing more...grieving widow.”

Oswald’s lips curled up, and Riddler knew he had the correct answer. “Grieving? Oh no darling, I only grieved over my first husband. Cheers to number five.”

They laughed and swallowed the drink. Riddler couldn’t help but stare at their neck as they tilted their head back. So delicate and pale, it would be so easy to leave his own marks, so easy to break. He absentmindedly licked his lips, and that’s when movement in the corner of his eye made him glance at Jim.

Jim had only shifted slightly, but he looked much more alert. They didn’t share so much a split-second before Oswald lowered the glass. “Mm, a good year indeed.”

Riddler took the empty glass. “Would I lie?”

Ivy came barreling in the room and held up her hand, wrapped like a boxer. “I’m all better!”

Barbara about slammed the decanter down. “Thank the Lord! Now everyone, please, no more distractions!”

As she marched to her guitar, Oswald sighed standing up. “Back to business. Sorry I took your spot Ed.”

“No problemo.”

Riddler hadn’t actually planned on sitting by Jim again, but after the recent exchange he felt the tables had turned enough that Jim would be the intimidated one this time. So, he confidently took his seat as the band restarted their rehearsal in front of them. He even leaned over to whisper.

“Quick question Jim.”

At first it seemed Jim would ignore him, but eventually he leaned closer. “What?”

“Poor people have me, rich people need me, and if you eat me you’ll die. What am I?”

Jim took a breath, either thinking of the answer or if he even wanted to play along. “Nothing.”

“Oh, good job.” Riddler paused for a few seconds before whispering again. “An alternate answer would be ‘what you have with Oswald’.”

There it was, Jim clenched his jaw, that flame of neatly concealed anger. He snapped back. “Ironic you say that when you have less than me.”

Even though he expected such a retort, Riddler still frowned. “At least I have potential.”

“If you have so much potential why aren’t you the one Ophel...I mean Os-”

Riddler let out a low chuckle. “You can’t even say their fucking name ri-”

“I’m working on it!” Jim shouted.

There was a loud screech from the speakers as Barbara slammed on her guitar. “Get out!”

Jim stood baffled. “I-I’m sorry, I-”

“Get! Out!”

Riddler snickered. “Bye Jimbo.”

Then Barbara turned to Riddler. “You too!”

“Wha...me? What did I-”

“Out! Both of you, out  **_right_ ** now!” She put her instrument down and roughly threw them out into the hall. “You are herein  _ banned _ from any practices until further notice. Got that?”

Riddler scrambled back towards the door, catching a glimpse of Oswald beyond it. “But, but…”

“No! No buts, now get off my property!” Then she shut the doors so hard they shook, and gave a final shout. “No boys allowed!”

Riddler and Jim exchanged a look. It was to be war then, and while this battle was a draw, the next would be a bloody last stand.

* * *

Barbara leaned against the door with her eyes closed. When she opened them she looked directly into Oswald’s eyes.

“Get. Your shit. Together.” 

She started walking forward, taking deliberate steps. “Fuck Gordon, fuck Nygma, both, neither, I don’t care. But please...for the love of God…” she was right in front of Oswald, “if you’re going to have them around, get them to play nice...or I will kill you all and then myself.”

Verbal confirmation wasn’t needed, just a quick head shake of acknowledgement. Then Barbara’s face lit up with a smile. “Excellent! Now let’s pick our Snowball song!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know when the next chapter will be out. It's going to be a long one because we're finally going to Snowball...and I'm sure life will keep me busy.
> 
> Thanks for the continued support!


	28. Snowball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a LOT to cover.  
> The beginning is a quick Oswald POV on recent events, and then there's a time jump to the main event! Snowball itself has one problem after another for everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a super long chapter, and I'd apologize, but there was a lot of simultaneous action that felt wrong to split up.

Oswald flopped on their bed. They should start getting ready for rehearsal tonight, but they really wanted to stare at the ceiling.

Ed had been over today, and what was expected to be a return to normal, wasn’t. Ed was still as flirty as he’d been the other day, and...and Oswald was at a loss. They’d always hoped for a day when Ed would be confident enough to be forthright instead of all the mixed signals he’s been throwing them, but now that he was...it felt weird.

Oswald couldn’t explain it. If this had happened a week ago they would’ve lept into his arms, no question, but something was off. The suddenness of his change in behavior was hard to overlook. They’ve pined after Ed for years, but he never seemed to take any real interest or even notice. Then Jim comes back and-

Could it all be jealousy? Ed never struck them as the jealous type though, even when he dated Isabella and some guy would try flirting with her Ed never got riled up. What about Jim caused so many problems? 

It couldn’t just be that Oswald had sex with him because Oswald had countless flings to fill the time, and they’d been able to tell Ed all about it without the man giving more than a shrug. The second they started dating Jim though, something in Ed shifted. Oswald had tried explaining it away as Ed being protective, worried that Jim would find out about Ophelia, but even after the initial breakup it seemed Ed’s interest was real.

Now  _ that _ had gotten Oswald excited, and then they  _ had _ practically thrown themselves into his arms...only to have Ed not catch them. Sure, he gave them compliments or made brief contact, but the intensity from before wasn’t there. It was like they returned to that vicious cycle of getting  **just** enough from Ed to hold out hope, but that was all. Honestly, it hurt.

Then Jim came back.

He wasn’t supposed to come back, and he especially wasn’t supposed to want anything from Oswald. At least not anything more than he got. Jim got his explanation, they resolved their leftover sexual tension, and that was it. It should’ve been it. But Jim was so sweet, and...and it could be a real opportunity to get over Ed...if they’re sure that’s what they want.

Oswald groaned and rolled over to shove their face into the pillow. How had they let things get so complicated?

They heard their mother’s voice as the door opened. “Oh I’m so glad Eddie stopped by, I missed- Szívem! What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing.” Oswald mumbled.

“Nothing? No, no you can’t pull one over on your mother.” She settled onto the bed, rubbing their back. “Is it the big band coming up?”

Oswald debated telling her that instead of the truth. “No...it’s boy stuff.”

Gertrud’s hand paused for a moment, but then she continued her soothing. “As in gender stuff or gay stuff?”

Oswald couldn’t help but laugh. “Uh...gay stuff I guess.”

“Whew,” she let out a big sigh, “dating boys, that I have experience with. What’s the trouble?”

“Well...there’s these two guys, and I think they both like me.”

“Less relatable, but continue.”

“I have to pick one though, but...but I don’t want to make the wrong choice.”

“Well there’s no wrong choice if you follow your heart.”

Oswald sat up. “That’s the problem, my heart isn’t sure. There’s one I really like, but everytime I think something’s going to happen, it doesn’t. Which now, something might  **finally** happen, but I’m too scared of him flaking to go for it. Then the other guy is a safer bet, and I like being with him casually so I should like being with him seriously right? But I’ve never really been serious so I don’t...I don’t know if I could ever get to that emotional level required for a real relationship.”

Gertrud stared off to the side, maybe she wasn’t the best person to talk to about this, but eventually she spoke. “Wait, who’s who again?”

Oswald rolled their eyes. “Just call them Guy One and Two.”

“Oh boy, numbers get confusing. Can’t I call one of them James and one of them Edward?”

“Mother!”

“What? I didn’t say it was  _ your _ Jim or Ed, these people could be anybody.” She shrugged innocently.

Oswald couldn’t stay mad, but they could stay embarrassed. “I...I don’t…pff, whatever fine.”

Gertrud folded her hands in her lap. “Hm, and now this  _ James _ ...he’s not going to yell at you anymore? He does like you? As Oswald?”

“Y-Yeah. Well, well it’s a bit of a weird situation because...he’s still in the closet. Which isn’t a big deal for me, obviously I know how he feels, but...but it sort of makes me feel like a secret. I overheard him on the phone once and he used ‘Ophelia’ and ‘she’ instead.”

“Hm, and you’re okay with this?”

Oswald paused. “I mean, I don’t really care, but... Would I prefer Oswald? Yes. I also get that it’s confusing since he knew me as ‘Ophelia’ first, but it makes me wonder. Am I the kind of secret that, if someone gets suspicious, will he own up to it or pretend he doesn’t know me?”

Gertrud pursed her lips. “Oh sweetheart that’s a very tough place to be. But, but this  _ Edward _ wouldn’t care, right? He’d call you ‘Oswald’ anytime?”

“Correct. He’s already...he’s already gone through all that.”

She nodded again, and they both sat in silence, thinking things over. Then she put a hand on Oswald’s knee. “That’s a hard choice you have. I can’t make it for you...but my suggestion would be that Edward.”

“Are you sure that’s not just because  _ you _ like Ed?”

Gertrud smiled. “It might have some influence. But what I really want is for you to be happy. You always seem so happy with Ed, but if you think Jim would be a better partner, then go with him. If he cares enough to try a relationship, maybe he won’t abandon you, and if something feels real with the other, you should take the chance.”

Oswald sighed and fell back onto the pillows. “Ugh, I have too much to think about. I wish I could just put all this drama to the side until Snowball was over. Maybe I should do what Barbara did and make myself a ‘boy-free’ zone for a while.”

“Whatever you need darling.” Gertrud got up to kiss their cheek. “But you can’t put it off forever, or else it’s only going to hurt more.”

“I know, I know. Thanks for listening.” Before their mother was out the door, they pushed themselves up to their elbows. “Wait, mom…”

“Yes?”

“Unrelated, but...did you notice anything strange about Ed while he was here?”

“Stranger than usual?” She tapped her chin. “He certainly looked different, but not in a bad way. Oh...but it was odd that he never smiled at me, not once, and...and he seemed colder. Oh my, do you think something’s wrong?”

“I’m not sure. I want to say it’s because of this mess I’ve got everyone into, but when he’s stressed he gets quiet and reserved, not the other way around.”

“Well...well we’ll keep an eye on him won’t we?”

Oswald didn’t say anything more, but they nodded. That was another thing keeping them from dropping everything for Ed, they weren’t sure how much of this he actually meant. They wanted to believe every word, and not just about them, but when he said ‘everything’s fine’ too. However, there was still a knot of doubt in Oswald’s stomach.

* * *

* * *

Riddler was beyond pissed. It’d been days and he'd gotten almost nowhere on the Oswald front, but that little minx wasn’t following the plan. He thought going over to their house would be a perfect opportunity for some alone time, confessionals, and maybe even a kiss or two...but the time they actually spent together was minimal. 

Riddler couldn’t understand why Ed liked Gertrud so much...oh wait, mommy issues, but still. She was annoying - her voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard, she would mindlessly ramble, and she was  _ constantly _ interrupting. When he finally won Oswald over they would have to set boundaries with her immediately. Although the ‘when’ started to seem further and further away.

_ See? It’s not so easy is it? _ **_Quiet Edward._ ** Riddler squeezed his eyes shut and then relaxed.

That was another issue he was running into. Ed was getting more and more coherent. Nothing serious, a thought every now and then, and it didn’t take a lot to shut him down. Still, Riddler’s eye would twitch, or his hand would spasm once or twice. Whether or not Ed was conscious enough to be  _ purposely _ causing these things was unknown, but it was still irritating.

Eventually they’d have to share a headspace, but Riddler wanted to enjoy his private time for as long as he could. At least he was in control, and it would take a mighty big effort on Ed’s part to wrestle it from him.

Riddler took a breath and looked at himself in the mirror. Tonight was the night, Snowball, and he had to be  **perfect** . He hadn’t gone as far as a full-on tux, but he had a dark green suit jacket and vest with a purple pocket square. No tie, but it allowed him to leave a few buttons undone, and while it might be cold, it would be worth it. Last minute touches included eyeliner, lip balm with a rosy tint, and a dusting of highlighter on his already pronounced cheekbones.

“Ooo, hell yes, I’d fuck me.” He said, making one last adjustment to his hair before heading for the door.

He was stopped by the raspy sound of Ed’s grandma. “Hey! You!”

Riddler turned around, muttering. “I have a name, and it’s pathetic you don’t know it.”

“Yeah, yeah. Now get this in the car Ethan,” a suitcase was rolled down the hall, “you’ve got to bring me to the airport.”

That’s right, travelling to see family for something utterly forgettable. Riddler glanced at the luggage.

“No.”

“What?”

“You’re not that deaf, I said no.”

The older woman cocked her head. “I have to go to the airport.”

“Okay? And? I have to go to the Gotham Amphitheater which is in the opposite direction. I’d say call an Uber, but I don’t think you know what that is, so might I suggest a taxi?”

Her frown deepened. “I’m not paying for a cab.”

“Of course not, why would you? You have free labor right here. Except,” Riddler stepped forward with a smile, “you don’t. Because I’m sick of your shit you  _ ugly old hag. _ ”

“Now you listen here-”

“No! You listen! I’m sorry the government saddled us together, but guess what? That doesn’t give you any right to push me around like I’m your fucking servant.”

“How dare you? After all I’ve-”

“All you’ve done? You mean the bare minimum for keeping something alive. Congrats, you’re a step above my parents.” He clapped his hands. “That still doesn’t mean I’m driving you to the damn airport.”

Once the shock subsided, his grandma stood toe to toe with him, unafraid. “I’m going to grab my purse, and if that suitcase isn’t in the back of that car by the time I get outside...consider yourself evicted, kid.”

With one last hard look, she turned her back and shuffled to her room. Snarling, Riddler begrudgingly wheeled the bag outside. However, with a glance between the car and the house...he yanked on the zipper and emptied the contents all over the driveway. A pack of cigarettes toppled out, along with a nice looking silver lighter. It glinted, and Riddler smiled.

He waved out the passenger window as he drove away, leaving one aghast and angry lady with a flaming suitcase.

* * *

As with everything in the city, Gotham’s Amphitheater had an old style with lots of stone and metal touches, but at least it didn’t have random gargoyles everywhere. At least it wasn’t dark and gloomy, thanks to the giant light grid looming over the entire space, luminating the stage, and enough to light the backstage.

Riddler looked up at it, a puzzle of metal and rope, as he navigated the backstage portion of the event space. Other performers rushed by him, but he paid them little attention, he was only searching for one bird in the menagerie.

He spotted the spiky black head, facing the other Sirens with a hand on their hip. Riddler snuck up and took hold of their wrist, spinning them around so they were flush against him.

“Hey you.”

Oswald stayed frozen in either shock or awe, but by the way their fingertips lightly touched the expensive fabric of his jacket and how they looked down at the lack of space, Riddler assumed it was a positive reaction.

He smiled. “So, is that a microphone in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”

Finally, Oswald’s expression changed, and to something a little flirty too. “Well, this dress doesn’t have pockets sooo…”

Then they laughed and stepped back. “I really am glad you could make it.”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world. Although security gave me a little trouble, they couldn’t believe I was the guest of the loveliest person here.” Riddler gave Oswald’s outfit a look over, purple velvet dress with tall boots underneath a fur coat.

Oswald blushed. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“What? It’s the truth.”

They chuckled. “Oh not that, the fact that they didn’t believe you. I mean...you’re pretty stylish yourself.”

Ivy popped up on Oswald’s shoulder. “I’ll say, I’d go as far to call that one sexy outfit, don’t you think? You think you could call him sexy?”

Riddler thought he’d been doing alright without the help of Ed’s wingwoman, but he enjoyed the flustered look Oswald shot Ivy.

Then they all heard Barbara curse. Riddler frowned, it was probably directed at him somehow, but instead, he saw what she was actually upset about.

Tabitha Galavan strode over with her oaf behind her. “Well, well, well...I’m a little surprised you showed, but you’ve never known when to give up.”

Barbara crossed her arms. “Likewise. Although, what’s really shocking is the fact that you still let  _ this _ one hang around.”

“We’ve been going to counseling.”

Butch nodded. “Yeah, I’ve been learning a lot about my past behavior. And Barbara, if I’ve ever done anything to offend you, I am sorry.”

As he turned to Riddler, he was stopped. Riddler held up a finger. “Don’t you even fucking try it because you’ll never be forgiven.”

Butch spoke evenly. “I hear you, and I under-”

Tabitha jabbed him in the gut. “Anyway...Babs, were you made aware that The Fowls of Pursuit couldn’t compete?”

“N-No, I wasn’t, but they were supposed to go before us.”

“Well not anymore.” Tabitha smiled. “Now you’re going after me.”

“What?” Barbara’s face fell.

Oswald quickly jumped in for her. “T-That’s fine. The uh, the judges will be so impressed that we actually have instruments that they’ll forget all about your little act.”

Tabitha sneered. “What about your little act? Parading around like you’re hot shit, when you’re nothing but a tacky replacement for me.”

“Tacky I’ll take as an insult, but not replacement, and do you know why?” Oswald stepped up to her. “Because you say it like it’s a bad thing, but it’s a good thing I replaced you. You don’t deserve The Sirens, and they don’t deserve the way you treated them. And when we beat you tonight, your worst nightmare will come true because you’ll realize that Ivy and Barbara can make it without you.”

Tabitha was quiet for a moment, her eyes flicked to Ivy, Barbara, and back to Oswald. Then she pursed her lips. “Wow. That power of friendship crap is so inspiring, maybe you should do a speech for your talent instead. It’d be better than your singing.”

She turned to Butch. “Come on, we’re on deck after this next one and I’ve gotta fix my hair.”

Before walking away she threw The Sirens a smile. “Have fun following  _ this _ bitches.” She slapped her own ass with a wink at Barbara, and then she trotted off.

The group stood in silence, everyone fuming. Then Barbara took a big breath and sighed. “This is fine. It’s not like we needed a buffer, we’ll go on and do our show like normal. Nothing has changed.”

Ivy looked at her watch. “Except the time we should be ready. Do you think I should go to the bathroom now, or find my drumsticks?”

Everyone else turned on her, even Riddler was thinking over her last words. Barbara closed her eyes. “What do you mean by ‘find your drumsticks’?”

“Oh! My bad, I didn’t mean  _ find _ , I just meant pick up.” She started walking towards the space reserved for their equipment. “I put them on my snare so I’d know where they were before we moved everything onstage. They’re right…”

Ivy stopped and looked at her drum set. “Uh...well that’s where I thought I left them.”

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“I swear, that’s where I thought I put them!”

Barbara grabbed Ivy’s shoulders and shook her. “Of all the days to lose-”

“T-They’re not lost! I just misremembered where they are! They’re around here somewhere.” She dropped to her knees and started looking under her kit.

Barbara pinched the bridge of her nose. “Ugh, alright everyone. On the floor, let’s get searching.”

Oswald and Barbara crouched down, looking under other people’s equipment, set pieces, and in crevices, but Riddler stayed upright. Until Oswald looked up at him. “Aren’t you going to help?”

He crinkled his nose. “You mean down there with the dust and dirt? No thanks.”

Oswald tilted their head, and he knew that was the wrong response so he put on a smile. “Kidding!”

He knelt beside them and muttered. “I love ruining my clothes and getting grime under my nails.”

“What?”

“Nothing!”

The hardest part of looking in the corner was the lack of the light. The grid above them had provided enough to walk around backstage with no problem, but it did nearly nothing for people crawling around on the floor looking for two pieces of wood. If they didn’t find anything in the next five seconds Riddler was just going to steal Ivy a new set.

Then, like a beam from heaven, The Siren’s search radius was illuminated by a flashlight. Although the voice accompanying it made Riddler feel like he was in hell.

“Can I shine a light on your situation, ladies?” Jim was standing behind them.

Riddler glared at him, but before he could get out a snappy response, Ivy threw up her hands. “Found ‘em! They fell under the flats! Must’ve roll-”

Oswald looked over their shoulder at Jim. “J-Jim? W-What are you doing back here? I thought you were going to be in the audience.”

He offered his hand and helped Oswald up. “I was. But then Harvey mentioned they were asking some cops to do extra security tonight.”

With his free hand he pointed at his badge. “They said I’d be working backstage so I thought it’d be fun to surprise you.”

Oswald was certainly surprised, but as Jim looked at them and then at the others, mostly Riddler’s glare, his smile dimmed. “T-This is a fun surprise, right?”

Oswald squeezed his hand. “I...It’s good to see you Jim.”

“There’s a ‘but’ coming isn’t there?”

“No, no, I…” Oswald chuckled, “okay...maybe a  _ little _ warning would’ve been nice.”

Riddler interjected. “Yeah, although I don’t know if you’re capable of that. It seems showing up out of nowhere is your specialty.”

“I might say the same for you.” Jim let go of Oswald’s hand to turn to Riddler. “I thought I’d be seeing you in the audience too.”

“Oh please, my presence here was a special  _ request _ .” His smug smile only lasted a second before he was lightly nudged by Oswald.

“Well of course, you’re part of the group!”

Barbara was quick to add in. “Technically no.”

Oswald rolled their eyes. “Right,  _ technically _ , and that’s what made it so hard to get him back here. We actually had to fill out a form.”

Jim slowly nodded his head. “Ah, I see.”

This time Riddler nudged Oswald. “Yeah, but regardless of all that, I’d still get an invite.”

Before they could say anything, Barbara jumped in again. “Unlikely, they have strict rules here on guests as well as groups, and I’ll be dead before we break one.”

Ivy looked between her and Oswald. “Well aren’t we actually…”

“Bap, bap, bap!” Barbara held up her hand. “Zip it.”

Then Jim started talking. “Oh, do you mean the whole Os-”

She put up another hand to him. “Zip! It! We just need to make it through tonight. So if you can’t keep your mouths shut for a few hours I will shut them for you.”

Riddler scoffed. “Can you make it permanent?”

“And  **you** ! I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but you need to take it down fifteen notches mister. People, we are about ten minutes away from the most important performance of the year, so can you please, for the love of God, shut up?” Then she gently patted Oswald’s shoulder. “Except you sweetie, you haven’t gotten on my nerves yet.”

Oswald smiled nervously. “Then can I ask a favor? Can I talk to him real quick?”

Barbara blinked. She looked at them then to Jim, and back to them. “Did...did you miss the part about we only have ten minutes...less than ten minutes?”

“I’ll be back before Tabby’s even on.”

Barbara stared at them, and Riddler did too. What could be so goddamn important that they had to talk to  _ Jim _ about right now?

His thoughts were interrupted by Barbara’s hands hitting her thighs in defeat. “I...whatever, just whatever. I knew there was going to be something last minute.”

“Thanks Barb.” Then Oswald smiled at Jim as they grabbed his elbow. “Come on, let’s go.”

Jim looked confused and mumbled something incomprehensible while he got pulled away. Riddler’s glare should’ve burned a hole through Jim’s back by the way he stared, but eventually the two disappeared from his sight. If Barbara hadn’t been standing right there he would’ve followed them, but he couldn’t risk angering her further. Once she turned her back though, he needed to find Oswald.

* * *

Jim didn’t say anything until Oswald ducked into an equipment closet. “Odd spot for a meeting...unless that’s not what we’re doing.”

Oswald smirked and looked him over. “Now  _ that _ we certainly don’t have time for.”

He didn’t have to move his hand far for it to be on Oswald’s hip. “I can be quick.”

“That’s true, but I don’t know if I’d boast about it.” They both laughed and then Oswald put his hand on top of Jim’s, taking it away. “No, I did have to say something.”

“Uh oh, am I in trouble?”

“Not yet. Although, with that being said, I need you to be on your best behavior.”

“What? Of course! I can listen to Barb, I’m not going to say anything about the Osw- Ophelia thing. That was a one time slip, you can trust me.”

Oswald smiled. “I do.”

“...But…” Jim tilted his head.

“But...that wasn’t exactly what I meant. Now that you’re backstage, which I like, don't get me wrong...I really need you to play nice with Ed.”

Jim should’ve tried harder to control his expression, but he couldn’t help rolling his eyes and exhaling loudly through his nose. “Play nice. Right. Right, right, right, because  _ I-I’m _ the one who needs to play nice.”

“Jim…”

“No, no it’s fine. Did you give this pep talk to Ed too?” He crossed his arms. “Oh wait, you probably didn’t because Ed couldn’t possibly cause problems, no, he’s a perfect little-”

“Jim!”

“What? You defend him over me all the time!”

“Because you keep attacking him! Look, I know better than anyone that Ed’s not a great communicator, it can be frustrating and confusing, but he can’t help it.”

“How about you? You can help it!”

“I just said it’s hard for me to read hi-”

“But is it hard for you to talk to him? Have you talked to him about us? About how  _ you _ feel?”

In the dimly lit space, Jim could see Oswald’s eyes dart to the side. He knew about Oswald’s feelings for Ed, it was something they talked about when agreeing to be casual. 

Jim went in knowing things would be complicated, but from what he was told, if it was meant to be, Ed and Oswald should’ve been together already. Jim shouldn’t have been able to convince Oswald into giving him a chance to see if things worked out. He liked Oswald, and Oswald liked him too, but it’s become a question of how much did he like Ed?

Oswald bit his lip. “I told him about us seeing each other, but that’s it. It’s not easy.”

Jim cleared his throat. “Hey. I...I said it was fine before, I get it.”

Oswald put a hand on Jim’s cheek, and then mocked his earlier tone. “But…?”

That made them both laugh. Then Jim sighed heavily. “It’s not as fine now. It hasn’t been long, but...I don’t know how much more I can take of this back and forth.”

“Jim, you know I like you, but-”

“But you like him more.” He almost tripped over the words.

Oswald blinked at him, and whispered. “Jim. Don’t do this.”

“Then do you like me more?”

“I-I don’t know. I didn’t come here today thinking we were going to have this conversation.”

“Me either, but I also didn’t come here to see him backstage with you. If ‘us’ isn’t a secret then why did you look so worried when you saw me?”

“Oh, you want to talk about treating people like secrets?” Then Oswald covered his face, taking a breath. 

When he pulled his hands away he put one on the door handle. “Look, we’re not doing this right now. I have feelings for both of you, give me a little time to figure things out; can we talk after the show?”

Jim sighed. “Yes, I...I’m sorry. It’s just stressful.”

“You think?” Oswald chuckled weakly and walked out of the closet. “Now, we’ll have to continue this later.”

“Oh definitely. I...I’m really-” Jim stopped when Oswald put a hand on his chest.

“I know. Really looking forward to it, right?”

Jim smiled. “Yep.”

Oswald smiled too. “Alright, I’ll see you after the show.”

“I’ll be watching and waiting.” He figured a kiss would be too much, so he hugged Oswald instead. “Break a leg.”

“If Barbara doesn’t kill me first.” Then he pulled away, hurrying towards the stage where The Sirens would surely be waiting.

* * *

Riddler tapped his foot impatiently while Barbara did the same next to him. She’d been even more on edge since they moved to the wings.

“Where is she? I shouldn’t have let them leave!” Barbara hissed, pacing back and forth. “Tabby’s already onstage! We have what? Five minutes? Less than?”

“I could go look for them.” Riddler offered, itching at the chance to rip Oswald away from Jim.

She glared at him. “I don’t know, I don’t trust you.”

He put a hand on his heart. “Moi? Babs, I thought we were friends.”

They were quiet as she simply stared. Riddler dropped his hand. “Woooow, okay. So band co-manager means nothing to you?”

“It really doesn’t.” Then she sighed. “Although, it does mean you’re dispensable...I guess it wouldn’t hurt to have you look around. Alright, but don’t do anything stupid.”

“With my IQ? Impossible.” He caught Barbara’s eye roll before walking away.

He didn’t have much time so he almost ran around backstage, dodging people and wires. He was fairly certain he checked the whole building, but there was no sign of Oswald or Jim. Finally he heard Oswald’s voice somewhere behind him.

“Now, we’ll have to continue this later.” They were coming out of a tiny room with Jim right behind them.

Riddler blinked, frozen.  **_Oh no. They DIDN’T did they?_ ** _ W-Who? _ They put their hand on Jim’s chest, smiling!  **_No. No, no, no they wouldn’t! That little slut!_ ** _ Wha… _ Riddler watched Oswald dash away, but he still didn’t move. The motionless quiet meant he actually heard Ed trying to speak.

_ W-Wait...what’s, what’s hap- _ **_Nothing new, the love of your life is a sleazy scoundrel. Grabbing Jim for a quickie when I am RIGHT here! That’s plain disrespectful._ ** _ M-Maybe that’s not what they were doing? That doesn’t sound like them.  _ **_Pff, which part?_ ** _ It’s right before a show. They care about The Sirens too much to risk being late for something like that. Besides, I remember in college they would never have sex before a test, too distracting or something.  _ **_Hm, and Snowball’s one big test…_ **

Riddler shook his head. What? He wasn’t seriously going to listen to  _ Ed’s _ advice on this! He wasn’t going to be so naive and baseless, he knew what was really going on. Jim was behind this somehow, he had to be! Maybe Oswald had wanted to talk and Jim had pressed them into something else. That brute, that villain!

He glared at Jim’s figure, still standing in the same spot as the crime. He was going to make Jim pay. He was going to make Jim pay for touching what was his, and for everything else the man had done. Riddler glanced around and saw some coiled up wire. He wasn’t sure what it was for, but it was now going to be a noose for Jim Gordon.

As he picked it up, trying to tie it, he heard his victim’s voice. “Hey Ed, The Sirens are on, are you-”

Riddler jerked his head up, and the two looked at each other. Jim glanced down to the knotted cord. “Um...what’s that?”

“Wha-what? This? Oh this uh...I was looking for a longer cord...for Barbara’s guitar.” Then a blast of sound came from the wall separating them from the stage. “But...but apparently she found one.”

There was silence between them, only the sounds of the band filling the air. Jim nodded slowly. “Yeah. Well, we should head over to the wings.”

“Y-Yes, of course. Wouldn’t want to miss our sweet Ophelia right?” Riddler put on a tight smile.

Jim mirrored it. “Riiight.”

As soon as Jim turned his back, Riddler lifted the cord to Jim’s head. However, Jim turned around again so Riddler quickly lowered it. Thankfully, he didn’t notice.

“Oh, and speaking of Os-Oph-Ophelia...maybe we could try being civil? I know our last encounter didn’t go so well, or really any encounter, but can we bury the hatchet tonight? Please?”

**_Sure, I’ll bury it right between your eyes._ ** Riddler pursed his lips. “Well...since you said please.”

“Thanks. Now come on, let’s  _ both _ be supportive.” This time his tired smile seemed sincere.

Regardless, Riddler made another attempt when he started to walk away. Once more, that idiot looked over his shoulder. “Because I really think… What are you doing?

“Uh...trying to undo this knot somebody left in the cord.” He glanced up at the lighting grid. “And uh, the...the lighting’s better if you lift it up, easier to see.”

Jim didn’t buy it. He leaned in closer, expression softening. “Are you alright?”

Riddler snapped from nervous to a cheery smile. “Peachy!” Just then, one of Ed’s twitches affected his eye.  **_Fuck._ **

Jim leaned back, glancing over Riddler once more, a look of suspicion and sudden awareness. “Ed...you’re sick again aren’t you?”

Riddler felt all his veins turn to ice and the cord slipped from his hand, but his smile didn’t dim. In fact, a few jittery giggles escaped. “What? What are you talking about Jim?”

“I-I read your file. What happened with your dad, Butch… T-The temporary insanity, whatever that was, that’s happening again isn’t it?”

Now Riddler’s face started to fall. “You read my file? Isn’t that some sort of abuse of power, invasion of privacy? How dare you.” He took a small step forward.

Jim took a small step back. “Ed, I don’t know what’s wrong, but you’re unwell. I-”

He was interrupted by the sound of applause. Both of them looked in the direction of the stage. The Sirens must’ve finished their song. God, why did it have to be so short! That meant they would move their equipment offstage...and then they’d soon be coming this way.

The two men made eye contact again and then Jim whispered either to Riddler or himself. “I need to tell Oswald.”

Jim took a few steps back and then he turned to walk away.  **_Oh that’s not happening._ ** Riddler was going to follow him, but he found his legs wouldn’t move.  **_Ed…_ ** _ S-Stop!  _ **_Edward!_ ** He didn’t get a response, but he didn’t have time to wait for one.

He glanced around, searching for a plan B. His eyes were drawn upward again, to the heavy lights and their metal battens. Despite not currently being in use, they were still attached to the fly system which consisted of cables and ropes running through blocks, pulleys, and counterweights all the way to a series of rope locks along the wall.

Riddler looked between the lights and all the ropes lined up next to him. Then he added Jim’s distance and walking speed to his calculations. Before Ed could protest, he shot his arm out and released the rope lock. As it flew up, he smiled at the to-be former Mr. Gordon.

“ _ Jim! _ ”

* * *

It was like the world suddenly switched to slow-motion. Ed’s shout caused Jim to stop and turn around. Behind him there was a loud, clanging clatter as a batten dropped to the cement just inches from his feet. Jim jumped away, looking up to the metal grid as the rope continued unreeling through the system.

He followed it back to the source, and stared at Ed with the most frightened expression. It slowly changed to rage as he noticed the hand still on the rope lock, realization setting in. Ed yanked his hand away and that’s when Jim started marching forward.

He probably shouldn’t have left Ed alone, didn’t he learn anything from training? Although, he was never told what to do when a formerly mild-mannered person tried to crush you. He grabbed the handcuffs from his belt as he made his approach.

“Ed, I didn’t want it to come to this, but-”

With unexpected speed, the blade of Ed’s hand struck the inside of his wrist and the handcuffs fell to the ground. Jim looked down in shock, and then the next shock came with a jab to the neck.

Jim coughed, staggering back. Luckily, he was quick enough to block the next attack and return it by punching Ed in the face. Ed covered his face and pulled back his hand to see blood.

The look Jim got was one he recognized from some of the GCPD’s more violent offenders. “Ed…”

“Ed’s not here, and soon you won’t be.” A fist was curled.

Jim had little time to prepare for the onslaught that followed. He had no idea where Ed learned to fight like that, but Jim was struggling more than he’d like to admit. His shin got a nasty kick, but he stayed standing.

He clamped onto Ed’s shoulders and his arms received a series of scratches as a result. When he let go, Ed punched him in the chest. Despite the wind being knocked out of him, he grabbed his attacker’s arm and threw him to the ground. Ed hit it pretty hard, but the ferocity didn’t disappear from his eyes.

Jim also dropped to the ground, pining Ed down as he grappled with the man’s arms. It was pretty evenly matched until he was pulled backwards.

“Jim! What the hell are you doing?” Oswald pushed past him to kneel at Ed’s side.

“H-He...he…” Jim huffed out the words.

Oswald’s attention had already shifted. “Ed, Ed are you alright? What happened?”

A moment ago Ed had looked like a murderer, now he looked more innocent than a kicked puppy. “I-I...I don’t know-”

Jim couldn’t believe this. “You tried to drop a bunch of lights on me!”

Ivy had showed up too, along with a growing crowd. She looked over to the fallen batten. “Is that what that crash was?”

“Yeah, it was  _ him _ ,” Jim pointed at Ed, “trying to  **kill** me!”

Oswald looked up at him, but his face was more skeptical than anything, maybe even disappointed. “Jim…”

“Oh my God.” He ran a hand through his hair before the leftover adrenaline mixed with this recent affront, and he couldn’t help shouting. “Why do you keep defending him? Why don’t you believe me? He tried to kill me, he’s fucking crazy Oswald!”

They stared at each other, Oswald’s expression shifting slightly to surprise. Jim’s anger slowly started to dissipate as he reflected on what he said.

“Oswald?” It was a voice from the crowd. “Oswald Cobblepot?”

The speaker was Butch Gilzean, and as he watched the scene he glanced between Oswald and Ed. He scoffed, a little unsure at first, but then it grew into laughter.

“No way! Oswald Cobblepot? Oh boy, now I feel dumb I didn’t recognize you! What? Are you doing drag now?” He laughed a bit more, but quickly stopped himself. “Uh, I mean, if that’s your lifestyle choice, I resp-”

He was cut off by someone else laughing. Tabitha was holding her stomach, but then she looked at Barbara. “Y-You let a  **guy** into The Siren’s? Kinda defeats the purpose of branding yourselves as a  **girl** band. Ha! That’s false advertising if I’ve ever seen it.”

“Shut up Tabby!” Barbara had her hands balled into fists. “Someone could be hurt and that’s all you can think about?”

“No, that’s not all I can think about.” A smile crept onto her face. “I’m also wondering if this is something I could get you disqualified for. Not to mention it’s  _ your _ people starting fights.”

She gave Barbara one last look and then dashed away, Barbara chasing after her. The rest of the crowd was just murmuring to each other, confused and looking at the retreating women, the fallen batten, and Oswald.

Oswald was also glancing around at everything happening, but eventually his eyes returned to Jim. Full of betrayal and sadness, it made Jim’s gut wrench into knots. B-But he didn’t mean to! He was almost killed! Surely Oswald could understand how a mistake could be made!

“Os-Oph- I...I-I didn’t…he…I mean...” Jim couldn’t get anything past the lump in his throat.

Oswald helped Ed to his feet, and when he spoke his voice was on the verge of cracking. “C-Come on Ed, let’s get out of here.”

Jim felt powerless watching them. Then, amidst the victim act, he caught the small smile Ed shot him. He snapped to attention, reaching out for Oswald. “Wait! No! You can’t-”

Oswald pulled away. “Don’t you dare try to tell me what to do!”

“No I’m serious!” He remembered his handcuffs were somewhere nearby, he had to restrain Ed before something happened. “I-I need you two to…”

He found them, but when he looked up Oswald was gone. “W-Wait!”

Jim started to push through the crowd when a hand grabbed him and he spun to see Harvey.

"Where do you think you’re going? We have a whole hell of a mess to clean up.”

“I-I think Oswald’s in trouble, I have-” Jim broke free, continuing to shove his way out, “I have to…”

On the other side, there was no sign of either Oswald or Ed. “Oh no.”


	29. I'm Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff happens, good and bad, but it's not evenly balanced. An apology is one of those things, but the rest is stuff *I* should apologize for...

They went back to Ed’s house, and Riddler was relieved to see his earlier arson had been  _ mostly _ cleaned up, or at least put near the trash. That would’ve raised some questions. There were no lights on either so the old lady must’ve made her flight somehow. Good, he didn’t need any more complications or irritations tonight. Not after that Jim fiasco.

Although, Oswald believed  _ him _ , and left Jim behind. Now they were here, Oswald helping him to the couch, and taking his jacket and dirty button up. He finally had them alone.

Oswald sat him down and then started towards the kitchen. “Stay there, I’m going to get you some ice, or water, or-”

Riddler stopped them by holding their wrist. “I’m fine Oswald, please, just...just stay with me?”

“O-Of course. I just want to make sure you’re okay. I’ll get a cloth for the blood and then I’ll be right back, promise.” 

For once they did as they said, and in no time they were holding Riddler’s face, gently dabbing away the partially dried blood. Riddler watched them, thinking how if this were a movie they’d be kissing already. However, when Oswald finished they simply put the cloth down and folded their hands in their lap.

“Now,” they looked at him, “can you tell me what happened back there?”

“Wasn’t it obvious?” The brutish Jim beat up poor Edward.

“Ed…”

“I didn’t do anything, I swear! I would never even think of hurting Jim!” Saying it almost made Riddler laugh, but he kept a serious face. “Or anyone!”

“I-I know, but I also know Jim wouldn’t start a fight for no reason. A-And somehow that batten ended up on the floor.” They held his hand. “I’m not accusing you, but there has to be more to the story.”

Riddler bit his lip. Maybe he could fake cry to avoid the subject altogether, but that might be  _ too _ pathetic. He hadn’t expected Oswald to ask any further questions, but clearly they trusted him...so anything he said should be taken as the truth. 

“W-Well...I’ll admit to touching the rope, but I didn’t drop it! I...It was already slipping by the time I noticed, and, and I tried to grab it at first.” He did a mini reenactment. “It was too much though, and I’m just lucky I was able to call out to Jim in time.”

“So you... _ saved _ him?” Oswald looked skeptical.

“Yes! Exactly!”

“Ed, that doesn’t make sense. Why would he hit you then? And why would he say-”

Riddler quickly started speaking. “Uh, b-because I’m sure he saw my hand by the rope and made his own assumptions. I-I tried to explain, but then he just started attacking me and I had no choice but to defend myself!”

Oswald sighed and took their hand away. “Ed...I want to believe you, but Jim-”

Riddler reclaimed it. “Then believe me! H-He did it out of jealousy! I know it.”

“Ed that’s-”

“He was looking for some excuse to act on it, and then tried to make  _ me _ look like the bad guy by playing the victim.” Riddler took their other hand. “He’s jealous of our love.”

It looked like he broke Oswald. They blinked and their mouth moved without any sound coming out.

“I love you Oswald.” Now that froze them completely. Riddler glanced away, imitating sheepishness. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I can’t keep it in anymore. I-I only  _ hope _ you love me too.”

Time passed, but who knows for how long. It could’ve been a moment or a minute, but Oswald threw their arms around him and hugged him tightly. “I...I do! I do Ed.”

Riddler’s smile was smug as he patted Oswald’s back, but he had to change it to something more pleasant when they pulled away to face him.

Their blue eyes glistened as if they would start crying. “I love you.”

Unlike  _ some _ people, Riddler wasted no time leaning in for a kiss. It surprised Oswald at first, but they soon kissed him back. It went on for a little longer and Riddler almost wanted to jump up and celebrate. He not only beat Jim, but proved that if Ed had  _ listened _ things would’ve worked out from the start. Don’t let anything or anyone get in your way, and-

As he trailed his hand down to Oswald’s hip, they pulled away. “Ed I...I don’t know if we… I mean everything’s happened so fast. I made a huge mess for The Sirens, Jim could’ve been hurt, you  _ are _ hurt...I don’t know if this timing is-”

“Oswald,” Riddler brought their faces closer, “it seems like there’s no such thing as  _ good timing _ for us; and with all the tragedy and worry...don’t we deserve a silver lining?”

They looked at his eyes and then his lips, and then they smiled at him before giving him a kiss. “As always, you make a compelling argument.”

Their lips met again, hands moving over each other. One of Riddler’s hands went through Oswald’s hair, but before he could sneak his tongue into their mouth, they backed away again. It was a slight irritation, but at least Oswald still had a dreamy look.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this…”  **_Great, then why not get on with it?_ ** “But I never imagined it would happen. Yet here you are, turning one of the worst nights of my life into one of the best.”

**_Oh, needless sentiment, that’s the hold up. Alright, I can try a little sap._ ** “The only thing I want is to make you happy.” Riddler put a hand on Oswald’s back and started lowering them onto the couch. “So if you’ll allow me, I’d like to try and make tonight even better.”

Oswald was bright red. They stuttered and stammered, but nothing comprehensible. It was cute, laughable even, how their roles were now reversed. He didn’t wait for an answer and went in for another kiss.

There was no resistance from Oswald so he pressed on, opening his mouth slightly and tracing his fingers along the hem of their dress. They let out an appreciative hum and moved to kiss and suck at his neck. That felt good. Riddler groaned and gently rocked his hips against theirs.

Oswald got one more bite in, and then Riddler lifted their chin to give them a filthy kiss. It made Oswald squeak and they mumbled against his mouth. “Mm, careful.”

“I’m done being careful.” He nipped at their bottom lip.

By planting kisses on their cheekbone, he made his way to their ear where he licked the shell. Meanwhile, his hand crossed the fabric threshold and slid up their thigh. Now that dragged out a low moan from Oswald’s throat. “Ohh, Ed…”

Riddler smiled a bit as he continued kissing and biting by their ear, and then he whispered. “Call me Riddler.”

They’d been mouthing at his collar, but then he heard them start to giggle. It didn’t take long for them to stop, but then they slowly stopped everything else they were doing. Riddler realized his slip, but he’d already done damage control tonight, it wouldn’t be that hard to do it again.

He pushed himself up to look at Oswald. “Something wrong?”

They stared blankly for a second, but then a sultry smile appeared. “Not at all.”

It might’ve warranted some suspicion, but then they put a finger on his chest, right above the button. “But...I was just thinking how much more comfortable this would be if we moved to your room.”

Riddler gave them one last look over, but he didn’t detect any cracks so he pursed his lips and smiled back. “You know, I think you’re right.”

He took hold of Oswald’s hands and pulled them up with him. However, when he started to move towards his room he felt a tug.

Oswald stayed standing where they were. “I know you didn’t want any, but do you mind if  _ I _ get a quick sip of water?”

At first he paused, but then he gave them a quick kiss. “Of course not.”

“Wonderful,” they returned his peck, “I’ll see you in there.”

“Don’t take too long, I’ve already been waiting for this.”

He let their hand slip from his, and then continued his walk down the hall. As he heard a cabinet open, he was struck by a thought. The syringe - it was with the glasses. Riddler looked over his shoulder.

Oswald stood in front of the open cupboard, their hand hovering near the mugs. Riddler ran through any and all backup plans he had. Thankfully, Oswald simply grabbed a mug and walked towards the sink, out of his line of sight. He let out a sigh and kept walking.

* * *

Oswald couldn’t believe this was happening. _Ed_. Ed loved them. He loved them and they loved him, and maybe...despite everything, they would have a happy ending after all. With everything that had happened it didn’t seem real, and they had started to feel bad for Jim and Barbara and…but then Ed had started kissing them like **_that_** , and they couldn’t think about anything else.

“Ohh, Ed…” They also didn’t expect Ed to be so good at this, but then they’d never really seen or heard about the more physical aspects of his relationships.

Oswald licked and bit at the skin around Ed's shirt collar. They were tempted to take the whole thing off and get at more of him.

Ed moaned. "Call me Riddler."

At first it didn't register, and Oswald almost asked him to repeat it because it sounded so ridiculous. They giggled against his skin, was this some kink or some… No. No, it sounded familiar, but...but why?

They slowed what they were doing, trying to force a memory. Ed...Ed had said the name before, but wher-

Therapy! Ed brought them to most of his sessions, and they remembered him mentioning a “Riddler”. It was the name given to what he called his alter-ego, or the mental manifestation of his trauma that he said would take control if left unchecked. It was violent, unstable, and the reason why Ed took his pills. If Riddler was back-

“Something wrong?” Ed looked at them, but there was no concern, his typically warm brown eyes only held scrutiny.

Oswald’s mind was racing so fast they couldn’t do more than stare. No wonder Ed had been acting strange lately, it wasn’t jealousy or anxiety, but it’s because that wasn’t Ed. Jim hadn’t been lying, the batten wasn’t an accident and now Oswald was underneath someone paranoid and capable of murder.

“Not at all.” They could act their way through anything though, and the important thing was they couldn’t let Riddler know that they knew.

They said something else, who knows who cares, but their main goal was to somehow get to the syringe in the kitchen. They’d spotted it the last time they were over so as long as Riddler didn’t move it or do anything, it should still be there as their last hope.

Oswald moved into the kitchen and opened the cupboard. There it was, sitting in the back, just- They heard the footsteps stop. They couldn’t see behind them, but it was likely Riddler was watching them. So they stopped too, letting their hand hover in the air, weighing the odds of reaching for the syringe or playing along.

Afraid of wasting time, they grabbed a random mug and headed for the sink. As they turned the water on, they heard the footsteps resume. After counting to three they left the cup and raced back to the cabinet. They reached towards the back.

“Dammit!” They cursed under their breath. Why was everything made for tall people?

The syringe was only an inch from their fingertips. Needing extra leverage, they started to climb onto the counter. That’s when two arms wrapped around their middle and pulled them back.

They felt Riddler’s lips against their ear. “Whatcha doing?”

Stay calm, stay calm, he knows they know but stay calm. Repeating the phrase did nothing to help the panic rising in their chest.

Oswald swallowed and managed to keep their voice pretty steady. “Despite what you said earlier, I was going to get you a glass, but...I was getting your special mug.”

Riddler let the silence linger before speaking. “Alright, then  **get** it.”

With a nod, Oswald put their hand in the cupboard again. So close, they were still so close to the syringe, but it would be impossible to grab while in Riddler’s grip. They had to come up with some plan, a distraction, or something soon.

In the meantime, they grabbed the question mark mug and pulled it from the shelf. They remembered the night Ed won it, he was so proud of the dinky trophy; and then all the following nights and days where they’d have tea or cocoa while talking about nothing. Although, they couldn’t forget about the arms around their waist either.

“Well…?” Riddler’s voice was still in their ear.

Oswald whispered. “I’m sorry Ed.”

“What did you-” Riddler leaned further over their shoulder, and that’s when Oswald smashed the mug into his face as hard as they could. “Motherfucker!”

When he let go Oswald almost jumped up to grab the syringe. They pulled off the cap and turned around, but Riddler had already recovered and lunged at them. Oswald ducked out of the way and ran around the table to put distance between the two. Riddler didn’t chase them, but he  **did** take a large knife from the counter block.

When Oswald tried to move one way, Riddler mirrored them, and it was clear they were at a standstill.

Riddler growled, a trickle of blood coming from where the ceramic cut his forehead. “Ozzie...put it down.”

“Y-You put yours down!” Oswald clutched the syringe close.

Riddler rolled his eyes. "Okay this isn't working." He popped a smile on his face. "How about this, we  **both** put our sharp objects down and pretend none of this happened."

"Oh sure, I'll pretend you didn't try to kill Jim, that you didn't just pull a knife on me, and that you're not a psychopath!"

"Ouch, that's not very nice to say about Ed."

"You're not Ed!"

He shrugged. “Edward, Eduardo, what’s the difference?”

“Ed would never kill anybody!”

“ _ Attempted. _ You know, I really don’t see why you’re complaining, you’re getting the best of both worlds. You’ve got this,” he stood back and gestured to himself, “but without all the a-a-awkwardness.”

Oswald wanted to shout back, but they bit their tongue, arguing was getting them nowhere. They had to get closer, but first they had to get the knife out of his hand. It wasn’t a solid plan, but they did have an idea.

First, they relaxed their whole body, and then looked at Riddler, up and down. They flashed a small smile. “Well...you do have a bit of a point there.”

Riddle had a split-second of surprise, but then his confidence was right back. “Of course I do.”

Oswald glanced at the syringe. “So...so if I put this down...and you put that down…”

“Then I think we can work through this Ozzie.”

“Y-Yeah.” Oswald nodded. “Okay, I can do that.”

Riddler smiled and so did Oswald. Then they both started to lower their sharp tools to the middle of the table. It was painfully slow, but neither wanted to go faster than the other. They maintained pretty good eye contact too, until they got to the end.

Oswald’s hand touched the table and they uncurled their fingers at the same time Riddler did. They’d been in sync the whole time, but all Oswald needed was for him to move just a little faster on the release. Luckily, once he let go, Riddler did start to lift his hand first.

Oswald grabbed the syringe again and aimed for his arm. However, with the same lightning speed, Riddler snatched the knife and also aimed for the approaching arm. He cut Oswald and they dropped the medicine. Blood, they were bleeding, actually bleeding.

When they reached for it again, Riddler stabbed the knife into the table, close to their fingertips. “I wouldn’t try it. Ed doesn’t want me to kill you, but that doesn’t mean I can’t hurt you.”

“W-What? You can still hear Ed?”

He scoffed. “Regretfully.”

Oswald looked at the knife and back to Riddler, their lip trembled a second. “Ed! Ed listen to me, you have to-”

This time Riddler started laughing. “I said he’s still in there, but he can’t  _ do _ anything! If he could stop me, don’t you think he would’ve done it? No offense, but you’re even dumber than I-”

While he was talking, Oswald saw the opportunity to make a move. Maybe Ed couldn’t help them, but they could try to help him. Although, Riddler  _ did _ notice when they started to move, but as he brought the blade towards one hand, they reached out with the other and got the syringe.

After catching onto the trick he changed direction to slash at the other hand. He got another cut, but Oswald didn’t let go this time. Instead, they winced but ran away.

Riddler was in the way of the front door, so they took off down the hall. They heard footsteps chasing them, and it wouldn’t take long for him to catch them. They ducked into the bathroom and pulled the door shut just as Riddler ran into it.

He pounded a fist on the door. “Oswald!”

Oswald flicked on the lights and backed away from the door and its jiggling handle, accompanied by more pounding and kicks. At least the lock was sturdy, but that was about the only good thing in this scenario.

The sounds outside quieted down, and Riddler started to speak; his tone shifted drastically to something sweeter. “Oswald...please. Please, I’m sorry, can you open the door? Can’t we talk about this?”

Oswald started to look around the room in case there was something useful for offense or defense. “If you want to talk, I can hear you just fine from here!”

“You little-! Argh, I can’t even understand why Ed loves you! You’re illogical, unreliable, and you do nothing but cause trouble for him! Social situations he doesn’t like, everything to do with fucking Jim Gordon, and abandoning him time and time again.”

It felt like the door wasn’t even there; that Riddler had somehow gotten in and had already stabbed them. If Riddler was just a manifestation of Ed’s repressed thoughts...was that how he really felt? Had they made him suffer in silence, and if so, for how long?

Oswald stepped closer, putting a hand on the wood. “Ed...Ed I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’ve been lacking as a best friend, and I’m sorry I didn’t notice something was wrong until it was too late. I-”

“Shut up!” Riddler yelled at them, but it could’ve been at the voice in their head too. Maybe Ed had heard them, maybe he was trying to fight back.

With a little hope, Oswald shouted. “Ed! Ed I want to help you, but-”

“Help?” The next hit made Oswald jump back. “What do you know about helping? While you people have done nothing but hurt him,  _ I’ve _ been here!  _ I’m _ the one who’s had to take care of things, but  _ you _ made him take those awful pills to get rid of me!”

His voice got further away, and it sounded like he was pacing. “I’m the only one who cares, I’m the only one who can see the bigger picture, and I’m going to do what’s best for me-for him!”

There was a pause and then Oswald could see he was standing right in front of the door, he spoke calmly. “So I’m going to give you  **one** last chance. You’re going to destroy that syringe, you’re going to open the door, and then we’re going to talk through this little snag.”

“And if I don’t?” Oswald started looking around again, but even a razor would be of little use.

“Oh, I’m sure you will. Because you don’t want Ed to get hurt do you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve got a knife and plenty of skin to carve into.”

Oswald froze. “Y-You’re bluffing! I thought you said you cared about Ed, you wouldn’t dare!”

“Means to an end, and it’d get you to follow directions wouldn’t it? I’ll give you to the count of three. One...”

Oswald held the syringe tight. Riddler wouldn’t hurt Ed to get to them, he wasn’t that crazy. Although, better safe than sorry, they could try and come up with a plan later right?

“Two…”

Maybe they could lure him in here and inject him that way, or hide it somewhere and...

“Three.” The last number was followed by a loud wince. “Still think I’m bluffing? I’ll give you another three and you better be out here with hands raised. One...”

* * *

Riddler was leaning against the wall across from the door. “Two...Thr-”

“Wait! Stop!” Oswald’s shouts drew his attention to the door. “Okay, okay I’ll do it.”

Finally, a little cooperation. Although he’d have to wait to see if they’d stay true to their word. He heard a flush, and he had an eyebrow raised until the door to the bathroom opened.

“I sure hope you washed your hands.”

Oswald’s hands were in the air. “I was getting rid of your syringe, you never specified a method.”

“Touché.” He pushed himself off the wall and that’s when Oswald’s eyes were looking over every inch of him.

“Y-You-”

“Oh yeah, about that, I was totally bluffing. You didn’t really think I’d hurt myself do you? That’d be idiotic.” He took a step forward. “But everything still worked out didn’t it?”

“I don’t know if I’d say-” Oswald started to lower their hands.

“Ah, ah, ah!” Riddler waggled the knife. “Not so fast. You’ve fooled me once and I don’t intend to let it happen again. How do I know you’re not hiding anything?”

“I’m wearing a dress. What do you want, a strip search?” They clenched their jaw.

He chuckled. “Tempting...but I’ll settle for a nice slow turn.”

Oswald obeyed and stepped around in a circle. “Satisfied?’

“Hm...well nothing seems out of place, but if you want to twirl again for fun I wouldn’t be opposed.”

“I’m good. Can I put my hands down now?”

Riddler smiled. “Asking permission? I take it you’re ready to behave now?”

“Well if I don’t you’re going to kill me, right?”

He got closer and tapped his temple with the knife. “Clever. It’s nice when people know they’re expendable. Although killing you would give me a whole new set of problems.”

“Not to mention Ed would hate you, and I bet that wouldn’t make for a good coexistence.”

Riddler shrugged. “Eh, he’d get over it eventually.”

Oswald looked at how close they were, and then at the knife before meeting his eyes again. “So...you don’t care for me at all, only Ed does?”

“I don’t care for much, and you’re well below my standards.”

“Gee thanks.”

“But…” he tilted their chin up with his knife, “you are pretty cute, so there’s potential. All we’re missing is trust. I need to know that you’re not going to fight me, or run away from me, and that you can accept me as a permanent part of Ed’s life.”

Once again, Oswald glanced at the weapon. Then they swallowed and put both hands over the V on their dress. “I...I promise...to try very hard to meet all of your expectations. Since we both care about Ed, I...I think we can try to make this work.”

They smiled at him, and then Riddler smiled back. “Exce-”

Suddenly, Oswald grabbed his wrist and struggled to push the knife away. In their other hand was the syringe. Luckily, he caught it and then they were caught in a push and pull situation.

Riddler was surprised at how much strength was packed in that little body. “Y-You bitch! You liar! I thought you-”

“Should’ve done a strip search. Don’t be mad I found the one good use for a bra.” They gave a good shove and the syringe came dangerously close to his neck.

Riddler pushed harder on the knife and was able to get a nick in. Oswald cringed, but didn’t give up. His next move was to shove them against the wall, which actually worked. They dropped the syringe, but before he could step on it, they kicked it towards the living room.

His eyes followed it and he snarled, but in that moment Oswald got their hand free and punched him. He stumbled back, and that allowed them to wrench the knife from his grip. However, instead of using it on him, they threw it further down the hallway, and then kicked him in the leg.

As he crumpled slightly, they ran after the syringe. Riddler’s options were slim, but he decided to forgo the knife. Stopping Oswald was his only objective. He lurched towards them and caught them by the knee, pulling them both to the ground.

Oswald’s fingers were close to the syringe, but Riddler scrambled on top of them before they could reach it. Without hesitation, he flipped them over and wrapped his hands around their throat.

They clawed at his grip, and squirmed and kicked as much as they could. Now there was some fear in their eyes.

They gasped out a few words. “E-Ed...Ed please...I...I need you…”

“For the last time, he can’t-” Riddler flinched at the searing headache.

**_Edward!_ ** _ S-Stop it! Stop it, you’re killing them!  _ **_No shit Sherlock! Oswald is a hindrance, they’re bad for you, I’m doing what’s best for us._ ** _ You’re doing what’s best for you! You only care about yourself, YOU’RE what’s bad for me! _

“Shut up Edward!” He closed his eyes tightly and fought against his host.

In the momentary falter, Oswald stuck out their arm, making a final desperate attempt for the needle.

As they grazed it, Riddler spared a hand to pin their wrist to the floor. With his other hand, he tightened his grip and Oswald’s eyelids started to flutter as they struggled for air.

Riddler growled in their face. “You...are not... **taking** this from me! Neither of you are!”

He could finally feel the body under him giving out, that was the thing about strangulation, it took longer than people would think. A couple laughs escaped as he watched them.

“I spent all this time and effort on you, and for what? Now you’re going to die. You’re going to die, but I’m going to be free. Nothing tying me here, nothing for Ed to fight me on. I’m in control and you can’t do-”

Riddler’s monologue was cut short by a sharp pinch in his arm. He glanced down to see the syringe sticking out of it, along with his own thumb on the plunger.

He got up on his knees. He heard Oswald gasping, but barely paid them any mind as he stared at the betrayal. Immediately, he pulled out the needle and looked between it and the red dot on his arm.

“E-Edward…” The empty syringe slipped onto the floor and he started scratching like a madman at the injection site as if he could draw out the poison. “Edward! What have you done? How could you do this to me? No, no, no, no, no! No...no this can’t be happening! It’s not fair! I had plans, I had a future, I...I...”

Riddler’s head felt heavy, everything felt heavy. He tried shaking it off, but it didn’t work. He looked up and saw Oswald digging in their purse, probably for a phone. Riddler struggled to his feet.  **_If I’m going down, I’m taking someone with me!_ **

He surged forward and everything went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeee so close to the end and what do I do? More drama, cliffhanger? Imagine if I never finish it and just left it here, wild.


	30. The End of The Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last ending was rather misleading, but now there's aftermath and (hopefully) resolution. The first bit is more on the serious side so I tried to lighten it up at the end.

Ed opened his eyes and was immediately assaulted by bright light. He quickly closed them, and slowly worked them open. It was still bright and everything was white. Was that a ceiling or was he dead? Where was he, what-

Riddler! That’s right, Riddler had been- Oh God, Oswald!

Ed shot up screaming. “Oswald! Oh dear, oh dear.” He repeated it as he fussed and fought with the sheets that only got him more tangled.

“Ed? Ed!” Someone grabbed at his arms, their shouting was hoarse. “Edward!”

He continued to struggle until he got turned around enough to see who it was. “Oswald?”

Oswald smiled at him, their grip relaxing as they sat on the bed next to him. “Yeah, yeah I’m here.”

“W-Where  _ is _ here? Why is everything blurry, are we both dead?”

They talked as they put something on his head. “We’re in the hospital so I hope we’re not dead. I called-”

The world was suddenly sharper as his glasses settled, but that’s also when the bruises on Oswald’s neck became disturbingly clear.

Ed gasped, and he tentatively reached out, but pulled back. “O-Os...I...I-”

His voice cracked while tears welled in his eyes.  _ He _ did that. He did that to them.

“Oh Ed, Ed it’s okay.” Oswald took his hand in theirs, but hearing the rasp in their voice did nothing to comfort him.

“N-No! It’s not okay! Oswald I  _ hurt _ you, and at the end I… Oh no what happened at the end? I blacked out and then...”

Oswald chuckled, but then grimaced and rubbed their throat. “Sorry. About that...everything was fine. Riddler lunged at me, but…” they laughed and coughed a little bit, “but he didn’t even come close. He just biffed it, which I can laugh about now, but it was actually pretty scary at the time. Speaking of, is your nose okay?”

Ed blinked at them, they seemed far too calm. “Am  _ I  _ okay? Oswald, are  _ you _ okay? Is everyone...oh my gosh, I tried to kill Jim, and-and I  **_almost_ ** killed you!”

They smiled gently. “But you didn’t, you saved me.”

“Barely!” He pulled away from them. “What if I hadn’t gotten control? What if he…what if I… I should’ve tried harder to stop him, I shouldn’t have let it get so out of control in the first place. I-”

“Ed, it’s alright. Everyone’s safe, and nothing happened that can’t be fixed.”

“That doesn’t erase the fact that I did the damage in the first place! You can’t keep excusing me and forgiving me, this is all my fault and-”

“And if you’re going to take blame, I’m going to take blame too. I’m supposed to be your best friend, I should’ve seen how much you were struggling, but...but I was so caught up in myself and my own drama. I’m sorry Ed, I should’ve done more.”

Ed perked up, holding Oswald’s shoulders. “Don’t be ridiculous, it’s my fault you didn’t know sooner, I  _ lied  _ to you about Riddler coming back.”

Oswald copied his by putting their hands on his shoulders. “And  _ I’m _ the one who caused you so much stress in the first place, and blah blah blah we can go in circles for hours. We both made mistakes, but Riddler’s the only villain here.”

“But he’s  **_me_ ** .”

“But also  **_not_ ** you.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Ed felt tears building up again, and he went beneath his glasses to cover his eyes. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness, and maybe I should be kept in Arkham.”

Arms were wrapped around him and he felt Oswald’s body against his own. “Hey, you don’t decide who I give my forgiveness to. I say you deserve it, and I also say you don’t belong anywhere but here.”

Ed pulled his hands away to give Oswald a confused look. “In the hospital?”

They looked back at him. “Why yes Ed, I think you should just stay in this exact hospital room for the rest of your life.”

He got the sarcasm and groaned, lowering his head. “Ugh, I’m sorry.”

Oswald let out a weary chuckle. “It’s been a long couple of days.”

“It’s been a long couple of weeks.” He mumbled.

Then he heard Oswald laugh again, and this time he joined in. They had no reason to laugh, but it felt good amidst all the recent seriousness. Still, Ed could no longer keep his tears in. He didn’t think of himself as an emotional person, but it really had been a hard time and he never meant for it to end this way.

“I-I’m sorry I’m such a mess.” He half-laughed, half-cried.

“Oh Ed,” Oswald put their hand on his with a playful scoff, “I love you mess and all.”

He looked up at them in astonishment. “What?”

They yanked their hand back. “I-I…”

Then they sighed and pursed their lips. “Fuck it, Ed I love you. I don’t know how much you remember of last night, and I don’t know how much of what Riddler said was true, but-”

“He was right! Well no, h-he lied, but about the...” Ed stopped to take a breath. “I can’t be bought, but I can be stolen with a glance. I’m worthless to one, but priceless to two. What am I?”

Oswald tilted their head. “No offense, but this is probably the worst time for a riddle, consider-”

“Love!” Ed blurted out. “The answer is love because I love you Oswald. I’ve loved you for a long time, and...I’m sorry it took me going crazy to tell you.”

They were quiet. Then Oswald smiled. “So...would you say you were  _ crazy about me _ ?”

“If it’s not the time for riddles, it’s also not the time for puns.”

“I thought you liked puns.”

“I do, but not right now. Right now the only thing I like is you, and I don’t want to bring wordplay into the competition.”

“Competition? You’d pick wordplay over me?”

Ed pouted. “Oh, don’t make me choose.”

They both laughed again, but then it faded quietly. Ed shifted on the bed. “S-So...we love each other?”

“Yeah. I think that’s what was said.”

Ed nodded a few times. “Cool.”

Oswald scoffed. “Yep, cool.”

There was a moment of silence again and then they both looked at each other, speaking at the same time. “Can I kiss you?”

They laughed together again, and then Oswald sat up straight. “You may.”

Ed blushed and leaned in. However, he didn’t make it all the way. “Uh...actually, could you? I’m not very-”

He was interrupted by Oswald closing the distance between them. It was one of the best feelings in the world. He’d kissed Kristen, Isabella, and even Lucius but none of them were like this. Probably because he’d never actually been in love with any of them, but he didn’t expect the physicality to be so intertwined with the emotional.

When they parted, Ed blurted out. “That was amazing.”

Oswald laughed so hard they snorted, and then they had to rub their throat. Before Ed could launch into a long apology, Oswald held up a hand. “I’m fine, don’t worry. It’s just unusual to get compliments on a mere kiss.”

“Mere? That was the best kiss of my life.”

Oswald giggled again and leaned forward to brush their nose against his. “Mine too.” They pecked his lips.

“Really?”

“Well it’s certainly better than Riddler." They smiled until they saw Ed’s frown. “Too soon?”

“Just a bit.”

“Can I apologize with more kisses?” Oswald cuddled closer to him on the bed.

“I think that’d be acceptable.” He put an arm around them. “You know, this reminds me a little of our movie night.”

Oswald stopped before they reached his lips and pulled back to look at him. “Wait, you mean the movie night from like a month ago? The one you  _ didn’t remember _ ?”

“I...it takes me a long time, you know this.” Ed glanced down, sheepish. “And I didn’t want to say anything in case you weren’t over Jim.”

“Wasn’t ov… I made breakfast in nothing but your shirt and underwear...and you didn’t think I  _ liked _ you?”

“I could’ve just been your rebound!”

Oswald closed their eyes for a second. “Rebounds get hookups Ed, I tried to give you an entire romantic evening.”

“Oh. So that  _ was _ a date.”

It looked like Oswald was going to say something, but they just shook their head. Then they put a hand on his cheek. “And you’re supposed to be a genius.”

“Hey, I don’t have my diploma yet.” His smile dimmed as he started thinking about the future. “Oh no, do you think getting arrested will affect my graduation?”

“You’re not getting arrested.” When Ed started gesturing to Oswald’s injuries, they waved him away. “Do you really think I’d press charges against you? Ed, I know you didn’t mean to do any of this.”

“B-But what about the Gotham ampitheatre? I destroyed property. And Jim? What about Jim?”

“I called Barbara this morning to catch her up and she said she was taking care of it. I’m assuming that means she’s apologizing on our behalf or explaining it wasn’t intentional. Which again,  **you** didn’t intend on doing it so don’t try to say you deserve any jail time or legal punishment.” Oswald scrunched up their face. “As for Jim...we haven’t really talked much. He called me a lot last night, and I texted him this morning saying I was fine and that I’d call him later.”

“And you are going to call him later right?”

“Yes, yes of course! It’s just...like I said, I already called Barbara to explain everything, and…” they cuddled up to him, “and I didn’t want to go through it again so soon. I just wanted to focus on you, you’re really cute when you’re asleep.”

“Ah… Wait...how long  _ have _ I been asleep?”

“Oh jeez, I don’t remember the exact time, but you’ve been out cold since last night.”

“And you’ve been with me this whole time?”

“Obviously, I- Well...well except for when they did a checkup on me, but I wouldn’t dream of leaving your side at a time like this. Because...in case you didn’t know...I love you.” Oswald winked

“Oswald...you didn’t have to. I mean, they barely let guests...hold on, how did you even get in here? Aren’t there rules on guests and things?”

“Oh yeah, they only wanted family and spouses so I just said we were siblings.”

Ed raised an eyebrow. “ _ Siblings _ ? No offense, but I don’t think anyone would buy that.”

Oswald covered their mouth. “Oh my God Ed...I don’t know how to tell you this, but...you’re adopted. That’s why we look so different.”

“Uh, I was actually referring to the fact that we were making out.”

“Oh...well the nurses don’t need to know that. Although,” they leaned in, “I wouldn’t call that making out. But you know what I  _ would _ consider making out?”

Ed glanced at their lips. “I do not, but I’d be interested in an example if you’re offering.”

Oswald smirked and then kissed him. It started slow and soft, and Ed would’ve been fine if it stayed that way, but Oswald swiped their tongue across his bottom lip and that was even better. He wrapped his arms around them and they applied a little more pressure.

After everything it didn’t seem real, but the weight of Oswald against him grounded him in some level of reality. That ground shifted though when there was a gasp from the doorway.

Ed jerked away, thoroughly embarrassed. However, it wasn’t some nurse or doctor, but it was an equally surprised Gertrud Kapelput holding some flowers.

She hurried over and gently hit Oswald on the head with the bouquet. “What are you doing? Off, off! Give the boy some room!”

Warding off another strike, Oswald moved to the chair. Then Gertrud immediately took their spot to sit on the edge of the bed. She rubbed Ed’s shoulder.

“Now sweetie, how are you?”

He first smiled at Oswald and then Gertrud. “I’m...better, thank you.”

“Good, good. When Oswald called me last night you looked absolutely terrible.”

Ed didn’t know what part of that statement to respond to. “W-Wait, Oswald called  _ you _ ?”

“Of course? Who else would they call? An ambulance?” Gertrud swatted the air. “Bah, it’s an overpriced van, and look, you’re both fine.”

Then she looked at Oswald. “Right? You’re still fine?”

They nodded. “Yes mom, the lemon honey tea did wonders.”

“I knew it would, I told the nurses too, but they insisted on pills and things.”

“Yeah...because they’re professionals who actually did the evaluation.” Oswald looked at Ed. “She’s mad they gave me meds and vocal exercises instead of tea and rest.”

Gertrud smacked their knee, and it made Ed laugh a little before he went back to a more solemn tone. “Again, I’m really sorry I put you through that. You too Ms. Kapelput, I never meant for-”

She shook her head. “No, no. It’s alright Eddie. I know  _ you _ would never hurt my Ozzie, and if they can forgive it...so can I.”

Then she gave him a very stern look. “And I’m also going to make sure you get all the help you need. The doctors want to keep you in the psych ward for a while, but I promise it’ll be okay.”

Ed pressed his lips together for a tight smile. “It’s for the best, and hey, better than Arkham.”

Oswald rolled their eyes. “Anything would be better than that shithole.”

They received another light smack from their mother. “Language! It’s not nice to swear around the sick, even if it’s true.”

“It’s also not nice to hit them.”

“Oh you’re fine, they wouldn’t have let you go if you weren’t.” Then she patted Ed’s knee. “And you’re going to be fine too.”

Oswald nodded. “That’s right. We’re going to get through this, and I’m sure everything will work out.”

Ed looked at the support around him and their hopeful faces should’ve filled him with the same optimism. Instead, it was all too much, too many conflicting emotions, and for the second time since he woke up he started crying.

He heard Gertrud cooing. “Oh, oh, oh. Darling boy...”

She pulled him into a hug. Her hair smelled like lillies and it was as sweet as her embrace. There was another layer of comfort as a second pair of arms wrapped around him. All three of them were quiet, just holding each other in silent understanding.

Their peaceful bubble popped when there was a squeal from the doorway.

“Awww! Group hug!” Ivy almost jumped on the bed to get in on the love. “Babs! Come on over here.”

Ed couldn’t see Barbara through the pile of people hugging him, but he could hear her. “I’d love to, but my hands are full.”

At that Ivy pulled away, and then Oswald and Gertrud followed suit so Ed could quickly dry his eyes before facing Barbara.

She was holding a potted plant with a balloon attached. Ivy snatched it out of her hands and skipped back to the bed. “I grew this! It’s one of my favorites so I hope it can bring you the same joy while you’re stuck here.”

There wasn’t a place close to set it down so he awkwardly held it in his lap. “T-Thanks Ivy, it’s lovely.”

She smiled wide. “I’m so glad!” Then she got very serious. “And I’m trusting you to take care of it until I can get it back.”

Ed looked at what he thought was a gift. “Uh…”

Barbara finally stepped over. “And you can stick a handwritten apology in there too because it’s not everyday I risk my reputation for other people. Or make  _ donations _ to the city for them either.”

Her voice was austere, but her face held no hostility. Whether she meant it or not, Ed wouldn’t mind writing her a thank you note. Someone holding him at least a little accountable was actually a welcome respite.

Ivy clicked her tongue. “Barbara…”

“What?” She shrugged. “We’re just lucky that’s the worst The Sirens had to endure.”

Oswald scratched the back of their head. “Yeah, if they didn’t disqualify us for my big mess up then that’d be the nail in the coffin.”

“Hold on, hold on, let me finish. We weren’t disqualified for the lights, that was ruled a freak accident. Your slip-up was a totally different kind of trouble for me.”

Barbara strutted over to Oswald’s side of the room. “No, because of your little friend, I had to spend the rest of Snowball in a tiny back room with Tabitha going over technicalities. So I’ll be expecting an apology letter from you too, and make Jim write one as well.”

Ivy interjected again. “Barbara come on, just drop the angry act and tell ‘em we won already!”

Oswald lit up with surprise and shared a look with Ed. “We won?”

Barbara glared at Ivy. “I was  **building** to that!”

Oswald jumped out of their chair. “Why didn’t you tell me that when I called?”

“I wanted to do it in person! You’re not the only showman of the group you know.” Then a small smile graced her face. “Which...showman, woman, or anyone else can now be an official Siren. After convincing the panel that ‘ **girl band** ’ extended to  _ female presenting _ we’ve dropped the label completely.”

Ivy popped up too. “That’s right! But we still get to be the voice of femininity because anyone can be feminine!”

Barbara nodded and then she started smiling. “Oh man, and just thinking back to the look on Tabby’s face when she realized I won an argument...and then when we won the whole thing. There’s no sweeter feeling.”

“Oh yeah,” Ivy elbowed her, “this one was actually more excited than me! You should’ve seen the way she was jumping and screaming.”

Ivy did her impression by bouncing up and down while giving high pitched squeaks. She grabbed Oswald’s hands and they laughed as they joined her hopping. Barbara eventually gave in and joined them, adding her own words of excitement in honor of their win.

Even Gertrud was pulled into the huddle, and Ed stayed in the bed laughing at the display. Until Oswald reached down to hold his hand as some sort of inclusion.

However, it didn’t take long for their small celebration to be interrupted. This time it  _ was _ a nurse. She gave the whole group a weird look. “Uh...are you all allowed to be in here?”

Gertrud stuck out her chin. “I do a lot of fostering.”

“Uh huh. Well I’m sorry, but I’ll have to ask you to leave, the doctor-”

Barbara held up one hand and smoothed her jacket with the other. “Say no more, we’re gone. Come along, um, family.”

As she walked out she gave Ed a pat on the shoulder, Ivy hugged him and gave quick instructions on how to properly treat a plant, Gertrud gave him a tight squeeze promising to be back, and Oswald snuck in a quick smooch.

Everyone waved to him from the door before it closed. The nurse started outlining next steps and what the doctor would be doing when they got here, but Ed had no energy left to listen to her. Whatever happened next would be happening for the best, and he was going to do whatever he could to be good enough for the people in the hall.

* * *

Jim sat at the end of the bar with Harvey. He typically didn’t drink during lunch, but his stress levels told him it was okay. He’d tried getting a hold of Oswald all night, and then this morning the only thing he got was a text message.

“Jim, thanks for your concern, it’s nice to know not all cops are pigs. I know about Ed’s behavior and everything’s being taken care of. I’m fine, hospital said so, and I’ll call you with all the details later. Thanks again, and I hope you’re doing well too. Talk to you later.” Jim read the text aloud to his partner for at least the fourth time.

Harvey shook his head. “Damn, and when was that sent again? You’d think you’d’ve gotten a call by now.”

“Maybe he’s still mad at me. I did kind of out him in front of a lot of people.”

“It would’ve happened eventually. He would've said something, Ivy would've slipped, or someone would've found out. I mean technically, even  _ I _ knew before you did.”

Jim looked at him. “You had  _ suspicions _ , not the same thing. Suspicions that you didn’t feel like sharing by the way.”

“Well I didn’t want to say anything because you seemed pretty happy.” Harvey leaned in and shrugged a little. “And I uh...I didn’t know what you were, um, into then so I-I didn’t want to be asking too many questions you know.”

“Yeah, well...it doesn’t much matter anyway. If I wasn’t Oswald’s boyfriend last night, I’m definitely not today.” Jim took a swig of his beer.

“Ah, don’t be down partner.”

“No, no.” He set his bottle down. “I’ve already sort of accepted it. I mean...it’s pretty clear that he’s in love with Ed. The guy tried to kill me, but Oz still believed him over me. Even though, at the time, it didn’t look too good for me.”

Harvey stuck his tongue in his cheek, thinking. “Hm...hm. So you’re giving up then?”

Before Jim could respond, Harvey jumped in again. “Or well...you know what I mean. Not necessarily giving up, but like...that’s it? You’re calling it?”

Jim sighed and then nodded. “Think so.”

He chuckled. “I...I shouldn’t even be surprised, he was right when he said we’re a mess together. When someone tells you that they have feelings for someone else...it’s not a good idea to pursue a relationship.”

Harvey patted his back. “Hey, man or woman, I could’ve told you that.”

“Gee, I’m sorry I didn’t fill you in on every aspect of my love life.”

“Darn right, maybe you’ll learn for next time.” Harvey let go to take a bite of his burger. “Hoo boy though...that’s going to be one hell of a phone call.”

“Then it’s a good thing I’m not going to do it all at once.” 

“Sounds like a good plan brother, I wish you the-”

Suddenly Jim’s phone starts ringing and he picks it up to see ‘Ophelia’ in the ID. He probably should’ve changed it, but it didn’t matter much now. He looked to Harvery and got a quick thumbs up before he left to find a quiet spot.

When Jim returned he flopped onto his barstool and sighed. Harvery started to ask what happened, but Jim just held up his hand while he chugged the rest of his beer. After another heavy sigh he looked at his partner.

“So, you know what I said about not talking about everything at once? That didn’t happen. I uh...I accidentally brought it up, but that’s okay because it seemed like he was thinking the same thing.” Jim scratched at the bar. “Now we’re going to get a coffee tomorrow and talk about it.”

“That’s rough buddy.” Harvey squeezed his shoulder.

“No, no it’s fine. I guess I’m just not very good at keeping things to myself.”

Harvery chuckled. “Yeah, that could be a problem in your field. But don’t worry, I won’t snitch on you.”

“Thanks.” Jim cleared his throat. “On a lighter note, everyone else is safe, and on top of that The Sirens won at Snowball.”

“Hey, hey! That means you didn’t totally blow it for them then right?” He got a look from Jim and his smile faded. “Too soon?”

“Just a little.”

“Hm, then how about we circle back to this whole mess and simply enjoy our lunch until then?”

“Looks like you’re already doing that.” Jim pointed to a blob of mustard stuck in his friend’s beard. They both chuckled and tried to keep that lightness through the rest of their day.

* * *

To say the next few months were difficult was an understatement, but Ed would take difficult and regulated over voices and chaos. He spent about two weeks in the hospital’s psych ward, being monitored and meeting with psychiatrists and psychopharmacologists until all the doctors blurred together. At the end of it he had a new prescription, one that would be both easier to maintain and more effective; and he set up weekly meetings with a therapist.

While his mental health was improving, so was Oswald’s physical health. Just as they went with him to almost every appointment, he helped with their vocal exercises and keeping an eye out for any changes. Although he always received a swift kick when he warned them they were talking too much.

The bruises on their neck had disappeared after the first two weeks, but it took much longer for his guilt to do the same. No matter how many times Oswald said they were ‘okay’ and that ‘everything’s fine’, he couldn’t help the awful feeling inside. His therapist told him that having this guilt was valid, but it was still one of the hardest things to talk about.

One surprisingly easy thing was graduating. He’d missed some time due to hospitalization, but catching up was no problem. Except advanced biology, he only got a B+, but it was something he could live with.

The celebration was held at his temporary home, the Kapelput house. Ever since Riddler quite literally burned bridges with his grandmother, he finally made his second home his first.

It was also during his graduation get-together that The Sirens sang together for the first time during Oswald’s recovery. After their Snowball victory, Barbara’s iron fist had opened wide. She was extremely patient with Oswald, and Ivy’s ideas frequently found a way into their practices. However, Barbara was still a savvy businesswoman at heart so when The Sirens were ready to go public again, she had plenty of gigs lined up.

Amidst all the appointments, assignments, and general bustle, Ed and Oswald somehow managed to find time for each other. For the most part it was almost the same as their friendship, but with a lot more kissing and ‘I love you’s. They went out, they stayed in, and sometimes they just did separate things in the same room to be near the other without saying a word.

However, they also did a lot of talking. Neither were perfect and neither denied this, but they both promised to try to improve. Ed would be less of a people pleaser, and be more open about how he actually felt. In turn Oswald would pay closer attention, and they never wanted it to seem like they took Ed for granted.

Their talks included looking forward to the future too. Ed had a forensic science degree, and he was very close to finding a job for it. Oswald on the other hand had plenty of work. In addition to the coffee gig and The Sirens, they’d picked up another side job with a Summer theater program. They claimed it was a step in the right direction as they considered going back to school to complete their theater major.

With their financial future looking up, and a solid foundation for a relationship, their priorities quickly shifted to finding an apartment. Gertrud was the best mom in Gotham, but she wasn’t the best roommate. Especially for two young lovebirds; and  _ especially _ when one of those birds is very horny but having sex in the same house as their mom is out of the question.

* * *

Ed thought the place he found was perfect, but during the walkthrough Oswald somehow managed to find every downside.

The landlord locked the door after the tour and left them standing in the hallway to discuss.

Ed put his hands in his pockets. “Okay spill, what's the real reason you don’t want to live here?”

“What do you mean the  _ real _ reason? I gave you a whole list.”

“Yeah, of tiny issues that we could probably fix or adjust to.” He gestured to the door. “Otherwise it’s a perfectly fine apartment. Good size, good amenities, it’s close to both my work and the university, and all for a relatively good price.”

Oswald shrugged and looked around. “I...I don’t know if I can overlook those small things. I think we can do some more searching and find something better.”

“Really? You want to put up with my teasing for that much longer?” He winked at them and got a light punch on the arm. “Ow… Come on Oswald, be serious, what’s your issue with it?”

“It’s not that I have an issue, I just don’t love it okay?”

Ed was going to say more when the door to a nearby apartment opened and he caught a glimpse of their potential neighbor. He looked at Oswald, but their attention was firmly fixed on the number on the door.

Ed glanced over their head again and after a double take, the neighbor sighed. “Hey Ed.”

“Hello Jim.” Ed smiled awkwardly.

He shot another look at Oswald, and eventually they turned around. “Heyyy Jim! How’ve you been?”

“Uh...good, pretty good.”

Ed cleared his throat. “A-And you’re doing alright?”

Jim took a second before nodding. “Yeah, definitely. Haven’t had any lights dropped on me recently, so I consider that to be alright.”

“Again, I am... **_so_ ** sorry about that.”

“No, no it’s fine. I uh...I got the full story on that.” Jim spared a glance at Oswald. “So um...what brings you two around here? I’m assuming it wasn’t just to visit me.”

Oswald tilted their head. “Who’s to say it isn’t? Maybe I wanted to check up on your bachelor pad, see if you finally got an accent pillow for that drab couch.”

Jim laughed. “I know you’re joking, but I did buy some new pillows. I mean, they’re for the bed not the couch, but they are extremely comfortable.”

“Oh, I bet they are.”

Ed coughed and took the smallest step towards Oswald. “We um, we were actually apartment hunting today.”

“Really?” Jim crossed his arms. “Well I can say I’m happy with the place. Price is right, nice location, and I’m personally a fan of the fitness center downstairs.”

Oswald glanced down quickly, but Ed assumed it had nothing to do with the building itself. They smiled at Jim again. “Never would’ve guessed. And the uh...neighbor’s around here? Are they equally nice?”

Ed was tempted to ask them why they suddenly wanted to know more, but he kept quiet when Jim scoffed.

“I can’t speak for everyone, but I’d say the people around here are pretty good.” Jim smiled back. “Always happy to lend a cup of sugar or anything else you want.”

This time Ed casually slipped an arm around Oswald. “Yeah well, there were some things that weren’t so great about it too. Thank you for all your input Jim, we’ll keep it in mind, but I think we had another place to look at today.”

“Oh, no problem. Please, don’t let me keep you.” He stood aside to let them continue down the hall.

Oswald stopped to shake Jim’s hand. “Nice to see you again Jim. Hey, The Sirens are having a show this weekend, you should come. Maybe we could catch up.”

“Yeah, I uh, saw the posters. Looks like a good show,” he shrugged, “although every show’s a good one. I’ll check my schedule.”

They were still shaking hands when Ed resumed walking, ever so slightly tugging at Oswald. “But I’m sure your daring detective work keeps you busy. So long Jim, see you around, or not, who knows?”

The couple almost made it down the hall when Ed heard Jim call his name. It seemed like he only wanted to talk to Ed so Oswald stayed put as he walked back. 

When Ed got close enough Jim dropped his voice to a whisper. “Hey uh...I-I don’t want to be rude, but I don’t think you should live here.”

“I was thinking the same thing. I don’t want any awkwardness, or any lingering tension. Especially given our rocky history.” Ed gestured between him and the man he accidentally tried to kill.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah o- _ our _ ...” Jim’s attention had drifted over Ed’s shoulder. After letting his sentence hang for a second he snapped back, copying Ed’s gesture. “Right, right our uh...our history. So um, glad to be on the same page here.”

“Yep. Same page.” Ed wanted to throw in an extra ‘stop looking at my partner’, but he’d settle for another kind of warning. “Oh by the way, I heard the GCPD’s getting a new forensics guy.”

“Uh yeah, how did-” Jim’s face fell just a bit. “Oh.”

“Looking forward to working with you detective Gordon.”

Jim put on a tight smile. “Likewise Mr. Nygma.”

That was their goodbye and Ed made his way back to Oswald. Before going down the stairs Oswald waved their hand. “Adieu Jim!”

Ed tugged them along until they were almost to the car. “So…”

“So…” Oswald smiled as they got in the passenger side, “are you still sold on the place?”

Ed shot them a look. “Now I know why you knew the layout so well.”

“Aw, is someone jealous?” They leaned into him and kissed his cheek. “You should know I would never actually do anything.”

“I don’t know, the last time you said that you slept with him.”

Oswald was quiet for a second and then they chuckled. “Fair enough. That whole ‘boy next door’ trope would be hard to resist.”

Ed rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t completely hide his smile. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. That’d be the last thing I’d want to come home too.”

“Or it could be the best.” Oswald winked.

It took Ed a moment and then the blush spread like wildfire across his face. “Mm mm, nope. Not...not even… So how about we check out uh...what was it? 805 Grundy?”

“Sure, although I’d really just like to check  _ you _ out.” Oswald nibbled at his neck, tickling his skin.

Ed laughed, but he didn’t push them away. However, when they started trailing their hand down his chest he stopped them. “Hey, hey we have stuff to do first.”

“I’ll say.”

“It’s broad daylight on a busy street.” He spoke up again before Oswald could suggest anything else. “Maybe after the ‘responsible adulting’ part of our day?”

Oswald pouted, but then they gave him a quick peck. “Fine. I guess I can prolong my good behavior.”

“This is your  **good** behavior?” Ed smirked and kissed them back.

“I hope it makes you eager to see my  _ bad _ behavior.” They bit his bottom lip and then settled back into their seat. “But as you said, adulting comes first. So, Grundy then?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh! This is the first long fic I've actually finished and it's such a great feeling.
> 
> Thank you all for making it this far and for any/all comments that really kept pushing me forward. I might do a one-shot related to this story, but at least I made it to the end.
> 
> Hopefully you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! <3


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